A/N: This chapter has a trigger warning. But otherwise, enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.
It's been a week since Santana and me joined Glee club. We couldn't hold in our excitement as we both held hands and walked into the choir room Monday lunch. The excitement was caused from receiving an A+ for our Spanish project. Mr. Schue grinned at both of us as we took our seat in the back row. I slipped one of my hands between Santana's legs and her thighs tightened around it.
I didn't move it. I couldn't really. But it felt oddly comfortable.
Then I had a class without Santana. The stares had become less intimidating. Cheerleaders would huff as they passed me, but their blatant glares of harsh disrespect no longer existed. Which was a definite plus. I didn't expect positive attention though. So when a cheerleader sat next to me in class, I instantly retracted my silent shell.
"What question are you up to?"
I shifted my seat away from her.
"Not talking to me," She smirked. "Well, all I wanted to say was congratulations. You finally cured Santana Lopez."
My eyes shot up, but I forced myself not to look at her. I didn't want to seem interested. But what did I cure Santana from? Loneliness? I know she didn't have any friends, but people like Kurt could see the good buried within her. And the cheerleaders liked what she did to them, but they didn't necessarily like her. What if I never came back to Mckinley?
Would Santana have found a different medicine to cure her?
"I'm sorry that the squad has been given you such a hard time. I mean, you're Brittany Pierce," She stared forward in thought when she said my name. "You survived something that most of us probably wouldn't be able to handle. You returned to Mckinley even though you knew people might remember you for the wrong reasons."
"She's right," A voice to my left says. I turn to see Mercedes leaning closer to me on her desk. "The Glee club was so cut up after what we said to you. We made you leave, we made you feel worthless and it's not something we're proud of. Once you left, we felt so horrible. We dedicated a whole week of Glee club to Britney Spears just for you. We never thought you would be away for so long Brittany and we're all so, so sorry."
"Thank you," I muttered under my breath.
"Why are you so quiet?" The cheerleader asks. I bite my lip and still refuse to look at her. "My older sister told me that people who don't talk much are always thinking. It's their way of avoiding all of the negative thoughts they can never put into words. Sometimes positive thoughts though, like a thank you?"
Seven possible ways to say thank you went through my head. I turned to the cheerleader and then to Mercedes who was pinching her lips together. Her cheeks were red, like she was embarrassed about something. I remembered then, about what I saw under the bleachers.
I found myself smiling at the thought and it looked a bit creepy from another persons perspective. "Thank you," I whispered then cleared my throat of prolonged silence that rented it for an hour. "Thank you for saying all of that, but it really doesn't make up for anything I've been through. I'm starting off by trying to make amends with Quinn but it will take so much time. Mercedes, you're a sweet person but what you did back then was honestly cruel. I would have never done something like that to you. I would have never judged you for your inability to cope. I lost the drive to do something I love and it is mostly my fault but I did not need the extra torments from both of you," I whispered the last part as I stood up. There was 10 minutes left of class but the teacher wasn't paying attention.
As I walked out the door I murmured to myself, "Santana is all I need."
The keys to our apartment were hanging on a hook by the door of my current home. We could take them at any time, but had to let my parents know when. We decided to wait. Graduation was in a few weeks so we had time to study and in our free time buy furniture.
Santana and me were currently driving to the new apartment to see what it's like. We had spent most of our week deciding when to officially move in. Now that we know the date, we're going to test it out for a night. I stepped out of the passengers seat after the short drive from my house and walked towards the porch. I turned to see Santana grinning widely at me.
"Come on!" I squealed, bouncing on my heels. She shoved the key inside the hole and turned. The door opened and luckily did not creak. So far so good. To our right there an empty medium sized room.
"Study," Santana mumbles and I nod in agreement. She takes my hand and pulls me to the other side of the hallway. "Living room," She then points to the tiled room guarded off by a bench. "Kitchen." We walked through the kitchen back into the hallway and found a bigger room than the first and smirked at each other. "Bedroom," Santana whispered into my ear. I giggled and ran off into the en suite bathroom. The whole apartment consisted of neutral colours and would be easy to paint over.
I don't know if Santana would a agree to a wall in our bedroom with unicorns and ducks painted on it, but then again; she would do anything for me.
Once we've finished the tour of our new apartment, we drive to Santana's house to pick up a spare double mattress. We then stop off at a Chinese take out store and order our dinner.
When we return to the apartment, we set out a newspaper in the middle of the living room floor and dig in to our dinner. I find using chopsticks difficult at first, until Santana's hands cover mine and guide my fingers to the right position.
"I think everything will be okay," I say after swallowing some pork.
"What do you mean?" Santana puts her noodle box down and crawls over to me. She wraps an arm around my lower back and settles her hand on my hip.
"I just think by graduation, everybody will be okay with each other. We'll be able to clap each other on stage and not cringe," I place my noodle box beside me. "Mercedes sort of apologized and so did one of the cheerleaders that you..." I trailed off not wanting to voice the next few words. Santana understood and wrapped her other arm around my front. "It was really weird, but nice. I guess I had been waiting so long for anyone at school to acknowledge what they put me through but now that I have you, none of it matters."
"I hope from now on, all you feel is love. I don't want you worrying about others, not even me. Because you'll already no if I'm fine. If you're fine, I'm fine," She replied and one side of her lips tilted up in a lop sided smile.
I leaned forward and flicked her nose up with my own. She leaned up and pressed her lips to mine firmly. There was so many wonderful things I could think of doing right now. But I recently learnt not think so much and just speak or do. So I kissed her once more and then pulled back.
"I'm going to kiss you again. I'm going to send my love to you with my lips and you're going to feel every ounce of it. My hands are going to draw invisible patterns all over your skin. My fingerprints are going to be etched onto your skin forever so everyone knows I cherish you. I'm going to pick you up and carry you. You might squeal in surprise. You will wrap your legs and arms around me as if you're unwilling to ever let me out of your reach. When I lay beside you, not on top of you, not underneath you, when I lay beside you, my body pressed right against yours, you will hear my heart beat. I don't know fast it's going to beat, because you always find a way to make it go crazy," I exhale a laugh and watch her blush.
She then pulls her arms back to her side and slides backwards on her butt. Her legs are bent and spread and her eyes are sending me that lustful look that tells me she wants everything that I just explained.
"What could you do with those hands my love?" She starts singing softly. I cross my legs and watch her. She glides a hand from her chest down her stomach, towards her centre.
"What could you do with those lips my love?" I use my knees to push off of the floor and crawl towards Santana. She stays in the same position, with her lips being pulled into her mouth every few seconds.
I lean forward and tilt my head far enough so that I'm able to immediately slide my tongue between her lips. I massage them softly and make her groan. My hands rest on the carpet, either side of her hips. She sucks on my lips for a while, which pulls me forward. I tilt my head the other side of her face envelope her bottom lip. The sides of our noses smash together every time one of us pulls on each other's lips. My tongue continues to play with hers.
I allow her to bite my bottom lip and thankfully it isn't hard so we can continue kissing without blood getting in the way. Her hand suddenly hits my chest and she pushes me away.
Her lips are completely swollen and the outline is tinted is a light shade of red. She runs her tongue along her top lip before singing again. "What could you do with that heart my love? Could you find some room for both of us."
I raise my hand and run the pad of my thumb along the lip her tongue just ran across. She pouts her lips and kisses my thumb, letting the tip of tongue poke out against it as well. I stand up and hold my hands out for her. She obliges and once she's in front of me, I reach around to the back of her thighs and lift her up. Her arms automatically fly around my neck to hold on and she locks her ankles around her back.
I smile up at her and she grins the biggest grin I've ever seen from her. Her eyes are barely open and her dimples appear. I use one finger to trace over them, before carrying her towards the bedroom. I kick open the door and when we reach the mattress I slowly guide her back down flat against it. Her hands fall from around my neck and reach down to the hem of my Cheerios top. She pulls it up over my head and throws it away, like how we often treat each other's clothes.
She pulls my down to her and sucks on my lips greedily. I rake my fingers up her sides, inevitably pulling her shirt up and over her head, all the while looking into her eyes. The screen lights up on her phone and she turns her head to the side. I don't bother looking, it's probably Scott. I lean down and press hard kisses against her throat, intending to mark her.
She moans and squeezes at my chest. I roll forward, allowing our centres to hit. Suddenly she rolls me over and whispers against my lips, "Beside me, remember?" I nod, immediately understanding. I glide my fingers up her neck and rest them on her jaw. One of her legs ends up between both of mine and I'm struggling not to come early.
I end up riding up and down slowly against her thigh but eventually pause when I feel the leg being replaced with a hand. A soft, gentle hand that I should start thanking more often for giving me so much pleasure. I watch Santana's eyes open and close. She reaches into my underwear and presses a finger hard against my clitoris, then begins to rub sideways.
We move closer and hold each other. Our foreheads rest against each other and I know that she wants to see my reaction. She slides a finger through my slit and enters me. My mouth automatically falls open and my eyes squeeze shut. Small puffs of breath emit from my lips and rebound off of Santana's face.
I inhale a sharp quick breath and my stomach retracts and my toes flex and I can feel my heart beating, thumping, hammering loudly and I'm sure Santana can feel it and hear it too. I rock into her hand. She presses the heel of her hand against my clit. For a while the room is silent. Not even our breaths are heard even though we're basically moulded together.
She pushes harder and faster into me and I rock back matching her pace. My fingers twist into her blonde hair and I hope to god I'm not hurting her as I pull her hair. But I can't help it. She's touching that special spot. She's performing every act I spoke of before and doing it with such care that I can barely breathe normally. I can barely hear the traffic outside and I can hardly move my legs.
Before I know it, she pulls out of me and my thighs are quaking and my throat is so dry because I didn't even have the energy to lick my lips. Even though she was doing all the work, I still had to keep up. My fingers have lost their way and are now hanging lazily through her tresses. I feel the softness of her lips press against my own and force myself to kiss back. My toes slide up her leg when I'm able to stop shaking.
I wish life outside this room didn't exist. I wish I could stare at Santana for the rest of my life. Because despite how amazing this moment feels, there will always be something in the future which may ruin the good times. It's impossible to have a an all around good life. But I try as hard as I can to block out the bad and I can especially do that when I'm with Santana.
It's like her presence keeps the bad away.
The next morning I woke up naked. My exposed butt was pressed against Santana's front, but she was dead asleep so I didn't feel embarrassed. I tried to get up without waking her but then her phone went off and her eyes shot open.
"W-what time is it?" She mumbled lazily.
"Time for school," I replied, brushing the hair out of her face. She looked a little pale but that's probably from exhaustion. I don't know how long we were up for because Santana didn't ever check her phone and we didn't have a clock yet.
Once we placed the mattress up against our bedroom wall neatly, Santana drove us back to her house. We showered and had toast for breakfast before leaving for school. We both had a free period just before lunch so that meant we could go somewhere together for a while.
I was at my locker, packing some books in my bag because we decided to head to the library for some study first. It was Santana's idea and I protested at first because I wanted more of her sweet lady kisses, but she told me she would give me twice as many after school. Just as I shut my locker there was an announcement that I had to go to Principle Figgins office.
"Do you want to me to come with you?" I nodded at Santana and she took my hand.
I hesitantly looked through the glass walls windows of the principles office and saw the back of a dark girl. I recognized her hair immediately. When the click of the door sounded both heads turned in my direction. I gripped Santana's hand a little harder as I stared into Regina's soft eyes.
"Brittany," Figgins spoke cheerfully. "Regina, your old doctor has come to visit you, how kind," He adds in his thick Indian accent. I'm still staring at her in disbelief, looking like a complete freak with my mouth just hanging open.
"Was she really your doctor?" Santana whispers beside me. I nod dumbly, watching Regina get out of her seat and walk towards us.
"Hello Brittany," She says kindly, offering Santana a gentle smile. I don't know if Santana smiled back or not, because I'm still staring and I know it's starting to become awkward in the room.
"Uh, thanks for looking after Britt," Santana says awkwardly. "You two should catch up," I feel her lips against my cheek. "I'll see you in the library."
"Wait what?" I grab her hand to stop her.
"Don't you want to catch up with me Brittany?" Regina speaks and I whip my head around to face her.
"I'll let you guys catch up," Santana repeats, placing a kiss to my hand and walking out of the office.
"What a-are you doing, I-I-I mean h-how did you know that I go here?" Not the real question I wanted to ask but it was a start.
"How about we go somewhere and I'll explain," She speaks gently. I find myself nodding and lead her out of the room and out of school.
I slammed my fist against his chest but he wouldn't budge. It was as though his hands were bolted to the wall behind me, locking me between him and the wall.
"You think because nobody is talking about you dykes that we've forgotten? Pfft, you're a fucking joke Santana," He spits and presses his lips forcefully to mine. I suck my lips into my mouth so that they aren't tainted with his. I don't want anyone to touch them except for Brittany. I can't move my head though and I eventually run out of breath and try to head butt him.
"You always liked it rough didn't you?" He snarled. "You're a real fighter." I cringe when I'm reminded of that night.
There is no one around, because the weather is crap and everybody is inside. Of course I had to be stupid and retreat under the bleachers. That's when he found me, cornered me and began shouting at my face.
I catch a glimpse of the rain and dark clouds in the distance and laugh in my head because this weather fits this situation perfectly. I wonder what Brittany is talking about with her old doctor and if they're having a better time to me. Or if Regina is pinning Brittany against a wall, threatening to tell everyone her most shameful secret if she doesn't fuck her.
"Fuck off!" I scream, kneeing him in the stomach but it's no use. He dodges my jabs and slams his forehead against mine which hurts enough. But then the back of my skull smashes against the concrete wall behind me and I almost fade into unconsciousness. Almost.
He presses his lips roughly to mine again and squeezes my face in his hands. "Wake the fuck up bitch!" My eyes are half lidded but they shoot open completely when I feel the wrath in his tone.
"Go away," I sob helplessly. He laughs in my face then thrusts his crotch up into me. I shriek and close my legs as tight as I can.
"How about I go tell Brittany what a sick girl you really are?" He threatens seriously. I shake my head violently and cry harder.
"D-don't, please!"
"Then fucking kiss me back!" He growls and pushes up into me, much harder this time. I lift up my head and stare into his eyes. They're black as the night sky and I can't recognize any sign of a man in him. He's just a monster. So when I kiss him, the taste is foreign and dirty. After one kiss I pull back and find the strength to look him in the eyes again.
"Did you ever ask your sister what actually happened?" I ask, surprisingly strong.
"Don't fucking talk about her you sad little dyke!"
"It was her idea," I continue. "She came onto me, she fell in love with me!"
"You're lying, shut up!"
"She killed herself because I couldn't love her back and I'm fucking sorry but that's not my fault!"
Puck doesn't speak any more. Instead he slaps my boobs before turning me around. I can hear his zip as he pulls it down. His belt clanks against the floor as the pants they were holding up fall to his ankles.
I almost feel as though I'm in a dream when I hear singing. But as they grow louder I realise that I'm not in a dream at all and the singing is actually from the Glee club. They pour out onto the oval at the most precious time. Puck hadn't even gotten his underwear off.
"Fuck," He curses harshly against the back of my neck. He then pulls his pants back up and quickly rushes off further under the bleachers. I stay put against the wall for a while, wondering when the fuck I'll be able to move, let alone breathe properly.
It almost happened again. Almost.
"Santana?" I realise I'm shaking when I feel a hand touch my back and I freeze. "What the hell happened?" It's Quinn.
I can't let out a single word. I'm trying so hard but they're caught somewhere in my throat. Quinn turns me around and attempts to get me to look at her.
"What happened?" She asks more firmly this time. I shake my head and slowly allow our eyes to meet.
I manage to force the tiniest smile and pat her hand that's now on my shoulder. "Nothing."
Santana texted me after lunch saying she was feeling sick and had to go home. I offered to skip class and look after her but she just replied with a monotonous 'no thanks'.
Regina is sipping on her coffee and telling me about some of her recent patients. I nod along, trying to take my mind off of Santana. She didn't seem sick at all today or last night. Well actually, she was pale this morning. Maybe she has food poisoning. Crap, I have to go.
I jump off of my seat, shocking Regina in the process. "Woah, where's the fire?" She jokes lightly.
"Sorry, my girlfriend needs me," I blurt out without registering.
"I thought she was your girl." Regina grins and shakes her head. "I'm glad you're happy with her," She adds honestly. I send her a gentle smile and pull her in for a hug.
"Thanks for coming to see me," I say kindly, before rushing out of the cafe.
I take a quick pit stop off at school so I can put all of my books back. The cafe was only two blocks away so I jogged most of the way. I felt sick knowing that Santana was most likely throwing up now or struggling to get around the house. I slammed my locker shut and was about to run down the hall when Quinn stepped in front of me.
"Brittany wait." She sounded worried and anxious.
"Quinn I can't, I have to go to Santana-"
"No! She, well, I saw her today. She was with Puck under the bleachers. I think he, t-tried to-"
"Stop," I shouted firmly, staring her dead in the eye.
"She didn't look upset, but she was acting really strange. She s-smiled at me and acted like everything was fine."
"Shut up, please," I pleaded softly this time. Quinn nodded and waited for me to continue. "Why would she act fine if he attacked her? That doesn't make any sense."
"Well that's what I was wondering until Puck cornered me in the hallway. He was c-crying." My eyes widened. "He said she," Quinn sucks in a sharp breath. "He says she grabbed him under the bleachers and started kissing him because you weren't satisfying her."
Before Quinn can speak further I shove passed her and run out of school, down the street and towards Santana's house.
She wasn't there, so I ran to my house. She wasn't there either.
I was completely out of breath when I arrived at our apartment. The door was unlocked and I could hear the shower in the bathroom running. I quickly sped up my steps and found her leaning back against the wall still full clothed, getting soaked.
"Santana," I screamed. "What are you doing?" I stepped into the small glass rectangular box with her and waited for a response. Her eyes were staring at the glass wall. The only movement she did was blink. I moved forward and placed my hand on her shoulder, squeezing her to get a response.
She shot out a breath and stared at me with frightened eyes. "What happened?"
"N-nothing," She stuttered out. I growled and ran my fingers through my hair.
"Don't lie to me Santana, don't!" I placed a gentle hand upon her cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning into my palm. "What happened baby?" I whispered.
I pulled her lips into her mouth then grabbed my hand and placed it by her side. "I'm sorry," She murmured. My brow wrinkled and I stepped back. I had an idea in my head that she could be sorry for, but I hoped I was wrong.
"I don't understand," I said, pressing my back against the opposite wall in front of her. "Did you kiss him?"
She folded her arms across her body, hugging herself. Her eyes lost their sparkle, her lips trembled and her body began to shake. I wanted to calm her down, but I needed an answer first. We wouldn't cheat on each other, we said so. We promised. Tears spilled from my eyes suddenly.
"Yeah," She whimpered, hugging her body tighter. Her face contorted as she cried. I didn't know why she kissed Puck, but I knew that Santana would not have done it willingly. He's attacked her before. He's a danger to any woman or girl. I didn't know how he could get Santana to kiss him and I didn't even want to find out. I thought I knew all of her secrets. I was starting to feel sick.
"Come on," I said, turning off the tap and stepping out of the shower.
Santana's eyes meet mine and she shakes her head slowly. "Come on," I say firmer and she isn't hesitant in following me out of the bathroom this time. Her wet feet imprint the carpet all the way to our bedroom. "Lie down." She falls onto the mattress and looks up at me. She's stopped shaking but she's still hugging herself.
"Remember when you told me I scared you," She just stared me. "Well right now you're scaring me. I'm terrified of you right now and I don't want to be. You said you would tell me everything someday and I feel like there is something you left out of your confessions," I wiped away the lone tear on my cheek. "I waited until you were ready to tell me. So I will wait for you to tell me again, I promise." I lean down and place a kiss on her forehead. I then stood up and walked towards the door.
"Why do you love me?" She suddenly spoke, pausing my movement.
I turned around and faced her again. She was leaning up on her elbows. "You told me not to give up on you and I won't. I love you for the same reason you love me Santana."
I woke up in my own bed the next day with the plan of skipping school. I stared at the empty spot next to me and memories of last night flooded back again. It was hopeless, trying to get Santana to speak. But I did not want her thinking everything in her head because I learnt to speak to her so she owes me that.
I duck out of the house before anyone wakes up. It takes me just under 10 minutes to jog to the apartment. It's dark when I open the front door. There isn't the smell of eggs and bacon on the stove or warmth emitting through the house. It's colder than it was last night in here. I traipse through the house towards the bedroom. The door creaks when I open it. Santana's sitting up on the mattress, her hair hanging over her face. I flick the light on to illuminate the room.
Her head slowly turns towards me. "I-"
"Don't," I suddenly interrupt her. My heart is telling me to say this but my head is yelling no. "I don't want to know anything about your past any more. I want to be apart of your future because that's what I'm most looking forward too. I want to graduate beside you and move in here officially. I want to spend every day knowing that you're mine and every night in your arms."
"Her name was Gabby Puckerman." Obviously Santana did not feel the same way. "She was a year younger than me. I was over at her house because she needed someone to tutor her in Spanish and apparently she had heard from Noah that I was a pro. When we were in the kitchen studying, she leaned over and kissed me. I barely felt it because I was jumping off of my seat before she could say anything. The next week Noah had a party and I only went because I felt bad for what happened and I wanted to apologize to Gabby. Halfway through the night she came up to me with a drink in her hand and offered it to me. I was trying to be polite so I drank it. Next thing I know I'm lying on a bed and she's going down on me," Her voice strains. "I was barely conscious, but I managed to make it home. She cornered me at school the next day and told me she loved me. I said what she did was wrong and I could never love a psycho like her. She told Noah that I tried to have sex with her and the next week he attacked me in the same bed his sister had me on. After he came back from juvi he found out Gabby killed herself and the whole school was whispering for months about why she did it. Nobody found out it was because of me."
"You didn't have to tell me," I whisper, sitting beside her.
"I did. I owe you honesty because you're my inspiration Britt. You have put your life back together on your own and I've been a terrible girlfriend."
"No," I disagree with a slow shake of my head.
"Puck threatened to tell you if I didn't kiss him, that is the only reason I did it. I just didn't want to disappoint you because that's all I seem to be good at," She explains sadly.
"Don't say that," I say. "Yes you have been through so much at a young age, but so have I. This is where we help each other recover. That's what a partnership is about right?" I ask hopefully. She tilts her head sideways to look at me.
"Right," She responds with a smile.
"I told you we can get through anything."
She rests her head on my shoulder and we sit staring at the beige wall in front of us for about an hour. I plan my ideal future on that wall. There are a couple kids, Santana in a business suit, me in the kitchen making dinner, my parents at the table, Charlie and Scott playing footsies beside them and Quinn and Rachel flashing their engagement rings to everybody.
"I want to go to college," Santana says, breaking me from my daze.
"So do I."
"Where would we go?" I grin at the prospect of spending our years at college together.
"Louisville has a really great cheer leading program and they offer a Studio Art course because despite what you might say, you are a very talented artist," She laces our fingers together. Another thought pops into my head. "I want to turn in Puck."
"What?" She mutters, without taking her head off my shoulder.
"I want to turn in Puck, he can't keep threatening you and being violent because of something that happened so long ago." Santana nods slowly, processing exactly what I'm saying. "Quinn can be a witness," I add.
"What's the point when we're so close to graduating. We'll probably never see that ass hole again," She replies bitterly.
I bite my tongue. "I just want you to be safe."
She finally looks at me and places a hand on my cheek. Her thumb brushes against my cheekbone. "Anything for you."
A/N: I'm not adding a court scene in this chapter or the next, just know that Puck is of age now so he went to prison, yay!
I hope this chapter wasn't too dark for some of you, just know that it is all happy from here!
Oh and the song Santana was singing is called What Could You Do? by DOLOREAN.
Let me know your thoughts, good or bad :)