Chapter Four

Hi all. I'm so sorry for the length between chapters. Just got through a particularly stressful semester of uni. But I'm on break now so hopefully I can get the ball rolling and finish this fic. I have a pretty good idea on where it's going to go...but suggestions are always welcome!

Pangs of doubt flooded Kate's mind on the day of her scheduled doctors appointment. Since Castle had offered to make a donation two weeks ago things had been a little weird between the two of them. They still worked on their usual cases, with Castle bringing Kate coffee every morning as per normal. But something had…changed. Almost like the awkward switch had been turned on and they didn't know how to act in front of each other anymore.

This morning it was particularly bad. Castle had taken it upon himself to avoid her. Kate read this as an extremely concerning sign. He had never avoided her before. His mission in life of following her around to annoy her had somehow ceased. Instead his mission was replaced with this shy little boy who couldn't quite meet her eyes.

Putting down her empty coffee mug Beckett crossed her arms and looked at the murder board. Work still had to take priority until her appointment at 4pm.

"Okay so where are we with the girlfriend?"

Esposito spun around in his chair.

"Alibis out. Was in LA on the night of the murder to visit her Mom. Called the airline to confirm her booking."

"Dammit." Kate chewed at her thumb. "This doesn't any make sense. Alright, I want you to onto the security cameras in the car park of the hotel. Check number plates to see if you can find any leads."

"On it." Espo spun back around and slid over to his desk effortlessly.

Kate stared at the murder board, deep in focus. Suddenly, there was a presence behind her.

She whipped around.

"Castle."

He stood there, blue eyes wide and timid. This was the first time today that he had approached her.

"I made you a fresh batch," he said quietly, passing her a new steamy mug of rich velvety liquid.

"Thanks" Kate smiled and took the mug appreciatively, bringing it up to her lips.

At least he still brings me coffee…

"So was it the girlfriend?"

"She was in LA the night Franklin was murdered. So far no new leads."

Castle nodded. Staring at the murder board. He seemed to be fidgety and distracted. Kate noticed right away.

"Castle – break room now." She whispered and walked off.

Shuffling along behind her, Castle entered the break room and closed the door.

Kate stood there, observing his posture. She had had enough. "Okay out with it. You haven't been able to look at me in the eye for 2 weeks and I'm sick of it. Things have been so weird! I asked you a week ago whether our agreement has affected our professional relationship and you said "oh everything is fine" – It's clearly not fine, Castle."

Castle wrung his hands and looked down at his feet. He mumbled an apology.

Kate frowned. Timid Castle scared her. It was the complete opposite of the fun loving 12 year old she had grown accustomed to.

"Look do you…Do you want to back out from our agreement?" Kate spoke quietly, almost like she was talking to a horse about to run off.

"No."

Kate swallowed.

"Then why are you acting so..." Kate flailed her arms in his direction, "Not you."

Castle sighed and stepped towards her.

"I just…I've been thinking – this is actually going to happen isn't it? You. Me. A baby?"

"Well I'll be having the baby Castle…" Kate pointed out.

"See that's just it, Kate. I want this for you, more than ever. I am ready to play my part. But where do I stand?"

Kate paused.

"I don't understand?"

"What I mean is," he stepped closer, closing the distance between them, "am I just…the donor?"

Kate blinked. Seemingly struck by his question.

"You're the supportive friend who is helping me have a baby Castle." She said carefully. Watching his reaction.

His expression seemed to darken slightly. "Well…do you think you could call me tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"After your appointment. Tell me what the doctor says."

"I-sure Castle. I'll call."

"Thanks" he seemed somewhat more at ease and stepped away from her.

"Appointments at 4 so I'll call you at 5."

With that she stepped out of the break room to leave Castle to his thoughts.

Kate walked through her apartment, throwing her jacket on the couch absentmindedly.

"Castle."

"Hey it's me."

"So how did it go?"

"Well everything is okay with me. Doctor says I should have no trouble getting pregnant."

"Never thought you would."

"But the doctor wants you to er…give a sample. To just make sure…everything's…working, as it should. Sperm count and such." Kate could feel her cheeks heating up and was thankful this was not a face-to-face conversation.

Castle scoffed. "Well the doctor should know my swimmers are perfectly healthy and capable. I have fathered a daughter you know."

"I'm sure Castle it's just routine." Kate smiled into the phone at his surge of masculine ego.

"So when do I have to provide this sample?"

"Doctor said you can go into the clinic anytime this week and we'll have the results by next."

"Alright I'll stop by tomorrow after work…" The tone in Castle's voice had become quiet and soft.

Kate didn't reply and waited for him to continue the conversation. However he did not. Usually on the phone with him she was struggling to get two words in.

"I guess I should go now…order some take out."

"Yeah." He replied. "Until tomorrow detective." And hung up the phone quickly.

Goodbye?

Something was definitely still up with Castle.

It had been 8 days since that conversation. Castle did not act as strangely as he had that week, although things were still not normal. She could not quite put her finger on what exactly had changed but their friendship was not on familiar terms.

He had randomly pulled her into the break room in a frantic dash a few days later, asking if the doctor had called about the sample he had given.

"The doctor will call on Saturday Castle." She had told him.

It was now Saturday; Her doctor had rang at mid day informing her that Castle's sperm count was high and the sperm healthy. She could now go in for treatments. Kate booked one for the end of the coming week. She had been taking supplements since she first decided on the pregnancy.

The sooner I start this the better. Less time for me to get scared and freak out.

Not being at work, Kate decided to go visit Castle at his loft for two reasons. The first was she wanted to tell him in person she was going to start treatments. The second was the try to talk to him about how he was feeling about all this on account of his strange behaviour.

Kate knocked on his door. A surprised looking Castle opened it.

"I thought you'd only call me. Is it bad news? What's wrong with me?" he blurted out.

"Easy there writer man, everything is fine. You're a healthy virile male." She smirked as she pushed passed his form into his apartment. He closed the door and turned.

"Oh. Right. Well good. Never thought otherwise…"

She smiled up at him. Their size difference was particularly pronounced today. She wasn't sporting her heels like she did at work.

Kate eased herself on one of Castle's couches. "I'm going to start trying end of next week."

"So soon?" he quizzed.

"Yeah. Don't want to give myself more time to second guess myself."

Castle nodded and headed towards the kitchen.

"Coffee? Tea? Food?"

"Just water thanks."

Kate shifted uncomfortably on her seat. This was a conversation that she needed to have with him. Before the insemination process started. Castle came back with her water, carefully placing it on the table in front of her.

"Castle I want to talk to you about something important. About…" she motioned her hands back and forth between them "us."

Castle's face dropped and became very anxious looking.

"Us?"

"Yes. Us. Castle I feel that this decision I made, and the decision you have made to help me is going to affect our partnership. Both personally and professionally. I've realised this and…that's okay. Change is okay. But Castle, I still want us to be…us, you know?"

Castle cocked his head to the side.

"I'm sorry that I've been acting a bit…off lately. I genuinely want to help you Kate. I want this for you. It's just…a bit weird you know? You're going to have my baby. I mean I never even thought of donating my…. stuff…before now."

Kate looked down, feeling a bit embarrassed at his turn of phrase.

"Listen, about that. I want this whole…arrangement – to be kept between us for now."

Castle nodded quickly. Adding a "good idea".

They sat in silence for a while. Kate sipping on her water before Castle suggested he cook her one of his fancy chicken schnitzels. How chicken schnitzels could be anything but ordinary was beyond her but she agreed anyway.

"I tell you what I can't wait for?" Castle pipped up in the midst of rummaging between shelves. "The look on Ryan and Esposito's face when they find out…"

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