Love Is Hell
Chapter Four: The Exhausting Conclusion
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Sheldon had gone through the door of the restroom only for the fact that it was a swing-either-way. Open it with your back, close it with your back, and go vice versa when one wished to go out, rather than the annoyance of touching a handle that encased all the germs of those who were disgusting enough not to wash their hands on the way in or out. Sheldon merely stood against the wall, not daring to enter the stalls from which the dastardly pathogens only beckoned him from the grave waters in the commode.
He'd not arrived here for the relief of using a bathroom, but out of spite. Yes, spite...he had no where else to slam a door except the building's exit which was, incidentally, the entrance; Kate had used that one. And as he was in no mood what so ever to speak to her, Sheldon had gone the only other route, albeit the worst.
Despite his illict language towards Kate and all it had represented, he was deeply assaulted with the guilt of shouting at a drunken woman. The alcohol had festered whatever Chance-like grievances. Evidently, despite the absence of Raj's last sexual relationship, the woman had rubbed off on Kate, with her despicable obscene language. Then again...Kate did mention, to Sheldon's consistent surprise, that she had been like Chance before, the cursing and possible violence.
The door opened and Sheldon was forced to see that Howard, Rajesh, and Leonard had come after him, and Stuart, who seemed to have joined their rag-tag team.
"I know why you're here," said Sheldon, interrupting them before Leonard had a chance to speak.
"Really?" posed Howard.
"Yes," said Sheldon. "You've come to entreat upon me the reasons about why the argument began and in the manner it ended."
"Actually," said Raj, "I've actually come to go to the bathroom." She shifted, saying, "I have to pee." He entered one of the stalls and locked the door behind him.
Howard, Leonard, and Stuart turned to Sheldon after that momentary interruption.
"And what about you three?" asked Sheldon distantly.
"We've come to entreat," Leonard said. He stood next to him. "Sheldon, that was uh...quite an argument you had."
"Indeed, but I believe it was inevitable," said Sheldon.
Leonard stared at him. "Really? You saw it coming?"
"Of course," said Sheldon. He gazed at Leonard and said curiously, "Didn't you?"
"Well, yeah," said Howard shrugging, "but let's hear your side first."
"My side?" repeated Sheldon. "What other side is there?"
"Kate's," said Stuart.
"Don't be ridiculous," said Sheldon, crossing his arms. "If that woman had a side, she'd only be a segment."
Stuart stared at him, evidently lost. Sheldon rolled his eyes and said, "Unlike a triangle, which has three sides, and a square, which has four, a line segment, has no sides. It's a line segment...it's neither two nor three dimensional."
"And," said Howard exasperatedly, "That's mathematics 411."
Rajesh was heard to flush the toilet and came out, washing his hands shortly after. Sheldon watched him carefully until Rajesh towel-dried his hands and then turned to Sheldon, his eyes bright with knowledge.
"Sheldon, have you ever considered that in a relationship, both parties have sides?" said Raj.
"Of course I have," Sheldon answered knowingly. "It's obvious. But as the sides constantly contradict each other, it's the reason why I've drawn up the Roommate Agreement with Leonard while he had been my roommate and yet another when I'd drawn one up for Kate, the Roommate-Relationship Agreement, which, come to think of it, I might have been too lenient with, as I've not predicated this matter in the first place."
"Sheldon," sighed Leonard. "Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone is going to be fine every day with your roommate agreements?"
"No," said Sheldon flatly. "Why wouldn't they?"
"That's our question," replied Howard. He stepped towards Sheldon, entreating a friendly hand. "Sheldon, you don't see where you went wrong, do you?"
"I don't recollect I've gone wrong anywhere," Sheldon replied.
"That might be part of the reason," Rajesh observed.
Sheldon stared at all of them, oblivious.
"For the very fact that if I don't indulge, I speculate that this conversation will only circle. So, humor me. Where did I 'go wrong'?" Sheldon remarked, making air quotes along with the ridiculous phrase.
"Well," began Howard, Rajesh, and Stuart but Leonard, who knew Sheldon's antics and language better than the other three, stopped them, and took over. Leonard put his hand on Sheldon's shoulder gently.
"Sheldon, Kate's put up with your contracts and over all busied antics for the past 8 months and I have to say, she's come a long with it than Raj and I have, living with you." Leonard said.
"What's to 'put up with'?" Sheldon responded. He stared at Leonard. "You signed to it as willingly as she did and only thereafter did you ever oppose."
"Sheldon," said Howard. "Your problem isn't the contract. It's how you go about things. First, you blamed Kate for Wheaton's flirting."
"Because she is to blame," Sheldon insisted. He rolled his eyes and said exasperatedly, "Good grief, will this day ever end!"
"No," scolded Leonard. "It won't. Until you agree that half the situation that's been caused earlier is your fault."
"I refuse it," said Sheldon. "Kate Burns knew very well that Wil Wheaton was flirting with her. She didn't tell him to stop or anything; she blatantly accepted it."
"Because she's not so touchy," returned Howard. "She's too frickin' polite to tell Wheaton 'don't touch me, you limey bastard', and slap him. That's Chance. Not her."
Rajesh considered it and said, "Chance would do that." He smiled and said, "How I miss her rogue-ish, and yet...ever so frightening, violent possession." He turned to Howard, saying, "How come you never get defensive when a girl flirts with me?"
"I don't," said Howard, "because I have a wife."
"No excuse," Rajesh replied, shaking his head.
"Look, the point is," said Leonard, reverting to the problem at hand. He looked at Sheldon and said gently, "Kate was right, Sheldon."
"So you're taking her side now?" Sheldon complained.
"No, no, no, no," said Leonard quickly. "I'm not."
"So then what are you doing?" Sheldon responded.
Leonard sighed sadly and lowered his head, muttering, "Okay, so I'm taking her side. But, Sheldon." He looked up at Sheldon, who was frowning. "You have to know that Kate wasn't betraying you."
"I don't have to know it; in order for one to have the need to know something, it must be true."
"Then behold the news flash," replied Howard, "you're going to get a big bop on the head when we tell you that you were jealous of Wheaton's hitting on Kate, and that made you mad. Kate didn't respond to Wheaton's advances because she wanted to, and she didn't slap him across the face because she didn't have to."
"I believe otherwise," said Sheldon.
"Well, Kate doesn't think all the time like the way you do," Stuart pointed out.
"We think alike, Stuart," Sheldon suddenly insisted angrily. "It's why she should have made a disgusted comment towards Leslie Winkle and Wheaton each and it's a reason why she shouldn't have screwed the Roommate-Relationship Agreement!"
"Oh god with the Roommate-Relationship Agree—look," said Rajesh, stepping to Sheldon's right while Leonard stood on his left, "You're making a big thing out of nothing."
"Oh really?" Sheldon challenged.
"Yes," said Howard. "It's obvious you were jealous and rather than admitting that little human feeling, you resolve to accusing Kate of not flirting back, which personally, if that was Bernadette's position, I'd be grateful."
"Why?" Sheldon remarked coldly.
"Because that means she's not interested," Howard said. He shook his head, tiredly. "I don't know how Kate got you to have sex with her; convincing you must have taken a toll."
Sheldon gave him an odd look. Rajesh snapped his fingers, which made all of them look at him.
"You know what," said Raj. "I don't think it's the blame being placed on her for not subjecting to Wheaton's advances that's made Kate drunk and hostile."
"Actually," said Stuart, "I think the drinking has made her hostile and Sheldon's accusation just made the matter worse."
"On a contrary," said Sheldon. "I'm still under the impression that it was inevitable."
"Sure it was inevitable," Rajesh said pointedly. "Anyone would have a cow when you tell them it's their fault for making you jealous when it was just natural intent. Face it, Sheldon, you don't want anyone attracting Kate, but because you're trying to retract any strong emotions for her, you have the need to blame her when you're the one feeling possessive."
"Really, Koothrappalli? You're using psychological inference to influence me?" Sheldon remarked, unimpressed.
Stuart sighed deeply, which made Sheldon look at him.
"What?" asked Leonard, noting Stuart's impending sigh of exhaustion.
"Coming from what I just know," said Stuart slowly. "It looks to me that Sheldon's finally gotten to Kate, with his whole need for control and his inability to accept that they've become serious in a relationship."
"I know the grounds on which our relationships lies, Stuart," Sheldon stated coldly. "Besides, it's none of your business."
Leonard gave Sheldon a look and stated strongly, "Sheldon, you're certifiable and demanding and the only person that's never made a big fuss about it, and puts up with your crap, is the very person that just told you to screw yourself and has, in a drunken state, walked out of this building with zero direction of where she's going. And while she's doing that, you're in a bathroom, telling us you know where your relationship lies, but you're so oblivious to her feelings that you're in denial of your own."
Sheldon looked at Leonard, ready to spout some denial-based response but he was at a loss. He opened his mouth once to speak, then second to relish that he was speechless.
Rajesh grinned widely and said, "I know I'm drunk, guys, but even I can see that there is love in the air."
"Now I call hokum," Sheldon returned. "I don't love anything but my mother and my spot on the cushion."
"Then why did you buy Kate the original Evenstar for no reason?" asked Howard. He added pointedly, "Which I've looked on ebay for the going rate and it has to be at least well over 30,000 dollars for the authenticity."
"And why did you care for her while she was sick with the flu, despite your germ phobia?" posed Stuart.
"And why did you have sex with her when you know you have a fear of germs," added Howard. "I mean, that has to be like your ultimate sacrifice right there, right beside giving yourself up the first time Kate played paintball when Leslie had you all cornered?"
"And why," said Leonard, knowingly, "Did you concede to the idea that you would relocate with her if she would have lost her license and had to move to a different city, albeit, a different state?"
"More importantly," said another voice.
It was Wil Wheaton who had apparently been eavesdropping. He looked at them all with knowing. "More importantly, why are you still here in the bathroom talking about her when it's clear you should have gone after Kate the moment she'd left the building."
"You." Sheldon hissed.
"Look," said Wheaton, raising his hands in surrender. "I admit that I did flirt with her—who wouldn't? She's a good-looking woman dressed in a Catwoman costume. I'd be stupid if I didn't."
Sheldon frowned.
"You'd be stupid either way," said Sheldon.
"If she meant that much to you, I wouldn't have done that," said Wheaton.
"She doesn't mean that much to me," Sheldon said quietly, looking from all of them and down at his shoes.
"Really?" Leonard remarked curtly. "She doesn't mean absolutely anything to you?"
"That has to suck then," Wheaton said.
"Why?" responded Leonard, Sheldon, Stuart, Rajesh and Howard, looking at him in unison.
"Because," said Wheaton tiredly; how did anyone talk about anything with these guys? "You obviously mean a lot to her."
Sheldon rolled his eyes, telling him, "I'd love to know how you came to that conclusion." His tone dripped with sarcasm, skepticism and any other words ending in -ism. However, Wheaton only smiled, as his meaning was genuine and understanding.
"Sheldon, I admit you're a smart guy but you're stupid when it comes to girls." He said. He put his hands on his hips and said bluntly, "I just finished talking to her."
Sheldon glared at him and said, "You're an instigator, aren't you?"
"May be, but that's not the point," said Wheaton. "Trust me,"-he raised his hands again—"She didn't do anything. She's sitting on the sidewalk."
"What'd she tell you?" Howard said, considerably curious.
"Well," said Wheaton, sighing, "I found out that in spite of memorizing your weird schedule of meals on certain days, your dress attire for certain days, your activities you do on certain days, and well, all the other intricate meaningless crap you've forced her to memorize, that in spite of it all, she does it for you. I also learned that I should have given her more credit; you're awfully needy and selfish—come on, a date night when she has a sprained ankle and a flu, are you that self-centered?"
He shook his head and said, "Oh, and I don't know if you want to hear it from me but when I tried hitting on her again, she denied me."
"Denied you?" repeated Leonard curiously. "What'd you say?"
"I said 'hey, forget that loser, and come with me'." Wheaton said.
Sheldon looked affronted but Wheaton shook his head and said, "Hey, it's fact, man."
"Water under the bridge," said Howard, waving his hand. "What did Kate say when you told her that?"
Wheaton sighed and said, "She said—and I quote— 'As attractive as you are, I'll decline because although I love your appearance, I love Sheldon more.'"
Leonard, Howard, Stuart, and Rajesh's mouth opened in complete surprise, while Sheldon stared at Wheaton incredulously.
"You can't remember anything you've tweeted in the past hour but you can remember what Kate said?" responded Sheldon. He frowned, saying, "I've already told you; she's not for you." He pulled two long pieces of towel from the rack, wadded it up, and threw it at Wheaton; after continuance of this, Wheaton told Sheldon he was crazy and ran out of the room.
Author's Note: Yes, you've heard correctly. Kate loves Sheldon :) Aw, happy moment. Read and Review, and how do you think Sheldon will tell Kate that (if he does) he loves her too? Read and Review, people!