Love Is Hell
Chapter Five: The Hodfstader Confrontation
Kate sat in the Batmobile, in the backseat of course, considering that she was in no rhyme or reason to be in the front seat. It would only compell her to drive away, right into the building in front of the car. She was lying down, her head on the right side of the backseat; she'd taken off her mask long ago when the tears had come spilling from her eyes, and the mascara and eyeliner mixed down her cheeks. That worst of it was that she didn't even care.
She threw the mask against the passenger seat of the car, knowing that's where Sheldon normally sit on their drives to work, the comic book store, the park...really anywhere.
"Stupid, stupid man," Kate hissed. But all the way, her mind whispered that he was no stupid head, just a little naïve when it came to relationships...and flirting, and sex—although Kate had established that he did learn from their past sessions and the eidetic memory only proved to be sexier with every session. Kate wanted him to cite the ingredients in Pringles. The thought made her smile, but only slightly.
The car door opened, and this point, Kate sat up quickly. She hoped it wasn't a burglar or a rapist. When she saw Leonard, she frowned. Too bad it wasn't a burglar; she'd ask him to take the car and her from this situation altogether. Leonard gazed at Kate, his face obviously placed in a state of awkwardness. He might've thought she was still a giggling bundle of nerves from the alcohol but like in any situation, alcohol was not an anti-depressant; it made matters worse, which had made itself clear when Leonard, dressed in his Green Lantern costume, saw that Kate, who was more altogether and calm in situations, was now a mascara-eyeliner-melting weepy Catwoman.
"Kate..." Leonard began awkwardly.
Kate looked at him sadly, but managed, "Hi, Leonard...Green Lantern."
"I'm Leonard for right now," he said. "Do you care if I..."
"Sure." Kate muttered.
He stepped into the car and looked at Kate momentarily. He had to observe her. Then, after seeing Kate rub off the mascara and eyeliner with the back of her gloved hand, Leonard recognized the feeling of remorse.
"Kate..." he began.
"Leonard," said Kate immediately.
"What?" Leonard replied.
"Oh...were you going to say something?" Kate asked, suddenly embarrassed.
"Well, yeah, but I mean, you can go first."
"No, no, you first." Kate said quietly. She sniffled and sighed. "You're probably going to tell me something empathetical from the heart about living with Sheldon and try to make me feel better."
"Well..." Leonard began. That had been his original intentions. Kate smiled at him, although the implication was that she thought he was being sweet, but the action itself would only depict her sadness greater than he realized.
Seeing Kate sniffle again and rub more mascara and eyeliner from her cheeks, Leonard sighed uncomfortably.
"Can I ask you something?" Leonard said.
"Sure," Kate remarked.
"You and I have never really, you know, talked before. Alone, I mean. Since I moved with Penny and you moved with Sheldon, we never needed a moment together." Leonard stated the obvious, but he was more or less profound at the idea that he and Kate, despite the shared Sheldon factor, never had a brother-sister moment as Kate knew he and Sheldon had a brotherly moment, while she and Penny, and at one point, Amy had a sisterly moment. It was the first time they were actually alone together.
Kate agreed to this point, but her response was: "We never needed one."
"I know," said Leonard. "Which brings me to my next point, and I know you're probably not in the mood to hear this, or really anything about Sheldon, but I want to emphasize the point that you, out of all of us, have put up with Sheldon's behavior for the longest time." Leonard touched her shoulder gently, saying, "Believe me, you should be in the Geniuss Book of World Records."
Kate smiled gently as well and said, "Thank you, Kate."
"So, that also brings me to my next, next point."
"All right."
"Why do you put up with him?" Leonard asked.
Kate smiled, although it faltered, and in return, she stated pointedly, "Why did you?"
"Because," said Leonard. He shrugged, saying, "Did I ever tell you about the story, about why the elevator stopped working?"
"No, but Sheldon briefed me on it. You tried making a rocket with a miscalculated formula and rather than listening to him, you insisted that you did it correctly, wherein the moment you said so, the rocket began bubbling. He pulled you out the elevator, it went off, and it's been irrepabable ever since." Kate returned smoothly.
Leonard looked at her, blinked, and said, "You got his version of the story..right. Anyway, he saved my life and that's kind of the reason I put up with him. Plus, after a while, you just get used to it."
Kate sighed.
"I thought I had gotten used to it," Kate murmured. She made a soft sobbing noise, at which point, Leonard gazed at her sympathetically. "I thought I had him figured out."
"Me too," Leonard responded. "I mean, you two are so alike. It's annoying and good."
"How can it be both?" replied Kate.
"Well, while you and Sheldon normally agree on everything, Howard, Raj, Penny, and I never have to be brought into your arguments, or take sides. When you two disagree on something, you have thirty minutes debatable time and then the situation resolves itself. I figured you'd have lost it a long time ago."
"Lost it?" Kate repeated.
"Yeah, you know—did all this a long, long, long time ago. Some people snap within the first ten minutes of meeting Sheldon. You've lived with him for eight months and not a word until now." Leonard said. "I lived with him almost nine years before I moved in with Penny, and I snapped at him I don't know how many times. Your entry in the apartment was the catalyst that enabled me to leave."
Kate smiled, in spite of her weepy state.
"But," said Leonard. "I'm his friend. Not his girlfriend." He shrugged, saying, "You see a side of Sheldon that we don't. But I do have to know."
"Know what?"
"Well," said Leonard. He shifted in the seat and looked at her pointedly. "Wil Wheaton came to the bathroom and said you talked to him. You said you loved Sheldon."
Kate stared at Leonard, and said slowly, "Why were you in the bathroom with Wil Wheaton?"
"That's where we found Sheldon," said Leonard as though this described the entire situation. As Kate held no objection, it seemed to do the trick. He then said, "So, do you?"
"Do I what?" replied Kate.
"Do you love Sheldon, the Dr. Wack-a-doodle of Pasadena?" returned Leonard.
Kate smiled and said, "Yeah, I do."
"Ever thought about telling Sheldon that?" Leonard inquired.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Why not?" repeated Kate. "He doesn't know when I'm flirting with him and when I'm not flirting with other men. Telling him I love him wouldn't do a thing, Leonard."
"It'd let him know..."
"Know what?" Kate said. "He doesn't even accept the fact that I didn't flirt with Wheaton. How can he grasp the idea that I love him?"
Leonard shrugged, saying, "That's something I can't answer, Kate. At this point, you're the experimental physicist, because no one is going to get closer to cracking that mystery than you."
Kate sighed deeply, her breath was shaky.
"Kate." Leonard said gently.
"What?"
"Do you care if I ask you one more question and, I swear, I'll drop the topic."
"All right," said Kate.
"Did you really memorize the whole Roommate-Relationship Agreement and all that it contained?" asked Leonard curiously.
"Of course," said Kate. "It's important to him, so it's important to me."
Leonard stared at her and said with given exasperation, "I sure hope you and Sheldon work this out because if you go, I don't know how that lunatic will ever cope without you."
Kate grinned with genuine comfort, saying, "Thank you, Leonard. That's very sweet."
"That's me...I'm sweetie," said Leonard, grinning. He looked back at the costume party. "So...did you want to go back in there? I mean, they are having a contest."
Kate looked at the comic book store.
"How does my face look?" Kate inquired.
Leonard looked at her. He touched Kate's cheek and rubbed the rest of the smeared makeup and said gently, "Psychotic as ever."
Kate grinned and then the two got out of the Batmobile. They entered the store together. No one looked at them when they entered, although Penny, dressed as Hawk Girl still, although no longer carrying the mace, stepped towards him.
"Kate," said Penny. She looked at Leonard. "What's up?"
"Oh, just doing my sweet talk," said Leonard. "Apparently, I'm the person to talk to when it's Sheldon-related conflicts."
Penny looked at Kate. "Are you okay?"
"Of course I am," said Kate. She raised up her hand, wiggled her fingers which, in this case, were cat claws, and said, "Rawr."
Penny grinned, but in her eyes, she seemed to realize that Kate was doing her best to have Leonard and Penny bouy her spirits, even though it was more apparent to the waitress that the certain feline in front of her wasn't as spirited as of now. Penny watched Leonard join Rajesh and Howard in the group—the two were eating the finger foods like kids grabbing candy from buckets on Halloween.
"So," said Penny. "Leonard tells me you told Wheaton you love Sheldon."
"Wow, that was fast," Kate muttered. "If calamity spread like brush fire with the speed of gossip, we'd all be experiencing a zombic apocalypse right now."
"Is it true?" Penny inquired.
"Yeah," said Kate. "It is."
"That's so sweet," Penny gushed. She hugged Kate. "I mean, it's sad about how we found out but still, so happy for you."
"Yeah," said Kate.
The costume party was a dead-end as Stuart, who was the original judge, had too much alcohol in his system. He was talking to Amy, although his stance resembled Kate's earlier clumsiness. Meanwhile, Sheldon was no where to be seen, and Kate pondered his absence. When the party ended, they clamored into the Batmobile. Sheldon, who had not been seen for the rest of the party, sat in the passenger seat, although he was formidably looking at Kate as though she was one of his enemies, like Leslie Winkle or Wil Wheaton.
Kate spared him no gaze, as she turned to Leonard and asked him to drive, for she was under the influence and had enough to drink. Leonard, opting to keep from the argument that would ensue, said 'yes' and he sat in the driver's seat, obviously thrilled that he was now driving the Batmobile. He drove Howard and Bernadette home, then Rajesh, then all that was left in the car was Kate, Penny, himself, and Sheldon.
When the car pulled over, Leonard looked in the back at Penny and Kate, who were conked out; they'd fallen asleep. Leonard and Sheldon exchanged haggard looks, but they couldn't leave them in the car. Leonard moved to the left side of the car and opened the car door, careful of Penny's falling body that came a second later. He managed to get her out, although the weight of her matched his and proved to be a hard task. Finally, Sheldon looked at Leonard.
"I think it's advisable we make this two trips with one woman rather than one trip with overbearing weight," said Sheldon.
"Right, that might be easier." Leonard agreed.
Sheldon looked at him and said, " 'Might'? I was making a statement that it was a fact rather than the mitigated probability of its simplicity."
Leonard looked at Sheldon and said with a mocking tone, "Fine, then. It will be easier."
"See?" Sheldon replied. "Was that so hard?"
They first took Penny's arm around each of their shoulder and moved into the building. On the way to the stairs, Leonard looked sideways at Sheldon. He contemplated ways of saying something but then when Sheldon looked at him, it seemed to have no viable ease of doing so.
"Sheldon, are you under the impression of what just happened at the comic book store?" asked Leonard.
"Yes, I'm under several, but for the time being, let's focus on this one," said Sheldon dismissively, hinting that while he and Leonard proved to be reasonable delegated people to transfer dead weight, he wouldn't want to prolong the feat. First they had to get Penny and Kate to bed, then, according to Sheldon, they could talk.
However, Leonard had none of it.
"Sheldon, you do realize that Wheaton said Kate loves you, right? Which, in this circumstance, is a really big thing?" Leonard pointed out.
They went up the second staircase.
"Leonard, I realize you're attempting to put some point out in the open where I can stumble over it and look back on it, but I assure you, my good man, you're under the wrong impression," stated Sheldon. They rounded the third flight of stairs. "First, how can you accept anything Wheaton says? There have been several occasions where he preempted you and Penny about the relationship you carried for two years and that ended in, what I understand, calamity, based on his open observations. How you manage to continue to undermine his deceitful word play is beyond me."
They came to Penny and Leonard's door and Leonard opened the door, after which, they staggered into the apartment, and to Penny's bedroom, placing her at the foot of the bed. Penny snored and then turned on her right.
Sheldon and Leonard walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind them, and went down the stairs after Kate.
"Sheldon, I agree that there are times where Wil Wheaton is abominable," Leonard consented. "But he wouldn't lie about Kate."
"Oh, you're so naïve," lamented Sheldon. They were down the second flight of stairs. "As I've told you before, Leonard, I've conceded to the fact that while Wheaton purposely taunted Kate into a flirtatious requiem of a demonstration for playing keeps, I'm unconvinced to the provided data you, Wolowitz, and Koothrappalli provided."
Leonard and Sheldon walked out of the building to the Batmobile. At this point, when Sheldon began opening the door to Kate's side, Leonard put his hand on the handle and shut it back, forcing Sheldon to look at him incredulously, if not a little startled.
"What are you doing?" Sheldon inquired, slightly alarmed.
"If you doubt Wheaton and me, and Howard, and Raj, then you'll listen to me because I talked to Kate," said Leonard.
Sheldon sighed exasperatedly and said with a lesser tone of fondness, "Leonard, it's invalid the words you exchanged with Kate, as she was under the elusive influence of alcohol and therefore would expel whatever first came to that woman's head. From my understanding, anything you say from this point is discernible."
Leonard stared at him and guarded Kate's door, saying, "Sheldon, Kate said she loves you. She's said it twice—to Wheaton, to me—doesn't that make any sense to you? Why would she say it twice?"
"You mean if Wheaton even spoke truthfully about talking to Kate? For all you know, Leonard, he had conjured that bit of nonsense from Azeroth or Pandora."
Leonard looked like he was ready to burst and for once, he flicked Sheldon on the shoulder, at which point, Sheldon flinched.
"Ow, what was that for?" exclaimed Sheldon.
"For being ignorant," snapped Leonard. "You have no idea what goes on in Kate's brain do you?"
"From what science has proven, I presume it's whatever goes on everyone else's mind. Not mine of course, but the majority of the human population." Sheldon remarked. He said, "I don't know why you flicked me though; it's really uncalled for."
"I think it's very called for," said Leonard. He rubbed his temples for a moment in patience and said cautiously, "Sheldon, d'you even get the big picture here? Kate says she loves you. And you're still bent over about Kate flirting with Wheaton, which, in our world, Sheldon, didn't happen."
Sheldon frowned.
"I'd rather hear that from Kate."
"You did hear it!"
"She's drunk, Leonard. You can't take what she says while in an intoxicated state as viable data pick up from; she has to be completely sober in order for me to consider anything she's said or will say in the future." Sheldon responded. He pointed to Leonard, accusing, "That's the mistake you make when you do things Penny says while she's drunk."
"Sheldon, you're being stupid!"
"No, you're being stupid," Sheldon retorted.
Leonard shook his head, saying, "I don't know how Kate puts up with you, Sheldon! You know what, forget it, let's just get Kate upstairs so I can go to bed."
"Very well," Sheldon remarked.
The two opened the door and pulled Kate out. As they entered the building, Leonard looked at Sheldon.
"If you don't have the same feelings for Kate, Sheldon, why did you buy her a thirty-thousand dollar necklace?" asked Leonard.
Sheldon glanced at him icily.
"I thought you said to forget about it?" he returned.
"No, no, I want to know," Leonard insisted. "You say you don't have feelings for her. Why'd you buy the necklace."
"I never said I held no capacity of human emotionality for her, Leonard. You assumed that." Sheldon said.
"Then why have you denied it?" asked Leonard.
"Because, Leonard, in my perspective, if two people experience a homeostasis in a relationship where equilibrium is acquired, met, and stabilized, a statement of said symposium is unnecessary," said Sheldon.
Leonard and Sheldon stopped on the third staircase. Leonard stared at Sheldon.
"You feel like you don't have to tell Kate you love her too?" asked Leonard incredulously.
Sheldon sighed heavily, tiring of the conversation. He breathed with a tinge of exasperation, "Yes."
Leonard shook his head as they came to the threshold of 4A. But he gave no further insight of his disposition. Sheldon pulled out the keys from his utility belt and opened the door. As they entered, Leonard and Sheldon staggered over to the couch and gently laid Kate down. Sheldon looked down at her then at Leonard.
"Do you think I should?" asked Sheldon curiously.
"Should what?" returned Leonard; he was already at the door, opening it.
"Do you suggest I tell her?" asked Sheldon. "By your tone of incredibility and the constant shaking of your head, which I've learned to be a disapproving gesture, I'm at the conclusion you believe it's advisable that I share with Kate my emotions, although I continue to parade the fact that doing so would make me a hippie."
"Sheldon, you don't have to be a hippie to express your emotions to someone, especially as someone as special as Kate."
"And why," said Sheldon, crossing his arms, "Do you believe she's special?"
Leonard stared at him. Did he honestly not know? Leonard shut the door and walked over to him.
"Sheldon, let me put it to you this way. Kate does everything I used to do when I was your roommate except she does it with a smile. She drives you places without complaint and even when she's worked over twenty hours, she still makes time in her schedule to accommodate to your demands, even as ludicrous as I've thought them to be. And not only that, she stopped being friends with a woman who was a friend of hers for years just because Chance continued to make you uncomfortable, even though that's what Howard, Raj and I set out to do for fun in the first place." Leonard stated.
Sheldon opened his mouth to speak but apparently, Leonard had enough. He was speaking for Kate, and perhaps, the rest of them.
"No, no," Leonard said. "This time, you listen to me. I'm talking for her, as she's drunk, and for everyone else who has stood here and watched the two of you for the past eight months. You know what I've realized, Sheldon? She has to have strong feelings for you if you constantly chastise her for things that a human does when they're feeling vulnerable or at odds with someone. And she keeps coming back for it."
Sheldon stepped towards Leonard, ready to retort, but Leonard pointed to the desk chair.
"I'm not done talking, Sheldon. Sit down."
Sheldon looked at Leonard with surprise but to his resolve, he sat in the rolling chair. Leonard crossed his arms, proud of himself, but he wasn't finished.
"Another thing is that you think Kate was flirting with Wheaton. While your friends and I insist that it's just your jealousy and strong attachment to her, you insist that Kate was betraying you. I don't know how to make it more clear to you that Kate has no interest in Wheaton. She's interested in you, and we're all mystified by it!"
Sheldon held up a finger to make a counter argument but Leonard shook his head.
"No, Sheldon, I'm still talking." Leonard said.
Sheldon sighed tiredly but he continued to listen. Leonard unfolded his arms.
"While you continue to deny your strong feelings for Kate, you buy her a thirty-thousand dollar sobriquet. How does one do that and deny feelings? That's more money that I even saved in my bank account for the past twenty years!"
Sheldon stood and said angrily, "Leonard, I told you, I'm not denying anything towards Kate."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. I told you on the staircase that while you and Penny seem to have a constant battering need to tell each other how you feel and remind one another just that, I believe that Kate and I have a mutual understanding of the matter."
"Obviously not, Sheldon; she think you don't know it," Leonard told him. "You're so ignorant to everything around you when relationships and women are concerned that she doesn't believe you have reciprocated the feelings for her."
"That's just ridiculous," Sheldon snapped. "She knows very well how I feel."
"Does she?" Leonard rounded.
"Yes."
"Has it ever occurred to you that people need validation of some kind to understand that?" asked Leonard. "Just because you give her a necklace of authenticity and take care of her when you are sick or have sex with her doesn't mean you hold any strong possession of emotionality for her, Sheldon."
"It doesn't?" Sheldon replied, sincerely baffled. His anger was dropped at once.
"No," said Leonard. "Well, yes, but at the same time no."
"How can they be both?"
"It's just how it is," said Leonard. "I tell Penny I love her more than one occasion because it makes her know I love her. Sometimes, people forget."
"I never forget," said Sheldon. "As I've consistently reminded you and you frequently forget, I have an eidetic memory."
"No one forgets," said Leonard exasperatedly. "You have to tell Kate how you feel, point blank. If you don't, she'll interpret your silence as you having no feelings for her, and then, Sheldon, then she'll leave."
"Why would she leave?" asked Sheldon. "This is her apartment too. While I'm at a disagreement with her, I still preclude the fact she signed a contract and she is, at any given time, welcome here, although the friendship and relationship may need to be amended..."
"Sheldon, I'm not talking about physically leaving the apartment!" Leonard snapped irritably.
"Then maybe you should make yourself clearer!" Sheldon snapped back.
Leonard wringed his hands in front of him, perhaps choking an invisible Sheldon. To him, apparently, he was at odds with himself. How did Sheldon and Kate argue in less than thirty minutes and still continue Date Nights with the previous sweet emotions still intact?
Leonard gritted his teeth and through some form of his own voicing Kohlinar, he retracted his anger for the meantime and looked at Sheldon reproachfully.
"Sheldon, I'm not talking about Kate leaving the apartment and her things. I'm saying that if you don't make it clear to Kate soon, like the moment she wakes up, that you feel very strongly for her that she'll not only leave the apartment, but she'll leave you."
Sheldon stared at Leonard. He clapsed his hands in thought then moved towards him, reproachful.
"Why would she leave?" asked Sheldon. "Where would she go?"
"Sheldon..." Leonard sighed. "Kate's obviously in possession of some inexplicable power to deal with you. I'm tired. I can't explain everything to you about a woman."
"I'd hope not, because in turn, that'd make you one," Sheldon replied. He frowned. "Leonard..." He licked his lips anxiously and said, "I don't want Kate to go."
"Then tell her how you feel," said Leonard.
"I can't," said Sheldon. As a thought, he said more emphatically, "You do it."
"Sheldon," sighed Leonard. "I'm not going to tell Kate you love her. It won't be as persuasive."
"What if I record it for you; all you'd have to do is push 'play'," said Sheldon.
"No," Leonard scolded. "It's all you, Sheldon. I've done my part in telling Penny how I feel about her, and I've got a wedding to prepare for, so you're going to have to show Kate or tell her, one or the other, that you are prepared for a serious relationship. Otherwise, she's going to leave you, and odds are, you won't see her again."
With that, Leonard walked out of the apartment and to bed, leaving Sheldon looking after him. The emotion placed clearly on Sheldon's face was definitive fear. It was more than obvious.
He really didn't want Kate to go.