A/N: Some of us are not pleased with Jasper at ALL. Well, let's see how our boys deal with it.

Jasper felt like absolute crap.

Seeing Edward so completely heartbroken had thrown Jasper for a loop. As they'd struggled - separately and together - Edward's sadness was a constant presence but one he'd kept down to a low a simmer. A few nights before, his pain had been an inferno - impossible to ignore and scalding hot. It left Jasper reeling, so he couldn't imagine what Edward felt.

"Doesn't it seem melodramatic to you?" Jasper groused to Alice when she dropped Bella off one day. "It's been three days, and he hardly looks at me."

He felt a little bad. The look on Alice's face suggested she was about as comfortable with this conversation as a man going in for a vasectomy. He could see why it was awkward, talking with her ex about his problems with his boyfriend.

Ever the good sport, Alice shrugged it off and talked to him. "You seriously hurt him with this one, Jasper."

"I get that he's hurt, but it's just overdone. First of all, how the hell was I supposed to know Emmett was going to do what he did? It was a surprise. And secondly..." He gave an irritated, helpless little shrug. "It's not exactly extreme sports, okay? It's not like I want to climb Mount Everest where there are actual bodies littered around the trail. I'm not going over Niagara Falls in a kayak."

Alice looked at him steadily. He got the feeling she considered him rather dimwitted in that particular moment. "You don't understand what the big deal is?" she asked flatly.

"It's just rafting on an easy run." Jasper knew his tone was defensive, but he just didn't see what the big deal was. "Children younger than Bella go on those runs."

Wordlessly, Alice reached forward, grabbing his hand. She pulled his arm toward her while she pushed back his sleeve. Raising his arm toward him, she stared pointedly. "That's why."

Jasper bit the inside of his lip, yanking his hand back and shoving his sleeves down self-consciously, covering up the vivid scars that marred his skin. Alice's expression was more sympathetic then.

"Weakness isn't fun for anyone, but I know it's especially difficult for a person like you. That's why you wear longer sleeves more often than not when you go out. You don't like looking at them. You especially don't like other people looking at them."

He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. Alice always knew him so well.

"What you need to come to grips with exactly how close you came to dying. You were a mess." She tilted her head, studying him for a long moment. "You aren't wrong. What you and Emmett do isn't exactly the pinnacle of stupidity, and Edward excels at worrying. What happened to you was his worst nightmare - exactly the thing that he worried about, that you promised him over and over wouldn't happen. Then you blindside him with the news you were back at the same thrill-seeking behavior that nearly got you killed, and you expected it to go well?"

Guilt tugged at his heart, and Jasper scowled as he turned her words over. "So what are you saying? You think I should give it all up so he won't be worried anymore."

"No." Alice's voice took on that Mom tone that told him he'd better listen carefully. "What I'm saying is Edward's fears are far from irrational." She bobbed her head, conceding, "And what you say about your activities being relatively safe isn't irrational either.

"You want him to understand this need, you have to realize what he stands to lose." Her smile was small and wistful as she continued. "You are his entire world, Jasper. You're the love of his life, the father of his daughter... He loves you so much, and you can't just shrug off his concerns. Acknowledge that he was right once, and you can't guarantee he won't be right again. Then you can work together to find the point he can find peace with what you need."

For a long handful of moments, Jasper rubbed his hand over his eyes, contemplating her words.

He didn't really remember this part; taking another adult person's needs and being respectful of their idiosyncrasies was part of having a healthy adult relationship, he mused. It was supposed to be work.

And Edward was worth it.

With a sigh, Jasper wrapped his arm around Alice, drawing her close. "Some things never change. I'm glad you're still here to call me on my bullshit."

Chuckling, she hugged him back, lingering a moment. "You know... you're still the love of my life, as tragic as that is, and also my daughter's father. Just promise me you'll think of Bella before you do anything reallystupid."

Pulling back, Jasper looked on her, noticing the tightness of worry around her eyes. It struck him then that his body might have been ravaged, but the psyches of the people who loved him most had been badly damaged as well.

"Would you stop me if you could?" he wondered out loud.

Alice pursed her lips, considering. "No. I learned a long time ago, you can't control the future." She nodded her head at their daughter who was lost in her own little world, happily playing. "We're raising Bella to embrace who she is, never to settle on what she wants even if it's something difficult. Life isn't about just surviving. Any fool can survive - it's in our instinct. I don't want Bella to merely survive. I want her to live." She looked him in the eye. "And living implies a certain amount of risk."

Jasper hummed. "There's more risk getting in a car, you know."

"Well, it's not me you have to convince," she said with a smirk. "Good luck with that."

~0~

The last few days, Edward had found himself staying at his shop far longer than necessary.

The bitch of it all was that Jasper was being exactly who he always was. Edward could be a little pessimistic and a worry-wart. Jasper was his perfect counterpoint in that way, gently coaxing him to take a chance every now and again - savor life. He needed that confidence - Jasper's belief that everything would be fine.

His lover wasn't foolhardy. He analyzed all his choices with great care and planned very carefully.

And it wasn't as though there weren't benefits. Jasper's body in climbing form was a sight to behold - all muscular arms and thighs.

When he came home after an adventure, Edward reaped the benefits of his adrenaline. Sex was never as athletic as when he was coming down off a high.

Still, Edward's worry lingered until Jasper arrived safely home again.

"You're not getting rid of me so easily," he'd often murmured, gently nipping at Edward's earlobe.

But when it came right down to it, it had been as easy as Jasper tripping.

His keyboard at home was not big enough to hold his emotion as he played. He preferred the baby grand piano at work, though the acoustics of the room annoyed him. He poured his frustration, fear, annoyance - all of his negativity into his playing.

It was a rather gloomy sound.

Edward jumped when he heard a knock at the glass door of the place. He growled, calling out, "We're closed!" without looking back over his shoulder.

The knocker was persistent.

Thoroughly annoyed, Edward got up from the piano bench and turned around. He was startled when he saw Jasper standing there, his hand raised, the look on his face pleading.

For a moment, Edward looked down at the floor, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to get a handle on the sudden lurch of emotion he felt. Jasper was the last person he expected to see, and he didn't know if he wanted to have any sort of discussion with him when he felt so raw. There was no way it was going to end well.

Another fight was the last thing they needed.

Jasper knocked again, softer now.

Pressing his lips together, Edward shuffled forward and unlocked the door.

Time seemed to slow as they stared at each other.

There was something different in Jasper's eyes. The last few days, his expression had been hard - stubborn. It was the look of a man ready to hold his ground. Tonight, though, the look on his face was softer - almost that of a little boy looking up for approval and forgiveness.

"What are you doing here?" Edward finally asked. "How did you get here?"

"Lucy drove me." Jasper ran his fingers nervously through his hair, studying Edward as though he were trying to read his mood. "I just really need to talk to you."

Edward nodded slowly and offered his arm. Neither of them spoke as they made their way to the piano bench. He would have taken them back to the office, but for some reason, he felt better facing the piano, mindlessly pressing keys.

After a moment of heavy silence, Jasper reached forward, wrapping his fingers around Edward's wrists and pulling his hands away from the piano. He hesitated a moment but then placed Edward's palms over his own chest, pressing them there firmly.

Edward finally looked up, uncertain as to what Jasper wanted but thrilling at the touch. Even in these few days, he'd missed their connection, missed the lightness of their interaction.

"You feel this?" Jasper asked, his voice low and quiet. "I know what you're afraid of. But feel. I survived."

Beneath Edward's palms, Jasper's heartbeat was strong and steady. Edward felt his throat get tight, tears burning in his eyes as he was very suddenly overcome with the emotion he'd been trying to suppress for days.

Jasper's heartbeat was precious to him. Edward remembered sitting in the hospital for hours that stretched on like days when Jasper was still in surgery. Even though there were rooms and walls separating them, he'd felt as though he could hear the other man's beating heart. In his terrified thoughts, he imagined that vital, life-giving organ giving one final lub dub before going silent.

Even then, so many months later, anxiety made it difficult to breathe or think.

Raising one hand, Jasper drew his fingertips down Edward's cheek. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry you had to see me like that. And I'm very sorry I was so focused on what I needed the other night. I didn't think about how it would sound to you."

Edward felt a weight lift from around his heart. The anxiety wasn't gone, but it was good hear Jasper say the words. He breathed a little easier and scrambled, not sure what to say. He knew better than to hope this meant Jasper had reconsidered his plans. Honestly, he didn't want to take away something so important to him.

But Jasper saved him from having to say anything. He slid closer on the bench, wrapping his arm around Edward's waist. Edward let his eyes close, happiness beginning to seep into the darker mood he'd been in the last few days.

He'd almost blissed out - Jasper was pressing kisses along his shoulder - when his lover spoke. "Will you play for me?"

Edward tilted his head as Jasper's lips found his neck. "You want me to play?" he repeated a little dumbly. His thoughts were slow, cloudy.

"Anything." Jasper's voice vibrated against Edward's skin.

"Okay," Edward agreed.

Jasper didn't move as Edward put his hands on the keys. He rested his head on Edward's shoulder, just waiting.

At first, Edward didn't know what to play. Part of him wanted to play a playful love song, remembering so many times when they sat together like this. So often he'd seduced Jasper with music, smirking over his shoulder until their kisses overtook any ability he had to play.

But no. He wasn't there. He was still aching.

His fingers began to move as if on their own. He played what he felt, and because there was no existing song for the chaotic mess of his head, what he played was entirely new. He closed his eyes, leaning into Jasper's embrace, feeling his warmth surround him.

Jasper hadsurvived. He was still an amazing, vibrant man. And he'd chosen Edward. Again.

Edward decided in that moment he was going to try not to dwell on possibilities. Jasper could just as easily get hurt stepping out the door. It happened every day.

There was something to be said about living in the moment.

As he brought his impromptu song to an end, he turned his head, capturing Jasper's lips in a deep, passionate kiss.

This particular moment, he thought as Jasper kissed him back, was pretty spectacular.

~0~

By the time they got home, they were having trouble keeping their hands off each other.

They staggered in the door, stumbling into walls as they tried to move forward and not break their kiss at the same time.

Not as graceful as he used to be, Jasper lurched forward, accidentally stepping on Edward's foot. Edward gave a grunt, pulling back a little both to steady the other man and to hiss in pain.

"Sorry," Jasper said breathlessly, holding himself up with his hand braced against the wall. He leaned in again, nipping at Edward's lips. They were both panting.

Edward ran his hands up and down the other man's back, reluctant to step back. They would have these little kisses, maybe they would touch, and then Edward would head upstairs while Jasper retreated to the room they'd shared once upon a time.

Jasper's eyes as he looked up were hooded with lust but also...

Nervous.

He pressed his lips together and swallowed hard.

"Come to my room?" he blurted.

He spoke so fast, Edward wasn't sure he understood. "What?"

Tilting his head, Jasper brushed his lips in a butterfly kiss. He looked up again and said more steadily, "Please come to my room tonight. Stay with me."

Edward felt suddenly breathless and dizzy. He grinned. He couldn't help it. There was something so entirely ridiculous about where they were as a couple. They'd had all these moments before, and they were in the same house, for crying out loud.

And yet...

If they had to start over, there was a sweetness to it - something special that they hadn't had before. Edward realized with a start that he would have all Jasper's firsts.

Edward's grin spread wider across his face. He kissed Jasper again, lingering, wrapping an arm around his waist and pushing away from the wall. "Yeah," he breathed. "Yes. I will. If you want me."

"I do want you."

It was something of a miracle they made it to the master bedroom in one piece. It was probably all the more dangerous because Edward was trying to unbutton Jasper's shirt and hold him up at the same time. Jasper wasn't making things any easier as he was unzipping Edward's pants.

Make-up sex was always the hottest.

Edward stilled a moment, trying to shake off the cloud of lust that made it difficult to think rationally. He wondered just how far Jasper wanted to take this.

His thoughts flitted right back out the window when Jasper rubbed him through his boxers. He licked the shell of Edward's ear before he rumbled, "I want to taste you."

Edward's breath left him in a gust as those words went straight down his spine right to his cock. He whimpered.

"Can I taste you?"

"You don't have to..." Edward swallowed, running his fingers over the contours of Jasper's now bare back. "You don't have to do that. I can-"

"I want to." Jasper slid Edward's boxers down as he spoke. "Please."

Jasper was definitely nervous. His hands were shaking. "Are you sure?" Edward asked calmly, continuously reminding himself this was new to Jasper no matter how many times they'd done it in the past.

"Yeah. It's not a big deal." Jasper's eyes went a little wide and he began to stumble over his words. "I mean, it's not a little deal..." He was trying to be smooth, but he was failing.

It was more adorable than Edward would have guessed - watching this man who was typically the epitome of confidence stumble like a blushing teenager.

Edward led him over to the bed, both of them shedding the remainder of their clothes, and they lay down. He helped guide Jasper so they were laying feet to head, where Edward could easily touch him, stroke him, pleasure him even as Jasper's mouth was between his legs.

He should have known better than to expect Jasper not to have a game plan. Jasper was obviously new at what he was doing - his hesitation and experimental licks were proof enough of that - but he seemed to be taking educated guesses.

"Oh, God," Edward groaned. The feel of Jasper's hot, wet mouth enveloping his cock was already too much. "You studied," he accused.

Jasper released him from his mouth with a pop. "Of course I studied." His hands were firm as he stroked Edward. "I want you to feel good, baby."

Raising his hips to meet Jasper's hand, Edward moaned again. "It feels good," he said breathlessly. "Fuck, it feels so good." He let his fingers wander, touching Jasper where he was hard.

Jasper shook his hand off. "Don't worry about me, Edward. Let me do this for you. Please."

Since it had been so long since Jasper had touched him this way, Edward didn't find it difficult to get lost in the feeling. As Jasper took him in his mouth again, his tongue swirling along his shaft, Edward let his hand rest on his back. His breath quickened, his body jolting as Jasper cupped his balls in his palm.

Jasper was a quick learner. He was fast to realize what worked for Edward, how to use his hands, his tongue, his mouth. It wasn't long before Edward was calling his name, his tone a whine, a beg for more. And though it wasn't always easy - he did gag once - Jasper was obviously eager to please.

Edward was eagerly pleased.

By the time he was coiled tight, ready to find his release, he was mindlessly squeezing Jasper's bare ass.

"Babe," Edward groaned. "Jesus, that's so good." His hand smacked at Jasper's skin urgently. "Let go. Let me... I'm going to..."

Jasper either didn't back off in time or he'd been trying his luck with swallowing. Jasper sputtered and choked, leaning back on the bed with his hand over his mouth, while Edward, coming down off his post orgasm high had to giggle.

"You think this is funny?" Jasper asked, trying to catch his breath.

"Do you think it isn't?" Edward challenged easily. The atmosphere between them was light, good.

Coughing, Jasper grinned at him. "Fair enough."

Rolling over onto his belly, Edward pushed Jasper's legs apart and quickly took him into his mouth. Jasper's hips bucked up into his mouth, but Edward had been prepared for that. When he brought Jasper to his release, the other man's fingers were tangled tight in his hair.

When they were both right side up again, Edward leaned over Jasper to kiss him deeply, taking his time, sharing the taste of him. He pulled back, looking down on the blond man, stroking his cheek and aching to tell him how much he loved him.

But he couldn't.

Not yet.

"Do you still want me to stay?" he asked quietly, running his thumb over Jasper's full lip.

Jasper nodded, his eyes lazy and adoring as he looked up.

Edward lay down beside him, head on his shoulder, arm splayed over his chest. Jasper's fingers were lazy as they brushed his head along the curve of his ear.

It felt good to be in his bed again.

More than content, Edward was about to drift off to sleep when Jasper called his name softly. He hummed his answer, drowsing.

"Will you come with me?"

Edward stirred slightly, opening one eye to gaze up at Jasper. "You want to go somewhere right now?" He definitely wasn't in the mood to move.

Jasper chuckled. "No. Not right now. I meant something like paragliding. I think maybe it would help if you could just see for yourself."

Edward's stomach twisted.

"Just once. Just to see." Jasper was running his fingers through Edward's hair in a slow caress.

Closing his eyes, Edward tried to think rationally.

"You don't have to answer right now. Just think about it. Please?"

Swallowing down the lump of fear that had risen in his throat, Edward nodded. "I will," he promised.

A/N: Nothing says I'm sorry like a blow job?

Right?

O.o

Anyway. This chapter made possible by ENDLESS conversations with jessypt, barburella, jfka06, and naelany.