A/N: Soooo. Edward and Jasper changed plans on me. I thought this would be the second to last chapter but it isn't. It's the last chapter.
*holds hands*
It wasn't as though Edward didn't understand the appeal of a good adrenaline rush. He was an adrenaline junky himself, in a way, or he had been. It was why he knew he had to cut Jasper some slack. After all, he was being awfully hypocritical.
Jasper wasn't exaggerating by reminding him he was in more danger, statistically speaking, every time he got in a car. And once upon a time, that average was skewed quite a bit higher by Edward's need for speed.
His father always said teenagers naturally thought they were immortal. Too many had to learn the hard way they could bleed, they could die.
Edward had been with Jasper about a year when it happened for him.
As per usual, Edward was speeding along on his way home. He wasn't the only one. In fact, he was one of three speedsters on the road. Edward's only saving grace that evening was that he refused to be goaded into a race. Grudgingly, he let the other two drivers get ahead, watching them as they criss-crossed the road to get around the other cars.
The sadly inevitable happened. One of the racing cars crashed. There was a pile up - one Edward could have avoided had he been going the speed limit. He'd ended up with bruised ribs and a gash on his forehead.
Other were not so lucky.
Stumbling out to the accident scene, Edward had the chance to look in on the carnage close up. What he found would haunt him for the rest of his life.
The driver of the first car was dead - slumped over and caught in the upside down, twisted metal that had been his car.
The driver of the second car had walked away unscathed, but he was holding the lifeless, bloodied body of his wife.
Time blurred. Edward shouldn't have been surprised when one of the first cops to appear on the scene was Jasper. He'd gotten out of his car almost before it was stopped and run over to Edward, checking him over, more frantic than he'd ever been.
When he'd determined Edward would live, he'd driven him to the hospital in a stony silence. In shock and in pain, Edward didn't have the words to plead his case. He didn't notice until they were there Jasper had bypassed the closer hospital, opting to take him instead to his father.
Like Jasper, Carlisle was frantic as he checked Edward over. Edward only wanted the comfort of their arms - his father's or Jasper's... both if he could be selfish. He wanted to hug his mother and hold the precious little girl that had recently started calling him Dada.
And after Carlisle had finally satisfied himself that Edward's wounds weren't dire, he set about sewing up the gash on his head while Jasper went to fill a prescription for pain meds.
"Dad?" Edward was well aware his voice was small - like a little child who knew he was in trouble. "Are you angry with me?"
His father sighed but touched his shoulder gently. "Of course I'm angry, Edward. You're my son, and I love you, but do you know how easily you could have died today?"
Edward hung his head.
Finally, Carlisle put his arms around Edward, and let him cling as though he were a small boy all over again. "An error doesn't become a mistake unless you refuse to correct it," he reminded gently. "You've got a second chance, son. Just remember that."
When Jasper came in a few minutes later, Carlisle gave them some space. Edward found himself staring down at his shoes while Jasper leaned up against the wall, his arms crossed.
Taking a shaky breath, Jasper spoke, his voice low and steady. "I don't want to be here ever again for this reason. Do you understand me?"
Edward chafed. "The accident wasn't my fault."
Jasper interrupted him before he could get further than that, his tone raised then. "I saw the skid marks from your car, Edward. Don't give me that bullshit. I know this accident wasn't your fault, but you were still going too fast."
"I know," Edward said quietly.
He heard Jasper's steps on the linoleum floor and finally let out a long breath of relief when he was wrapped in his lover's strong arms. "I don't want to be here like this ever again," Jasper repeated, his voice softer now.
Raising his arms to hold Jasper's, Edward closed his eyes, leaning back into the embrace. "You won't be," he promised.
After that, with visions of dead, twisted bodies in his head, Edward was a lot more careful. That was also when it began to worry him - the risks Jasper was taking. That was when he started to picture his husband's broken body at the bottom of a cliff.
But though Edward's worst nightmare had come true, he couldn't pretend it was the same as what he'd done. Driving the way he had when he was younger had been completely reckless, risking not only his life but the lives of everyone on the road.
Jasper had been right. Paragliding was a far cry from throwing caution to the wind and jumping, sight unseen, into the air. The instructors were cautious and dedicated. He felt secure as one could be when they were terrifyingly high above the ground.
He was scared.
But more than that, he was elated.
He'd found his highs in his passion for Jasper, his adoration for their daughter, satisfaction in the work he did... but the high of being so entirely free, the thrill of speed and the wind in his hair, was unlike any other.
There was nothing quite like an adrenaline rush.
When they landed, the second he was unstrapped, he felt like he could fly without the assistance of the glider or the instructor.
And holy Christ... He was...
Well, horny.
Though Jasper hadn't jumped with him, it still felt like a shared experience. Knowing Jasper as he did, how could he not understand the need he had to feel that free? Especially now that he was coping with a disability, an impairment when he was used to being so agile, how could Edward begrudge him this?
Maybe it wasn't safe, but living never was.
So when he was free of the glider, Edward stumbled over his own two feet - shaking from excitement - to get to Jasper. He paused a moment, long enough to ensure he was steady, before he wrapped his arms around Jasper's waist, lifting him up and spinning him around, giddy and completely elated. Jasper gave a huff of shock - he was taller than Edward, so it was slightly awkward - but then laughed, obviously amused.
Not in the slightest bit sorry, Edward set him down, punctuating the moment with a deep, needy kiss. Jasper stumbled backward, until his back hit a convenient tree. He gave himself over to the kiss, running his fingers through Edward's windblown hair.
"I guess that means you liked it?" Jasper asked, panting when they finally broke to breathe.
"I knew I would," Edward said with a sigh. Wrapping his arms around Jasper's neck, he rested his cheek against the other man's. "I have an overactive imagination. I didn't let myself think of the good things, only the bad possibilities."
"Pretty simple at the end of the day, though."
Edward nodded his agreement. His blood was still singing. It took all his considerable self control not to drag Jasper back to the Volvo to re-christen it. Instead, he looked up at Jasper feeling somehow lighter.
It wasn't that his worry went away, he had merely accepted it. Jasper wasn't doing anything so extraordinarily reckless. He was just... living.
"Promise me you won't go hiking or climbing any time soon," he said finally.
Jasper scoffed, glancing down at his leg.
"Just humor me," Edward asked quietly.
Leaning down, Jasper kissed him, soft and sweet. "I promise. No climbing mountains."
~0~
In the weeks that followed Edward's paragliding experience, Jasper was grateful to find him lighter. A weight had been lifted off both of them, it seemed.
One night, as they lay tangled in bed together, nude and in that blurry stage between frenzied activity and contented sleep, Jasper asked Edward if he was imagining the new lightness about them.
Edward raised his head, his eyes shining and adorably sleepy. "I think..." He rolled onto his side, resting his head on Jasper's shoulder and taking his hand. "You were right when you told me you weren't going to be the same. You aren't. I really struggled with that, accepting the change in you." He chuffed and sighed. "I've always known that you and I would change with time, and to stay together through that would take work. That's what being in a relationship is - work."
"You just never expected me to change overnight," Jasper filled in, playing with Edward's fingers.
"Exactly." He rolled again, this time onto his belly so he could look at Jasper directly. "I miss my husband. I do. I know I always will." His smile then was sincere, gentle. "But I think I'm finally learning to enjoy this fantastic, strong, handsome boyfriend of mine."
Jasper rolled his eyes, but he grinned back, raising his head to brush his lips under Edward's chin. "I am sorry, you know. About your husband."
Lying back again, tilting his head to catch Jasper's lips, Edward shook his head. "I am, too. But then again, I wouldn't want to give up the life we're building now."
Turning so he could push Edward's legs apart with his own, so they were brushing up against each other again, creating that delicious friction he couldn't get enough of, Jasper kissed him in earnest. "Neither would I."
~0~
With Edward more comfortable with the idea, planning for their eventual white water rafting trip was back on. Emmett was constantly over at their house.
Today, it was Emmett, Rosalie, Lucy, Edward, and Jasper all gathered around the table. The girls had decided they wanted to join in on the trip. Edward was on the fence.
On his way back from the bathroom, Jasper stopped short in the hallway, a sudden pain wracking his body. It wasn't atypical, and he stood still, gritting his teeth and waiting for the worst of it to subside.
As he stood still in the hallway, he concentrated on the conversation going on without him, trying to ignore the pain of his body.
"Why don't you want to go with us?" Emmett was asking. "You'd like it, and I bet it would make Jasper happy."
Edward hummed, the sound noncommittal. "I don't want to encroach on something that has always been yours and his. He should have time and space away from me. That's healthy."
"Well, Rosie is going. And Lucy," Emmett pointed out.
"And you're trusting Jasper alone? Have you seen my boyfriend?" Rosalie asked. "He's going to leave you just to pine after Emmett once he sees him all wet."
They all laughed, and Jasper heard Edward snort. "Please," he said mock scathingly. "I know, as the girlfriend, you're obligated to tell your man he's the most good looking, but you have eyes, Rosalie. Why lust after this big oaf when there's me to come home to?"
Jasper caught his laugh behind his hand, his grin spreading across his face.
This lighter, cockier Edward did wonderful things to his body. The rush he felt was a natural painkiller, and Jasper found it was easier to move. Leaning against the wall, he made his way back to the kitchen, pausing for a moment in the doorway to just take in the scene.
Edward was leaning over the table, fixing the strings of a guitar he'd brought home from his shop. There was a look of concentration on his face, a serious set to his eyebrows, that only stoked the fire in Jasper's belly.
Jasper could not deny he was smitten with the man. His talent. His pretty face and beautiful mind.
It was strange. These last few months they'd struggled, would continue to struggle, as they tried to rebuild their lives - together and separately. They'd shared so many profound moments, some of them wonderful, others terrible. Yet it was that moment - so innocuous and not particularly special - that an emotion so much bigger than himself hit Jasper.
Since he'd 'met' the man, he'd felt warmth toward Edward. Warmth and want - lust - appreciation, adoration.
But this feeling... This feeling was so strong it rocked him to his core. It made his heart start to pound and his stomach flutter. The smile that spread across his face - so wide it was actually painful - was completely involuntary. This emotion made him giddy, gave him the familiar feel of an adrenaline rush - all excitement mixed with a healthy dose of fear.
Jasper was in love.
Suddenly, as he looked across the room filled with friends and family, Edward was the only one he saw - like he was in color while everyone else had faded to gray.
And as the emotion struck him, Jasper sucked in a breath.
Because as he let the emotion overtake him, a memory surfaced. It was just there, attached to the love he felt, part of them, their story.
In his memory, Edward was standing on the couch that used to be in the apartment he once shared with Alice. Edward had been taking a drama class as an elective, and now performed a dramatic reading for Jasper.
Edward was a dramatic son of a bitch, so Jasper shouldn't have been surprised he was so... good. But he was caught off guard by how completely enraptured he was in Edward's impassioned speech - a declaration of love. At first, he shouted his love from the rooftops for everyone to hear...
But as his words turned more personal - toward his intended - Edward looked away from the "audience" and toward Jasper. He settled back down on the couch, throwing his legs over Jasper's lap and winding his arms around his neck. His words were softer then, more intimate. He stage-whispered sweet nothings as he looked in Jasper's eyes, and Jasper found himself...
Dazzled.
Completely dazed.
"I love you, baby," Jasper said on a breath, not knowing he was going to speak until the words were already out and away from him.
Edward gasped, the wide grin he'd been wearing fading into a more shocked expression. Jasper felt a lump rise to his throat, his pulse thready with nerves. He reexamined his words and found they rang true.
Sitting up, he took Edward's face in his hands, studying him intently: this beautiful man who was all passion, beauty, and heart. "I love you," Jasper repeated, the words intentionally now.
Suddenly, it was as though Jasper's mouth was bone dry and Edward was water. The need he felt to get to the other man was painful. He didn't care that they had guests, didn't care that he was interrupting a conversation - he didn't even notice his pronounced limp as he made his way into the kitchen.
Edward looked up just as Jasper got to him. Jasper gave him no time to react. He wrapped his arms around Edward, pulling him up out of his seat and forward and swallowing his little yelp of surprise with a kiss. His body was tense, but Jasper didn't let go, deepening the kiss. Edward moaned into his mouth, his form melting against Jasper.
Not even close to satisfied, Jasper stumbled forward, forcing Edward to walk backward until he was pressed back against the counter.
"Holy fuck." The voice Jasper heard seemed far away, but he recognized it as Emmett.
"We're leaving, come on," Rosalie said, her tone final.
"But, babe-"
"We're leaving, Emmett. Come on, Lucy. You too."
They were long gone before Jasper finally broke their kiss.
For seconds they both panted, staring at each other, their arms wound around each other. Edward blinked rapidly. "What?" he asked, apparently the only word he could get out. The word was a rasp, raw and wispy and completely staggered.
Laughing a little, Jasper kissed his lips more sweetly and touched their foreheads together, taking Edward's hands between them. He breathed in and out, closing his eyes as he tried to fit this memory in with the journey he'd been on since he woke up in the hospital.
Opening his eyes, he took Edward's face in his hands again. "I remember," he said breathlessly.
Edward, his eyes wide, wrapped his fingers around Jasper's wrists, holding onto him as if for dear life. "You remember? What?"
Jasper considered this for a moment, trying to sort out past and present into one cohesive picture.
He did. Not everything, but enough. Glimpses. He remembered Edward laughing, but not what had made him laugh like that. He remembered crawling into bed in the early morning, waking Edward with his ice cold toes against his leg but didn't remember where he was coming in from. He remembered watching as Edward held Bella above his head as they all sat at a table covered in nicely wrapped gifts, but he couldn't remember whose birthday it was.
These little snippets of thoughts had one theme in common. Always, he remembered the way he felt, the rush of realization that he loved this man - this man was his.
Searching Edward's eyes, he spoke with clarity born of absolute certainty. "I love you." It was a declaration, a truth, a promise. "That's what I remember - how I loved you then." His voice dropped, he ran his fingers down Edward's cheeks, stroked his neck. "How I love you now."
Edward's mouth was open. His lips moved, but no sound came out.
Laughing lightly, Jasper gave him a small shake, needing to hear his voice. "Say something."
Edward stuttered before he managed to speak right. "I'm afraid to," he said on a breath.
Jasper studied him a long moment, the edges of his euphoria tinging with doubt, worry. He could see the fear clearly on Edward's face. "Why?" he asked, stroking his lover's cheeks with his thumbs.
"Because..." Edward closed his eyes, breathing deep. "I'm pretty sure this has to be a dream."
Jasper had to laugh. He kissed Edward's closed eyes, one at a time, before he kissed his lips softly. "Open your eyes, baby." He waited until Edward obeyed and grinned at him teasingly. "This is a pretty pathetic fantasy if I'm all you could come up with."
"No." Edward shook his head vehemently and kissed him, beginning to unfreeze. "No. You're better than anything I could have imagined." He wound his fingers back into Jasper's hair, pulling back just enough to look at him. "I love you, Jasper."
Those words, that moment, Jasper felt entirely weightless. More than that, he felt propelled high up, higher than he'd ever been. Caught up in the fervor again, Jasper pulled Edward up against him, kissing him until they were both breathless.
"I want you," Jasper rumbled, moving his kisses down Edward's chin to his throat. He dragged his teeth across his neck. "Now."
Edward sucked in a breath, the sound ragged, and his fingers dug into Jasper's shoulders. "You mean..."
"I mean I want you. All of you. Everything." Jasper's words were growls, demands - pure need.
And though they'd been tiptoeing around the possibility for weeks now, it suddenly didn't matter that Jasper didn't remember this - sex with a man. It didn't matter that the logistics made him nervous.
The only thing that mattered was the man in his arms. Jasper had said the words, and now he wanted nothing more than to express them physically.
Repeatedly.
Until he'd sated this desire in him.
Edward stared at him for one long second before he surged forward, away from the counter, wrapping a firm arm around Jasper's waist and propelling him forward. "Bed?" he asked.
"Bed," Jasper agreed.
They stumbled - between Jasper's limp and the fact they couldn't keep their hands off each other, walking was difficult - but they made it to their bedroom in tact, kissing hungrily. Tugging at the sweater Edward wore, Jasper nipped at the sweet spot where his neck met his shoulders. Edward moved his hands down to cup Jasper's ass, squeezing.
Jasper sat heavily on the bed, and Edward was over him in an instant, pushing him backward. Moving instinctively, Jasper scooted back before he laid down, and Edward quickly straddled him, never breaking their kiss. Jasper ran his hands up under Edward's sweater, feeling the hard lines of his body,
Ever helpful, Edward quickly pulled his sweater up and off, tossing it away from the bed before he moved his hands to the buttons of Jasper's shirt, undoing them deftly. Jasper raised his body up enough to help Edward get the fabric out of their way, all the while stealing greedy kisses.
Jasper threw his head back, gasping as Edward moved over him. He could feel the hardness of Edward's length even through their jeans.
Good.
But he wanted contact.
He wanted skin.
He wanted connection.
"Need you," he panted breathlessly, fumbling with the buttons of Edward's jeans. "Want you. Now." He didn't want foreplay. He didn't want to wait.
He couldn't speak for Edward, but he thought they'd waited long enough.
Apparently, Edward was on board with this plan. He scrambled over Jasper a little, reaching over to rummage through the nightstand drawer. It afforded Jasper a chance to kiss his chest and give his nipple a little lick.
The little noises Edward made only riled Jasper up further. He wiggled underneath the man, trying to do too many things at once - kiss his skin, get his own pants off.
Frenzied movement. Friction. Skin. Kisses. Touches.
There were no words in Jasper's head, only emotion. Maybe this was the culmination of memories, because he could swear this act was familiar, or maybe it was just that it was so undeniably right. All Jasper knew was the love he felt for the man who was moving with him. There was love in every act, every caress.
He could have disappeared in the moment Edward wrapped his hands around his cock, stroking, spreading the lube over his length. It was an incredible feeling but more titillating, more absolutely awing was the look in Edward's eyes - Jasper's love reflected back at him as deep, as complex, as entirely unfathomable as the emotion he felt at the center of his chest.
When Edward lowered himself down, taking Jasper in slowly so they could both get used to this connection again, time seemed to still.
For an endless moment, Jasper's lungs felt too full of what he felt, the love he had for Edward, that he simply didn't breathe. He didn't need to. That emotion was all he needed to survive - better than oxygen. This was exactly what sex was supposed to be about - more than mere pleasure, it was the physical embodiment of their connection, the twining of two bodies who were already connected at the soul level.
They were both still in that long moment, breathing each other in.
It was Edward who moved first, sweeping down to press pretty little, nipping kisses to Jasper's lips. "I love you. I missed you," he murmured as he kissed.
Jasper wasn't entirely sure he realized he'd spoken, the words were that light - almost inaudible.
Tilting his head up, Jasper kissed Edward, lingering kisses as he began to roll his hips, moving inside him.
Edward's weight on top of him, his tightness, his kisses, their shared little moans - there was just a sense of completeness that overtook Jasper as they expressed their love for each other.
It was like launching into the air with the paraglider - that exhilaration that was fear and excitement - but better. So much better. So much... more.
Best.
So overwhelming that he almost came embarrassingly quickly with the intensity of his ecstasy - pleasure combined with love.
But he wanted to savor this. He wanted to experience every moment. Wanted to revel in the way it felt - Edward's skin under his hands, the tensing muscles of his back, the hot puff of breath against his mouth as their movements picked up in tempo, the little whines and whimpers.
"Jasper. God," Edward moaned, leaning back on his haunches as he began to ride Jasper faster, harder.
Jasper's breath caught. His hands tightened at Edward's waist for a moment before he raised one, brushing his fingertip over the other man's lip. Edward opened his mouth, taking in Jasper's finger and sucking, his gaze intense. It made Jasper moan.
Taking his wetted finger back, Jasper took Edward's length in his hands, teasing his tip, stroking him in time with their thrusting hips.
"I love you," Jasper whispered, a cry and a plea and exclamation all in one. "Fuck. So close. I love you. Edward." All these things seemed important.
Edward leaned down again, swallowing the sound of Jasper's orgasm, muffling his long moan with his tongue. As he came, Jasper's hands tightened around Edward's cock, his hips jerked hard into him. Edward's release came on the heels of Jasper's, and he slumped forward, a dead weight on his chest.
Neither of them felt the need to move. They were sticky - skin to skin, all slick with sweat - but all of it was strangely... perfect. Their hands were clasped between them over Jasper's heart, Edward's head resting in the crook of his neck.
Never a very spiritual man, Jasper suddenly understood why people believed everything happened for a reason. The last few months had been the most difficult, confusing, and painful of his life, but the culmination of all that had brought him to this moment.
For that moment and for the life they would have together, Jasper would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
A/N: There will be an epilogue.
And profuse thanks to everyone, including you, my dear readers.
What are we thinking?
