Chapter 2
"Finland, brake."
"Umm… okay…"
"Brake!"
"Wait… what?"
"Brake means STOP THE CAR!"
"But how do I…"
"STEP ON THE PEDAL!"
Finland was having a few difficulties learning to drive. But, hey, at least no one's died yet, right?
Although there were some near misses.
"WATCH OUT FOR THE SQUIRREL!"
Finland jerked the steering wheel sideways, sending the vehicle and all the nations inside it into a swerve.
"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD !"
"We're going to DIE!"
Fortunately, they didn't.
When the car stopped, everyone sat in silence for a few seconds. Of course, silence and Denmark never go well together, so of course he had to interject.
"That was AWESOME! Let's do it again!"
Iceland, meanwhile, did not have the same views. "Okay, screw this, I'm driving," he said, while struggling mightily to ignore the wild-haired country in front of him.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? You don't have a license, and if we get pulled over, that could be a problem."
"We're not going to get pulled over! And we certainly will if you almost kill us again!"
"Well…"
In the end, Iceland ended up driving, and things went pretty smoothly from there. For about ten minutes.
"Iceland, there's a police car behind you."
"What?"
They pulled over. Of course this would happen, Finland thought. And I didn't even get coffee this morning.
When the car came to a stop at the side of the (thankfully deserted) road, the policeman walked up to the driver's side window. When he saw Iceland in the driver's seat, he raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you a little young to be driving?" he asked.
"I'm not as young as I look," Iceland replied smoothly.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-one."
Finland and Denmark inwardly strangled him.
"Hm. Is that right. Well, can I see your license and registration?"
"Um… well… I… don't exactly…"
"Hey, I remember you!" The patrolman had caught sight of Denmark. Now we're definitely screwed, thought Finland. Anyone who recognizes Denmark and is in a position of authority can't be too happy with him.
"You're that drunk driver who was caught Thursday night! My friend Mark arrested you, you know. You're lucky you got off so easy, you know. You could've gotten off with a two-year sentence and DUI school."
"Yes, and I am so very grateful, officer," Denmark said in his best flattery voice. "I sure have learned my lesson about driving under the influence!"
It was not easy for Finland and Iceland to stay silent when he said that, especially when he attempted to look "innocent". If there's one word that does not describe Denmark, it's innocent.
"Well, good. Back to the matter at hand, did you know that your taillight is cracked? That's grounds for a $150.00 fine, and for driving without a license," he looked pointedly at Iceland, who also received glares from Finland and Denmark at this, "that's another $80.00." He scribbled something on a ticket and handed it to Iceland. "You all have a nice day." He walked to his car and drove away.
All was silent between the three Nordics for a while, and then all hell broke loose.
"GODDAMMIT ICELAND! YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO GET PULLED OVER!"
"It's not my fault our taillight was cracked! If you hadn't swerved and almost killed us, Finland, maybe we wouldn't have gotten stopped!"
"DON'T YOU BRING ME TO BLAME ON THIS, YOU WERE DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE! AND IT WAS DENMARK WHO SHOVED ME ASIDE TO SAVE A SQUIRREL!"
"Come on, don't bring me into this! I thought we were all blaming Iceland!"
"What? Really, Denmark? Neither of you guys have licenses, either!"
"Oh…"
"Right…"
"See? Now whose fault is it, Denmark?"
"Still yours."
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
It probably didn't help that they were all irritable from caffeine withdrawal.
"So… now what?" Finland timidly interjected when he had restrained Iceland so that he wouldn't stab Denmark. "I guess we should just… go home?"
"What? No way! We came here to get coffee, and that's exactly what we're going to do, dammit! I want caffeine!" said Denmark. "We didn't go through that for nothing!"
"So… who's driving, then?"