Thank you to the usual suspect who puts me back on track when I lose my way. If it weren't for her, this chapter would still be unwritten.

Thank you to all you lovely readers. It means more than you can imagine that you are reading and reviewing and that you care what happens next. I'm honored that you take the time!

Enough mushy stuff – here's what you came for…

Chapter 15

Edward's POV

I fled down the front steps and yanked open the door of the Jeep throwing my bag on the passenger seat and myself in the driver's seat. Slamming the door closed, the sudden silence was almost more than I could take.

Placing the key into the ignition with a trembling hand, the radio menaced, breaking through the emotional haze I was in.

My hands gripped the steering wheel with a punishing force as the last thirty minutes ran on a loop in my head. "Please just go, Edward."

I'd fucked up; it was up to me to fix it. She wouldn't talk to me; she wouldn't even let me explain. I couldn't blame her, but fuck…

Fuck! I woke up that morning thinking about how perfect things were and how I wanted the relationship to work… I suddenly had nothing. In the short time I'd known her; she'd made an impact on my life, one I couldn't just give up on.

Every nerve in my body, every single cell fought the idea that we were done. I couldn't reconcile the idea in my head and all I saw was the image of her sad, beautiful face.

Slowly moving down the gravel drive, the simple sound under my tires reminded me of my arrival. As I approached the end, my eyes focused in the rear view mirror, the White Swan Lodge fading in the distance. I wished she would run out the door of the lodge and chase me down the driveway… screaming for me to come back, that it was all a mistake.

My foot slammed on the brake.

I threw the Jeep into reverse and backed all the way to the house. I quickly jumped out and ran back up to the door, adrenaline pumping.

After pulling open the screen, I turned the handle of the heavy lodge door but it wouldn't budge.

She'd locked the fucking door.

I pounded, urgent and desperate. Garrett opened the door and sighed. He mirrored my distressed expression. He stepped out slowly, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose dramatically preparing to speak.

"She's not coming out, Edward. She doesn't want to talk."

He motioned to the porch swing, we sat down together. Resting my elbows on my knees, I buried restless hands in my hair, tugging and pulling furiously.

"I just want to explain… I wasn't trying to hide anything from her, everything happened so fast."

His hand found my shoulder squeezing gently in reassurance.

"Well, I don't know all the details… obviously." He waved his hands in the air and continued. "But, she's hurt right now. I think you have to give her some time and space. I know that's not what you want to do, but you have to. If you push her now… you might ruin any chance you have later. Believe me I know women."

I glanced at him with a questioning brow. He replied, "What? I have five sisters."

He patted me on the back as he stood to leave.

"I'm not leaving, Garrett. Tell her that."

"I wouldn't expect anything less, handsome."

The door closed behind him and I settled into the uncomfortable slats of the porch swing. I meant it. I wasn't leaving until I at least had a chance to talk to her.

So I sat…after an hour, I grabbed my notebook from the jeep. Another hour passed, the Newton's arrived. The lock clicked and the inside door opened. Jumping to my feet, I saw Bella holding the screen open for them… she didn't even look in my direction.

I sank back into the swing and opened my notebook scribbling notes, doodling, sketching. I barely noticed the time pass, movements behind the door or the windows made me flinch, I knew she was there.

Late afternoon morphed into early evening, a slight chill tested the air. I set my notebook down, zipping my hoodie up, shivering slightly. I wasn't leaving; I was determined to talk to her. I would freeze out there if I had to.

I must have dozed off, for how long I wasn't sure, but I awoke with a dark fleece blanket…our fleece blanket, tucked around me. Sitting up suddenly, I looked around, but whoever brought it was gone. I noticed a plate with a turkey sandwich and a bottle of water on the porch floor near the swing. Someone inside cared, I warmed at the thought.

Pulling my cell phone from my pocket, I took a chance and decided to send Bella a text message.

I'm not leaving until we talk. - E

Propping my arm under my head, I gripped the cell phone tightly in my hand and pulled the blanket around me. I breathed in the scent… it smelled like her; I inhaled deeply, closed my eyes and fell back into an uncomfortable, cold sleep.

When my eyes finally opened it was still dark, but as they adjusted I took in a familiar body, in a familiar pair of flannel pajamas leaning up against the house. Bella's arms were wrapped around her raised knees, her sweet face propped on those knees, watching me.

I instinctively sprung up and pushed myself towards her.

"Edward, you can't stay here on the porch," she whispered, raising her hands to stop me from pulling her into my arms.

"I only came outside… to ask you to please give me some time." I noticed a few tears slipping down her cheeks in the moonlight.

"Bella, I just want to explain why. Let me explain. Please let me explain why I didn't tell you." I pleaded with her, kneeling down next to her.

"Don't you see, it doesn't matter why, Edward. You felt you couldn't tell me for whatever reason and that's fine. I think it just proves that things moved too fast for us. I need some time to get myself situated here and make this place something that my mom would be proud of. I didn't need to jump into bed with the first guy who came knocking on the front door."

"Bella, don't. That's not how it was and you know it. How can you deny what's between us?"

"I'm not denying anything, but it's not what you base a relationship on. Trust and honesty are important to me, and at this point I'm not sure we have either."

"Look, I didn't come out here to have this talk; I came to ask you to please leave. I need to think and I don't need the Newton's wondering why the hell you're sleeping on the porch." She sighed loudly, placing the heels of her hands against her closed eyes.

I exhaled in frustration, standing and pushing my hand through my hair.

"Edward, I want to talk and understand. I really do, I just need to get things sorted in my head first. Can you respect that…please?"

Her quiet plea was my undoing.

"Yeah, baby… I can. I mean it though, I'm going to be at my parent's house and you can call me anytime and I'll be ready… " I stretched my hand down, offering to help her stand.

She paused at the gesture, and then her soft fingers found the palm of my hand. I pulled her to her feet, gently moving her close to wrap her in a hug, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. She didn't fight it, but she didn't reciprocate… her arms hung limp at her sides.

I slowly released her from my arms; she stepped back and wrapped herself in her own warmth and security. She stared at me, and I saw sadness in her eyes. I was responsible and that truth was breaking me.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered and went into the house.

"Please Bella; call me when you're ready." I spoke to a closing door.

I slowly folded the blanket and set it carefully on the porch swing, stalling. I scanned the property through the darkness as I moved down the stairs. I turned to see the moon's glow over the lake, illuminating the dock. The dock… I mustered a painful smile at that memory… all the memories of the past weeks.

I turned the key in the ignition and headed down the drive again, only this time I wouldn't return. I would give her what she asked for…space and time, but I decided I would also give her something she hadn't asked for…

Not minding the hour, I dialed Aro's number, his message sending chills through my core.

"Aro, it's Edward Cullen. You'll get what you wanted. You'll have the review for the White Swan Lodge on your desk next week." I hesitated, silently cursing him and my reality. "That's plenty of time for November publication."

Oo~TWSL~oO

I pulled up to my parent's house in the middle of the night, defeated. Dreading the explanation I would have to surely offer in the morning, I pulled myself from the jeep grabbing my phone and bag.

Quietly I entered the house, reset the alarm and headed into the great room. I dropped my bag at the end of the couch and fell onto it. I thumbed over my phone, waiting, wishing, and willing it to vibrate. Gazing up at the beamed ceiling, I got comfortable and pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over me. The silence surrounding me was punishing. Thoughts of Bella flooded my mind… how I'd completely fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I mulled over extremes, she'd surely call me tomorrow and tell me to come straight back to the lodge and make love to her or she'd have Jake and her dad knocking on my parent's door to ambush me and kick my ass. I forced sleep ending what was absolutely the longest day of my life.

The sun peeking through the blinds of the east facing windows woke me from my difficult sleep. My phone still clutched tight in my hand, my head still dizzy with worry, and my heart still broken… I had to face the day. The smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen meant that my mom was up and she'd surely already noticed me on her way to get the paper.

Not able to postpone the inevitable any longer, I pulled myself from the couch and headed into the kitchen to join my mom.

"Hey sweetie," she said as I dropped into the stool at the island. She poured me a cup of coffee and set it in front of me.

"Hi mom," I sheepishly replied, my head hanging between us.

"Are you hungry? Would you like me to make you anything for breakfast?"

I looked up at her, surprised she didn't just jump right into the Spanish Inquisition.

"No, you don't have to make me anything." I paused giving her another chance.

"You sure? I'm going to make your dad some eggs and bacon, I can make extra for you if like. Alice should be here in a little bit too."

I groaned into my mug of coffee, imagining how that conversation would go. It would be full of 'I told you so's' and 'why didn't you listen to me's'.

"I'm not really hungry mom…but thanks. Aren't you going to ask me what I'm doing here?"

She looked over her coffee mug at me and shook her head. "Honey, I know we'll talk about it when you're ready, or at least once Alice gets here and strong arms it out of you," she said with a chuckle.

She set her mug on the counter and came around to my side of the island and pulled me into a warm, much needed hug. My arms wound around her lovingly. I couldn't remember the last time I hugged my mom like this, but I swore I would do it more often.

The quiet serenity of the moment was important albeit brief as Alice slammed the front door and hurried into the room.

"Hey, what's Edward's rental … doing…here." Her curious expression gave way to one of disappointment.

"What happened? Why aren't you with Bella? Did you tell her? Did she kick you out? What's going on?"

"Alice! Enough…please. You were right, I should have told her, but I didn't. I was going to, but then Aro called and told her himself. Now she doesn't trust me, she doesn't want to talk to me or see me and I would be surprised if she ever does again." The words poured out. I crossed my arms in front of me on the counter, resting my head on top of them.

Alice laid her hand on my back, lightly rubbing for comfort.

"That won't happen, Edward. I'm sure she just needs a little time to sort it out."

"You love her don't you," she whispered.

I closed my eyes…knowing the answer, but unable or not willing to answer… yet.

Oo~TWSL~oO

A week later, I was packing…again. This time I was returning to Chicago. Bella and I still hadn't talked. I'd emailed, called and texted her, but the reply was always the same. 'I just need more time.' During the week in Seattle, I'd accumulated my notes, and written a rough draft of the review that would run in Adventure. I had everyone read it, Jasper, Alice, my mom and dad… they all agreed it was objectively written and perfectly honest.

I was anxious, I dreaded going back to Chicago. But when the last voicemail I left to Bella had gone unanswered, I knew my fate. I'd told her the next move was hers, gave her my apartment address. I fucking apologized every single time, but she needed more.

I zipped my bag, pulled it onto my shoulder and grabbed my guitar. I sighed, succumbing to that same lonesome reality I had before I'd met Bella.

A/N

So I'm all sad for Edward even though it's his fault... jsyk. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I'm totally going to pimp my and phoebespromise's o/s we did for the pick a pic contest. We didn't win anythign but we're incredibly proud of it and would love for you to check it out. It's called War Zone and can be found here – fanfiction(dot)net/s/6630822/1/War_Zone

I started reading this story last week Sexy Silk by jlho fanfiction(dot)net/s/6659413/1/ - check it out...

Please check out The Art of Breaking by jdbeaner I really love this story. fanfiction(dot)net/s/6192792/1/ it's well written and an excellent story.

I also just found this story called 47 days by netracullen - I haven't caught up yet, but the first few chapters sucked me in! B&E are kidnapped and held for 47 days... why? I don't know but I imagine the answer will come out eventually! :) It's good - go read it! fanfiction(dot)net/s/6327998/1/

wow that's a short a/n for me! hahah so - go vote in the Twinkling Awards the lovely phoebespromise is nom'd as well as Teambella23 UM it's also Fic Art Appreciation week this week over on twificpics(dot)com - so go show some love for your fave artists!

twitter = jaimearkin blog = jaimearkin(dot)blogspot(dot)com

xo
jaime