Love Is Hell
Chapter Seven: The Cooper-Cooper counsel
Disclaimer: Once more, I own no BBT characters, except Kate and the former, Chance. The minor characters mentioned are Kyle Doors and Taylor, and those are my own as well.
Author's Note: I know there's an unclear time frame but to keep in perspective, at this point of the story, Kate and Sheldon have known each other 2 years and 8 months but have lived together 8 months and have been in a relationship about eight months. It's November, of course (prior to the Thanksgiving Party) but I like a time frame just as anyone would so there it is. Hope everyone is enjoying the story. Love you all, thanks for your long review, Nightbloodwolf, I always look forward to your eccentricity towards my story :D
Sheldon woke up the next morning as any day, at six-fifteen. He smelled a delightful fragrance, but it was somehow mixed. This included the disinfectant spray of Lysol and lemon-fragranted furniture polisher, and a delightful smell of French Toast and coffee. Curious of the combination, Sheldon entered the kitchen and saw that Kate was making the French toast via stove rather than Penny's preference of a toaster. Kate turned to him by chance as she placed the toast on two separate plates, each playing host to three slices.
He saw that Kate was dressed in blue jeans and a red shirt with yellow lightning bolts on the hems, the Flash emblem on the front. Sheldon recognized the shirt as the first clothing she'd been wearing when they had met eight months ago. It was the first time she dully surprised him.
Sitting at the kitchen table, he watched her still, enticed by the French aroma, and the shirt she wore.
"Kate?" he asked. "Are you feeling well?"
"Better," said Kate notably. "Thanks for asking." She handed him his plate. "Coffee or tea."
"Kate, I don't drink coffee," said Sheldon. "It causes hyperactivity and I promised my mom I wouldn't do drugs."
Kate smiled at him. "It's decaf, honey."
"I still decline."
"All right," said Kate. She handed him a cup of tea. "Here's tea."
"Does it have honey?"
"Yes," said Kate. She gave him a look and said, "Come on, Sheldon. I may have offered you coffee out of a sprite whimsy but are you really going to insult my intelligence with that kind of question?"
Sheldon shrugged and said, "It's not a bad idea to test the waters before entering a pool of conversation, Kate." He took the cup in his hand and drank it, testing it. She'd not changed a bit with the certain amount of honey in his tea; she'd gotten it spot on. Sheldon looked at her curiously.
"Did you sleep well?" asked Sheldon.
Kate placed the last piece of toast on her plate and lucky she did so for she was stumped at his question. She merely looked at him, as though he was an experiment ready to implode.
"Did I say something wrong?" asked Sheldon.
"No. It's just that...nevermind. Um, yes, I slept well," said Kate sweetly. She hadn't expected such a genuine question—where did that come from? In spite of it, Kate sat across from him.
"I did too," Sheldon noted. He ate a slice of toast before continuing. "Kate. I have a question for you and while I ask, I want you to answer me with the utmost honesty."
"All right. Go head."
"Do you believe we are at a point in our relationship where we meet one another's parents, or rather, maternal parent, as you know my father has long ago passed, and yours is probably fornicating with some promiscuous bar maid." Sheldon stated.
Kate smiled, in spite of his father denotation.
"Where's this coming from?" Kate inquired. She took a drink of her coffee, winced, and then began adding sugar.
"Well," said Sheldon. "Personally, it's not a suggestion from me per se, but rather than my own mother."
Kate grinned, saying, "I didn't realize you spoke to your mother."
"I do, but I'm not so easily inclined to do so where company's presented itself." Sheldon told her. He started on the second slice and licked his lips happily; the sugar was very appealing to him in the morning. He looked at Kate afterward. "Recently, my mom has taken to asking about you everyday and I tell her the same thing repeatedly, yet, it seems to have no avail to change the questions."
Kate chuckled, saying, "And what questions are those?"
Sheldon drank some of his tea then placed the cup down.
" 'How's your roommate?' 'How come you've never let me talk to her before?' 'What's the point in having a conversation with your mother when you don't tell her what's going on?'" Sheldon recited. He shook his head derisively and said, "The most popular question, and it's the reason behind my suggestion, 'When are you going to introduce me to your girlfriend; I hear more about her from your friends, than I do from you?'"
Kate shrugged considerably. She stood and opened the refrigerator door, pulling out the gallon of milk. As she did, Kate offered, "Has it ever occurred to you that she wants to stay involved in your life, Sheldon?"
"I figured she'd be as involved in my life as your own mother is involved in yours," Sheldon replied smoothly.
Kate glanced at him, saying, "My mom and I are on different grounds."
"I consider them to be the same, unless the ground on which your mother stands has somehow made irreparable damage and moved, as the continents have done years ago during the Continental Drift, which in the case, Kate, you two are not only on different grounds, but different countries. If that's what you're telling me, you've been deceiving." Sheldon took a drink of his tea and smiled delightedly, "Yum."
Kate poured a glass of milk into a separate cup and drank this, leaving the coffee unattended. Putting back the milk, closing the refrigerator and sitting down, Kate merely gave Sheldon a smile. She still enjoying his useless banter, even if he considered it useful.
"Sheldon, my mom and I don't talk. We only converse via email and that's because she's still my mother. She only worries about me when I've had a car stolen. Other than that, she keeps very little connotations of my day-to-day interactions." Kate remarked. "I have a closer bond with my father than I do with my mom, at least he's able to admit his distance rather than she prefers to claim to be 'Mother of the Year'." Kate made a wild hand gesture to the false title but her smile was planted to be calm and oppositely genuine.
Sheldon gave her an odd look, saying, "I've heard you talk to your mother, Kate. She sounds like a conscientious woman, very protective and reasonably involved in your life."
Kate smiled sweetly and said, "Sheldon. She only keeps up with my life through the emails I send her and Facebook. Our relationship is as close as the Hodfstader's, but I digress that I have a closer bond with my mother. If we both put effort into our mother-daughter relationship, we'd be as close as Howard and his mother, but I prefer a distance."
Sheldon nodded, considering it. Although he envied Leonard's mother, her scientific neurobiologist whimsy, he did prefer his own relationship with Mrs. Cooper than that given with Howard and Mrs. Wolowitz. There was distance, there was space and a limitation. He could be grateful for that, at the least.
"Anyway," Sheldon stated. He looked at Kate, who was drinking the milk in her cup. "My mom wanted to come here for a visit, to meet you. Before doing so, she wanted to know if that was appropriate, considering she ponders the relationship between us."
"What's to ponder?" Kate remarked.
"Apparently, she's unclear how I've managed to bypass Amy and acquire a second girlfriend, despite Amy and my similarities."
Kate looked at him, reproachful.
"But you said so yourself that we are more similar in personality," Kate told him.
"Of course," said Sheldon. "And how can I argue with me?"
He pushed his bowl to the side and said, "Apparently, the fact we are even more similar to each other than Amy and me has made my mother off-putting."
"She's afraid of me?" Kate inquired.
"No, but I do have a feeling one of our dutiful friends informed her that we were intimate on a few occasions and this has led her to oblivion," said Sheldon.
Kate chuckled and said, "You mean your mom's afraid to meet the person that took away her baby boy's virginity? That's clearly understandable." She stood and took Sheldon's empty plate and placed it in the sink. "So what else have our meager friends told her?"
Sheldon sighed. Hearing him, she turned to gaze, and wasn't sure whether to be intimidated that he looked a bit uncomfortable himself.
"What?" Kate inquired. She sat down quickly, saying, "What did they say?"
Sheldon licked his lips and said quietly, "I should tell you, Kate, that you can just assume that my mother knows everything about us. Our relationship has been brought to the open, by extension, to everyone we know, admire, and hate." Sheldon shook his head, slightly embarrassed. "So, I'm to only presume that Howard, Penny, and Leonard have informed her that you are a medical surgeon."
Kate smiled and said, "If that's the worst she knows about me, I think we're safe."
"Not exactly," Sheldon said. He stood on input, looking at her seriously. "Kate, she's a born-again Christian woman. Time and time again I've argued with her about my profession in science and the work of physics, so there's no doubt in my mind she'll inquire your profession as being unethical and wrong."
Kate only smiled and stepped towards him, saying with a knowing tone, "Sheldon, I've endured that kind of talk from my mother and Chance. Your mother can't possibly do any worse."
Sheldon looked at her and said, "You underestimate Mary Cooper."
Kate shrugged and said, "If we do meet, Sheldon, I'm not going to shove it in her face that I butcher people for a living, and harvest their organs with a rusty scalpel. Even to me, that sounds immoral."
Sheldon stared at her.
"Do you really butcher people for a living and harvest their organs with a rusty scalpel?" Sheldon asked, alarmed.
"No, the scalpel comes out new, right out of the package." Kate replied.
Sheldon's eyes widened. That was until Kate giggled and she shook her head.
"I'm kidding, Sheldon. I'm a surgeon, not a butcher. There's a distinct difference; I have a medical degree." Kate winked at him.
"I'm not amused."
"I know," said Kate. "I'm sorry."
Sheldon shook his head, but was relieved to hear that Kate was kidding. He was doubting her for just a second but a second of doubt was better than full-fledged ignorance. Kate took the empty places and put them in the sink, washed, dried them, and then put them in the cabinets, under which were labeled plates. Kate then rinsed her two coffee/milk cups and then turned to him. She leaned against the sink, her back to the faucet.
Sheldon watched her for a second, smiling.
"What?" Kate asked when she noticed his gaze.
"That's the same shirt you wore when we first met," said Sheldon. "I've not seen it in a while."
Kate immediately blushed; this was the first time in a long time that she'd done so, which made Sheldon get under the impression that he'd either said something that embarrassed her but equally surprised her or something that made her girlish hormones act up.
"You remember the clothes I was wearing when we first met?" Kate remarked.
"Of course I do. I have an eidetic memory," said Sheldon. He stepped towards her and Kate watched him, eyes swimming.
"Indeed you do." Kate returned. "I still think it's sexy. Could you recite the ingredients in Pringles?"
Sheldon smiled at her, saying, "Dried potatoes, vegetable oil (which contains one or more of the following: corn oil, cottonseed oil, and possibly sunflower oil), wheat starch, maltodextrin, salt, rice flour, and dextrose, which contains wheat ingredients."
Kate took the front of his robe and pulled her to him, which surprised Sheldon. He merely voiced a small utterance, stopping himself from bumping into her when he put his hands on the sink, on either side of her.
Kate raised her chin and kissed the corner of his mouth. Sheldon looked at her.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"Only you can make the ingredients in Pringles come off as sexy, Sheldon." Kate said smoothly. "I like it."
Sheldon looked at her curiously, but the seduction intended in her voice was clear as day. He didn't count the days that went by when sex was concerned, but the number appeared in his mind when he felt her hands move past the robe and brush against his hips. Sheldon looked at her; although he'd become quite comfortable with Kate's discernible spontaneous kisses, which she only did when he was in a predictably good mood (and when no one was around), he still couldn't push away the thought that on her hands lingered a germ or two that begged to hold on, despite her hand washing and the sanitizer she kept with her at all times.
He hesitated for this reason in touching her back, and Kate, who understood him better than anyone else—even Amy or Leonard, and his mom—smiled at him. She only touched his hips, over his pajamas, rather than the flirting conjectures that Sheldon had seen Penny and Leonard or Howard and Bernadette—or more importantly, Chance and Rajesh—do in spite of being in public. They normally went past their barriers, but Kate probably did this for his comfort.
"Kate, I'm not comfortable with this," Sheldon told her. "Social protocol dictates that one eats in a kitchen and the more physical take place in a bedroom. This isn't a bedroom."
Kate smiled, saying, "I know." She touched his chin, moved it to his left. Her lips met his throat and lingered after their forbidden kiss. "One action can lead to another, though." She indicatively smiled at him, but when he imposed no further action, she merely grinned and walked past him.
Sheldon looked after her. Yeah, that definitely had to be...
Sheldon took her hand and she turned to him.
"Just so we're clear, that was an obvious flirtatious conjecture, right?" asked Sheldon.
Kate beamed, lighting up like a Christmas light. With that, she responded, genuinely happy, "Yes, Sheldon. That was a flirt."
"Nailed it," he said happily.
Kate only continued to smile. She sat in her spot on the couch while Sheldon left to shower and dress for the day. When he came out, the phone rang. At this point, he answered the home phone.
"Hello." Sheldon answered flatly.
Kate looked at him; she was in the middle of reading a comic book—one of the many she possessed that included Batman. Her eyes only flickered to him before being once more immersed in whatever justice Batman was delivering.
"Hi, Mom," said Sheldon. "How are you?"
Kate turned to him, a bit distracted.
"Well, that's good...Yes, I've talked to her, just this morning actually," said Sheldon, glancing at Kate. She waved at him. Sheldon sat in his spot and continued to talk, "Yes, she said she's fine with meeting you. Apparently, she has no dire anxiety of meeting you, Mom...I know, I had the same expectation but Kate's become rather unpredictable in the past few days. You can say that we've 'uped the ante' in our relationship."
Kate chuckled. Some seconds later, Sheldon sighed disgustedly, and said, "Mom, not that kind of ante. Honestly, why would I talk about that to you!"
Kate suppressed a laugh, knowing they were referencing sexual activities. Sheldon shook his head, looking at Kate as though the woman was a lost cause. After a few more minutes, Sheldon smiled.
"Yes, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thanks for asking...Yes, I was Batman this year...No, Kate wasn't dressed as a promiscuous feline, she was Catwoman...Mom, that's not the same thing." Sheldon protested. "Catwoman is a vigilante while also being a jewel-thief...I don't think prayer would help."
Kate glanced at Sheldon again and was smiling.
"Can I talk to her?" Kate asked curiously.
"Hold on, Mom, Kate's asking me something," Sheldon said. He lowered the phone and looked at Kate directly. "What did you say?"
"Can I talk to her?" Kate repeated.
Sheldon shrugged and then placed the phone back to his ear, saying, "Mom, she wants to talk to you."
He waited for a moment before he rolled his eyes, saying, "Well, she's reading a comic book...no, it's one of the more graphic novels but it's in good taste." Sheldon made a wave of his hand and Kate smiled at him affectionately.
"It's her day off, I'm under the impression you can talk to her as long as you wish," said Sheldon. "Right...Okay, I'll ask but I really don't see the reason in doing so." He turned to Kate and said, "Are you sure you have the time, although it's most apparent you do."
"Yes, I have the time," said Kate. She folded her comic book and placed it on the coffee table.
Sheldon replied to his mom, "She says she has the time, just as I told you...Yes, I know, it's always appropriate to ask rather than to assume...All right, I'll see you soon. Okay, here's Kate. Yes, good-bye, Mom. I love you too. Bye." Sheldon handed Kate the phone and said, "It's for you."
Kate took it and said in a sweet voice, "Hello, Mrs. Cooper."
"Is this Kate?"
"Yes," said Kate.
"My gracious, you sound a lot younger than I thought you would."
"Thank you, so do you," said Kate, smiling lightly.
"Oh, you don't have to flatter me," said Mrs. Cooper, although she sounded so. Kate was mesmerized; Sheldon's mother was so much more serene and sweet.
"No, no, no flattery here," said Kate gently. "Stating truth beyond all rhyme and reason, Mrs. Cooper. It's so nice to talk to you."
"I have to agree. I wondered when I would hear from you; Shelly regularly hides his friends from me, I've yet figure out why. The last time I heard he had a girlfriend was with a...rather unique...girl named Amy. Not pushing you out the door, but what happened to her?"
"She found Stuart," said Kate.
"Who?"
"Stuart," repeated Kate. "He's a comic book store owner. He possessed humorous anecdotes and plausible knowledge of comic book heroes; he and Amy don't necessarily agree with their interests of choice but most recently, they've predicated an agreement. While Amy tones down her gradable vocabulary, he makes an consolable effort in learning about neurobiology; it's rather admirable."
Kate glanced at Sheldon, who was now reading Kate's comic book with interest, paying no attention to her or his mother's conversation.
"I see, well..." Mrs. Cooper replied, but sounded a bit off-putting. She continued, "Well, it's nice to hear that Shelly's found himself someone like him...again. To be quite honest with you, I never thought it'd happen again."
"Have people told you we are alike?" Kate inquired.
"No," said Mrs. Cooper. "I've figured that out for myself." She made a nervous laugh and said, "How long have you and my son been dating?"
"Well, as you know, I'm also his roommate so we hit it off around the beginning of May so maybe...eight months, I think? Sheldon..." Kate turned to him and Sheldon looked up at her. "How long have we been dating?"
Sheldon leaned forward into the phone and said, "We've been dating eight months, three weeks and four days; I'll be enthusiastic when the weekend passes because at that point, we've hit nine months exactly." Sheldon leaned back and continued reading the comic book.
Kate put the phone to her ear again and said, "According to him, eight months, three weeks and four days; in another two days, we'll be nine months."
Mrs. Cooper chuckled and said, "Well, isn't that nice?" She continued and asked, "If it's not a bother, Kate, could you tell me what your profession is?"
"I'm a trauma surgeon," said Kate. "I work at the Pasadena General Hospital."
"Do you have as many degrees as Sheldon says you do?"
"Yeah," said Kate obliviously. "Why would I make that up?"
"Oh, I don't know. Sheldon has a world of imagination when it comes to achievements."
Kate smiled slightly. She glanced at Sheldon who flipped the comic book pages in earnest; he certainly wanted to see what Batman did to the Joker in the end, for he was reading awfully fast, and the intensity of his gaze was amazing.
"Well, it's not imagined. I have two doctorates in medicine and a masters in surgical technologies. I've also won a Nobel Prize."
"Ah, are you as intent on getting one like Shelly?"
"No, Mrs. Cooper. I've already gotten one; I don't need another one." Kate replied, chuckling. "But it wouldn't be a bad offer if you had a spare."
Mrs. Cooper laughed, perhaps more out of humor than the understanding of the joke, saying, "Oh, it's good to hear you have a natural sense of humor."
"What other humor would I possess?" Kate inquired curiously.
"Oh, let's not dwell on that. Kate, I was intent on going to your and Shelly's apartment around Christmas. As a Christian, I believe it's more than just an obligation to spread the word of God's love to those who are most in need of it. Since Shelly's promised to go to church at least once a year, and you've probably been swimming in a pool of sin for years, as you've been practicing medicine for over a decade, I think it would be a great idea to come see you all for Christmas. Plus, it's a holiday."
"I was under the impression that Sheldon didn't have Christmas," said Kate.
"He doesn't. I do. But I know my son and when I'm there, we'll have Christmas, whether he allows it or not." Mrs. Cooper said with finality.
"Well, by all means, come," said Kate happily. "I'll be happy to meet you. On a side note, have you heard that Leonard and Penny are engaged to wed?"
"Of course; Penny never stopped repeating it; I'm so happy for them. I was praying for Leonard; I wondered what his deal was. Of course, I wondered plenty about Shelly; I thought when Amy left that there was no longer any hope."
Kate smiled and said, "Oh, there's hope. Always hope."
"Yes, my dear. I have one more thing to say before I get off here; I have a turkey roasting in the fire and I don't want it overheating."
"All right," said Kate.
"I was going to inquire your relationship with Sheldon but you know how private he can be; he's a man, and strange, so naturally, I'm unable to get anything out of him." Mrs. Cooper stated. "I'm curious though." She added with what Kate only knew was a smile, "Are you and my son attempting to get pregnant?"
"Uh..." Kate began but the response never came. "Um, Mrs. Cooper...I'll stipulate to the fact that Sheldon and I are...um...intimate, on occasions but we never leave the situation unprotected, if you get my drift. Children are the last priority. What I've been taught is that one must be married before such things are roasting in the fire."
Mrs. Cooper apparently was pleased as she said, "Well, then, I have nothing to worry about. I have more question, but I'll make it fast since I can hear your discomfort."
"That'd be great," said Kate enthusiastically.
"Are you in love with him?"
Kate stopped herself but why she did was unclear to her. She'd already professed her love to Sheldon. So why did she hesitate in telling his mother?
"Mrs. Cooper..."
"Oh, stop, it's just a question. Do you love him?"
"Yes. I do."
"You're not just telling me because I'm a God-fearing woman and a loving mother, are you?" Mrs. Cooper questioned. "Unlike Shelly, I do understand people so if you're telling me this because you think you're going to get in heat with me, don't worry; I understand this stuff takes..."
"I'm very much in love with your son, Mrs. Cooper," said Kate seriously.
"Oh well, that gives me all the information I need to know. Has he expressed the same?"
Kate regarded the question, looking at Sheldon with a smile. He finished the comic book and grinned broadly.
"Yes, Mrs. Cooper. In his own Sheldon ways, yes."
"Well, that's just beautiful. I'm glad to hear it. I wish he'd told me, though, so I didn't have to ask you," Mrs. Cooper said. Although the tenderness in her voice could be heard, Kate guessed she was a bit disappointed in Sheldon for not including her in the relationship updates.
"It's been a pleasure talking to you, Kate." Mrs. Cooper said. "And please, call me Mary."
"All right." Kate said.
"Would you please hand the phone to Sheldon. I'd like to talk to him for a moment," said Mary.
"Yeah, sure, no problem." Kate said. "It's nice talking to you."
"You too."
"Good-bye, Mary." She handed the phone to Sheldon, who looked at it, perplexed. "She wants to talk to you for a moment."
"Oh, dear lord, did you get me in trouble?" asked Sheldon quietly.
Kate smiled and wiggled the phone at him. He took it out of slight annoyance and sighed when he put the phone to his ear.
"Sheldon's here," he said. Immediately, he said, "Mom, if you were curious, I figured you'd ask. When people are normally curious, they normally ask questions."
Kate merely beamed.
"Mom, Kate and I have reached a point of homeostasis in our relationship where an equilibrium of understanding has been placed and stabilized; I don't find it necessary to tell her how I feel when she's already perceived the notion...Mom, I don't want—okay, okay.." Sheldon sighed and put the phone from him and then looked at Kate.
There was some strong hesitation as he forced the words out but they came out clear and precise: "Kate, I love you."
Kate's heart stopped...figuratively.
Sheldon put the phone back to his ear and said, "Mom, I have to get Leonard and Penny. Why? What I told her made her faint on the floor." Sheldon looked at the woman that was on her side, between the couch and the table. "Mom, she's done this before except on a different situation where—Mom, I have to call you back." He pushed end and when he was sure that Kate was all right, he dialed her number and she picked up.
"Mom, Kate's all right. I told her saying that would stop her heart." Sheldon told her. "No, she's fine. Yes, I'm still going to get Leonard and Penny...I'll see you later...Good-bye. I love you too." Sheldon hung up and as promised, he sped from the living room and knocked on Leonard and Penny's door three times, each saying, "Leonard and Penny!"