The Adventures of Elevator Lance:
Respect My Authoritah!
It was just another morning at the Castle of Lions. The hallway was quiet as Lance left his quarters. He looked around but there were no signs of life. No escaping turkeys, no midgets dressed as movie characters and best of all, no Gangnam Style flash mobs.
Lance made his way to the elevator and pressed the call button. As the doors opened he noticed a rather over weight fourth grader dressed in a security uniform and wearing aviator sunglasses.
"Good morning, sir," said the boy. "Please step into the elevator."
Lance did was the kid said and pressed the button for the first floor.
"May I see your I.D. please?" asked the boy.
"Excuse me?" Lance asked.
"Your I.D. May I see it?"
"Why?" Lance inquired.
"Sir, I am in charge of security for this elevator. I need to see your I.D. Now, respect my authoritah and show me your I.D."
"Who do you think you are?" Lance asked.
"I'm Eric Cartman, the new Junior Security recruit and you will…respect…my..authoritah," Cartman said as he stepped up to Lance.
"Go away kid, you bother me."
With that dismissal, Cartman pulled out his billy club and whacked Lance in the shin.
Lance cried out in pain and grabbed his leg. "What was that for?"
"That…was for disrespecting me. Now, show me your I.D." Cartman whacked Lance's other leg.
Lance yelled from the hit. "Would you stop that you fat, little bastard."
"I'm not fat, I'm well sculpted!" Cartman hit Lance in the back of the knee, dropping him to the floor. Cartman then proceeded to hit Lance in the back, the kidney, and the back of the head.
The elevator stopped on the first floor and the doors opened. Allura was standing in the hallway.
She saw Lance lying in the floor, his face bruised, one eye black, and Cartman standing over him with the billy club ready to strike again. "Lance! What happened?" she asked.
"He wouldn't respect my authoritah!" Cartman then left the elevator without another word.
Allura walked in and helped Lance up. "Lance, speak to me. Are you ok?"
"Who's idea was it…to start a junior…security program?" Lance asked painfully.
"That…would be me," Allura told him.
"You might…want to reconsider…your recruitment…methods."
As Lance blacked out, he could hear Allura calling for a medic.