Lucy waited in the broken courtyard outside the How, the sky beginning to soften with the rising sun. She knew they must be near.
Birds began to sing and it was when she was looking to the forest across the field that she saw the company.
"They're back!" she yelled. She yelled it again back to the arched door way and the centaurs, Glenstorm's wife, emerged to welcome home the warriors and to see who had not come home.
Lucy ran to the edge of the courtyard and watched them make their way slowly across the field. They were exhausted, some were injured. Her smile disappeared when she saw how many were missing.
"What happened?" she asked softly as they got closer to her.
"Ask him," Peter said bitterly, glancing at Caspian.
Caspian stopped walking and stared at Peter, "Me?"
Peter stopped and looked back at Caspian, his hazel eyes menacing.
Caspian's anger mounted again, "You could've called it off. There was still time."
"No, there wasn't, thanks to you," Peter sneered. "If you kept to the plan, those soldiers might be alive."
"If you'd stayed here like I suggested, they definitely would be!" Caspian shouted, his words coming out in a rush.
"You called us, remember?"
Caspian's eyes narrowed, "my first mistake."
"No," Peter said. "Your first mistake was thinking you could lead these people."
Peter began to walk away.
"HEY!" Caspian's voice erupted from him.
Peter turned back to him, his face disinterested in what the prince had to say.
Caspian spoke slowly, "I am not the one who abandoned Narnia."
Peter walked closer to him, pointing at him, "you invaded Narnia. You have no more right to lead than Miraz does!"
Caspian pushed past him, walking briskly.
"You, him, your father!"
Caspian stopped dead.
"Narnia's better off without the lot of you."
Caspian yelled, his rage clouding his mind, and before he understood what he was doing, he saw his sword crossed with Peter's.
"Stop it!" Lucy shouted.
Two fauns emerged from the company with Trumpkin in their arms, Reepicheep standing close. The fauns laid the dwarf before Lucy who drew out her elixir. She poured a drop onto the dwarf's lips and soon he stirred.
The blonde dwarf looked up at Lucy and his brow furrowed.
"What are you all standing around for?" he asked, embarrassed.
Lucy laughed a little.
At the entrance of the How, Eris , Marsonia and Genia and Lukas stepped outside, eager to see everyone. But Eris looked nervous as she walked up the courtyard to see them, her hands shaking.
Peter and Caspian looked up to Eris, forgetting their fight and remembering what had happened.
Lily looked up at her friend. She knew Eris would understand at the sight of her face: Lily's eyes were sore from crying, all the color drained from her face. She had been hoping Eris would not see her.
Eris stared at Lily then her eyes searched the company desperately. Everyone looked at her sadly or dropped their gazes.
"No…" Eris said quietly, her lips quivering. She looked to Lily, her eyes pleading. "Where is he?"
Lily stared at her, tears filling her eyes.
Eris shook her head, her face contorting with oncoming sobs.
"Where is Gabriel?"
Lily walked up to where Eris stood, reaching out to her.
"No... NO!"
The moment Lily touched her friend, she crumpled in her arms.
"NO! NO!"
Lily fell with her, on her knees, and stayed still as Eris pulled at her arms and hit her chest, her sobs loud in her ears. Lily stared ahead of her, tears rolling silently down her face as she tried to hold Eris.
Caspian watched Lily and Eris for a moment before dropping his head. He turned to the How and walked inside slowly, Eris' wails fading.
The dark dwarf Nikabrik followed him inside.
….
The chamber was dark, only three torches burned, and the shadows were restless on the rough stone walls. Susan and Lucy slept curled in each other's arms, their faces turned away to the wall, and Marsonia sat quietly in a stone niche, glaring hatefully at the stone Lion above the arched door way. Genia lay in her bed with open eyes, staring at Lily with a saddened expression.
Lily watched Eris silently, her eyes weak and empty. Eris had stopped crying though her face was not as gentle as before. Lily's fingers brushed her light brown hair tenderly in a calm continuous motion and soon Eris's breathing deepened.
Lily looked up from Eris's face for the first time in what seemed to be hours since their return. Her neck was stiff and her skin was cold. She'd almost forgotten where she was.
"Go," Genia said with a small smile as she rose from her bed. Lily watched her and saw that her eyes were weak too though she managed a soft bright expression. She knelt beside Lily and stroked Eris's cheek.
Lily looked up at her, her gray eyes questioning, "There is nowhere else I need to be."
Genia's smile became understanding, "I know it is not here that you are thinking of."
She gently tucked Lily's long dark brown hair behind her ear and brushed her cheek with the back of her hand. She smiled, "Go, she'll be safe with me."
Genia looked down at Eris's peaceful face but Lily could not look at her friend's face again without her heart breaking.
Lily stood, her blue gown falling to her feet, and left the girls' chamber quickly, as if trying to escape the memories of Eris' sobs.
The How was quiet, most of the Narnians were asleep save for the few who were talking in hushed voices in the main Chamber and the centaurs at the entrance. The passageways flickered in the light of the torches and the How seemed to sigh with the gentle breathing of the distraught warriors.
Lily's gray eyes awakened as she walked softly through the passageways. A chilling breeze washed over her as she almost expected to see her brother, walking towards her with open arms and a wondrous smile….
She gasped as if she had emerged from cold water. An ache she had not yet felt bloomed in her chest and she closed her eyes, not wanting to think of what she once expected to see. She rested against the door, covering her mouth to hold in the scream that was trying to get out past her lips. She squeezed her eyes tightly and her breathing hitched over and over again.
She stood there alone in the passageway until she could calm herself. She had to be strong for Eris and the others…
She opened her eyes and looked ahead: she saw a different torch light pouring softly from a doorway. She slowly walked to the opening and peered inside, hiding her face in the shadow of the door.
The chamber was small and circular; home to one bed and a wooden chest, and a grand statue of a Lion was molded into the stone wall, staring down at the Prince who was sitting disheartened on his small cot.
His head was bowed, his soft dark hair covering his face and his hands were toying with a wet cloth. His white shirt was torn at the left shoulder and it was stained with blood.
Lily's breath caught when she saw his wound and she moved away from the door.
"Caspian?" she said quietly.
The prince looked up, his dark eyes flickering in the light, and he looked at her with a strange anxious expression.
"You're hurt," she said almost desperately as she went to his side.
He looked down at his shoulder and his eyes were veiled with disappointment, "it is nothing."
She knelt in front of him and he watched her troubled face as her stunning gray eyes roamed over his wound.
Her fingers hesitated over the bloody cloth, "I should go and get Lucy."
She stood and moved for the door.
Caspian stood quickly, "no."
She turned back to him, her dress sweeping the floor in her wake, and she stood still as she watched the dejected expression reappear on his handsome face.
He looked away from her dark figure and his warm voice was rough, "there are those who need her elixir more than I."
She watched him for a moment, the shadows of the torches washing over his face, and she went back to his side.
He looked up and met her gray eyes, surprised slightly by her gentle expression.
"Then may I?" she asked as she took the wet cloth from his hand.
He did not argue with her but instead sat down on the bed and looked at the floor, not wanting to meet her eyes.
She knelt before him and wet the cloth in the bowl of water next to his bed. Her hands gently pulled the cloth away from his wound, sliding his shirt over his shoulder, and she saw that his smooth warm skin, soft bronze in the light of the torches, was torn. The arrow that had pierced him had created a gash above his shoulder.
Her eyes narrowed slightly as she looked at the bloody wound and she glanced up to his face before she placed the cloth over his skin. He winced slightly but he looked away from her, looking up at the lion statue on the opposite wall.
They sat in silence, neither making a sound besides their smooth even breathing. Lily's fingers were soft on his skin though they seemed to burn. She stared at his bare shoulder and oddly, it gave her tranquility: his presence alone was her savior from the painful solitude of mourning.
Her eyes stole glances at him, carefully reading his still expression. He was discouraged, she could not misunderstand that emotion for it was clear as day in his once warm eyes. But something else, something much more compelling, was swimming around in his thoughts. It seemed to trouble him most and was a constant shadow, haunting him. To her, it had the weight of a burden that was pulling him slowly down, deep into a bottomless sea. Though she was curious, she did not say a word.
Caspian's soft voice broke the silence, "I am to blame."
Lily's hands froze and she averted her stunned eyes. His expression was touched with pain and his eyes were full of what could only be hate. She stared at him, her lips parted with surprise.
"What do you mean?" she asked in a desperate whisper, frightened of what he was about to say.
Caspian stared at the stone floor, shaking his head at himself in self loathing, "if I had not gone to Miraz's chamber none of this would have happened-"
Lily's eyes widened and she reached for him, her hand pulling gently at his other arm, trying to pull him away from the thoughts that were darkening his mind. Suddenly she was very fearful of losing him, just as she had been before the raid.
She spoke tenderly as her heart beat achingly in her chest, her clear gray eyes entreating, "Then you might have been the one in Leland's place."
He looked at her, his eyes touched with quiet surprise.
She stared at his face for a long moment, imagining the meaning behind her words. The thought, the false memory, of Caspian behind the bars of that agonizing gate instead of Leland-
Her fingers mechanically twitched around the Prince's arm, reassuring her that he was there before her, mere inches away.
But he looked away from her, ashamed.
She tried to meet his eyes again, wanting to save him from the doubt she saw thriving within him.
"You are not to blame, Caspian."
"Then who is?" he asked darkly.
Lily could only stare at him, wanting to give him an answer but unable to find one. She could see the battle raging in his eyes and she felt trapped: she was in a cage and Caspian was just out of reach. She would have said anything if it meant seeing him smile again...
But before she could speak, Caspian looked away and she dropped her eyes, looking back to his wounded shoulder with a disheartened expression.
Silence fell over them once more and after gently cleaning his torn skin, Lily stretched the cloth over the gash and wrapped it tightly.
"He told me," he said quietly, his accent a part of the dim warmth of the torches.
Lily looked up and saw that his eyes were fixed again on the Lion's Statue.
He took a careful breath, "Leland. He told me about my uncle… and my father."
Lily's brow knitted as she tried to understand the unspoken words that were fighting with in him. What else had Leland known?
Caspian looked down at his hands and they tightened into fists. His voice suddenly dripped with venom.
"Miraz murdered my father."
Lily's eyes grew wide and Caspian's jaw clenched tight as the hate resurfaced. The dark shadow that Lily had seen within him was revealing itself and she suddenly did not wish to see it. But she welcomed it all the same, placing her hand on his wrist, her eyes tender as she watched his handsome face. Everything they had ever known, everything they believed, had changed in that very moment when those words had escaped his lips.
"That is why I went to Miraz's chamber. I had to know the truth." He looked away with guilty eyes, hiding himself from her and the eyes of the statue.
Lily looked at him sadly, her voice as sweet as the cry of a nightingale, "Caspian…"
Her hand hesitated as she reached for his face but with a flicker of disappointment, she dropped her hand.
Caspian's mouth twisted in disgust and he spoke with a hatred that Lily had never heard from him before.
"They will pay for what they have done."
"No," She said quickly, her heart thumping hard in her chest. She moved closer to him out of desperation, her hands on his wrist and knee.
"No, Caspian, don't—don't say that."
"Why not?" he asked harshly.
She could only stare at him, seeing a completely different person before her. He had transformed into what reminded her of what she once feared…
He stood and walked away from her, the torch light bathing over him. He reached down for his Telmarine vest and arm gauntlets and he began dressing, barely wincing as he forced his arm through the vest. He buckled the belts angrily with a stone-like expression and he tied his sword around his waist, his eyes burning.
She watched his strong figure patiently but she longed to run after him, to speak words of understanding, of gentleness… anything that would save him from the blackness that was trying to plague his heart.
He stood still, staring into the flames of the torch next to him, his thoughts far away, "Leland and Gabriel did not die in vain."
She stood and went to his side, standing so close she could feel his warm sweet breath on her face. She read his face, her eyes frantic.
"No, that is what they expect us to do."
"It is what we should do," he retorted. "Leland would feel the same."
"That is where he was wrong," she said desperately.
He met her eyes, the same clear gray eyes that had been wet with tears mere hours ago.
As she watched him, she saw something change. A feeling, a thought, rekindled the fire within him that she adored: it shone with determination and strength. The spark returned to his dark smoldering eyes and his expression was suddenly unwavering.
"What would you have me do?" he asked, his rich voice soothing her restless soul as he read her eyes.
She stared up at him, trying to see the thought that had sparked the life within him; he was no longer drowning. The fearful person was gone but something did not seem right. Something in his words made her question him.
But her eyes sparkled gently like the evening stars, "to make things right."
His eyes flickered with an unreadable emotion and after looking over her face once more, he turned away and left his chamber.