(A/N): Thank you for all the reviews, I hope you continue to enjoy my story.
Disclaimer: i don't own smash, nor any of the characters portryaed in this story.
Warning: This chapter contains graphic material.
The scream Karen let slip from her lips was small, but her heart sank as her eyes examined the room. everything in her possession in Boston was tossed around her room in a frenzy. Was she being robbed? Was the robber still in her room? Just as she turned to exit the room and run to the nearest safety net she spotted something odd. Dev's suit coat hanging over the kitchen counter. A sense of relief came over Karen. Even though Dev was the last person she wished to see at this moment, she'd prefer him over a burglar.
"Dev" She called out tentatively as she walked towards the bedroom of her suite.
He didn't answer. She didn't know if was trying to surprise her, or maybe he just didn't hear her. She opened the door to the bedroom, and was frozen in shock. Dev's body laid on the bed, he looked peaceful. In his arm he cradled an envelope adorned with Karens name. If it wasn't for the pool of blood beneath his head, she would have had no idea, he was gone. Shivers of pain and panic attacked Karens body. She couldn't move, barely breathe as she stared at the man she'd loved for so long in disbelief. Tears of dread and horror streamed down her cheeks.
"Dev, Dev, No...no...Dev, wake up Dev, please Dev, Dev it's me just...pl-pl-p-please wake up" She cried out nearly hyperventilating. She was hovering over him in the bed.
It was too late. She checked his pulse, but he was far gone. Gone from the love they once shared, and the hatred that now burdened their hearts. Karen was unsure of what to do. Her mind was blank and her heart full of guilt. She thought to scream out for help, but she couldn't.
"Oh Dev, no...why Dev...Dev, please, This isn't real, this isn't real...it can't be real...no damn it Dev...Dev" She began to shake him hysterically. Her hands covered in the blood that was escaping the hole in the side of his head.
She searched for her phone and dialed 9-1-1 to alert authorities. She looked back at Dev's cold lonely body on the bed, and hesitantly snatched the envelope away from his arm. She wasn't sure if she wanted to read, or burn the letter. But she decided to open slowly, contents being unbeknownst to her. She lifted the flap to the hotel envelope and sat down on the floor of the suite bedroom. Tears were flowing from her eyes like a busted faucet. But she was dying to know why. She took out a four page letter and began to read.
My Dearest Karen,
I apologize for all the pain that I have caused you in the recent times. It is with a saddened and heavy heart I leave you. No more do I wish to cause you pain. Because each time I make you shed a tear, I am ripping away a piece of my soul. I wish not to steal your happiness anymore. I want you to soar like the bluejay you were meant to be.
The letter went on to describe his indisgression with Ivy and Rj, and how sorry he was. It also described his deep angst toward her relationship Derek.
I know now that I will never be able to compete with Derek. The way you talk about him, the way you light up when he is around lets me know that who you were meant to be. It pains me so much to know that I have lost you, to someone before I even had the chance to fight. You were smitten with him from day one...I was left to be a lonely and angry man. I tried so hard to make you happy Karen. But I always knew I couldn't be the man you needed. I couldn't be Derek.
Dev continued on with his last wishes for Karens happiness and forgiveness bedding farewell as he ventured forth into a new life and world. As Karen finished reading the four page letter written to her she felt sick to her stomach. She curled up into a ball on the floor and remained there until she heard a knock from the authorities. She managed to pull her body up from the floor and stumble towards the door.
"Ma'am we got a report of a suicide here." The detective stepped in to the room. As Karen pointed the team of police, and examiner towards the bedroom.
"I'm detective Lawrence and this is my partner Detective Diaz." The tall older gentleman motioned towards the petit and beautiful woman standing next to him.
"Karen" was all she could make out between sobs. she was staring in to nothingness.
"We'll try to get this over as quick as possible, Is there someone we can call for you?" Detective Lawrence asked in a consoling tone.
"No, I just...I" She began crying again.
"Let's just have a seat and talk about what happened" Det. Diaz said as she laid a hand on the young tall woman. They sat in the seats of the living room as two police officers and a medical examiner taped off the scene and started working on the case.
"Can you tell us what happened Karen?" Detective Lawrence inquired slowly.
"I was coming in from an outing with my director...When I got back the room was trashed. I started to run out of the room, but I seen Dev's jacket. I-I- walked into the room, and there he was...dead...he's dead...and it's all my fault. " Karen dropped her head into her hands.
"Was there anyone who wanted to hurt, any reason he would have killed himself?" The female detective asked.
"No one would ever hurt Dev. We had been arguing lately, he cheated on me...But I never...I didn't know...I...just can't believe he did this. He wrote me a letter," Karen's head was spinning in disbelief.
"We are going to need that letter, and to speak with your director. Does he have any family that can claim his body?" Detective Diaz was firm and direct an exact counterpart of her kind and endearing partner.
The detectives canvassed the hotel suite and talked with the medical examiner. It took three hours to complete the initial investigation and have the body removed. They ruled the death a suicide and presented Karen with a card and case number. She informed them she was a resident of New York, and wouldn't be in town long. However they insured her that wouldn't be a problem. The evidence in the room, site of the head wound, and surveillance camera all agreed with Karen's versions of events. The police left the scene as quick and thorough as they came.
Karen's mind was racing. Thankfully, no one had come to her suite and witnessed the horrid scene. She couldn't believe that Derek hadn't heard all the commotion. She longed for him to be there. But suddenly her mind was plagued with the words in Dev's letter. Her emotions and feelings for Derek are what got her in this position in the first place. She couldn't possibly continue falling for Derek. She couldn't pursue a relationship with him. To hell with Marilyn, and Derek. She just couldn't do it anymore.
Karen piled all of her clothes into her suitcase and duffel bag and ran out of the room. She would call Eileen first thing in the morning, but right now she had to get out of Boston. This town was ruining her life. Broadway was ruining her life. She made her way to the train station and a brought a ticket back to New York faster than she'd thought possible. All the while she was haunted by the vision of Dev lying in her bed. Why did he have to do that to her. Even in his death he'd left her broken hearted and selfishly so.
Karen mindlessly boarded a midnight train, and headed home to New York. She didn't realize until she was on the front steps of her apartment that she couldn't go in. This was the home that her and Dev created together, her safe haven, her love nest. And now the man that helped her build up her life in New York was gone, and the pain was eating away at her. She looked around as if Dev would appear, walk up smiling, and carry her off into happily ever after. But he would never come back for her. He was gone. Karen cried and sobbed, she struggled to breath and felt her chest caving in. Why couldn't this be her dream life, not reality. Why couldn't the last sixth months be a dream. She didn't understand Dev's actions, she wished she could take back the last few months. But she couldn't.
She walked up the steps and braved her apartment as best she could. She dug her phone out of her pocket. She dialed the only number she could think of.
"Mom." Karen said nearly inaudible.
"Karen, honey what's wrong? Did you get into another accident? DId someone hurt you?...Roger, Roger wake up it's Karen, something's wrong."
"Mom...Dev, he-"
"Did he attack you Karen?" Roger Cartwright cut in.
"No mom, He killed himself in my hotel room last night. He said it's not my fault we weren't working mom. But I feel like it is, Like it's my fault he is dead" Karen was screaming through the phone as she fell on her couch and cried.
Her parents tried to console her, but no words would work. She was numb to the world, numb to every word that exited their lips. She couldn't even hear what they were saying. They didn't know what she ws going through. They couldn't understand. They wanted to convince her to come home. Insist that she leave that dangerous city.
She didn't know what to do, or how she could do it. She was stuck.
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