White Picket Fence
(Chapter Two: A Bad Goodbye)
Olivia stared at her reflection in the mirror, still trying to make sense of everything that had happened the last few days. She exhaled and held the towel around her body as she leaned forward to get a closer look at the dark circles that seemed to be forming now under her eyes.
"Great," she mumbled. "One of the worst days of my life and I look like something from Night of the Living Dead."
She exhaled once more and reached under the sink for the hair dryer. She carefully applied her make up and lipstick. Just because she felt like crap didn't mean she couldn't look good for her baby girl. She walked across the bedroom and slipped on her black dress and pulled a black angora sweater from the closet.
She stood in front of the mirror for one last look over, combing her fingers through her soft wavy hair as her fingertips stopped on her earlobe. She moved to the dresser and began to sift through the jewelry box she kept there in search of her favorite pair of diamond earrings, but they were no where to be found.
Without thinking Olivia stepped into the hallway and called out, "Ry, did you borrow my diamond studs?" Then she stood in the eerie silence suddenly catching herself awaiting a response. "You always forget to put them back," she whispered softly staring at the purple lettering on the closed door at the end of the hall as her bottom lip quivered.
She drew a deep breath and placed her palm against the door closing her eyes and trying to find the courage to open it and step inside. But it was nowhere to be found. Olivia reached up and wiped away a tear before kissing her fingertips and placing them against Ryleigh's bedroom door, she just couldn't bear to go inside. Not today.
She shifted her attention to the stairwell as the doorbell rang.
"I'll be right there," she called returning to her bedroom and grabbing the sweater off the bed before heading down to the car.
Downstairs Elliot waited with the long black stretch limousine that was provided by the funeral home to drive family members to and from the services. She opened the front door and stared into his eyes for a moment as a chilly autumn breeze blew through her hair.
"You look nice," Elliot said softly raising his arm to escort her to the car.
But Olivia's attention was focused on the rustling of the orange and gold leaves as they seemed to dance around her front yard. She tipped her head to stare at the gate of the white picket fence that surrounded the house, her house, the dream house she had purchased not so long ago in the perfect neighborhood to raise her daughter in. Every dream they shared together came to life in that house, and now her dream house had become her nightmare.
"Are you ready?" the driver asked opening the back door for them.
"What about Kathy and Emily?" she asked looking back at Elliot.
"They are going to meet us there. Emily is still having a hard time with all of this, Kathy wasn't sure she could handle the funeral. She thought it would be better if she drove incase Emily needed to leave early." Elliot stared into her beautiful brown eyes and forced a smile.
"What if I can't handle it?" she asked with a tired gaze.
"The car will be waiting right outside and we can leave any time you feel you are ready. I will be right beside you the entire day, as long as you'd like me to be."
"The services will be starting soon, ma'am," the driver reminder her and Olivia turned to look around her once more.
"Olivia, if you need a little more time….if you are not ready to go, we can wait. People will understand."
"Understand? Do you really think they would understand that I don't want to go at all? What kind of mother wants to willingly miss her daughter's funeral. I'm a bad mother, Elliot. If I had focused more on my child instead of my career, Ryleigh might still be alive today. If I had taken the time to notice a change in her mood or the fact that she was 28 weeks pregnant, maybe she would have felt so scared and alone. If I had bothered to take the time to actually talk to her and not just smile at her as we passed each other in the hallway….maybe she would have known that she could have come to me. About the pregnancy, about anything. Didn't she know how much I loved her? That I would have done anything for her? I thought I made it clear, I said it so many times she got sick of hearing it. And still somehow, she chose to end her life rather than come to me and tell me that she was pregnant. I just don't understand. None of this makes any sense to me."
"It doesn't make sense to any of us, Liv. And I promise you, we will find answers," he replied kissing her forehead.
"This whole thing is silly anyway. We are going to look at a box, an empty casket! Ryleigh isn't even there."
Elliot raised his head and watched as she began to explain.
"The coroner has not finished her autopsy yet. So her body wont be released until the actual burial part of the service this afternoon. They used an identical casket for the memorial. Today, we are all gathering to look at pictures and cry over an empty box."
"Liv, we don't have to go if you don't want to."
"Could you imagine what people would say if I didn't show up at all?"
"Who cares what people think? This isn't about them, this is about you. It is about closure for Ryleigh's close friends and family and saying goodbye to a beautiful angel we all got the pleasure of knowing for the last fourteen and a half years."
Olivia took a deep breath and sighed. As much as she would love to just climb back into bed and sleep away the next six months or so, she knew this was one of the last few things she could still do for Ryleigh. Elliot was a bit stunned as she brushed past him and climbed into the back of the car.
"We'd better get going or we're going to be late," she reminded him as he climbed in beside her.
St. Mary's High School where the girls were freshman this year had donated the use of their new gymnasium for Ryleigh's memorial service. Elliot and Olivia arrived early to oversee the last few details before the doors opened to the public. Olivia walked into the room that was set with over two hundred folding chairs. The bleachers were pulled out, allowing more room for visitors to sit and in the front of the room a large screen had been lowered.
"What is that for?" Elliot asked.
"Some students from the media department asked if they could borrow some photos of Ryleigh so they could put together a video," Olivia said softly. "The principal said it is hitting the kids really hard."
Elliot watched as she walked around the shiny gunmetal colored casket, smoothing her hand over it. She paused for a moment and looked up to inspect the ivory and lavender roses that adorned the room.
"The flowers are beautiful El, you did a great job," she said softly choking back tears as he hugged her.
"After the memorial, our staff will transfer the flowers to the funeral home for the family visitation this afternoon," the funeral attendant told them. "We will have Ryleigh prepped and ready if you'd like to have an open casket."
"That would be nice," Olivia agreed with a nod. "Thank you."
"We have the graveside service scheduled to start around six o'clock."
Olivia nodded once more as an attendant propped open the door and laid out the book for guests to sign.
Elliot backed off a bit watching as Olivia stood beside the casket greeting teary eyed teens and their parents as they laid white roses on the casket. He fell back into the crowded room allowing her room to breathe, but was never more than six paces from her side.
He stared at a large picture of Ryleigh and her dog, Ben, one of the few personal photos Olivia had of her daughter. The picture was in black and white and appeared quite artistic for an amateur with a point and shoot. Sunlight flooded in from behind her and Ryleigh's dark hair hung down around her face, her mouth was open and Elliot could almost hear her laugh. More woman than child in most photographs, this picture seemed to capture the innocence of a carefree teenager and had her mother's beauty. This photograph seemed out of place among the sea of professional photographs scattered around the room and he was pretty sure it had been taken by his daughter Emily.
"El," Kathy said softly snaking her arms around from behind to hug him tight.
"Hey," he said turning to kiss her and reaching to hug their only child.
Emily pulled away from him at first, then looked up at him with tears in her eyes as she gave in allowing him to hug her.
"You don't have to stay if you don't want to baby," he whispered to the girl kissing her forehead as he tucked a baby soft strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "Any time you are ready to go mom will take you home," he assured her.
Emily nodded her head as she rolled her eyes to look at Olivia across the room. She drew a deep breath, turning away as Olivia forced a smile and waved at her. She felt a gentle tug as Elliot squeezed her hand in his and lead her to the front row to sit down.
"I want to sit by mom," she said pulling her hand away from his and leaning to hug her mother's arm in a very childlike manner.
"Okay," Elliot replied taking a seat next to his wife and holding the empty chair beside him for Olivia.
Soon everyone was seated and the lights dimmed. A few students came forward to say some things about Ryleigh, her teachers and friends all took turns telling tales of their most memorable moments with her, all of them, except Emily.
"She didn't want to say anything?" Elliot whispered against Kathy's ear.
"They asked. I just don't think she is ready to talk about it."
"Ah," Elliot said with a nod looking at his now sobbing child.
He dropped his hand into Kathy's lap, picking up Emily's hand and raising it to his lips. Emily shifted her blue eyes to meet his and he mouthed the words 'I Love You' in the darkness.
"I love you too dad," she breathed as he squeezed her hand once more.
Beside him, Olivia sat still. Barely breathing and unable to blink as she watched Ryleigh's life play out before her in photographs. Elliot could see the tear stains glisten on her cheek in the shadows made by the projector, but she sat tall and proud. He slipped his free hand into hers and squeezed it in support.
Olivia looked down to see his fingers laced between hers and Elliot felt a teardrop land on the back of his hand. She looked up at him nervously, suddenly feeling as if everyone in the room were staring at her, judging her. She shifted nervously in the dark, dreading the moment the lights came back up and everyone in the room suddenly felt the need to look at her.
"Ryleigh's pictures are all so beautiful," Kathy said leaning in and ripping Elliot's focus away from Olivia. "Those kids did a great job on the video."
"Most of the pictures are professional. Ryleigh has been a print model since she was a toddler," Elliot reminded her.
He took a deep breath and he himself felt uncomfortable when a series of snapshots of Ryleigh and Emily appeared on the screen forcing him to remember the argument he had with his daughter the night before. For a moment he had forgotten she was just a child. For a moment, he had forgotten she was even his daughter.
Her statements doubting Ryleigh's suicide were merely the wounded tearful ramblings of a heartbroken best friend. It was a thought that had crossed everyone's mind at least once. No one wanted to believe that a child was capable of harming herself this way.
His daughter had come to talk to him. Mistakes were made on his part and it was too late now to take them back. Elliot got defensive, calling her theories nonsense. Emily tried to explain her thoughts and that was when he raised his voice and yelled at her. He regretted the words the moment they came out of his mouth. He had never yelled at her before. Emily stood frozen in fear for a moment, then broke into tears and ran for her bedroom. Kathy tried to console the girl and he felt horrible about what he had done, but even after his apology Elliot could tell Emily was still timid around him.
He looked down at his daughter's hand in his. As hurt as she still felt by him she had allowed it to remain there. A first step to forgiveness, he thought as he swore to himself and God he would never let things get that out of hand again.
"I can't do this," Olivia gasped pulling her hand from his and rushing from the room.
Elliot looked back at Kathy who motioned for him to go after her.
"I've got her," she replied looking at their daughter nestled in against her seeking comfort.
Elliot stood up and followed the path Olivia had taken out of the gymnasium. Outside he found her leaned against a wall crying hysterically and gasping for air.
"It's okay," she said softly pulling her in to hold her for a moment as she gasped.
"I can't breathe," she whispered.
"You have to calm down. Take a deep breath."
"I can't….I can't," she sobbed.
"You can. Look at me. Breathe with me," he said as he took a deep breath and she did the same.
"I can't go back in there," she gasped and he could tell she was calming down.
"You don't have to."
"I feel like my heart is going to explode."
"It's just a panic attack," he assured her as they sat on the ground and leaned against the wall.
"She's really gone, El," Olivia said as if she had suddenly realized exactly what was going on around her. "I will never see her again. I will never hug her or kiss her or hear her voice. Never again. And all of those people in there stare at me like I am a freak."
"They just know you are hurting, they don't know how to act around you."
"Emily wouldn't even look at me," she said softly.
"She's having a rough time too. But she'll come around."
Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled feeling the chill of the icy cold air sting her lungs.
"How bad would it be if I left right now?" she asked blinking her big brown eyes at him.
Elliot shook his head.
"You have to do whatever is best for you."
"I want to go on over to the funeral home. I need to see her."
"Okay," Elliot replied standing and helping her to her feet as he walked her toward the limousine. "I'll call Kathy on the way and let her know we are heading over there."
"I think I need to do this alone," she said stopping to look at him. "I appreciate everything that you have done and continue to do for me, Elliot. I really do. I don't think I could ever make it through this without my best friend. But I think right now I need some time alone with Ryleigh. I just need to see her and I need….I need…." she paused as she began to cry once more.
"I understand," he said kissing her forehead as the driver opened the door for her.
"You do? I don't mean to push you away or offend you."
"Not at all," he said forcing a smile to keep her in good spirits. "I'll meet you over there in a little while. Call me if you need me."
"Thanks, El," she said hugging him tight before she climbed into the car.
"Take good care of her," he said almost in warning to the driver.
"Yes sir," the man replied walking around and climbing into the driver's seat.
Elliot watched until the car had disappeared from sight then made his way back inside. He roamed the halls of the school stalling until the doors opened once more and he could meet up with his wife and daughter without causing a scene.
After the memorial, Elliot drove Kathy's SUV to the funeral home for the visitation. He studied Emily in the rear view mirror desperate to make conversation with her, this silence between them was killing him.
"Why don't we get something to eat before we go?" he suggested watching her for any spark of interest. "Do you want to get a burger or something, honey?"
"No," she said softly staring through the glass as her head rested against the window.
"Em, you have not eaten anything all day," he reminded her. "We can go anywhere. You pick."
"You guys go ahead," she sighed, "I'm not really hungry."
Elliot looked at Kathy with a worried look.
"Sweetheart, you didn't eat dinner last night. You really should eat something," Kathy said softly.
"I said I'm not hungry, mom."
"Alright," Elliot agreed finally giving it. "We'll skip lunch and pick up a pizza on the way home," he suggested but there was no response.
He looked over at Kathy and raised her hand to his lips.
And hour later Emily wandered around the funeral home studying the photographs they had laid out of her best friend. The rest of the guests hadn't arrived yet and her father stood in the next room discussing details of Ryleigh's burial with the funeral director.
None of this seemed real, she thought to herself. It was all foggy like a bad dream and she had to wake up soon. No one in her life seemed to understand or even care what she thought. No one asked her how she felt, she thought as she picked at the corner of a photograph of she and Ryleigh from the summer before.
How could someone be so selfish, she thought. How could Ryleigh do something so stupid and not even care who she left behind and how badly she made them hurt. How could she leave Emily behind, all alone stuck in a world of adults who never really seemed to understand anything?
She sniffled, fighting back tears as she reached up and rubbed a sore spot on her cheek. She loved Ryleigh. She knew she did. They had been best friends her entire lives. But what she was feeling right now wasn't love, it was hate. Right now she hated her best friend for what she had done. She wrinkled her brow as she felt the anger and frustration surge through her body and she ripped the picture off the slat of poster board, immediately feeling remorse.
Emily tipped her hearing voices coming her way. She tucked the photograph into the pocket of her sweater and hid against the wall behind a fountain in the lobby. She sat quietly listening as the adults talked about all of the things she 'wouldn't understand' because she was a child. They were always so careful not to discuss any details while she was around. Even her father told her that Ryleigh had killed herself, but chose to leave out the part about the baby. Emily wasn't even sure if it was dead or alive. They all assumed that she was just to young to know what was going on, too young to understand. But she did understand. She understood perfectly. She probably knew more about what was really going on than any adult in this place. And it pissed her off that they insisted on treating her like a child.
"Why don't you keep that one," a voice said softly and she tilted her head upward to see Olivia looking down on her.
"I didn't mean to…."
"It's okay," she said with a smile offering Emily a hand to help her up.
Emily pulled the picture from her pocket and placed it in Olivia's hand.
"I'm really sorry, Liv," she said with tears welling up in her sparkling blue eyes. "I should have done something."
"Hey," Olivia replied kneeling to hug her, "none of this is your fault. And no one blames you for anything," she said softly hugging Emily once more.
Olivia closed her eyes and held tight to her for a moment, trying hard to remember how it felt to hug her own daughter this way.
"I was her best friend. I should have known. I should have stopped her."
"Baby, I was her mother, and I didn't know either," Olivia replied lovingly wiping away Emily's tears with her thumb.
Emily flipped her head around to look over her shoulder as her father's voice traveled down the hallway.
"I have to go," she said pulling away from Olivia.
"No, Em, it's okay," Olivia replied holding on to her hand.
Emily shook her head.
"Dad doesn't want me talking to you. He'll be angry," she said pulling her hand from Olivia's and disappearing into the next room in search of her mother.
Elliot stepped into the lobby just in time to see Olivia walk out the front door.
"You okay?" he asked stepping out behind her.
"I just came out to get some air," she said feeling hurt that Elliot would keep Emily from her.
Elliot reached for her hand, but she pulled away.
"I know I am kind of a train wreck right now, Elliot, but that was low."
He raised his head to look at her.
"What?"
"You told Emily to stay away from me? What are you afraid I am going to damage her? Or maybe I am just bad luck," she said as she turned to walk away from him.
"Olivia wait," he said reaching out to take her by the hand.
"No, don't touch me," she shouted and the tears in her eyes broke his heart.
He had never meant to hurt her like this.
"I told her I didn't want her upsetting you," he said pausing for a moment.
"I'm already upset, Elliot. What could Emily possibly do that could make things worse?"
"She's a kid. And she is struggling with all of this, too. Emily came to me last night saying maybe Ryleigh didn't kill herself. She said she didn't think Ryleigh would ever do something like this. None of us did. I told her I didn't want her talking to you about any of this because I didn't want her upsetting you more. What you are going through is hard enough without having to hear stuff like that."
Olivia blinked and looked into his eyes.
"No, it was worse than that, Liv. I got upset. I got really upset with her and I yelled at her. I don't even know why. It was awful and I feel horrible. I have never yelled at my kid in her entire life, not until last night. I apologized immediately, but she still acts like she is terrified of me. I was just so afraid she was going to say something that would hurt you. I really screwed up big time. But I never meant that I didn't want her around you."
Things were quiet between them for a few minutes, then Olivia walked over and hugged him.
"I'm sorry," she said softly.
"I'm the one who should be sorry," he replied resting his chin on the top of her head as she buried her face in his chest. "Liv, you are family. You and Ryleigh both. The kids practically adopted each other from the start and we have spent the last several years co-parenting each other's kids. You are a very important part of Emily's life and I would never try to keep you from her. You are going through the hardest thing you will ever go through and I just don't want anything making this more difficult for you."
"El, I appreciate you trying to shield me from the pain. But I am going to hurt and I am going to hurt for a very long time. My life will never be the same again. But I have to face this and I have to find a way to keep going, a reason to get out of bed every morning, because if I give up….then that little boy in the hospital has no one. I need to feel this. It is the only way I can survive it. I know you want to be able to make the pain go away, that is how we feel when the people we love are hurting. But you are going to have to just step back and let me hurt. Let me break down, let me fall apart. Because I cannot begin to heal until I do."
"Yeah," he agreed with a knot in his throat. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to do this alone. I'm here, Liv. Anytime you need me. I will sit with you and cry with you while you fall apart," he replied cupping the side of her face with his hand. "Because I am your best friend."
"I know. And the pain would be great if I ever lost you."
"Unbearable," Elliot added not even wanting to imagine losing her.
Olivia placed her hand against his on her face.
"Then you know what your daughter is going through right now," she pointed out and feeling like a fool he realized this for the first time. "She and Ryleigh were as close as you and I are. Best friends. She is a kid, El. She doesn't know how to handle this. She needs her father now more than ever. Even if she doesn't think she does. You are the only one who really understands the pain she is feeling. Go in there and talk to her. Even if you don't think she is listening, make her hear you. Make her understand how much you love her and show her you will always be there for her no matter what. I lost that with Ryleigh. And I will never have the chance to get it back. She reached a point where she was so afraid of me getting upset with her that she faced some of the scariest moments of her life alone. She couldn't handle it. She couldn't take being alone and she didn't realize that I would have been there no matter what….so she gave up. Don't let Emily give up, Elliot. Don't lose her like I lost Ryleigh. Let her know that you are there for her and she can turn to you no matter what. And make her understand how much you love her."
Elliot stared into her eyes and listened to her desperate pleas. He knew what he had to do.
"You gonna be okay out here?" he asked.
"Yea, I'll be back in in a minute."
Inside Elliot found his daughter standing at the door of the parlor room where they now had Ryleigh's body laid out in an open casket. He watched her carefully still not sure how to approach her.
"There you are," he said in a soft voice as she turned to look back at him. "Do you want me to walk in with you?"
"No, you go ahead," she said in a shaky and hesitant voice.
"It might be easier if we go in together," he said taking her hand in his.
"No daddy, please," she pleaded with him as she burst into tears. "I don't wanna go in there," she cried.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said pulling her into him and hugging her tight. "Emily, no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do. Okay?" he said kneeling to comfort his daughter and as she tipped her head to look up at him, Elliot saw his little girl for the first time in a long time.
It were as if she were six years old again, afraid of the dark and begging him not to leave her alone without turning nightlight on.
"Hey, I was thinking about taking a walk. Why don't we take a little walk together, huh?" he asked offering her his hand and watching as she slipped hers into it.
"What about mom?" Emily asked.
"Mom is helping Olivia right now. I'm talking about just you and me. Just around the block to get some fresh air."
"Okay," she agreed.
Halfway down the sidewalk the wind began to blow and Elliot placed his suit jacket around Emily's shoulders to keep her warm. She held tight to his hand and they walked several blocks in silence just being together.
"You know, Em, I really am sorry for yelling at you the other night. I never should have done it and I didn't mean it. I love you more than anything in the world and I never meant to scare you or hurt you."
"I know," she said softly.
"Can you forgive me?"
"Of course, dad."
"And I know this had all been really hard on you. I have been so busy trying to be there for Olivia and help her through this that I have not been there for you."
"You've been there."
"Not the way I should have been."
The conversation stopped for a moment as they came to a small playground. They made their way over and sat down on the swings.
"You used to bring me here when I was little."
"I remember," Elliot said with a smile.
"Ryleigh fell off that slide and broke her wrist when we were nine," Emily said pausing for a moment to remember her friend.
"It's okay to miss her, you know. It is okay to hurt and to be sad. She was your best friend, Emily. You loved her. And she loved you. And it hurts when you lose someone you love."
By now Emily had tears streaming down both sides of her face.
"But I'm not sad. I'm mad! How could she do this dad? How could she just do something like this and not care about how bad she hurt the people she left behind? I don't want to miss Ryleigh! I want to be mad, I want to be angry! How could she do something so selfish and so stupid?"
She burst into tears and she continued to rant. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed as she broke down and he just held her tight. Elliot sat and just listened to her vent for a few minutes before he spoke.
"She had a lot of things going on, Emily. And she didn't feel like she had anyone to talk to, anyone who would understand. She felt alone."
"She had me! She knew that she always had me, no matter what! No matter how bad things were, we always had each other. Now I have no one."
"That isn't true. You have me and you have mom. And Liv. She adores you."
"That isn't what I meant, dad. My best friend in the whole world is just gone. And now I have to stay here and figure out how to live with out her. How could she do something that would hurt us so bad? How could she hurt me like this? And how could she hurt her mom like this? Didn't she even realize that poor Olivia would be all alone?"
"Honey, sometimes when people are hurting they can't see past their own pain. All they can think about is the problems they have and how things effect them. A lot of times they don't think about all of the people around them, people who love them and need them. No one will ever really know what Ryleigh was thinking when she decided to do what she did. But we are all going to miss her like crazy. I know you feel upset and angry, and its okay to feel like that. But you don't really hate her. You are just hurting because you loved her so much. Emily, I know you think I cant possibly understand how you feel right now. And I will admit that I didn't really take the time to think about it until Olivia made me understand. But I do understand. Ryleigh was your best friend, just like Liv is mine. Now I don't know exactly how you feel, but I can imagine the terrible pain I would feel if anything ever happened and I lost Olivia. I am so sorry, sweetheart. I love you more than anything and I would give anything to be able to take away all of your pain. But I can't. All I can do is be here for you. And you know that no matter what happens you can talk to me, right?"
"Yes."
"Emily, don't ever think that you can't come and talk to me because I will get mad at you. Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything. I might freak out and overreact at first, but I am here any time you need me, for any reason. And I know there are some things a girl doesn't want to talk to her father about, but there is always mom and Olivia is a pretty good listener, too."
Emily stared at him for a moment.
"I didn't mean to make you feel like you couldn't talk to Liv. I just meant be careful what you say to her, you know?"
"I know."
"Dad can be kind of a bonehead sometimes, huh?"
Emily laughed.
"But I love you. And I am always going to love you. That is never going to change."
"I know that too. I love you too, daddy."
Elliot stood up and Emily threw her arms around him hugging him. Elliot closed his arms around his daughter hugging her tight in his arms. She held tight to his hand as they walked back toward the funeral home.
"Dad?"
"Yes, my love?"
"Do I have to go into the funeral?"
"Would you rather mom and I take you home?"
"No. I just don't think I can go in that room."
"Baby, you don't have to if you don't want to."
"But do you think that would make me a bad friend? If I cant even go in there and say goodbye to Ryleigh?"
"Not at all. Honey, you can say your goodbye to her in your own way."
"Do you think she can hear me when I talk to her?"
"Absolutely."
"What about if I write her a letter? Do you think she'll know what I said?"
"I do. I think that Ryleigh will know all of the things you feel for her in your heart."
"Cool," Emily said with a smile.
Back inside Emily still wasn't ready to enter the parlor. Instead, she found a seat in the floor against the wall in the corner of the room and began to pour her thoughts out onto a pad of paper the funeral director had given to her. She listened as music played and a man preached about the gates of Heaven opening up and welcoming Ryleigh in.
Emily tore off the three sheet letter she had written and laid the pad neatly back on the desk. She reached across the desk and picked up an envelope embossed with the funeral home logo. She carefully folded the letter and stuffed it into the envelope, then pulled the photograph from her pocket and slid it inside as well. She sealed the envelope, then put tape on it to ensure that the content stayed between she and Ryleigh. She picked up the pen and printed Ryleigh's name across the front of the envelope in her best handwriting. Then she made her way to the doorway once more.
Inside she could see the back three rows of people as they sat there sobbing. She leaned forward on the tips of her toes until she saw Olivia in the front row and the casket at the front of the room. She ducked back into the lobby and leaned against the wall for a moment as she stared at the letter in her hands. Looking back over her shoulder she watched as the people stood up and walked to the front of the room in rows to hug Olivia and say goodbye to Ryleigh. If she didn't find her courage soon it would be too late to give Ryleigh the letter and she would miss her chance forever.
"Are you sure you don't want to go inside?" Elliot asked appearing behind her.
Emily looked back down at the letter in her hands.
"I…I…" she stammered and Elliot knew she was struggling.
"I can go in there with you," he offered once more.
"I've never seen dead people before," she gulped as her eyes widened and she looked at the casket in the front of the room.
"Or I can put your letter in with her for you if you'd rather do that."
"Okay," Emily replied placing her letter into his palm.
"I'll be right back," he said as he stepped into the parlor.
"Dad, wait," she called to him and Elliot stopped to look back at her.
He watched her for a moment, then extended his hand for her to take. Emily walked slowly to him and laid her hand in his.
"It's not scary, really," he explained. "Ryleigh just looks like she is sleeping. But it's okay if you don't want to look. Just squeeze my hand real tight and that will be our signal, okay? Then I will know you are ready to leave and we will come back out into the lobby."
"Okay," she said softly.
They walked slowly toward the front of the room and a group of people cleared as they approached the casket. Emily stood behind Elliot for a moment, then slowly emerged from behind him. There in front of them laid Ryleigh's motionless body. Her hair and make up were done perfectly and she appeared to be sleeping like an angel. She wasn't scary at all.
Elliot stood still as Emily slipped her hand from his and walked to the edge of the casket. She reached back and pulled the ribbon from her hair and tucked it in her best friends hand.
"Your lucky ribbon for cheerleading," she whispered softly as she leaned forward to kiss Ryleigh's cold cheek. "I miss you," she whispered, tears kicking in as she laid her letter beside her friend and backed up to stand with her father once more.
"Thank you daddy," she whispered as she hugged him tight.
They walked back into the next room where people stood around drinking coffee and talking. Elliot watched as Emily spotted Olivia sitting alone on a sofa across the room. She walked slowly over and sat down next to Olivia, then he watched as she scooted in closer and Olivia raised her arm placing it around his daughter holding the girl close to her.
"Did you guys get things worked out?" Kathy asked handing him a cup of coffee.
"She is in a lot of pain," he said taking a sip from his cup, "but I think she's gonna be okay."
"I don't think she should be around Olivia so much right now. It might make her feel bad. After just losing her own child."
"Olivia can take care of herself," Elliot said with a smile. "Besides, I think those two are good for each other. They were closer to Ryleigh than anyone else. Maybe they can kind of help each other through this."
"Elliot, can I have a word with you?" Melinda Warner asked from behind him.
"Sure," he agreed.
"I don't mean to pull you away, I know it's bad timing but I have something important I need to discuss with you."
"I can spare a few minutes. What's up?"
"I was hoping there was some place more private we could talk," she suggested raising a briefcase.
Elliot nodded as they made their way to a small kitchen area in the back of the funeral home.
"What's going on?"
"I've got Ryleigh's autopsy results. I wanted to talk to you before I filed my formal report."
"I'm listening. Is there a problem?"
"This is a delicate case, close to home, so I had the lab working overtime to get rush results."
"I appreciate it."
"Toxicology screens came back negative for drugs or alcohol in her system."
"Ryleigh wasn't on drugs."
"But she did have elevated levels of DHA and folic acid."
"What is that?"
"Key ingredients in prenatal vitamins. Whole wheat toast, yogurt, orange juice and oatmeal were among her stomach contents. Ryleigh was taking very good care of herself. I wouldn't think that a pregnant girl would go through the trouble of taking these pills if she was planning to kill herself."
"She probably didn't put a lot of thought into the suicide."
"I don't think she put any thought into it."
Elliot held a look of concern.
"I found fingertip bruising around her neck and epithelial cells under her fingernails on her right hand."
"She was choked?"
"And she put up a fight. I pulled a few partial prints from her arms."
"She someone strangled this girl?"
"My guess they choked and then hung her in the closet to make it look like a suicide. But she was still alive when they tied that noose around her neck."
"How can you tell?"
"She had to have been breathing. Her heart couldn't have stopped more than a few minutes before the paramedics found her or that baby wouldn't have survived. They bagged her and used chest compressions in an attempt to sustain life until the doctor could deliver the baby. And he barely made it. The doctor said the infant wasn't breathing and had no pulse when they delivered him, but they were able to revive him."
"So Ryleigh didn't kill herself."
"I'm ruling it a homicide. I just wanted to give you the chance to tell Olivia before news got out."
"I appreciate it, Melinda, thanks."
Elliot watched as she picked up the papers and photographs stuffing them back into the file folder.
"Someone murdered my daughter?" Olivia asked from the doorway.
"Liv?"
"Emily was right."
"We are going to find out who killed Ryleigh and we're going to catch them."
"Something inside of me has been screaming out, telling myself that my daughter would never do something like this. And I was right. She didn't. Someone broke into my house and murdered my baby," she said with tears rising.
"And now we have the evidence to prove that. Evidence that will help us catch whoever hurt her and put them away for good. She got a piece of the killer, Liv. Warner said she found skin cells under Ryleigh's fingernails. We have his DNA."