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-Chapter three-
"Katherine, now that we've gone through what is involved, you have to make a decision on whether you want to use an anonymous donor or not. I'll see you back here in two weeks with your decision."
Kate walked back to the precinct, pamphlets and a series of documents tucked away in her bag. Kate found herself in a numb state. She couldn't believe she was actually going through with this.
Kate's doctor had now recommended her to a fertility specialist and gynecologist. Then next step was now to choose whether she wanted an anonymous donor, or choose someone she knew.
Choosing someone she knew…
The list of candidates was unfortunately lacking. Kate couldn't exactly walk up to one of her ex boyfriends asking for…their male substance…
Her closest male friends – Ryan and Esposito –would probably not be willing participants. Ryan was married and Espo…Was Espo. Lanie would perform an autopsy on her alive for even asking.
Of course there's always Castle –Oh. What?
She mentally slapped herself for even thinking of such things.
Perhaps a random, anonymous donor was the way to go. Clean, uncomplicated, easy.
Kate knew though, deep down doing it alone would be the hardest thing she would ever face. Single parenthood. She would be a single mother. Her child would also grow up without out a father.
Think pros and cons here, Kate. Pros and cons…
Her first challenging step would be telling everyone at the precinct. Initially Kate thought that it would be best to keep her insemination process a secret. It was a delicate process - complications could arise, and Kate was never the one to reveal personal information about herself.
She realized though that for practical reasons she would have to tell them. There would be numerous appointments; she had to go on fertility drugs. It would be a hard secret to keep.
No, she would tell them today. Everything out of the open. No lies.
The elevator doors opened, revealing a busy looking precinct. This was home to Kate, she felt in control here. The vision of a uniform wrestling with the photocopier caught her attention for a moment before she turned and walked along the corridor, back to her desk. She spotted Ryan on the phone, and Castle in his chair that was always positioned at the side of her desk, where he would sit studiously. He seemed to be ruffling through documents with a confused look on his face. Esposito however, was no where to be found.
Must be paying a visit to Lanie...
"Hey Castle, any new leads on the McMurphy case?"
Castle turned, seemingly surprised by her presence.
"Ah no, we've been riffling through all potential suspects for the past hour. All seem to have very solid alibis so far. Ryan's just checking up on the final few."
Kate nodded. All things had been left in order, just like she left it.
"So how did father-daughter time go? Your lunch I mean." Castle clarified.
Kate stared at him.
Oh, so we're gonna have this conversation now?
"I-ah, it was fine." Kate decided on lying, for now. Telling Castle her major life changing decision (that to him had seemingly come out of no where) right in the middle of the precinct probably would not be a wise move.
"Actually." Kate started, feeling a sudden rush of boldness, "could I…talk to you for a sec?"
Castles eyebrows quizzed her.
"Yeah sure."
The mound of documents was seemingly forgotten as Castle followed Beckett into the break room.
"Coffee?" Castle motioned towards the cherished espresso machine.
Caffeine is bad. Caffeine is BAD! Woman, you are trying to impregnate yourself! C'mon Kate, good habits!
"No thanks I'm fine."
"Mind if I –"
"No no, go ahead" Kate smiled at him as he skillfully flipped a coffee cup with one hand and placed it under the nozzle.
"So what's this about?"
Kate fumbled slightly. At a loss of where to begin. She wanted Castle – her partner – to be the first one to know. For all his…bouts of randomness, and complete disregard for his own safety and rules, she trusted him.
"It's about where I really was this afternoon."
If Castle were a fox his ears would have pricked up and stood on his hind legs. He turned toward her, espresso forgotten. His expression curious.
"You know Castle, you always have my back and…I want you to have my back when I tell you this."
She studied his eyes, making sure she had his undivided attention. It was such a ridiculous thing to do, Castle was basically leaning into her, eyes wide and attentive. Shuffling slightly she continued.
"I'm going to have a baby, Castle." She whispered. "Through artificial insemination. It's what I want."
Kate saw him take a deep breath. His eyes widening even more.
"You're pregnant?"
"No, not yet anyway."
A long pause.
Kate reckoned she had shocked the humor right out of Castle. Not even a peep.
Kate continued, "I have to make a decision on what type of donor I want to use. Whether it be anonymous or…" she looked down "a familiar face."
Castle's shock had suddenly worn off and he straightened, clearing his throat.
Castle's hands seemed to be twisting nervously in front of him, "any potential candidates in mind?" he whispered, causing her look at him again.
"No. Using an anonymous donor is currently my only option right now."
Castle nodded, but suddenly softened.
"Kate, listen to me. I have no doubt in my mind that you are going to make the most wonderful mother there is. No doubt at all. But Kate, going it alone? From someone who has experienced it, it is anything but easy. It's the hardest thing you will ever do."
"Don't you think I know this Castle?" Kate huffed. Annoyed that he thought she didn't know what she was up against. That this was a decision she took lightly.
"Look, I know what you must be thinking, since when did I make rash decisions like this? But you know what Castle – my relationships never seem to work out, I have no one, Castle. No one. I have wanted this since I was a little girl, but it seems the traditional route just isn't going to work for me so yes-I'm going it alone." Her words seemed to come out in a harsh, rushed tone. Feelings that she had bottled up inside seemed to come pouring out and she hated that. Being weak in front of Castle.
She took a step back, not trusting herself to keep collected under his gaze.
"Kate…" he leaned in, almost like he was reaching for her.
"No Castle, no. I have made my decision. I'm not waiting around any longer." She turned, wanting to get away.
This time he did reach for her. His large palm on her arm, pulling her back. "No, no, it's not that. I just-I want to help!" He blurted out.
Kate turned fully. Looking carefully into his eyes. "Help?"
"Yeah…"
"What are we talking here, Castle, babysitting?"
"That-and help with…you know. The donation."
At that Kate's mouth dropped. Another awkward pause ensued.
A baby with Richard Castle?
Blinking back her shock she found her voice, "Castle…I can't ask you to-"
"No I want to. We do this, and I can be as involved or uninvolved as you like. I want this for you too, Kate." He whispered, reverently. "I want you to be happy."
This time tears started to reveal themselves, and eventually spill over the brink. Kate sniffled, and Castle pulled her into a hug. Rick and Kate were never the type of people who hugged a lot- and certainly not each other. However there was a level of comfort being in Castle's strong embrace. His checkered shirt smelt of ironing and waffles. She couldn't believe he was doing this for her, and she let out a small sob.
A large hand settled on her back, and rubbed. Calming her.
A baby with Richard Castle!
"You know Beckett, with both of our genes this is gonna be one cute kid."
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