This chapter is long, I wanted to dig into Karen and Derek. I hope you enjoy. Thansk to all the new followers I have. I love that you guys are enjoying my story. Please continue to comment, follow, and favorite. Thanks a bunch!
Once again I don't own Smash!
Karen woke up from her afternoon nap in a hurry. She knew that today was an off day for the production, and she would have to see and talk with a lot of people. She had only been asleep for twenty minutes thankfully. She went out of the bedroom and into the lavish bathroom. She wanted to take a shower desperately. Karen was always a perfectionist when it came to hygiene, and almost being killed wouldn't change that. To her looking low maintenance was one thing, but being low maintenance didn't exist. She looked at her self in the mirror for a long hard moment. She felt blessed to be alive. But she looked like crap. She hadn't showered in days. She could feel the hair on her legs starting to break the surface of her skin, and the taste in her mouth was appalling. This was not acceptable by any means. Karen was thankful that the group took time to unpack her bags, so everything she needed was in the bathroom. She grabbed her razor, body wash, loofah, and in shower moisturizer. Her beauty regimen was extensive. She placed all of her things in the shower caddy and turned the water on high. She peeled away the clothes that she had on the day she was named Marilyn, Blue yoga top, black yoga pants. Rebecca told Karen she couldn't live in yoga gear, but she was glad she ignored her advice that day. Karen stepped in to the shower, and place her head directly under the water. The initial shock of the water hitting her skin was pleasant to Karen. She sighed out of relief, but before she knew it, she was crying. Crying for everything that had taken place in her life. She felt out of control, and this is the one place she felt comfortable to release her emotions. She cried and screamed and fell to the shower fall. She liked to sit and let the water drops beat across her skin. This was one of the only ways she knew to control her rage, anger, and sadness. Karen vowed not to back to a dark and sad place. She had worked so hard to get out and stay out of that place. So she mustered up the strength to stand up and finish her shower. She scrubbed at her skin as if she was trying to erase any memory of Dev's touch. She didn't want to remember his touch, those hands, the same hands that were now touching Ivy. She rinsed away the soap, and with that the thought was gone. Karen got out of the shower trying to convey a knew attitude. She didn't understand Dev, she didn't understand their love. And with that thought she remember Derek, she remembered his last words to her before she performed Don't Forget Me. She was determined to find out what that meant, and why he said it. but for now she would just get dressed.
After putting on clothes and sitting on the bed for a while Karen decided to call Jessica, and see what plans they might have for the day. She tried, but no answer. So she dialed the other three members of her clan. There was no answer from Bobby, Sue or Dennis. Karen was sure that they had partied to late, and were resting up on their off day. But it would've been nice to talk to someone. Karen seemed to be going stir crazy in her room. She need to have human interaction, being alone ment that her thoughts had time to take over and control her emotional state. Karen often tried to remain positive, but now the pressures of life were rendering her hopeless. This was a feeling she didn't like. She thought about going to the hotel lobby, but didn't want to speak to any local news journalist about her near death experience, especially since she didn't remember it. She couldn't call her parents who were on a flight. Karen thought about calling one of her friends from home, but they were basically on a different planet. They worried about who married whom from high school. Karen had a much bigger plate, and a diverse repertoiire of gossip to indulge in. She knew that talking to other principals would help either. She need someone who cared about her. She needed to feel safe. Seemed like the only time she felt safe was around Derek. But she was too nervous to call Derek. She didn't want to come of the wrong way. She decided to send him a text message, after all he did give her the number.
Hi Derek. Thanks for the card. Do you have time to talk? Karen.
She looked at the message and decided not to send it. it sounded too needy. She didn't want to sound needy. She began to type again, and erased that message, and the next two. Final she decided to send a simple and straight forward message that couldn't be mistaken for anything other than what it was.
Hi.
Short and sweet. But even sending that made her nervous, what would he say? Would he think she was acting in a strange manner? He did text her the first day he met her, and she knew what his reasoning for texting was. She began to regret it, but was alarmed by the sound of her phone alerting her of a new message.
How are you Ms. Cartwright? I was just thinking about you, and the show that is.
He replied quicker than she thought. Her face lit up when she read the message. it didn't matter what content, Derek Wills was thinking of her.
I am good. I feel much better now. I just haven't eaten in days lol :)
Karen walked over to the window in anticipation of a new message from Derek. He didn't immediately respond which made her think she was too forward in texting him. As she set by the ledge of the window she continued to contemplate about Derek. It was hard to pinpoint his feelings towards her. On one hand he had been completely nice, protective and understanding. He even broke his arm trying to protect. But on the other hand, he did anything for his stars, even if it came to destroying relationships with girlfriends. How could she even indulge in fantasies of the director when she has seen his behavior towards Ivy. He cheated on Ivy himself. He treated her as if he had not affection for her during most rehearsals. Karen knew she couldn't handle that type of relationship. She couldn't handle nonchalant demeanor towards his love interest, nor his womanizing attitude. She couldn't believe that she wa sitting here thinking about Derek. It must have been the fact that he gave her the part. That's it she felt grateful.
Karen's thought s where thrown off by a knock on the door. She was hoping that it was Jessica. She missed her chorus friends. She was extremely happy to see them in the hospital when she woke up a second time. She skipped in a light-hearted way to the door. When she peaked through the whole she felt herself panic. Ii was Derek. She turned her back to the wall, and did a quick check of herself. Feeling presentable, she turned and opened the door.
"Miss Cartwright, are you ready to go?" Derek asked with a smug smirk across his face. Which was more than people usually got.
"Go where? I thought today was an off day." She stated as she cocked her head to the side. She was utterly confused.
"I need a new phone, none of my messages are going through. Nonetheless I am here to take you too lunch." His smile widen as he watched Karens reaction.
"Perfect, because I am starving." No matter what she couldn't say no to Derek. Although she wasn't sure if this was lunch with her director or her friend. She walked out of the door.
"Are you forgetting something?" he looked her up nd down as he spoke.
"What?" She was too excited to leave with him to realize what she was missing.
"You might want to get shoes, I think that might be a requirement for where we are heading love." Derek said sarcastically. "Oh and while you are at it, you might want to grab your purse. You're paying!" he yelled as Karen walked through the suite to her room.
"A lady never pays Mr. Wills" She smiled at him passing by him through the door. His scent teased her nose as he passed by. That warm and intoxicating scent never ceased to entice Karen.
"Well, look who is a grown up now. Marilyn's doing good for you I see " He said walking behind her to the elevator.
"Where are we going to lunch, because I could definitely eat." She entered the elevator anticipating the hotel restaurant as the answer.
"Top of the Hub, darling. Best food this side of the state."
They rode in the elevator in silence. The only words were small directions from Derek 'after you', and 'this way'. It wasn't at all comfortable for Karen. She didn't know what to say, or how to say it. She had a ton of questions to ask him. But now did not seem the appropriate time. Derek hailed a cab, and they were at the restaurant within minutes.
The restaurant sat high above the city of boston. It was busy and bustling. Rightfully so, it was rated as the number one spot in boston for a reason. A young hostess sat them at a table in the corner where two room length windows ran perpendicular to each other. It was perfect. Something Karen had never experienced before, and she was here with Derek. Suddenly Karen remembered part of her dream which was also becoming quite fuzzy to her. She remembered Dev wanted to meet at the Top of the Hub, but that restaurant was nothing like this. She was glad.
"I will have a scotch on the rocks." Derek said to the tall male waiter as he inquired about drink orders.
"I will have a Sprite please," Karen thought her decision might seem juvenile to the director. But on the contrary, it intrigued him.
"Sprite, I think I will have one of those as well." Derek said matter of factly to the young man taking their order.
"I haven't had a spite in years." Derek exclaimed directing his attention back to Karen.
"It's my favorite", she gazed over her menu as she spoke.
"Do you know what you want to eat?" She asked him breaking the momentary silence. She didn't like the silence. She never did, that left room for thoughts, and interpretation.
"I am going to have the 'Prix-Fixe' lunch dear. That hanger is a treat, not for the likes of missing. And you?" Derek seemed so relaxed as he spoke. Whenever Karen would meet with him he would have an agenda about the show. But it didn't seem like the case today.
"Well I am going to have the Mac n' Cheese" Karen placed down her menu with that decision.
"Mac n' cheese? Sprite? I am starting to think you are much younger than you lead on Ms. Cartwright." Derek said mocking her choices. Bt Karen didn't care.
"It's on the specialty menu, and for eighteen bucks, I bet it is delicious." Her tummy began to rumble.
The waiter came back to the table with drinks for the couple and took their order. Derek also placed an order for the Chicken Lollipops and Fried Point Judith Calamari . She was ecstatic that he made so many choices from the menu, she was hungry and wanted to taste everything.
"So how are you Karen?" Derek asked seemingly out of nowhere.
"I am adjusting, trying to at least. " The smile slowly faded away from her face. SHe look down in her lap. She had on Black pants, not jeans, and she was thankful for that. The T.O.T.H had a strict no jeans, sneakers policy. She never wore black pants.
"I can't imagine what you are going through. I knew that perv Ellis was always up to no good, but this was far beyond that." Derek Said. " I am glad you are okay. I must admit that I was frighten that night. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself, I feel like I caused this.
"What? You couldn't control Ellis. He was just-...Crazy I guess." Karen still couldn't believe that Ellis was the one who harmed her, and Derek for that matter. He did look handsomely injured with his cast on.
"Ellis wanted Ivy to play Marilyn, because he'd seen her and she was 'amazing'" Derek said while making air quotes with his fingers. "But if I would have went with my bloody gut, she would've never been Marilyn in the first place." Derek looked out the window as he spoke. Karen could tell that he was emotional in his confession.
"You wanted me to be Marilyn? I was sure that after that night at your condo.." she stopped speaking as the waiter came to the table with appetizers that looked delicious. She couldn't wait to enjoy them. She picked up a lollipop and dipped it into the spicy shadong accompany sauce. It was delicious. her eyes rolled back in her head and fluttered with delight. She didn't notice, but Derek was enjoying watching her.
"So as I was saying. I wanted you to be Marilyn, I fought for it you know. But Tom insisted the part was for Ivy. If I had to direct, I had to give in. I knew from the beginning that the part wouldn't be yours no matter how hard I tried." Derek eyed the food as he talked, he longed to taste it, so he did.
"So sleeping with me...Sleeping with Ivy?" Karen needed an explanation.
"When I saw you I was intrigued, Never had I seen an audition take place in that fashion. Usually the girls were all dolled up, or this case playing Marilyn. They come in the room and they've done research on each of us, so they try to prove how much they know. Half the time you have to cut them off half way through their bloody introductions. But with you no flattery no bullshit, you let your talent do all the talking. Not to mention how amazingly beautiful you are. So yes I wanted to have you, It was an erroneous action on my part. Honestly I thought if I had you, you would stay around." Derek's were locked onto to hers. She could tell he was telling the truth. He was vulnerable at the moment.
"So you couldn't sleep with me, whom you wanted to have the part. And then slept with Ivy whom you didn't want to have the part. Tres Bizzare."She stated. She felt anger and confusion. Derek was a very complicated individual.
"I don't mean to offend." he stated, she nodded for him to continue. "Ivy was scared, she couldn't handle the part. So I gave her the attention of a director. The attention she would need to make it through the production".
"Why is it what everybody needs for the show. Do you ever have real relationships. You know, you broke her heart. Didn't that mean anything to you?" Karen was accusatory in her tone.
"Darling, I am a director. Most of the time I don't get done working until the wee hours of the morning when the only thing available to me are bints. Or whores as you might put it. So I have been known to indulge with beautiful Women who throw themselves at me. This time it just happened to nip me in the hind parts. Ivy and I had a mutual understanding. She knew exactly what she was getting into with me when she started. She flirted and batted her eyelids. For her it was about the part. She kept sleeping with me to keep the part. Besides show business is a lonely world." Derek was rambling on.
"It may have started out that way, but she was a mess Derek. I'd seen it myself." Karen argued in her defense.
"Peoples emotions do get caught in this type of thing. I developed a friendship with Ivy, but it all revolved around Bombshell. Nothing more nothing less. It was convenient. But I don't mean to sound so cold. I apologized to Ivy, and we have came to the conclusion that it was good while it lasted, but a last it's over." Derek sounded as if he wanted to end that conversation hours ago.
"I guess it's really none of my business anyway." Karen had to say that as a reminder to herself. Derek was being a gracious host, and a good friend. She couldn't trample all over him with her attitude about something that didn't involve her at all.
The young waiter returned and it couldn't have been at a better time. He placed the meals in front of them and asked if they needed anything else. The began to eat their food as he walked away. Quickly he returned with refills on the soda.
"So yesterday in the hospital, you said you mom died in a car accident?" Karen stated trying to change the subject.
"Um. Yes she did. She died in a car accident when I was New York visiting my father." Derek never lifted his eyes from his plate. But he wasn't eating either, just pushing the food around.
"I am really sorry for your lost. You must miss her everyday." Karen said trying to console him.
"I do, it has gotten better over the past twenty years. But I always think about her."
"Do you mind if I ask what she was like?" Karen pried, but she couldn't help it. Derek was often like a closed book.
"Her name was Elizabeth. She was a teacher and owned a dance studio back home. She was immensely beautiful, nurturing and understanding. She was quite the performer as well. She taught me everything I know about choreography. Sometimes I even integrate some of her eight counts into routines. "
"She sounds lovely." Karen said as she indulged in her Macaroni and Cheese.
"Enjoying that are we?" Derek said observing her savor the bite. "She was, quite the woman. I always feel guilty for leaving her behind." Derek was looking out of the window again.
"What happened?" Karen couldn't help herself.
"I came to New York to visit my father. He had been directing a play in the states. My mum never liked to travel, and decided she would stay home. She was seven months pregnant. So I left her, and headed for New York. Two days after I left, my mum ran out of crisps and headed to the store. it was raining. But I guess pregnancy cravings out rule weather. My mum never drove in the rain. My father or I did all of the driving for her. But we weren't there. She was turning left and a drunk truck drive rammed her car." A silent tear ran dow Derek's cheek. Karen reached across the table to wipe it from his eye.
"The worst part about it was when I got her my mom who was a faithful and happy wife was being betrayed by the likes of my father and his traveling wanker. I didn't speak to him for months." Derek turned cold. "Sorry to burden you dear girl. I've never told anyone about that last par." Derek's eyes finally lifted from his plate and he gave a half grin to Karen.
"I am sorry you had to go through that. And alone at that. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have someone to help me through my brothers death." Karen stated.
"You had a brother?" Derek asked, shocked by the disclosure.
"Yes, his name was Kameron. He came to New York to do Broadway five years ago. He was coming home from an audition for A Bronx Tale, when he was mugged and killed. "
"Kameron Wright, was your brother?" Derek asked astonished at the fact.
"Yes, how did you know?" Karen was confused and shocked by the question. "He used Wright as his stage name. Said Cartwright was to much like Iowa for him."
"I called to give him the part in that musical. His agent called me back a week later to tell me what happened. I felt awful." Derek reached his hand over the table and touched hers. She was surprised, pleasantly. "I am terribly sorry Karen." Derek spoke softly.
"Me too." she sighed as she spoke.
Karen had finally found something she had in common with her director besides the love of theater. She'd seen compassion and love in his eyes. two things she wasn't sure he was capable of. And she seen him cry. It wasn't a dramatic outburst, no a stream of tears. But he did cry. Karen was touched he let her see him like this. They sat in a less awkward silence now, both contemplating about the information they just shared. The waiter came over to collect the bill and the rather large tip Derek gave him. He thanked the couple for their generosity and was whisked off by the demands of another table Karen was all in all satisfied with her lunch. As she walked out of the restaurant she felt a little better about life. The conversation was tense, but it made her feel comfortable with how much she liked Derek.
"Back to the hotel now?" Karen asked as they climbed into the next cab.
"No love, I have one more place I would like to take you." Derek said with a mysteriously intriguing smile.
"Where would that be?" Karen inquired coyly.
"Whales" He simply stated.
Karen became anxious, was he taking her to England. How could he possibly get her there and back in time for tomorrows performace? Why would he take her to England anyway. This was big step. Derek gave the cabby an address and they head in the opposite direction of the hotel. Karen faced the window admiring the city as they drove through traffic. twenty minutes later they arrived at what appeared to be a docking station for boats. A large sign labeled the place as Boston Harbour Cruises. They walked through the gates where Derek had purchased tickets for a three hour tour. They going to see whales, literally.
"
So this is what you meant by Whales. Sneaky." Karen shoved his arm in a light headed manner.
"You thought I was taken you abroad?" Derek chuckled , knowing that is exactly what he wanted her to think,
"I have never been out in the ocean." Karen said excitedly.
"You went to Italy, and never once went in to the ocean?" Derek was being annoyingly smug.
"Yes, it was a chorale tour. No time for frolicking in the ocean." she began mocking his accent.
"Do I really sound like that? That is horrible." Derek laughed as we gestured for Karen to enter the ship. "We re going to stay on the lower deck. You'll love it down here."
The bottom of the boat was the most romantic section, not purposely. But the lighting was low the cushioned seats face the ocean, and you could see Whales jumping out of the water from them. She was amazed, couldn't believe that Derek of all people would take her here. Derek waited until they got settled, and the captain made announcements over the intercom before turning towards Karen. Karen was anxious about what Derek had to say, his eyes were full of inquisition.
"Are you nervous?" Derek asked?
"About being on the boat? No." Karen giggled.
"I meant about the show, about going back to New York and being on Broadway?" Derek spoke calmly as he looked at him.
"I am. Honestly, I am worried that I wont be able to live up to the hype you know. I know that Ivy can deliver, and I just-" Her words trailed off as she spoke.
"Karen. I have believed in you from the beginning. And my feelings have nothing but grown since." Derek place his hand on her knee while he spoke, which sent shivers up her spine.
"You really think I can do this?" Karen asked, sounding more like a little girl needing reassurance than a leading lady.
"I have so much faith in you Karen. I understand love. The fear can engulf you. But before you know it, you will being running through matinée's, performances, parties and award ceremonies. You are going to be a star." Derek was convincing in his words.
There it is again, he understands love.
"Thanks Derek. Knowing that a director of your caliber believes in me makes me feel like I can accomplish everything. I guess my résumé wont be so light now." She hadn't noticed his hand still resting on her leg.
They boat finally settled in the site for spotting whales. About five minutes of silence encompassed the two as they waited. And for every single second of the five minutes Derek's hand laid on her leg. It was a comfortable feeling for Karen. It didn't make her think he was making a move, nor did it feel unnatural. His finger gently ran up and down her thigh. It was nice, warm and tingle feeling she enjoyed. Suddenly the silence broke a baby Humpback whale surfaced with a magnificent jump and flutter of the tale. Right after the mother Humpback jumped out of the water. The host introduced them by name.
"Oh my gosh, this is amazing. Did you see that?" Karen gasped taking in the moment. SHe turned to look at Derek and seen a smiling like a giddy little boy. Once he notice she was looking he closed his mouth and nodded to her question. They watched in awe, waiting for another majestic creature to appear from the surface.
"Derek," Karen said meekly. She was unsure of his reaction to her next question.
"Yes Ms. Cartwright.?" She secretly loved when he called her that.
"What did you mean when you said you understood love that night?" Karen regretted answering the question as soon as the words left her mouth. But it was done. She had asked that forbidden question.
"Aww. Yes that. I was waiting for that question." Derek leaned back in his chair crossing his broken and healthy arm across his chest. For a moment Karen seen a hint of nervousness in the director.
"I am sorry, It's just..I..I didn't know what that meant, or why you said it to me." Karen was also nervous. Her nerves were reflected in shudder of her words.
"It's fine, Darling. Better to state this now than later. Do you remember when I asked you to be the understudy for Marilyn?" he paused allowing Karen to nod. "Well I was incredibly hard on you, because I knew you had so much potential. But I found as I began to let up on you that you were an amazing young woman. Over the next few weeks leading up to previews something clicked. I didn't want you to think I was just a horrible director you couldn't wait to get away from." Derek seemed as if he was avoiding the question.
"Why does it matter what I think?" Karen asked amused by his answer.
"I don't know. It rarely matters what anyone thinks about me. But you are not the norm for a young starlet. You challenge me, you don't fawn all over me like most. You are not jaded by my reputation. It intrigues me really. How someone could be such a walking oxymoron." Derek looked deep into her eyes. And Karen knew this conversation was heading somewhere she wasn't quite ready for.
"On the surface you appear naive, green, and scared. But on the inside you are fierce, courageous and brave. Look, I know that I have ruined every chance of having some sort of relationship with you. But I told you that because I wanted you to know that I understand Love, I know how to Love, and I want to Love." Karen smiled at his words. she didn't know what to say.
So neither of them said a word. Just revelled in the moment. Knowing that Derek had feelings toward her made Karen smiled inside. She had the power to change her situation with him. And that made Karen scared. She had considered herself very old fashion when it came to men. She was the mouse in every situation. But she knew that she had to get Derek to make the first move, by make her feelings known.
They enjoyed the rest of the tour and spotter seven whales. After the tour they hailed a cab back to the hotel. Karen walked behind Derek and admired his walk confident and sexy. she giggled at the last thought. She never explored her sexuality. never confident enough to think of a man outside of Dev as sexy. The entered into the elevator, standing far enough from each other that an elephant could sit between them. she wondered what he was thinking at that moment. She wondered if he was feeling the tension he was. He had to feel it. He also had to feel the bond they had today, talking about lost loved ones, and relationships. Karen couldn't lie, she thought the fact of her and Derek becoming lovers was an interesting form of payback for Ivy and Dev. The elevator opened up onto their floor, and they stepped out in unison bumping into each other. They both smiled. As they walked down to the hallway Karen had made a decision.
"It's not necessarily true you know." Kare said stopping in between their two suites.
"And what's that darling?" Derek said with a toothy grin.
"You didn't ruin your chances,"Karen said as she smiled at Derek and turned to enter her room.
"Goodnight Ms. Cartwright." He said with the biggest smile she'd ever seen on her face.
"Goodnight Mr. Wills". She smiled as he walked in and shut the door behind her.
When Karen turned on the light in her room she jump backed and screamed at what she saw.