They were rudely awoken the next day by a loud knocking on their door. "Harvey! Harvey, are you in there? Are you ok? It's past noon, and Harley and I are worried! Well, Harley is anyway!"
"Ask him about Red, Mr. J!"
"Oh yeah, and have you seen the plant lady, Harv? She's missing too, not that anyone but Harley cares! Harvey?"
"Just keep quiet and ignore them," murmured Two-Face.
The knocking continued. "Harvey, can you hear me? Harvey, answer me! Oh, this is ridiculous! He probably ain't even in there! But just to be on the safe side…stand back, Harley."
A sudden explosion blew the door off its hinges and filled the room with smoke, making both Ivy and Two-Face cough. When the smoke cleared, Joker strode into the room, closely followed by Harley. "See, cupcake, they're not…" he began, but then they both noticed Two-Face and Ivy undressed and lying together in bed. For a moment both couples stared at each other in astonishment. Then Joker started laughing hysterically. "You see, pooh, I'm always right!" he giggled. "Didn't I say they'd come here together for a dirty little fling? And here they are together, the morning after flinging!"
Harley raised her camera and took a picture. "What the hell are you doing?!" snapped Ivy, clutching the bedsheet around her as she ran over and seized the camera from Harley.
"Just thought you'd want the memory," replied Harley, smiling. "And I want proof Mr. J is always right."
"We didn't come here together," growled Two-Face. "This wasn't intentional – it just kinda happened."
"They say good things are planned and great things just happen," replied Joker.
"Who says that?" demanded Ivy.
"I did, just now, Pammie, you deaf?" he retorted. "And it's true – I'm proof of that if anyone is!" he chuckled. "I'm a great thing that just happened! You and Harvey though, maybe not so much."
"I think it's great," growled Two-Face. "So shut your face, clown."
"Oooh, somebody's a little touchy!" chuckled Joker. "Not great, huh, Harv? Not surprising – I don't imagine the plants are too picky."
"I've told you that's not what was going on!" shouted Ivy.
"Yeah, and it sounds to me like a case of the lady doth protesting too much," retorted Joker, grinning. "Hear that, college boy?" he said, turning to Two-Face and grinning. "That's Shakespeare. Who's uneducated now?"
"Puddin's such a smart, clever, handsome guy!" sighed Harley, leaning adoringly on his arm.
"You two seem to have made up at least," commented Ivy.
"Oh yeah," sighed Harley. "I got to peel Mr. J's sunburn," she grinned, giggling.
"Glad to hear you addressed the real issues in your relationship so you can avoid future fights," retorted Ivy, sarcastically.
"Geez, it's no wonder you can't hold down a boyfriend, Pammie," retorted Joker. "Relationships aren't about serious talk – they're about fun!"
Ivy opened her mouth to argue, then shut it, nodding slowly. "I guess at the moment, I'm inclined to agree with you," she said, smiling at Two-Face.
"Any set plans for today, J, or can Pamela and I go back to bed?" asked Two-Face, kissing her.
"Pamela?" repeated Joker. "Wow, there's a name that don't suit her. No, you and Pamela can do whatever you want. But you'll miss all the fun. I've acquired a boat."
He left the room, giggling and rubbing his hands, and Harley made to follow. "How did J acquire a boat?" asked Ivy.
"How does anyone acquire a boat?" retorted Harley. "He shot the guy who owned it and took it. Quick, and no messy paperwork to deal with. Hey, wait up, Mr. J!" she cried, rushing after him.
Two-Face sighed. "Another mess I'm going to have to deal with eventually."
"Not yet, though," murmured Ivy. "I thought you were on vacation, Mr. Former D.A."
"Don't think I ever told you I was a D.A., Pamela," he replied, grinning, as he pushed her back down on the bed.
"Lucky guess, Harvey," she murmured, kissing him. Things were about to escalate when suddenly something fell through the glass ceiling, landing in front of the bed.
"Batman!" cried Ivy, hurrying to cover herself. "What the hell are you doing here?!"
"I'm…sorry," stammered Batman, looking away, embarrassed. "I didn't know you were…um…sorry."
"Yeah, you'd better be," growled Two-Face. "I hope it teaches you not to just drop in on people like that! Now beat it, Bats! We ain't done anything wrong! We're on vacation!"
"Then how do you explain the sudden burst of criminal activity in this otherwise peaceful area?" demanded Batman.
"Jesus Christ, Bats, I thought you were the World's Greatest Detective!" shouted Two-Face. "The Joker toxin in the water should have been a big clue for you, Sherlock! It's obviously the clown's fault! Why don't you go find him and leave us alone?!"
"I…thought they'd be with you," retorted Batman.
"We ain't those kind of couples, Bats," snapped Ivy. "They're on a boat somewhere. Go find them and get lost. And when we next see you, I expect an apology."
"Yeah…thanks…sorry again," stammered Batman, heading for the door.
"Unbelievable," growled Two-Face as he left. "Thinking he can just crash in anywhere. Ain't the guy ever heard of privacy?"
"He's just a selfish jerk," snapped Ivy. "I hope J kills him this time, I really do."
Ivy's hopes didn't come true, although she and Two-Face did enjoy a very pleasant afternoon. At least until Batman returned to the hotel, dragging a handcuffed Joker and Harley behind him, and, after a brief fight, arrested Ivy and Two-Face as an accessory to crime. He then summoned the Batwing and managed to squeeze them all inside.
"This ain't fair, Bats, I'm on vacation!" protested Joker. "What happens in Brazil stays in Brazil, that's what I heard!"
"Crime doesn't take a vacation," growled Batman, as the plane lifted off and headed back towards America.
"The hell it don't!" shouted Harley. "You don't appreciate how hard we work the rest of the year, Bats! We deserve a little time to cut loose now and then!"
Batman didn't respond. Ivy glared at him. "I'm waiting for you to apologize again," she snapped.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"What for?" asked Joker.
"Bat-brain decided it would be fun to drop in on Harvey and me unannounced," she retorted.
"I said I was sorry," he repeated.
"I think he's just a bit of a pervert," growled Two-Face. "He ever disturbed you like that, J?"
Joker nodded. "Once. Think we scarred him, though. He hasn't done it again anyway."
"Bet he ain't ever seen a whoopie cushion used like that, huh, Mr. J?" giggled Harley.
"I suspect Batsy hasn't seen a lot of things, pooh," retorted Joker. "Why else would a man dress up like a flying rodent and go around repressing people if he wasn't massively repressed himself? Either he's got nothing better to do with his time, or he's just not getting any."
"Yeah, so he spies on other people instead," growled Two-Face. "You're right, J, he's a real sicko."
Batman tried to ignore the fact that they were talking about him, keeping his eyes fixed on the skyline and tightening his hands on the joystick. Harley suddenly giggled, clapping her hands enthusiastically.
"We're being taken back to Arkham, Mr. J!" she cried, hugging him. "Y'know what that means, doncha, puddin'?"
"I have to endure the ink blot tests again, and revise my definitions of tedium and boredom?" he asked.
"No! It means we can put on our musical! You'll tell the doctors to let us do it, won't you, Bats?" she asked. "All of us inmates wanna put on a production of Grease. There's no harm in that, is there?"
Batman nodded slowly. "Not that I can see. It might be a good outlet for the theatrical bents each of you clearly have."
"There's only one guy who's bent in this plane," growled Two-Face.
"I mean you all have leanings toward the theatrical," retorted Batman. "Why else would you have the elaborate personas?"
"You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Bats?" asked Joker, grinning. "But yeah, it might be fun, pooh. But we'll need to rewrite the ending the way I want it."
"Don't worry, puddin', I got a good idea about that," said Harley, grinning at him. "I'll tell you back at Arkham. Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise for Batsy. You will come see it, won't you, Bats?"
"Of course he will, pumpkin," replied Joker, smiling at Batman. "He wants to see how all our energies can be directed towards making people smile and laugh through the magic of song and dance, don't you, Batsy? Wouldn't that justify your faith in humanity? Plus you're a musical fan, ain't you, Bats? I can tell. Probably got all the Rogers and Hammerstein records back at the Batcave. Probably listens to The Sound of Music when he's working out. That Julie Andrews has got a swell voice, ain't she? Maiming and murder and full mutilation, bombs and explosions and near strangulation, children all screaming when shot in a ring, these are a few of my favorite things! When the Bat strikes, when the shocks sting, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad! It really does work, doesn't it?" he chuckled. "I'm feeling better already!"
"We should practice a song from the show," said Harley. "Red, you wanna sing Sandra Dee?"
"Sure do, Harley," she replied, grinning. "Do you mind if I do a lyric change?"
"Hey, it's your role, baby, you own it anyway you like," replied Harley, smiling.
Ivy grinned and sang, "Look at me, I'm Batty B, lousy with virginity, won't go to bed till I break someone's head - I can't, I'm Batty B!"
Everyone burst out laughing, except Batman, as Ivy continued, turning to Two-Face: "As for you, my number two, I know what you wanna do, pressing your suit against Ivy's roots - I can't, I'm Batty B! Joker, Joker, let me be! Keep your Harley far from me! I can't keep my calm when you're revving her on – I'm sick, I'm Batty B!"
Batman's jaw tightened as the hysterical laughter continued. It was going to be a long flight back.