A/N: Oh, you guise. Your response to this story makes me so happeh.
That first night Jasper was home, Edward sat with him, talking about what Jasperwanted. When one took out the things that were impossible, they were left with two very reasonable goals: he needed to get to know his daughter and sister, and he wanted to get back to work.
The first two were easily attainable. The latter, though, would prove a little trickier. Falling off a mountain tended to mess with one's ability to be out in the field, apparently.
"What the hell made me start climbing in the first place? I don't remember being that outdoorsy," Jasper grumbled one day to Emmett.
"After Peter died, you kind of went on a 'you only live once' kick. It was great for me." Emmett grinned. "The thrill of getting to the top of a mountain or jumping out of an airplane is a thousand times better when shared."
"Awesome. Only living once almost killed me," Jasper grumbled.
Emmett sobered. "Yeah." He tilted his head. "Every life, every day is in danger of ending. We're not immortals, after all. Living might get you hurt, but it's better than just surviving."
"You have a point," Jasper said, thinking of Peter. His friend didn't know his time would run out so soon. Peter regretted not telling Jasper the truth. What else had he not lived to do?
"Youhave a point," Emmett corrected.
"What?" Jasper asked, confused.
"Your words, not mine," Emmett clarified and smiled at him. "It wasn't without risks, obviously, but we were having a good time, you know?"
Jasper understood. He typically wasn't such a grouchy person. "I'm not myself right now," he observed to Edward and Lucy one night. "In more ways than one."
Edward's expression was cautious. "Maybe you should reconsider what the doctor suggested," he said lightly.
"What, happy pills?" Jasper scoffed, his tone derisive.
"Depression isn't uncommon when you lose a loved one," Edward pointed out. "And technically, you've lost a lot more than Peter."
"And you don't have to be a dick about meds," Lucy said moodily. "I was on meds for years in my teens."
"You were?" Jasper arched an eyebrow. He remembered Lucy being a happy kid.
"Yeah." She frowned and pointed at him. "It was confusing for me - what happened with you and Mom and Dad. It was... I don't know, it shook me. First they didn't approve of you getting married so young, then they were so upset you divorced Alice, it was like they stopped loving you. I just didn't understand how that could happen or why we didn't see Bella for the longest time."
"I didn't mean to be condescending." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "It's just... the world I fell asleep in was very simple, and I had nothing to complain about." He looked quickly at Edward and away. "Honestly, I know I have a good thing going here - a lot of support."
"Grieving what you've lost can help you accept what you have," Edward said.
Jasper took it all into consideration as he tried to grapple with his life and his injuries.
Perhaps not surprisingly, Bella proved to be the best medicine he could have. Her laughter and conversation were a natural antidepressant. She was also both the only one who didn't annoy him when she tried to help him remember, and the only one stubborn enough to press him even when he grew uncomfortable.
Apparently, they had a tradition. Jasper learned this very quickly when she clambered onto his lap dragging a photograph album behind her.
"She likes to hear you tell her the story behind each photograph," Edward explained.
Jasper's heart fell. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint his little girl. He was forever terrified she would be hurt by his memory loss.
But Bella was a trooper. As she settled herself on Jasper's lap, opening the page, she comforted him quickly. "Don't worry, Papa. I can tell youthe stories this time!"
"Did your Mommy make this for you?" Jasper asked, amused as he touched the flourishes on the album - stickers and other adornments. It had to be Alice's work.
"Uh huh," Bella confirmed.
She picked photos at random, humming to herself as she flipped pages. "This is you, me, and Mommy when I was borned. You were soooooooo happy."
Jasper chuckled, wishing like hell he remembered that.
"Mommy said you almost fainted when they gived her the epidermis."
"Epidural?" Jasper asked.
"Yeah. That. Because it was a biiiiiig needle." She gave an exaggerated shake. "I hateneedles."
She continued, picking and choosing different photographs, explaining why she was covered - covered- in talcum powder. Pointing to another pair of pictures, she told him that Papa was good at spinning her around by her arms and Daddy was best at piggy back rides.
"Who's that, your teacher?" Jasper asked, pointing to a picture Bella almost skipped. An older woman, quite beautiful, was bent at the waist, her hands on her knees as Bella looked up at her, obviously explaining something animatedly.
Bella tilted her head up to look at him, her expression adorably perplexed. "Papa... that's Grammy."
"That's my mother," Edward said quietly.
Without looking, Jasper knew the other man was watching him again. That careful expression - like he was waiting for the memories to come back.
Like he was waiting for Jasper to remember the life they'd shared and return to it.
Jasper swallowed hard, seeing the likenesses now that he knew to look for them.
"And this is Grampa," Bella said helpfully, pointing to another picture with Bella in the arms of a good looking blond man with Edward's eyes.
It struck Jasper then that his daughter didn't seem to know his parents as grandparents, but she knew Edward's.
What a strange world he lived in.
"What are their names?" he asked, looking up at Edward.
"Esme and Carlisle." Edward paused. "They've missed you, but they haven't wanted to crowd you."
Jasper's lips quirked. Of course they didn't. "They like me then, huh?" he asked, lighthearted enough that Bella wouldn't worry.
"They love you, actually." Edward laughed lightly. "My mother has taken your side several times when we've argued - the traitor."
Edward's parents loved him. Jasper was willing to bet his own parents were less than civil to Edward, if they'd met him at all.
"Daddy, Grampa and Grammy are coming to my party, right?" Bella asked, looking over at Edward.
"Of course, sweetheart. You know they wouldn't miss it for the world."
Cheerfully, Bella skipped ahead a few pages. "See, Papa? This is all of us at yourbirthday."
He didn't recognize everyone from the picture. If he had to guess, he thought they might be a smattering of his fellow officers. Emmett he recognized, and Rosalie. A slightly smaller Bella was affixing a birthday hat to his head while everyone looked on, amused.
Jasper had his arm wrapped possessively around Edward's waist.
"If it's hard for you to look at-" Edward began, but Jasper shook his head.
"Would you cut that out?" Jasper asked, a little exasperated. "I'm not trying to pretend the last seven years don't exist. There's no point in that." He looked at Bella whose face had grown a little pensive, her eyes darting back and forth between them. "Can you maybe give us a second?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hover," Edward said. Ducking his head, he left the room.
Jasper closed his eyes briefly.
There was definitely an intensity to the atmosphere when he and Edward were in the same room. He wasn't oblivious to it, just like he wasn't unaware of how attractive he found the other man. But the heaviness in the air around them was confusing. Jasper couldn't describe it, couldn't discern if it was created from the knowledge that their lives were entwined or if it was something else entirely.
He knew he didn't love Edward, didn't feel for him the way he felt for Peter or Alice. Edward wasn't his friend; they didn't share that closeness.
They were betwixt and between relationships - bound and yet completely undefined. Really, Jasper's whole life floated in that indefinable space, but with everyone else, Jasper at least knew what to think, how to act around them. With Edward, everything was a question mark.
"Papa?" Bella's little hands were on his face, her voice concerned. "Are you sleepy?"
Smiling in spite of his heavy heart and his confusion, Jasper opened his eyes again. "Not even a little bit."
"Okay. You wanna play pirates again?" she asked brightly.
"Fine, but you get to wear the eyepatch this time."
~0~
September 13th was a clear, if a little chilly, day. Bella was at school, so Jasper had requested they take the time before her party to go see Carlisle and Esme.
Jasper was nervous, which made Edward smile. Despite the fact he was a confident man, he'd been jumpy the first time, too. He'd babbled a little, wondering if they would approve. Edward was nineteen and Jasper twenty-two. It wasn't a big age difference, but it could matter to some people. Jasper wasn't as well educated. He would probably never make much money as a cop. Edward, on the other hand, was from a well to do family.
And, of course, Jasper had the ex-wife and child.
Then as now, Edward was more worried his parents would be overbearing. But both times, he needn't have worried. Carlisle and Esme had always been accepting and welcoming.
Today, they gave Jasper enough space, not trying to pull him into the hugs that were typical in his family. They shook hands and asked how he was, and in no time he was comfortable with them.
Truth be told, Edward was a bit jealous. Jasper was still so anxious and uncertain when they were alone.
It was a befuddling paradox. Jasper wasn't pushing him away. In fact, now he was letting his mother and father into the mix. But at the same time, Edward knew it wasn't a promise. Jasper was looking out for Bella's best interests. And while it was a relief that the other man wouldn't try to take Bella away from him, Edward knew it wasn't a guarantee that Jasper wouldn't walk away from them.
The thought had Edward twisting with anxiety, but what could he do?
Again, that same feeling - the want to fight but the powerlessness of not knowing how. If he fought for Jasper now, wouldn't it just scare the other man away?
Answerless questions and frustrating to boot.
So Edward tried to take things day by day. Today, Jasper was letting his parents back into his life. Today, they would celebrate Bella's sixth birthday. Edward was trying to get to a place where he could enjoy the moments.
He was trying to forget that moments might be all he had.
~0~
Bella's party was intimate - family and a few friends. It wasn't anything special - especially compared to her previous parties - but the little girl didn't seem to mind. She was content with pizza for dinner, cake, and running around the backyard with her friends.
"You always told me I was crazy," Alice mused to Jasper. "Especially when she was a baby, a toddler. Her first birthday I went over the top, and you're right, she'll never remember."
They would, Jasper thought. Or they were supposed to, anyway. "She likes looking at the pictures," he said out loud.
"Yeah," Alice agreed, watching their daughter with a fond eye. "She's more like you, you know. Low maintenance. She only barely tolerates it when I try to dress her up." Alice laughed. "You know, I was so ecstatic when we found out we were having a girl. There's just so much more little girl stuff than little boy stuff, but no. I get a little tom boy who probably won't give a damn about shoes when she's old enough."
Hostess duty called, and soon Jasper was left alone, watching his daughter and this strange combined family he'd stumbled into.
His eyes roamed around the party and abruptly met with Edward's. The other man quickly looked away, rubbing his neck, obviously a little embarrassed at being caught staring.
Jasper sighed quietly, wondering randomly if the medications he was on would really react that disastrously if he mixed them with alcohol. After all, if he really wasn't twenty anymore, he should get to enjoy the perks of that, right?
He'd zoned out a little, his thoughts getting too muddled again, when he heard the hiss of an exasperated child.
"Ssssstop."
Looking up, Jasper's eyebrows furrowed.
Bella was sitting crosslegged with a group of other children. There was a little boy behind her though - a dark haired child with a mischievous smile. He was standing.
And as Jasper watched, he reached out and tugged on one of Bella's pigtails.
Jasper frowned, his automatic reaction to get up and get that little boy away from his daughter, but he didn't know if he should. Watching Alice and Edward, they were both prone to letting Bella handle herself as often as possible. She was a tough little girl.
But was this one of those times?
Bella, with a growl that was honestly one of the more adorable things he'd ever heard in his life, pushed herself to her feet and stood on her tiptoes to get in the little boy's face. "You stop that right now, Jake!"
"Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?" the little boy asked brattily. He gave her a little shove.
Jasper frowned.
"I said stop!" Bella said, her hands on her hips. "I mean it."
Again the little boy shoved her so she stumbled.
Bella promptly turned and called, "Daddy!"
Jasper's heart twisted a little bit, aching, wondering why she didn't want him - her biological father.
Edward looked up, catching Bella as she ran into his arms. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"Jake is being mean, and I want to hit him. But you says hitting is bad. So you have to hit him," Bella explained in a huffy voice.
By that time, the childrens' tussle had drawn the attention of a few people.
Frowning, Edward knelt so he was more the children's height. "What did he do?"
"He pulled my hair and pushed me when I told him to stop."
"Oh, I didn't either," the little boy protested.
"Yes-huh," Bella argued.
"Jacob," a man and woman had come to stand behind Jacob and now looked down at him sternly. It was the mother who spoke. "Tell the truth."
The boy looked sheepish. "Well, maybe a little. But I wasn't being mean!"
The man looked up at Edward. "He likes her, that's all. He just has a crush." He grinned a larger version of his son's winning smile. "It's no big deal."
Edward didn't look amused. When he spoke, his voice was calm and polite, but firm. "I prefer to teach my daughter that hair pulling and shoving are not acceptable signs of affection." To Jacob he only said. "Behave, or Bella might not invite you to her party again."
The boy scowled at Edward but said a grudging 'sorry' to Bella who quickly forgave him. All the kids were playing again in no time.
How easy it was for them to forgive and forget.
Obviously it wasn't the same for the adults. More than once, Jasper saw Jacob's parents casting wary expressions at Edward who studiously ignored them.
Chafing pride, Jasper thought. It seemed like little Jake's parents thought Edward was overreacting. Pigtail pulling was a time honored tradition for little boys who had crushes on little girls and didn't know how to handle it.
But the more he thought about it, the more he agreed with Edward. Why should he teach his little girl that any kind of abuse could be labeled affection? And why should Jacob be taught that his shoving and hair pulling to show how much he 'cared' was appropriate?
Parenting... it definitely was more complicated than it looked.
It was just one more thing to consider along with all the thoughts roaming his head.
Again, Jasper's heart panged when he saw how automatic it had been for Bella to call for Edward. Was this typical, or had she picked up on the fact Jasper was useless as a parent currently?
Either way, it occurred to him he should be jealous. It was his job to protect his little girl. He should have been territorial of this spot - ready to bare his teeth at any man who thought he could assume a role that was rightfully Jasper's.
But he wasn't jealous.
It was well after they were all back home and Jasper was alone in the master bedroom trying to sleep that he figured out the odd emotion that welled in him when he watched Edward come to Bella's defense.
It was a turn on.
Seeing Edward as a father - as his daughter's father - was strangely... alluring.
It was something about the confidence he exuded. It wasn't easy to tell a parent you didn't appreciate one of the ways they were raising their kid, but Edward had done it smoothly, without flinching, because it was right for Bella. He'd been polite and concise. Classy and yet unrelenting.
And yeah, it did something to Jasper.
Attraction.
Objectively, Jasper knew Edward was attractive, but that afternoon, something else had sparked, something that went a little deeper than a shallow once-over.
Though what Jasper was supposed to do with it - what he wanted to do with it - he didn't know.
It was just another confusing truth to add to the jumble of inexplicable emotions wreaking havoc in his overburdened head.
A/N: Many thanks to Naelany, barburella, jessypt, and jfka06 for their continuous support and input!
And thanks to you for coming along on this journey. I know it's not an easy one, but hopefully it will be worth it! See you soon.