Chapter Six
Your name is Sollux Captor and you've just been given quite possibly the worst news in history for an angel of your standards. As in one who not only fails in love himself and is a guardian, but you're pretty sure you lack basic social skills to even find the right one for your human. The after-life sucks, and you've just been hit with a fucked up assignment you doubt you can even manage on your own. Step one? Find the first victim who you think can even put up with Karkat.
Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're not quite sure what to expect from now on... First you were at Kanaya's, now you run into some woman which Sollux find hilarious. You're pretty sure he's plotting something, but know he won't tell you.
The news received was like getting a brick wall slammed into your cranium and forced to repeatedly bash your skull into it after. Or that's how Sollux would feel had he been able to feel any form of pain in his currently guardian state... "I... No, what?! There ith no way I can do thomething like that and you know it! The latht time I even had a love, they fell." As in she did, but that was obvious to anyone with half a braincell by this point in time.
"I can't even thtraighten my own interethteth, being a guardian there ithn't much I can do with other angelth unlethh I leave hith trainwreck thide long enough for him to die. Why the fuck do they think I can even fikth hith own mundane ithhueth? How about I get him a fuck buddy, will that do? I mean come on, he'th what, thtill a virgin? Wouldn't that conthtitute ath love for him?"
"Sollux we both know that's lust, or for humans since you're really the type who if given the chance would have a round of fun just to forget about... them."
He averted his gaze and sighed. He wasn't one for love, and yet he wasn't quite one to throw his body around. He couldn't anyway, had he done that he'd no longer be an angel of the guardian variety. They were allowed certain privileges, one of which being dating other angels, and strictly only having affairs that are sexual whilst dating or committed to each other. He had never done much of either but with Aradia, and had done far more with her than he should have... Of course he fooled around here and there without being caught, even once had some fun with the fallen, but quickly stopped when eyes were watching him. He was a coward, and falling was something he'd avoid to all ends, no matter how much the dead told him he would. Hah, the dead. More like those of the underworld taunting him. "Let'th not talk about thothe, okay? Even for an angel we both know how... unuthual they are."
"Yes, well they are a thing and you need to learn how to use them!"
"You're acting like they can be uthed for good. We both know I'll fall."
"Not because of them you won't! Stop acting like they're what's going to wind up making everything bad. We know that they just guide us and inform, not the real reason..."
"Fuck! Thorry Ayeaye, I forgot you had them..."
"Shush. It's fine! Hehe, we both know mine weren't the same. I heard everyone!" She of course heard the dead, both the spirits confined to earth, those in heaven, and hell. Even some of angels whose minds were lost to the Condesce.
"Tho... I jutht, have to find thomeone who can put up with all hith bullshit and thwearing?"
"Pretty much! As much as I wish for a different outcome... This is how it must be! If anything happens you can inform me or try to fix it yourself. I'll be here anyway helping others who are in need." She as a side duty unknown to the other angels helped the fallen get accustomed to human life, and helped them forge papers if they couldn't do it themselves to prove they were human and a citizen of the country... But she had all the time in the world! It was a blessing to be able to go behind the others and do this, even if it was supposed to be something that could have her fall a second time, she was okay with that. It was what she had to do after all.
"I almotht wish I knew, but then I remember everything you know that dealth with me turnth out to be bad. I'll jutht allow you to keep your little thecretth about my own future to yourthelf, I can already thee mine anyway."
"You see part of it, I see the whole. Now run along and find him, he should be heading home from Kanaya's by the time you even get to going to him... You'll run into someone, or something and they're probably who would be a good fit! Just try to get to know Karkat better and stop tormenting him." She giggled then forced him out with her powers, not even allowing him to speak back as the door closed shut behind him. Damn Aradia and her cryptic bullshit. Who'd be a good fit? He just shook away the thought before leaving the hall and heading down the empty lot.
He wondered if he should take the illusion of a human in order to find someone and talk to them, get them to speak with Karkat... It sure would be easier than trying mind games with a human to get them to do so. He supposed he could do that, enroll at the school and act similar to a human... It wouldn't be bad either, he knew the basics and was one of the few angels to behave like modern humans. So maybe he could just pretend to be a student, get to know everyone then have Karkat fall in love with someone... No that wouldn't work, it would be obvious by his eyes he wasn't human, so that idea was scratched. Much like how everything else was.
While lost in his thoughts he wound up bumping into something. Normally this wasn't an issue, but he couldn't always phase through inanimate objects and wound up falling onto his butt. It wasn't like it hurt, but he just glared at the pole, noticing his own reflection in it and quickly making it so he was invisible again. Apparently he accidentally was in a solid state... At least no one was around to see him. Well someone apparently was, but they had rather large headphones on, and were currently facing the other way. He would have assumed it was a boy until he saw her chest. Her hair was short and tangled, two long thin braids attached and dragging on the ground. She wore loose baggy cargo pants, and a shirt that showed her shoulders with a strange logo he didn't care to figure out was. Her eyes were an exotic pink, almost purple color, fuchsia... It was rare to see a human with such odd eyes, and Karkat aside from the matter... Maybe this was who Aradia was talking about?
She wasn't far from heading to where Karkat was supposed to leave... so with a subtle influence from his powers, he had made her go the other way, making it seem to her that it was a better approach to her current walk. Either way he was just interested in what would happen, her eyes were so strange... Almost alluring to the right person. But there was something about her that he didn't like, it made his feathers ruffle but he would figure it out later and instead flew into the air to watch her carefully.
If anything this could just make his job quicker and easier so he wouldn't be as carefully watched by Kankri and the other archangels... Really he hated to be in their radar, and it hadn't happened for millennia, since the last fall where he should have joined in... But he ran away instead and decided to continue being a guardian instead of doing what he knew was right for him. Taking orders wasn't something he enjoyed, but this wasn't so bad and he supposed, as always, it was better than falling like he was doomed to.
It turned out to be a rather slow walk, she was just listening to whatever music she had on her ipod, and Sollux was mostly keeping an eye on her to make sure she went the correct way... and found out it may have been a bad idea to allow her to go where he wanted, since within seconds of nearing Kanaya's Karkat came out and they wound up running into each other, a none too pleasant noise coming from the taller male... Wait, Karkat was taller than her? This made Sollux chuckle from where he was perched on a tree currently, watching them. Of course that earned a glare from Karkat before he went over to offer the female a hand. It wasn't like he was extremely short, averaging about 5'4, 5'5... But definitely shorter than most males, and even some females.
Karkat had been speaking with Kanaya about everything that happened, excluding parts with Sollux since she'd just assume him crazy and send him off to Aranea... Who again he didn't care to meet. So after some heartfelt talking, okay that's a lie. More like after getting information pried from him he finally left, declaring that his parents wouldn't be happy with him being out for so long. This apparently led to him rushing out in a hurry and colliding with some boy..? No, girl. Definitely a girl. She looked a little older than himself, nineteen maybe... But her face had sharp angles to it, yet oddly beautiful with soft cheeks and rather... Spiteful eyes. She removed the bulky headphones and allowed them to rest around her neck as he offered her a hand up. She took it and stretched herself to full height, glowering at him as he spoke. He somehow wasn't affected.
"You need to watch where you're going or someone's going to plow you over right into a car. I won't be regretful when I see a slew of red all over the street and those monstrosities of headphones broken and bloodied on the side of a path. Not my fault you fell over and ran into, but hey. I'm at least generous enough to help your sorry ass up." And this right here, was why he couldn't gain anyone's affections. His apologies wound up turning into rants, Sollux stifled a laugh. She was up to his shoulders, about 5'0 exactly, maybe 5'1... He found it oddly endearing to see someone so shorter than himself...
"Water you blubbering aboat here shorty? Maybe I should be calling you shouty?! If you were watching where you were going I wouldn't have landed on the ground like a fish. I'd shore enjoy to poke a few holes into your head... but, hey. I don't think you're all too... Bad." She grinned menacingly as she grabbed at his shirt and forced him to her eye level, her pink lips curved upwards in a rather malicious grin. "Run into me again without apologizing properly and I'll make shore you're bleeding through orifishes you'd never even known you had, ya hear me fishbait?"
This just made Karkat tense up a bit before pulling away. He didn't like people so close to him, it would make it a possibility of them seeing he had contacts in and possibly exposing his eye color... "Fish puns? Seriously? What are you, some kind of sailor or pirate? Wow, talk about redundant. Kind of old school if you ask me."
"I'll krill you I swear I will, don't be mocking mah fish puns you little guppy. They're the shit."
"Oh my god..." He couldn't help covering his mouth with the back of his hand and letting out a small chuckle. It had been ages since Sollux saw something like this... and it made him raise an eyebrow. He'd only ever made Karkat laugh once during the two weeks they, Karkat, knew him... "Are you serious here? You're shorter than me and you're going to... Krill me? I believe you meant kill. Jesus fucking Christ you're full of it."
"You're stubborn. Just accept the fact I won't be trying to since you seem to be rather... Amusing. Eh, I'll let you live for the halibut. Don't be proving me wrong and turn out to be some shit who isn't even worth poking some fun with... you owe me for running into me you know!."
"Oh? What exactly do you think I owe you for something so small as colliding into you? If you want money then that's out of the question."
"Doubloons ain't somefin I want. Though it's definitely whalecome!" She grinned, her white teeth showing and looking almost like a sharks... Yet somehow they weren't sharp like one would expect. "I was thinkin more of a favor than anyfin else. Which I'll graciously steal from you whenever I feel like the time is right. Until then I want your name Shouty Mc Midget Pants."
If fire could appear in someones eyes then Karkat's would be on fire right now. He was simply livid but kept his best to remain calm... but really how dare she call him a midget when she was no taller! Not even by a centimeter! "Karkat Vantas you annoying excuse for a female! The fact I'm even giving you my name should be a miracle on its own, not to mention the fact I've wasted my time long enough listening to your shitty fish puns. I swear you're worse than Feferi, and that says something!"
"Whale, she is my cousfin." Meenah interjected, hands on hips and a small scowl on her own face before she continued. "The name's Meenah Peixes."
"Well that just makes you a bowl of sunshine, doesn't it? At least you're not all bubbly and trying to make everything seem alright with the fucking world."
"Oooh! Heh, I'm not like that man. If I had a choice I'd be cullin her ass and leaving it for the fish to eat. Goody goodies don't deserve to be alive, ya hear?" Well not all of them, just her cousin really was someone she had to resist choking...
"Whatever you say fish-fucker. So what exactly do you want as a favor before this shit gets too complicated and I have to rally up a load of assholes just to explain to you that my time being wasted isn't fun and that you need to hurry your chit chatting."
"Fin. Just give me yer contact info and I'll be sure to hit you up when I want it, it's a surprise for now!"
"I'm not giving you my phone number, but if you have a Trollian I'll begrudgingly give you my handle."
"Fin! Jeez mine is carnivorousTyrant." Her tongue darted out for a second, licking her lips after she spoke, as if the thought of being a tyrant was glorious... and it rather was.
"Mine is carcinoGeneticist. I'm not writing it down for you either so you better remember it if you want to catch me."
"Oh I'll catch you alright, right in a net of mine! You'll love every second of it." With that she turned on her heels and started to leave. for a second she wondered why she went that way, and had a little guess but didn't bother to question it.
Once the female was gone Sollux burst into a little fit of laughter before jumping down from the branch and floating to Karkat's side. It was obvious he was rather amused, and Karkat... Seemed not as annoyed as he had moments ago, which wasn't very much in Sollux's eyes to begin with. "Tho. Lover boy now, huh?"
"Oh shut up! I only ran into her you fucking asinine douchenozzle. I'd like to see a rusted pipe shoved up your ass sideways and a gag in your mouth to keep any annoying sounds away. do you know how wretched your voice is to listen to day in and day out? some guardian you are. you fucking suck, couldn't even keep me from running into a fish-punned obsessed Peixes. Which apparently is genetic since Feferi is like that too, because wow! No even in a single conversation can they keep the fish puns down I bet. I swear if I start spewing that crap I'll cut my tongue off and burn it. Maybe crawl into a dark hole and waste away until the thoughts of fish, and puns, are gone completely. Who even does puns? It's fucking childish and lame."
"Well... Who knows it could be quite the amusement to thee jutht how she ith on her own... Maybe the punth will wind up to become thomefin you enjoy! Ehehehehehehe. You don't theem all too bothered by her, or them." The small pun he made off of her own earned him a punch to the arm... Which went right through him and caused Karkat to crash onto the floor, his butt in the air. Did he really expect sollux to allow that to go through? As if, he of course changed to metaphysical the second he sensed the punch coming, or at least to Karkat he was! Everyone else he always was, but Karkat could see him which meant he could touch him too... Hence why he changed that for a second!
"Arugh! You suck, you know that? You're a fucking cheater and deserve to burn in whatever hell there might be for shitty guardians like yourself! Isn't there a code of conduct? Such as, be nice to those you guard if they can see you because adding to their mental instability will surely be a way to kill them? You know it would be real nice if they had that, then maybe I wouldn't be as fucked in the head!"
"Well, that'th not all that'th fucked! but we don't have to be nithe to whomever we're athhigned. It'th a job, but not like your mundane oneth were you thit at an offithe, or cash thomeone out and have to be all thmileth and giggleth or you're cut. We're more like bodyguardth, we fuck otherth up and thave the one we're thuppothed to, guard them until they die. No ruleth or regulationth about being kind to them, not many are thpotted and thothe who do erathe the memory of it happening."
That intrigued Karkat since one of his thick brows raised and a look of curiosity formed, his lips turning down a bit and eyes widened by a fraction. "Why didn't you do that with me then? It might be better on both of us if you erase my mind."
"I can't, even if I wanted to." He literally couldn't since not only was Karkat immune to most influence if not all, he had an assignment which dealt with him needing Karkat to see him... more or less. If he couldn't influence him with his powers, then words would sure as hell work!
"What exactly do you mean by that asshat?"
"What I mean ith, I have no authority to do that, and they won't give it to me due to thpecial thircumthtantheth I am not obligated to tell you about, tho drop the thubject."
"Fine! I'm used to never knowing shit anyway, and you're always hellbent on keeping a lot of it to yourself aside from the explanation you first gave me. I really shouldn't expect much from anyone by this point in time, seriously what's the point. I'm not able to understand anyway I bet." He huffed, small puffs of condescension leaving his lips and disappearing into the air.
"What have I even kept from you athide from thith? Jeez you're a fucking imbithile if you think I have any thecretth. But if you had a job would you thpill the detailth of it if it wath top thecret? Fuck, maybe one day I'll tell you but it ain't happening thoon."
"I guess not..." He crossed his arms, brows furrowed and face scrunched up in what was to be assumed a thoughtful, and angry expression. Sollux couldn't help but find it a bit adorable, perplexing, and amusing at the same time... A small giggle leaving his lips.
Karkat grumbled something as they left to return to his home. It was a fairly quiet walk and Sollux found himself whistling half of the way there, getting a couple glares from the Cancer since it was 'annoying' him. Aside from that nothing else happened, Sollux returned to pestering him, especially about Meenah and Karkat just kept quiet. In a stroke of luck his father hadn't gotten home from work, and he quickly went to his computer to do some homework and chat with a few friends. No one was really on it seemed, but soon enough he found he had gotten a message on trollian from none other than Meenah.
- carnivorousTyranny [CT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] -
CT: so that favor will be brought up reel soon 38)
CT: as in the second youre free
CT: hey asshole you even there?!
CT; whatever just letting you know that youre gonna be going out with me soon whether you like it or not i need a companion you sea?
CT: and someone who can at least put up with someone whos on my back and youre perfect by the looks of it might even drive the guy away
CT: so i B-ETT-ER sea you tomorrow at the local alternian cafe
CT: or ill motherglubbin fuck you up
- carnivorousTyranny [CT] gave up trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] -
Karkat sighed and rolled his eyes, she was long gone by the time he could even fathom replying to her ridiculous request... But he supposed he'd go, he had nothing better to do tomorrow besides Sollux tormenting more with his bullshit. Maybe he could get the angel to leave him alone for the day... If only that would happen, ever.
A/N: So I'm just introducing new characters one after the next! Haha, still not used to being Meenah yet so I hope my puns and shit are alright! Still busy but at least I got this one out sooner! :O Let me know what you guys think and any suggestions you have I will take into consideration!