Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.

Enjoy!

She pressed play and I wondered what was so good about this video that Santana was willing to watch it from the beginning again. Maybe she wanted to please me somehow. I know that friends don't sit in each other's rooms watching porn together so that's why I was willing to comply just this one time.

She should be going home soon. I don't know how she's getting home because Scott's staying over like he does every night. Maybe she had her dad's car again. I didn't want to ask because I wanted to finish watching this video and then tell her to leave.

"Enjoy," She whispered through a giggle and crossed her legs like mine were.

The girls on screen were in the kitchen making small talk. I didn't understand why pornos had to have story lines. Puck used to talk about them all the time in freshman year just to seem like a bad ass. Finn was jealous that Puck was receiving all the attention so he actually asked Quinn to make a porno with him. She obviously wasn't happy about that. But the guys always talked about what they had seen in full detail and I never understood all the chatting before the sex, because I thought porno's were supposed to be just that; sex.

This was going to be the most awkward, uncomfortable, icky situation I've ever been in. It's right up there with Puck touching me at school.

The girls moved in close to each other and began whispering into each other's ear, making one another laugh. The brunette took the blonde by the hand and dragged her to a bedroom. It was a really nice house, one that I'd hope to live in when I'm old enough to move out.

They reached the bed and instantly started making out. I had never made out with a girl, because when Regina and me did stuff she just told me to lay back, but she never kissed me.

There was a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach watching these girls tongues caress together so delicately. I wondered what it would feel like at the moment and the thought of kissing a girl's soft lips made my thighs twitch. I think Santana noticed because the little smirk on her face grew even wider.

"I-I feel uncomfortable," I croaked.

"That's a good thing Britt," Santana replied. The use of the nickname made my eyes snap towards her. Charlie is the only person whose used that nickname and my dad uses Britty which was okay when I was little but now he's overused it and it's getting annoying. I wouldn't tell him that though. There are certain things you can't tell your parents because they'll be really upset and I hated seeing my dad upset.

When I continued to feel the knot in my stomach, that kept twisting and twisting, I stood up abruptly which made Santana's smirk disappear.

"There's only like 13 minutes left," She stated, but I ignored her.

I discreetly placed my hand near my crotch and could feel myself soaked. I was already known as being a crazy, prude at school and now if I didn't go back and watch that stupid porno Santana would probably tell everyone I'm a pussy.

So I turned around, clenching my thighs together and took a deep breath.

Santana pressed play again and the blonde was hovering over the brunette, grinding into her as the brunette played with the blonde's boobs.

"I thought you said the brunette was the dominant one." As soon as those words came out, the brunette in the video flipped the blonde onto her back.

Santana smiled, looking my way and I couldn't help but look up at her. "You were saying?" Her smile was so pretty and real. She always used those fake smiles to people she didn't want to deal with. But around me she became herself. Not that I knew who the real Santana was, but I could tell if a smile was fake and real.

The brunette started crawling down the blonde's body until her head was between the blonde's thighs. I watched the way the brunette never broke eye contact. It was kind of freaky the way this porno was so intimate. I thought of who could play these characters and first people that came to mind were Santana and myself.

It was mostly because of the brunette and blonde situation but because of my fantasy in the shower I had been thinking about how it would be to pleasure a girl just using my tongue and fingers.

If I ever did it with Santana though, I knew she'd act like she'd just won a prize and flaunt it around school then never talk to me again. She wouldn't tell Charlie or Scott and neither would I because I don't want Charlie to know anything about my sex life. I find it weird.

After the video ended I was surprisingly okay. I know that when everyones gone or asleep I'll probably not be able to get the video out of my head but it was okay because watching porn was what normal teenagers did. Maybe not together and sober, but they did it.

It was a little awkward as the silent tension grew in my room. Since the porno had ended it was just dead silent. I grabbed my laptop and placed it on my desk but was completely unsure of what to do now. Should I say thank you? I mean that was my first time watching porn, but I guess when you have sex with someone in the real world you don't say thank you after it. Unless it's a hooker and they just gave you an amazing blow job. But Santana isn't a hooker and it's impossible to give me a blow job... I'm rambling, I have to say something.

I turn to Santana and watch as she silently runs her fingers along her collarbone. She then lifts her arms up, closes her eyes and stretches. My eyes are still focused on her collarbones and then linger around her chest. Not her boobs, just above them. When she opens her eyes I look up at her and she shuts her lips tightly together, unsure of what to do or say aswell.

"I'd love to hear your thoughts," She says quietly, a little high pitched.

"About the p-porno?" I mutter.

She nods and I nod in return because I have no idea why. "Good. It was good." She scoffs and her eyes find my crotch. I look down aswell then up at her again but she doesn't say anything, she's just smirking. "You should go..."

Santana didn't object when I told her she had to leave. She shrugged in agreement and we walked down stairs together and noticed Scott had cuddled up to Charlie on the couch, they were both fast asleep. I ended up walking Santana to her car, only because I needed fresh air.

"Thanks for dinner and everything," She spoke and cold fog escaped her lips. My eyes darted there and I was brought back to my thoughts in my bedroom. Kissing her would probably be like kissing a cloud. So soft, so light.

"Thank Charlie, she made it." I shrugged and dug the toe of my shoe into the ground.

Santana looked like she wanted to say something but just stayed silent with her mouth open like a frog catching flies for a few moments. She shifted between feet and played with the hem of her shirt. In the end she licked her lips and turned towards her dad's car. "Bye," She whispered.

I stood by the door and watched her drive off. I looked at the clock when I got back inside and it was almost 2am. It was rude to make Santana leave this late... well early, but there was no way she could stay here. Even if we watched porn together we're still not classified as friends. I don't care what she thinks we are, I won't let her get to know me even though she knows too much already.

At 8am Charlie woke me up, saying something about missing the bus. She couldn't drive me because apparently her and Scott had made plans. I raced into the shower, picked out my clothes and headed to the bus stop.

I waited there for 15 minutes until it finally came and I knew I'd be late for first period. Mr. Schuester would probably give me special treatment though because I'm sure the teachers have learnt about where I was for the past four years.

When I finally got to school, the hallways were empty. I still managed to feel more alone when kids were surrounding me though. I knocked on the classroom door and the whole class stopped working. Mr. Schue gestured for me to come in and I mouthed a quick 'sorry' before finding my seat. Santana shot me a smile but it quickly disappeared when I didn't return it.

Mr. Schue continued with the lesson. I stared around the room noticing people turning their heads away from me. Puck had a hard expression but as I caught his eye he smirked and thrusted forward against his table. I didn't show him any kind of response. I didn't make the disgusted face he'd probably be expecting and I didn't lick my lips like last time. I stared at him blanky until he scrunched up his face in confusion and mumbled 'bitch'.

I noticed Rachel retreat in a small ball basically when I threw a blank expression at her. I probably looked like a zombie and knowing Rachel, she's probably deathly afraid of them.

The lesson wore on and nothing exciting happened. Not even a spit ball flung at Mr. Schue's jelly noodle hair. I could not handle another hour of this class, so thankfully there was only four minutes left. Spanish hadn't been something I was interested in, but I had to take some language to pass this year and Spanish was the only one offered at Mckinley.

I didn't think it mattered if I learnt anything or not. All I had to do was show up and Mr. Schue would think I was getting better. When the hell would I need Spanish in the future anyway?

The bell rang and students filed out, more like ran and pushed each other, to get to the cafeteria. I held my books to my chest until I reached my locker and noticed how empty the hallways were when it was lunch time.

There was faint music coming from the choir room. It sounded like an orchestra was playing in there. I heard rushed footsteps and when I turned around, Mr. Schue was running with dozens of papers in his hands. He managed a crooked smile at me and continued running toward the choir room.

I stepped towards the door and watched the kids, who used to be my friends, perform and laugh together. I used to laugh with them, mostly when I was high. They knew something was wrong when I kept laughing even when their laughter died down. I was immediately outcasted. They couldn't have someone holding the team back.

I was pretty surprised that Rachel was hesitant to let me leave the group. Normally she'd be the one telling people to get out if they have problems that will ruin the teams chances, but she was there for me and I was pretty happy she managed to win some competitions. Quinn however, let me know that I wasn't wanted. She was at the top of the food chain and when she joined Glee club, everyone around her looked at her differently. Just like how people look at me differently, like they can hear exactly what I'm thinking.

Quinn lost everything and she took her anger out on me.

I walked to the cafeteria and thanked god the line wasn't long. I placed the tots and a pepsi on my tray and walked towards the only available table. Normally I wouldn't sit inside at lunch if I knew that everyone was going to be with their friends, but I didn't care anymore. I wasn't here to please anyone or be the butt of their jokes. I was here for me, I was here to finish high school and make my family proud. I needed them to know that I have changed.

My table was by the window so I was able to stare outside at the shimmer of rain hitting the grass where the Cheerios were going to be practicing soon. Some jocks were throwing footballs around, not caring if their uniform was getting soaked.

I noticed one Cheerio emerge from the bleachers and head inside. Santana was following behind her and I kept my eyes on their retreating figures until they disappeared into the hallway. I stayed rooted to my spot and ordered myself to finish my tots. By then they'll probably be back anyway so I won't be tempted to follow them.

It was a different cheerleader from last week. Santana probably fucks each of them at uneccessary times during the day and night, goes home to eat and sleep, then does it all again.

Crumbs are all that remained on my tray so I stood up and placed the tray beside the others and stepped out of the cafeteria. It was so loud I was surprised my ears hadn't bled yet. Rushed footsteps passed me and a Cheerleader carrying a small pill bottle passed me. I froze just passed the doorway. Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills.

"Stop," I hissed to myself and was thankful that nobody else was around. I sucked in a deep breath and headed in the direction the girl went. I opened the Cheerios locker room door slightly and noticed the girl packing her bag. She shut her locker door and turned towards me. I stepped back and hid beside the door, so when she opened it, it covered me and she walked right past.

I slid around the door and stepped inside. My eyes were glued to her locker and if the pills are what I think they are I won't be able to stop myself. Yet I have so much willpower I'm unsure of how to handle it. I place my hand against the cold metal and rest my forhead against it. I can almost hear the thudding inside the locker and my mind racing for me to get the damn door ope-

"Ah, fuck."

My head snaps left where the sound is projecting from. I creep down the row of lockers towards the shower and there sitting on the bench with her legs open is the Cheerio that Santana came in with. And Santana is right between her legs, bopping her head forward and back. My foot slides slightly on the wet floor and I cover my mouth. I step backwards and press my back against the locker.

The cheerleaders moans get louder and louder and I wonder if they can be heard from the cafeteria. But the kids in there are so loud anyway, they probably wouldn't notice.

The girl is basically screaming in... pain... pleasure? I don't really know anymore. Normally when I'd watch movies that have sex scenes I'd get confused aswell. Because the girl's face was always scrunched up and she was basically wincing... if that's a sign of pleasure I'd hate to see their in pain face.

I hear the moans stop and notice the Cheerleader emerge from the shower area looking completely satiated. Santana doesn't emerge however and my eyebrows scrunch together. What could she be doing alone?

Oh.

"Mmmm." The throaty sound makes me shiver and my insides twist. I feel like my spines about to fall out of my ass. I slowly step towards the shower and hide myself behind the wall. I see Santana with her back arched and legs slightly bent. She has one hand down her pants and the other grabbing her right boob. It reminds me of the porno we watched together, only this time it only involved one person and this time I'm way more turned on.

But why would Santana not have the cheerleader finger her? Why is she doing it to herself? Did that cheerleader have practice or something she needed to get too? If I was her I'd finish the job.

Shit. I run my hand through my hair and stare up at the ceiling. What if Santana and that cheerleader hadn't been in here? Would I have done anything to break into that locker? I kind of owe Santana now, but she doesn't have to know that.

Watching someone masturbate is like watching a live porno. It doesn't make me some creep, it only makes me human right? Because plenty of people would watch some girl giving herself pleasure. Or maybe I'm just one in a million.

I go to walk to the door but the floor is so slippery that I fall straight on my ass. I squeak in pain because my coccyx bone is probably shattered. The moaning has stopped and in that moment I feel so small.

Footsteps are heading my way and now Santana is standing infront of me with her arms crossed and an amused look on her face. I could avoid her and run away - act like it never happened. But I swear in that moment, all I want to do is cry until she leaves me alone. I don't want to cry out of embarrasment or the fact that it's her, out of all people, that found me like this. I want to cry because I was about to do something I promised myself I wouldn't. If I had gotten those pills, whatever they were, and downed a few more than I should, I'd be back where I started.

Before any tears can leave my eyes however, I notice a hand hovering infront of me. I look up to find Santana's amused expression completely gone. She looks a little sympathetic for once.

I shake my head and she draws back her hand. She turns and walks towards a locker which she opens easily.

"Some Cheerleader got kicked off the squad last week so I thought it would be okay to keep some of my stuff in here. You know," She smirks, mostly to herself. "A change of clothes, some body spray."

She pulls out a fresh pair of pants and I immediately know why. I can even kind of see the wet mark on the crotch of her pants she's taking off. The pants slide down her legs and my eyes follow them. She isn't looking at me so I feel safe to keep staring. She throws the pants in a bag and shoves them in her locker.

Her underwear is light pink and lacy. I wonder why she doesn't change them too but she's probably self concious or something. I would be too if another person was in here with me. The muscles in her thighs flex as she places a fresh pair of pants on. I almost want to stop her and tell her that nobody would even care if she walked out without any pants on because her legs are so nice. But I could never say it out loud.

I didn't know why I had been staring for so long. Even when she put her new pants on and closed her locker. Maybe it was the fact that she likes girls and she'd like me looking at her the way I am. But I'm not gay. Definitely not.

"Are you just going to sit there?" I hadn't even noticed her standing near the door now. I swallow the overgrown lump in my throat and stand up carefully. She smiles, genuinely once again because I think she's proud that I managed to stand up without looking like a goof.

"I didn't mean to listen to you while you..." I trail off because I hate apologizing for something stupid like this.

"It's fine, you've seen me in that type of situation before," She replies simply. "What were you doing in here anyway? Do you have a camera?" She's smirking.

"No, no. I just haven't been in here for a while." For the first time I'm actually explaining myself to her - even if it's a lie. I think it's because somewhere buried inside me is the 'thank you' I'm never going to say to her. Because by saying thank you right now, gives her suspicions. And I don't want her to know why I really came in here.

"Okay, well I'm skipping next period so I'll probably see you this weekend or something?"

"I don't know," I grumble, suddenly unsure of why she thinks we'll be hanging out soon.

"Okay..." She draws out and squints her eyes at me like I'm some painting she's trying to evaluate.

She opens the door and holds it. My lips tighten together and I walk out first. She scoffs which makes me smile because I know why she's scoffing. She struts down the hall towards her locker. I don't know how she does it - act so confident even with the fact she has no one. Maybe we can find something in common which will make us get along. Atleast for Charlie and Scott's sake.

I watch her as she grabs a new bag out, the one that wasn't in the cheerios locker room and didn't have her soaked pants in. She turns to me after placing the straps of her bag over her shoulders. Her hands slowly clasp together and her fingers intertwine. I wonder why she does that. I wonder why people play with their hands, even I do it sometimes.

I think it's because we just all imagine it to be someone else's hand that we're holding. Her thumb is even rubbing over the top of her left hand and I think I'm starting to feel that odd pain in stomach I felt when she sang my dad's favourite song.

I take a step forward and she drops her hands to her sides. My left foot is hanging in the air, an inch away from the ground. I don't know what I'm thinking or doing. I let my eyes reach hers and we're both just silent. I really wish she didn't show me that porno because I could think of a good scenario right now. Alone. In the school hallway. Against lockers.

She realises after a while that I'm actually not going to move. So she shuts her locker and walks away from me, out of the school.

Tell me your thoughts :)