Dedication: To jfka06. Since she's leaving for TEN WHOLE DAYS I bumped her fic up so she can get one more update before she goes. MWAH.

Jasper had always prided himself on being the kind of guy who could objectively consider another man attractive. It had never bothered him, and he'd conversed with his girl friends easily about this or that actor or even a fellow student with pleasing physical attributes.

Of course, those things had a whole different meaning when he stopped to consider what Alice and everyone else was trying to tell him.

Edward was asleep, which certainly made Jasper's careful consideration a little easier.

His head was turned toward Jasper's bed, tilted downward. His expression seemed tense, even in sleep, the set of his brow reflecting a muted version of the agony Jasper had only glimpsed before.

Objectively... he was very pretty. Objectively.

The lump in his throat was painful, his breath spiking as his mind wandered, trying to imagine touching this man the way he might a lover, kissing him.

Jasper closed his eyes, feeling a little light-headed.

It was a few minutes before he could open his eyes again, and when he did he stared straight up. Straight up was a safe option.

He listened to Edward's soft breaths.

The idea of a man being with a man or a woman with a woman didn't disgust him. It was just not a frame of reference that made any sense for his own psyche. He'd kissed one other person besides his wife - ex-wife - and she'd been a woman, a girl.

There were too many gaps in his knowledge.

He should have been more concerned about his injuries. After all, the doctor had him up and trying to walk yesterday - it hadn't worked as well as it should have. And his face, his body, was a mess of scars that should have been more disconcerting than they were. But Jasper was all wrapped up in his personal life.

Well, really, it was connected, perhaps. The doctor had mentioned he would need a lot of support.

He supposed that was Edward's job - to support him.

And his home was Edward's home.

Jasper felt nauseous, though not out of disgust. It was just...

His thoughts were interrupted by the morning's nurses coming in.

"Morning, Jasper. Morning, Edward."

Clearing his throat, Edward blinked awake, his bleary eyes focusing first on Jasper and then up at the nurse. "Good morning, Jessica."

Jasper huffed. Of course he would know the nurses.

Jessica looked toward Jasper. "So, how about we get you up, see if we can take a shower, hmm?" She looked between the two men. "Edward can help, if you want."

Edward stared down at the floor, rubbing his hand through his hair while Jasper sucked in a sharp breath. "I, um... That's fine. I'll go find some breakfast." He looked up, giving Jasper an apologetic smile. "I'll be back if you want to talk, okay?"

A little tongue tied, Jasper just nodded.

Jessica pursed her lips, watching Edward retreat. She turned back to Jasper. "I'm sorry, hon. I thought you might have remembered if he was in here with you."

At her words, Jasper tilted his head. "You know about that?"

"Edward's father is a doctor here," she said lightly. "We've known Edward since he was a gawky teenager. He grew up right, that one."

Jasper made a noncommittal noise, leaning on Jessica as she slipped her arm around him, supporting him as he tried to get out of bed.

Some time and a lot of cursing later, he was showered and dressed in his hospital best. Edward poked his head back in.

With a sigh, Jasper nodded, allowing him to enter.

"How was breakfast?" Jasper asked to fill the silence.

Edward shrugged. "Just some basics." He set a little package and an unopened bottle of milk on the tray table next to Jasper's sad looking oatmeal. "I know you're supposed to be on bland food for the moment, but if you're up to taking a chance..."

Jasper perked up, sitting straighter as he saw the package was a box of cereal. "Frosted Flakes! I love Frosted Flakes."

When he glanced up, Edward looked pleased, though he cleared his throat and hid his smile behind his hand.

Of course he would know something like Jasper's preference in breakfast cereal.

His muscles were annoyingly weak. When he struggled with the milk bottle, Edward gently took it away from him, opening it, but stopped short of pouring it for him.

It was all worth it when he took his first crunchy bite. "Oh, God. That's delicious," he moaned.

Again, it was obvious that Edward was pleased.

For a minute, there was only the sound of crunching as Jasper put his thoughts together.

He swallowed.

"Here's where I'm a little lost..." Jasper began. "Last I remember, Alice had only barely announced she was pregnant." He stared ahead, his heart aching quietly. "She said I asked for a divorce when she was seven months pregnant - which is like six months from where I am in my head." He finally looked up, briefly holding his eyes. "And she said I didn't meet you until Bella was one."

"Technically, we met when Bella was nine months or so, but yeah. It took a few months before you really told anyone about us," Edward said quietly.

Jasper chewed for another minute more to have something to do. He was actually not at all hungry anymore. It was difficult to swallow the bite in his mouth. "So... why does she think you can tell me why I divorced her in the first place?"

Edward's breath came out in a stutter. "Oh..."

The tenor of his voice caught Jasper off guard. He looked up, curious.

The expression on Edward's face was regretful. "Well... I know what led to it, obviously. But..." His eyes were so gentle, so sympathetic, Jasper's stomach started twisting automatically.

This was bad. He could sense it. "Just tell me." There was an edge to his tone.

Edward took a deep breath. "When Alice was about six months pregnant, you..." He sighed. "Your friend Peter..."

Jasper's stomach dropped down to his toes, and he gasped. "No," he said raggedly.

Peter Damon was Jasper's best friend. He'd thought of him since he'd woken up, but he was used to Peter not being around. All through their high school days, they'd planned to join the army together. Instead, Jasper got together with Alice, and Peter was relocated to Virginia.

"It wasn't anything bad," Edward said. "Well... what I mean is, it wasn't violent. He had a brain aneurysm. It all happened very quickly. Painlessly."

Jasper was reeling. He stared straight up again, blinking, but it wasn't any use. Tears weren't just pricking at his eyes, they were welling. In his mind, a slideshow of moments played. He put his hand over his face, knowing he was trembling.

"Babe, I-" Edward put his hand on Jasper's arm, but was quickly cut off when he lashed out.

"Get your fucking hands off me," Jasper growled, knocking Edward's hand away. "And don't call me that."

"Okay," Edward said quickly, his hands raised in a placating gesture.

He was floored, completely, totally devastated. Once again, his world was in a tailspin, and it was so overwhelming. Too much loss to get a handle on. His past, a past he remembered being happy in, was gone - out of his hands. He was confused about who he was supposed to be. And now his best friend was dead. Long dead.

The grief was too much for his body to hold on his own.

"Jasper," Edward whispered, his voice pained.

Jasper shook his head hard.

With his eyes shut so tight, Jasper didn't see Edward reach for him again. He growled nonsensically, but Edward was persistent, putting his hand on Jasper's shoulder.

"It's okay." Edward's voice was so soft, tender. He tugged lightly. "Let go."

And Jasper was helpless then to stop his tears, his grief. The last few days, he'd been in some state of shock or another. Mostly, he thought he was waiting to wake up from his nightmare. It occurred to him then that it was real - all of it was really happening.

It made no real sense. Most of him still wanted to blame Edward for everything he'd lost. He certainly wasn't ready to even consider accepting what he was supposed to be to Edward. But he was too exhausted to fight, too pained to push the other man away.

He clung to him instead, his fingers forming fists in Edward's shirt as he started to sob in earnest.

Edward's hand was on the back of his neck, stroking. He just held him, letting Jasper cry for minutes that felt like hours.

Slowly, so slowly, coherent thought returned to Jasper. The iron grip around his heart, his lungs, began to loosen infinitesimally until it felt less like he was drowning. His head ached. Really, his body ached. But the weight on his shoulders was bearable.

He sat up straight, and Edward thankfully backed off on his own.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said, sniffling, his voice raw.

"Don't apologize. I know what he meant to you."

Jasper rubbed his temples.

"I'll call the nurse. You can probably have more pain meds," Edward said quickly, beginning to get up.

"No. Wait." He wiped at his eyes, taking deep, calming breaths. "I um..." He sniffled again, almost okay now.

As embarrassing as it had been, that cry had been amazingly cathartic.

"Why did Peter... dying make me divorce my wife?"

Edward studied him for a moment. "Jasper, I know this is a lot to process-"

"It's not going to change," Jasper snapped. "I'm sick of feeling like I'm being punched in the stomach every time I have a g'damn conversation." He laid back tiredly. "Just tell me. Get it over with."

"Okay. Fair enough." He sat back in his chair, his hands folded in his lap. "At Peter's funeral, two of his fellow soldiers approached you. They gave most of his things to you - the box is still at the house, if you want to look through it. But they, um... They thought you were Peter's boyfriend."

Again, the breath left Jasper's body, his heart twisting.

Edward continued. "There were several letters he'd never sent addressed to you, talking about how much he loved you, how he'd wanted to tell you, but he didn't know how."

Jasper tilted his head away from Edward, staring out the window, picturing his best friend and trying to align those moments with a man who was in love with him.

"I'll bring you the letters if you want. But, um..." He rubbed his hands together slowly. "You realized you were in love with him and you couldn't stay with Alice. That's the short of it."

Jasper's throat was so painfully dry. He reached for the plastic glass of water the nurses kept by his bed and drank greedily.

"How did we meet then?"

At that, Edward laughed a little. "Umm. Rowdy party at the fraternity. Rookie cops have the pleasure of breaking them up. I was nineteen, drunk, and you were the arresting officer."

Jasper's eyebrows shot up as he turned back to Edward. "I arrested you?"

"You did." Edward's smile was fond. "You stuck me in the drunk tank overnight to scare me straight - so to speak - and... yeah." This time it was Edward who turned away, but not before Jasper caught a hint of misery in his eyes.

Not for the first time, it struck Jasper that his wasn't the only life destroyed here.

Again, Jasper was silent as he tried to make it all line up in his head. He couldn't. He couldn't picture being in love with Peter whom he'd known intimately, let alone this man who was a stranger to him. "Do you have a picture of us?"

Edward looked up from under endlessly long eyelashes.

He really did have such breathtakingly pretty eyes.

"You really want to-"

"Edward," Jasper groaned, exasperated though he knew the other man was just concerned.

"Okay." He reached into his pocket, taking out his wallet. He hesitated for a moment before handing it over.

Jasper didn't miss that his fingers were shaking slightly as he took the wallet. Taking a breath, he opened it.

The very first picture was the two of them and Bella. Jasper had the little girl in his arms, and she was obviously giggling. Edward was watching them, the adoration clear in his eyes.

Remembering to keep breathing, Jasper flipped to the next photo.

It was strange. Even though he'd been thinking of nothing but the life he'd woken to - the things Alice and his friends and his sister and his daughter said were real - it was a whole other ballgame seeing it with his own eyes. And if it wasn't for everyone else's words, he would have sooner believed the fall had caused hallucinations than accept the photo he was seeing was real.

The couple in the little rectangle were quite obviously deeply in love. They were sitting on the steps in front of a house Jasper didn't recognize. He was on the top step. Edward was one step below him, between his spread legs, leaning back, his head tilted up. Jasper's head was ducked down. They looked like they were milliseconds away from a passionate kiss. One of Jasper's hands rested on Edward's chest in an intimate, possessive gesture, the other was cupped under his chin.

The smile on his face was absolutely blissed out. The other man's smile was equally wide.

Jasper pushed the wallet back at Edward, his breath a little short. Edward looked away as he put the wallet back in his pocket, but not quick enough to hide his hurt.

"I'm sorry," Jasper rasped, trying to steady his breathing. "I'm not trying to be rude."

"I know," Edward said simply, but he still didn't look at Jasper. He breathed in and out and then finally turned his head back with a poor attempt at a smile. "The ones on my phone are worse."

It was supposed to be funny, Jasper could tell, but it came out more painful than anything.

"Look," Edward said after a tense few moments of silence. "I've got to put in an hour or two at work. I won't be far." He stood up, not meeting Jasper's eyes as he rushed on, picking up a pen and pad of paper from the stand by the side of the bed. He scribbled something on it. "I'm going to leave my number just in case."

Jasper was neither a cruel nor nasty person. He hated that he was obviously hurting the other man, but at the same time, there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He couldn't deny he was relieved to see Edward leaving.

Still, he reached out, grasping Edward's wrist before he pulled away.

Jasper had no idea what he would have said, but in the next instant, it didn't matter. Edward looked up, and because he'd been leaning over the nightstand, his face was about level with Jasper's, his eyes intense.

The tension that filled the air was palpable, thick. It was the same chaotic feel the atmosphere had before a fight, but instead of malevolence, there was something... else.

Jasper closed his eyes, cutting the connection and letting go a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"I'll be back," Edward said quietly.

When Jasper opened his eyes again, Edward was gone.

~0~

Edward only got around the corner before he had to stop. He slumped up against the wall, his eyes screwed tightly shut.

For long seconds that turned into full minutes, he simply tried to breathe. It wasn't easy. His throat felt closed and his lungs squished nearly flat.

Actually, he felt pummeled. Like he'd been caught by a landslide.

That had been nearly unbearable.

To hold Jasper, but not to kiss the side of his head or his lips, to not be able to truly comfort him the way he should have been able to...

To be the sole keeper of the memories of how they met - remembering those first few days together.

Then for Jasper to look on one of Edward's favorite pictures - so good he'd actually had a physical copy printed so he could keep it in his wallet - and look so... horrified at the love they shared.

Edward felt so entirely helpless.

What he hadn't been able to tell Jasper among all that truth was what an impossible situation he found himself in.

Often, watching some of the trials of friends of theirs, Jasper and Edward had often reflected that they were lucky. When they'd found each other, they'd both been completely secure in who they were. While they could certainly commiserate with the confusion and complication that kind of self-discovery meant, they were both very glad neither of them had to deal with it in their partner.

Frankly, Edward didn't know if he had the patience for that kind of thing. He didn't really understand being ashamed of who he was or who he chose to love. And he was very fond of public displays of affection. Nothing lewd, of course, but he simply wouldn't hold back kisses or intimate touches.

And therein was another problem.

Even if Jasper could get to a point where he accepted what he wanted in a partner, there was no guarantee he would choose Edward again. As it was, it had been Jasper who'd pursued him, so there was no path to replicate, no clear way Edward could make him fall in love again.

Edward wanted to fight, he just couldn't see how.

A/N: Les sigh.

Thanks to jessypt, barburella, and jfka06 for keeping my docs so active.

Soooooooo. There's the backstory. Thoughts?