A/N: Thank you for the people who have stuck with this story because I know it can be confusing at times, but everything takes time, especially revealing someone's past, so expect answers in the coming chapters.
I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.
I'm not sure what was scarier. Coming home to find my mom yelling at my sister and dad. Or realising that I had given in to Santana finally. I don't know whether to call it sex or just leave it at she fingered me. But she was inside of me and I felt more than I did with anyone else. I was becoming easy again, even though it had taken a while. The experience with her was far better than in the hallway at school with Puck. I don't know why I felt scared though...
Maybe it was the same reason she was scared of me.
"Stop yelling please," I mumbled, unable to look at my family members incase I'd burst into tears. They'd rush over to me like a pack of animals. I didn't want that. This wasn't about me. Atleast I don't think so.
"I let you live here so you could be around our daughters," My dad yelled from one end of the living room.
"And you hardly pay attention to Brittany and I!" Charlie screeched. She was crying so hard so I walked over to her, through the curse words and violent waves of arms and took her hand. She seemed shocked at first - I don't think she realised I had returned home. My parents weren't paying attention to us and that was what I wanted just for now.
"If she gets in any trouble and you're not here, how are you going to feel?" My dad questions angrily. I don't realise that they're talking about me now until I let my dad's words sink in.
Why would I be in any trouble?
Scott wasn't here anymore and I guessed he left as soon as Charlie called. Charlie and I walked out to the backyard and entered the garage. We sat on the sofa we had moved in there to make a little sanctuary for us both to go when the house felt full.
Her head was in her hands and I hadn't seen her cry this much for a long time. The last time was when I was taken away in that white van. I could hear her screaming to my mom to not let them take me, but ofcourse she didn't listen.
Everyone had there own lives while I was in there, so I didn't get visited much.
But I'd never hate Charlie. Especially not now. She's choking on her breaths so I move over and rub her back slowly. When she's finally calmed down, she turns to look at me with wet eyes and quivering lips.
"Where were you?" My eyebrows shot down in confusion because I wasn't expecting that.
"Santana's house." Charlie ducked her head and shook it from side to side. She sighed heavily before speaking again.
"I'm starting to think making you and Santana friends wasn't such a good idea."
"You didn't make us friends," I dejected. "It just happened."
"Brittany you have to stop being so oblivious to things," She half yelled. That came out of nowhere so I stayed silent until she explained what she meant. "Santana is more like you than you think, but now you're friends with her and everything's just dandy!" She sighs before speaking again. "I didn't want to say anything because you're both recovering so well. It's hard y'know?" I didn't nod. "But it's really fucking hard to to see you be around her when Scott and I know she's been fighting."
"How? Recovering from what?"
"Scott saw the bruises even though she tried to hide them. I don't want you getting hurt because of her," She pauses. "She has to tell you the full story, but after her parents died she did some silly things."
"She won't hurt me," I sounded so sure even Charlie was a little worried. "And I'm not oblivious. I knew something was different about Santana." I wanted to say special, but I didn't want Charlie to get the wrong idea. Then I thought about what my dad had said earlier. "Does dad know about Santana? Is that why he thinks I'll get in trouble?"
"Brittany," Charlie exasperated. It seemed like she was getting tired of saying my name. But then she smiled up at me and I felt a lot better. "You always did try and see the good in people." Her tone made me think she was proud. And also that she couldn't stop me from being friends with Santana, because when I was sure of something I'd stick to it.
Then Charlie gave me a hug and she held me really tight because she noticed tears form in my eyes. I didn't know when I even started to tear up. I think because now two people, that I cared most about, were proud of me. And I didn't really do anything amazing. I just kind of existed, like I used to. Only now my existance was being appreciated in the right ways.
"I'm going to clean up and head to bed." Charlie let me go and walked out of the garage.
The house had quieted down by the time I reached the back door. The lights were off and I didn't really feel comfortable walking in the dark, especially because the stairs were on the other side of the house. So I grabbed some spare blankets from a box in the garage and lay down on the sofa. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was actually a lot softer than my bed. Less springs and more boyancy.
I remember my dad talking about the first time he met my mom. He described all of the little features she has that not many people take notice of at first. It made me think that I hadn't had that with anyone yet. My relationships weren't that at all. Just quickies when I was a freshman. And then Regina, Puck and now Santana.
My feelings towards Santana, even though I didn't exactly know what they were, made me believe it's what my dad felt for my mom the first time. The little things; the thickness of her eyelashes and poutiness of her lips. It amazed me in ways I couldn't tell you. So as I drifted off to sleep, her features were all I could think of.
Monday morning I strode into Sue Sylvesters office demanding to be allowed a try out for Cheerios. She smirked immediately because I guess she knew this was going to happen. She knew from watching old cheer videos I had showed her the first day of Freshman year how flexible and fluid I was in dancing so I could be very useful for her squad, well whoevers squad it was now.
"Tweedle dumb is back and ready to go huh?"
"Yes coach, I feel like I can bring a lot to the squad. Maybe even win us nationals again."
Sue let out a really sinister laugh and uncapped her smoothie drink or whatever it was. "Listen Courtney Love, you can have your try out, but there's no guarantee you're going to be on the squad, got it?"
I nod quickly and thank her for her time. "Be in the gym in 25 minutes." Lucky Sue could pull strings around here so she could tell my art teacher I would be late to class.
I walked towards my locker when Rachel approached me. She was rambling on about how Glee Club isn't the same without her. I agreed, because she was the star of that club, no doubt.
"So Puckerman's having this party next weekend and I'm invited."
"Cool," I replied, closing my locker to face her.
"Do you want to go? Because I'm not really going to know anyone there," She paused to bite the corner of her lip. "Well besides most of the Glee club. But their immaculate efforts to stay away from me at school allows me to believe that even at parties I won't be welcome."
I thought about how bad Puck's parties can be and how he'd probably try to make a move on me because he'd be wasted. But I hadn't been to a real party in a while and plus I wanted to help out Rachel because she was being so nice to me.
"Sure." I smiled and she grinned so big in return. She then turned around and walked down the hall. On the opposite side of the hall was Santana, walking towards my direction. She didn't come directly towards me, but her eyes found mine and we both smiled.
Maybe she was going to the party. That was just another reason to go.
The gym was empty apart from Becky who stood by the stereo, Sue who was sitting behind a desk in the centre of the room and a dark skinned woman with mustard coloured hair.
I dropped my bag which had a spare change of clothes and headed towards the new coach. She didn't acknowledge me at all.
I nodded to Becky to press play and when I leapt into my first spin I saw someone standing in the distance. I didn't pay much attention to them, I really wanted to impress Sue and the new coach. So I flipped and twirled and lifted my legs high in the air and even added the spilts in my routine.
Sue's expression was completely blank the entire time. The new coach had a her arms folded and her eyes glaring at my every move. She didn't gasp at my tricks or cringe. She didn't say anything until I finally finished. But I had hardly heard a word out of my mouth because my eyes caught the other person watching me by the doors.
Santana had her arms crossed and her eyes were glued to me. I looked away and grabbed my water bottle from my bag.
"See you tomorrow after school blondie!" Sue called out as I grabbed my things.
Santana walked straight out of the gym when I headed her way. She seemed really flushed. I looked down and I was sweating on my chest, which wasn't that covered up by my loose top. I smirked, knowing well the effect I had on her.
I headed into the locker room, losing sight of Santana. There was a locker towards the end of the last row with my name on it. I guess Sue did know I'd be on the Cheerios already. I pulled off my shirt to reveal my pink sports bra underneath. I decided I didn't need to rush so I sat down on the bench and took a long drink of water.
The doors swung open, but I wasn't anywhere near them to see who it was. I assumed it was just some cheerleaders, but there was only one set of footsteps and they stopped right behind me.
"That was hot," Santana husked. I placed my bottle down, beginning to sweat more at her sensual tone and the fact she was hovering over me. I decided to play her game because I couldn't just deny how much I wanted her inside me again.
I stood up and turned around. Her eyes instantly fell to my chest, but she didn't ogle my boobs like Puck and the other jocks did. Her eyes appreciated them while they also burned with hunger and lust. I took this as an opportunity to grab my water bottle and squirt a bit in her direction.
"Hey!" She moved back and gaped at my flirtacious grin. She then leapt for the bottle but I stepped aside and ran down the rows of lockers. She was quick but I was one of those people that wouldn't lose whatever game we were playing so easily, so I ran faster and faster until I stood at the end of the showers.
She still had that hungry look in her eyes and my lips formed an innocent pout. "Why were you watching me?" I breathed. Santana met my gaze and began walking really slowly towards me like a seductress from a racy film. I felt myself automatically backing up but I'm trapped as I hit a wall. Her face hovers close to mine and I think she's getting nervous because she can barely look me in the eyes.
"Why were you watching me?" I repeat and she shutters when my breath hits her lips.
She doesn't answer. She swallows hard and pushes off from me. She's out of the locker room before I can call out to her. She's such a tease.
I walked into Spanish class more confused than usual. I wanted to ask Santana what happened before and tell her what happened with my mom and dad and Charlie and ask her if she had mentioned anything to Scott about what we did.
Unfortunately Rachel sat next to me straight away so when Santana came in, the only spot left was in front of us, next to Quinn Fabray. Quinn had moved into this class today, along with two others from Glee club; Kurt and Mercedes.
I didn't glare at them or even look at them. Ever since I caught Sam and Mercedes getting it on under the bleachers it's been awkward. I can feel the tension already, but I don't want to approach her about it, there's no need.
Santana turns around and one side of her lips curves up into the cutest smile. I'm glad she doesn't feel awkward about before. She then looks back towards the teacher and I notice her hand hovering behind her back. I look closer and notice the small phone which has a paused video on the screen. I can see limbs entangled and bare boobs and automatically realise that this class will not be any different for Santana.
"Hey, how did you go with the homework?" Rachel whispers. I open my book, point to the homework section that I completed and then look over at her.
She has a smirk on her lips and she's facing forward. When I follow her gaze I notice that Quinn Fabray has turned around and is smirking back at Rachel and giggling.
"Rachel..." I hiss and she immediately breaks eye contact with Quinn and turns to me. I slap her playfully on her arm and bat my eyeslashes. She scoffs and shakes her head.
"Some things have changed around here Britt."
When class ends I pack up my stuff and am one of the last to leave because my books decided to go flying across the room. Finn was responsible for that one. I guess Puck told him what happened and now he thinks he's some tough guy aswell. I always thought he was gay for Puck because he worships the ground he walks on.
Santana literally ran to get my books and handed them to me. She didn't say anything, she just left after that. I whispered 'thanks' before following her out of the room. She walked straight down the hall towards my locker, but stopped in front of the bathroom and turned to face me. Her mouth twitched up into a smirk and she disappeared inside.
Did she want me to follow her? Or did she want me to fantasize about her masturbating in there or something? I quickly strode to my locker, stuffed my books in and walked back to the bathroom. When I entered it was empty, so I instantly thought that I just missed her. But then I heard tapping in one of the stalls.
I walked towards the noise, my eyes trained to the mirror. When I got in front of the third stall, Santana grabbed my waist and pulled me in. She didn't even close the door. Her eyes were piercing my skin and she clung onto my waist like I was saving her from drowning.
She then began tickling me and I couldn't help but let out a huge laugh. "Ha ha San! S-stop!"
I was almost in tears by the time she stopped and I was facing away from her, with my forehead against the wall. She pressed into me and inhaled heavily. I was glad I put on extra perfume this morning.
She then slid her fingers down my waist, to the hem of my shorts. I was frozen but still shivering a little because of her touch. It did so many things to me.
"Because you're so fucking sexy," She mumbled. I knew that was the answer to why she was watching me earlier.
Her fingers trailed up my shorts and along my underwear. A long drawn out "Mmm," was my only response as I closed my eyes and gave myself to her.
This would become a routine to her, but for some fucked up reason I was completely okay with that. I loved the way she lingered on certain parts of my skin and the small puffs of air she'd leave to stain my neck. We hadn't kissed, but she had explored me in a more intimate way than anyone else.
"You're wet already Brittany," She husked in my ear, her tongue hitting the shell.
She didn't give me a chance to reply if I wanted too. Her pointer and middle finger were deep inside of me and I instantly grinded my butt back into her. My right arm slung back over her shoulder and my fingers dug into her hair.
I could almost feel her smiling against me as she kissed my neck. She was enjoying every minute of this and I was too. I stumbled backwards but she managed to keep her fingers inside of me. We turned to face the bathroom mirror and watching her finger fuck me made me even wetter.
It was like watching the final episode of your favourite television series. You're sad it's going to end but you're grateful it even happened. That's how I felt. Santana was making me feel, not to help herself, but to help me. That was the nicest thing anyone had done for me.
"Fuck," I hissed, slamming my palm on the cubicle wall. We met each others gaze in the mirror, her eyes were all I could see of her face. They were dark and half lidded.
She kissed the back of my neck one final time, before removing her fingers and rubbing my clit. My knees jutted out and my thighs reverberated. The feeling was intoxicating. I didn't want her to stop these spontaneous 'quickies'.
When we stepped out of the bathroom, everybody had already gone home. She offered to give me a lift home but told me she had to stop at Breadstix first.
"C'mon," She said, holding out her hand to me. I wondered if she would do this if people were around. I didn't want to get caught up in my feelings for Santana, because I think all she wanted from me was sex.
I gave her a shy smile and walked passed her. Her eyes darkened with disappointment but she followed me to her car anyway.
When we reached Breadstix, she said to wait in the car because she'd be quick. So I turned up the radio a little and pulled a handle to make the seat go back. We were parked right near the entrance but I didn't bother watching Santana because she did say she wouldn't be long.
Ten minutes passed and I pulled the seat upright. From here I could see Santana talking to one of the waitresses at a table. She had her hand on the girls thigh, sliding it up and down. The waitress giggled at something Santana said and I can admit that I felt a little jealous. I knew Santana fucked cheerleaders but I didn't think she'd still flirt with other girls after what we did together. I guess I just wished that she'd only want me.
I don't even know why. Because I wasn't ready to be hers.
The waitress fiddled with the collar of Santana's jacket and leaned up slowly to kiss her. Santana immediately pulled back, scratching her head as if she didn't even see the kiss coming. I wondered why she did that. And I wondered why she pulled back so quickly in the locker room when I wasn't making any move to kiss her. But she may have known I was watching her now. It doesn't even matter if she kisses other people because we've never kissed.
A car pulls up beside me and about four people from Glee club step out and walk into Breadstix. Quinn, Mercedes, Tina and Kurt. I watch them laugh together and hate that I used to be right near them laughing along aswell. They were the last group of people I expected to shut me out.
Santana was walking up the car now holding a bag of breadsticks. She looked at me with an odd expression because I hadn't acknowledged her yet.
"What's up?"
"They just look really happy." She turned her head in the direction of the glee club members and sighed.
"They don't deserve you Brittany. They're selfish," She states without any harshness in her tone. I find comfort in her words and turn to face her.
"Can you take me home now." She nodded and started the car.
When we reached my house, Santana turned the engine off. I looked over at her and she was already staring back at me.
"Who was that girl in the restaurant?" I asked quietly.
"She's just a friend, why?"
"I thought you didn't have any friends, that's why you wanted me to be your friend so bad," I retorted and I noticed her clenching her jaw slightly.
"Fine," She inhaled long. "She's just some chick that I fucked once. Is that better?"
"Santana..."
"What? Are you jealous? Do you not want me to talk to other girls because forgive me if I'm wrong but you just came out of nowhere and I had been so content before. I had girls swarming over me and quickies before every class. And don't think it's your fault that that hardly happens anymore," She was shaking her head alot now. "Because it isn't. It's mine. I wanted it to stop because you came into my life. You make everything better, you make me better."
I didn't know I'd find somebody worse off than me. In my mind I was the most fucked up thing on this planet. It was like I didn't want to see that Santana was just as bad. But in a way she made everything better for me too.
"What do I make better?" I didn't mean to take advantage of her upset state, but I really wanted to know.
"I..." She hesitated then shook her head. "Another time."
"Come with me to Puck's party this weekend," I say changing the subject, watching her begin to breath more evenly.
She didn't say anything for a while. She just sat there staring forward out into the darkness. "Will you dance with me?" She spoke so shyly.
"Yes," I replied instantly, because the question was so simple. It may not have been simple for her to ask though.
She didn't say anything after that and I wanted her to. I wanted to hear her voice again. I wanted her to yell because then the veigns in her neck would show and they were one of my favourite things about her. I wanted to kiss her neck. But we had only ever kissed each other on the cheek.
"Can I do something?" She nodded, still not facing me which worked out better.
I leaned across the center console and brushed her hair back. Her eyes peered down on me but she still didn't move her head. Then I leaned down and kissed the skin under her jaw so lightly. I let my kiss linger for a long time and I could feel her pulse quicken. It was such an amazing moment, I wish my eyes were a camera so when I blinked I could capture it.
But I think everyone wishes that. Then they wouldn't have to pay so much money on real cameras and batteries and rolls of film.
I pulled back finally, but stayed close to her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was even. I leant my nose against her cheek and breathed her in this time. She smelt like meatballs and restaurant food. I'd always wanted to nudge a meatball across a plate like they do in Lady and the Tramp. But I figured at this moment Santana could be my meatball. So I nudged her cheek with my nose and her skin was so soft.
It was odd, what I had just done. If she asked me to explain it I wouldn't be able to.
"Goodnight Santana," I whispered and stepped out of the car.
I watched her car speed off as I stood on my porch. One of her tail lights flickered and I named that one Santana. It wasn't losing light though, it was gaining light. It was trying desperately to stay lit. I was the other tail light that stood by it, begging it to stay to lit with me so we could face this world together.
I hope Santana doesn't flicker away.
Thoughts?