Love Is Hell
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Author's Note: I know my readers don't really like Chance, but I'm giving her a chance...humorous word play. Hope you all do too, but trust me, Kate won't let Chance slide so easily. 'Big softy', my ass, right? Lol. Anyway, I'm going to write this chapter and go to work, so leave me some excellent reviews. Do you believe Chance has changed?
Chapter Twelve: The Provoking Trigger
As always before a game, the group was stationed in the Burns-Cooper apartment for a briefing. As Sheldon pulled out the board in which was touch-screen and served a great purpose a few years ago in which to place who in which car for the science conference, it was now serving a purpose in a football-like strategy.
Sheldon had moved the heads of the team here and there, drawing out where they would cover, when they'd retreat, and who'd be taken out by the time they had reached a time interval. Throughout, Chance, having been last-minute added to the team, was a bit exasperated, for she sighed here and there—mainly because her patience never exceeded past 'hunt and kill'.
When she exhaled another sigh of impatience, Sheldon heard and this time, after many times, he acknowledged it. He put a pause on the briefing and turned to her.
"I'm sorry, what's with the sigh of exasperation?" Sheldon asked her, although his tone was the utmost challenging.
Chance looked at him and shrugged dismissively.
"No, really," said Sheldon. He clasped his hands behind him—Kate smiled when he did so for it was his display of professionalism—and looked at her pointedly. "What is it?"
Sitting between Raj's legs, Chance was more or less in tune with her sweet self, but the tension between her and Sheldon was imminent. On her part, she maintained a gentle tone although underlying her sweet disposition was a poisonous dart ready to do its own seek-and-find game.
"How come you spend hours and hours on this when you know, at the end, we're all going to go out shooting?" asked Chance. "Seems like a waste of time."
"A waste of time?" Sheldon repeated.
"Here we go," muttered Leonard and Penny. Howard groaned.
"I'll tell you what's a waste of time," Sheldon began but Kate looked at him.
"Sheldon," she probed cautiously.
"Kate, she's..."
"Sheldon," Kate said again. Seeing Chance standing and Sheldon standing, Kate did so as well, except her hands reached to the both of them. "It's obvious we've come to a disagreement but I'll remind the both of you that we are all attempting to become tolerant of each other."
"Kate, tolerance is becoming desensitized to Penny's ever repetitive phrase 'oh, my god' and Leonard's consistency of claiming that his work is less than derivative," Sheldon stated curtly. " 'Tolerance' is also inexplicably accepting the fact that while you and I are under the the certain phrase 'together', I can hardly stipulate to reason with this woman when she finds the compulsion to question me. You know very well that in order for a battle strategy to work efficiently, one must have a briefing about the strategy; how else are we going to win?"
Throughout, Chance stared at Sheldon.
"I know that, Sheldon," Kate said.
"Then tell her," Sheldon said, inclining his head to Chance.
"You know what, never mind, I'm sorry I brought it up," said Chance. She sat back down beside Raj, and shook her head.
Kate glanced at her mildly shocked that she consented quickly. Kate took Sheldon by the arm and pulled him into the kitchen. He merely gazed at her, a bit affronted.
"What?" Sheldon said.
"Sheldon, Chance is making a great effort in cooperating. It's not a bad idea for you to do the same."
"I am making a great effort," Sheldon replied. "It's her disability to roll the dice and count the blocks before she just raises her hands and impulsively passes Go and collects her two-hundred dollars, ultimately landing her in jail for three turns due to her lack of understanding."
Kate stared at him, half-amused, saying, "Monopoly analogies, huh?" Sheldon gave her a condescending look to which Kate sighed and said, "Just play nice, okay, Sheldon?"
"I don't see why she's here anyway," said Sheldon, glancing at Chance who was showing Penny her phone; on it might've been an app for shoes or some girlish nonsense for Penny was enthusiastic about the clearance sales.
"Honey," Kate murmured; her tone was also exasperated, similar to Chance's. Hearing it, Sheldon gave her a reproachful look. "Sheldon, she's trying to make up for what she'd said in the past."
"I know what her atonement represents, Kate. I'm not stupid," said Sheldon.
"I never said you were. The fact remains that Chance is doing her best to cooperate. It'd be a nice gesture if you'd do the same." Kate told him.
"Why should I try to cooperate with her? It's her fault the argument happened at all," Sheldon remarked. "Her incessant whining only influences my decision more to banish her yet again."
Kate sighed wearily.
"Sheldon, honey, just do this for me, okay?" asked Kate. "She's my childhood friend and I want my boyfriend and best friend to like each other."
"Highly unlikely," Sheldon replied passively. He added malevolently, "When did you and Briar suddenly become friends?"
"When she apologized," admitted Kate.
"I should have known; you're too soft," Sheldon sympathized. "This world is going to chew you up and spit you back out." He shook his head in revelry but whatever clicked in his mind—the human heart of his—made him touch her arm. As a note, he said, "I'm going to attempt to make this work, Kate, but I'll postulate that my efforts will only stretch so far and wide to accommodate Briars' antics, at which point, if she poses a threat, we may very well have to kill her."
Kate smiled at him and whispered, "Thank you, Sheldon."
He whispered back, "You're welcome, Kitten."
Kate and Sheldon reassembled back in the living room. Chance looked at Kate inquisitively; Sheldon continued the briefing. She and Kate exchanged a look of understanding and although Sheldon never stopped the briefing, continuing as he'd done so without deliberation, Chance seemed to perceive that her part was half-met.
The Paintball match was set in stone as it was the legendary rematch between the astrological and geological department. Kate was enthusiastic as the team stood in the barn, marking the pattern of attack on the sand when someone entered, uninvited. Immediately, Sheldon and Kate held up their rifles and saw that it was Leslie Winkle. Seeing her, Sheldon eyed her suspiciously. However, Kate smiled.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Kate remarked curiously.
"I'm on your side," Leslie said.
"Really?" Sheldon said, surprised as well.
"Yes," said Leslie. She looked at Kate and said, "Kripke's being an ass."
"No shit?" Chance remarked curiously.
The group glanced at her.
"How do you know him?" Leslie asked Chance.
"He hit on me shortly after I came here," Chance told Leslie. She sat on a hay bale, loading the magazine in her gun. In turn, Howard and Sheldon looked at Rajesh.
"Kripke flirted with your girlfriend?" Howard questioned incredulously. "You do anything about it?"
"Yeah," said Rajesh. "I threatened that we had Kate, Chance, Penny, and Bernadette on the team and if he didn't steer clear, we'd cream him. It didn't work though; he did this to Chance"-he made a 'call me' gesture with his hand to his ear—"and told her that he'd be back for her."
Leslie shook her head and said, "What an ass."
Sheldon looked at her obliviously.
"So am I to dispose of the briefing completely and just acquire you as one of us or are you a renegade?" Sheldon remarked to Leslie, half-convinced of her loyalty.
"What can I say?" Leslie remarked. She put an arm around Kate and said, "I like your girlfriend." She gave Kate a grin and she returned it.
"So we're going after Kripke now?" asked Penny. "Which one is he?"
In return, Chance said, "Whoa, where have wou been all my wife."
"Ah, right," said Penny. She winked, saying, "Gotcha."
"That's a stupid line," Howard muttered, shaking his head. In turn, Bernadette glanced at him with a smile.
"Now, hold on, it's not just Kripke we're targeting," Sheldon said. "The moment we disband into a mob and target just one simpleton, we've acquired a weaker spot, which would be unlike the small disbandment in the Death Star that became its destruction."
Chance chuckled, which made everyone look at her.
"I saw the Family Guy hash of that—that part is great," Chance said, laughing.
"Family Guy doesn't portray it correctly," Leonard added. "It's..."
"Blah, blah, blah," Leslie said, waving her hand. She looked at Kate. "So how've you been?"
"Pretty good, why?"
"I remember seeing you at the Thanksgiving party; you looked a little beat," Leslie told her.
"We've been fine since then," Kate said, glancing at Sheldon then Leslie. "We've found even grounds. Did you know Penny and Leonard are getting married?"
"No doubt," Leslie said, surprised. She looked at Leonard, stating, "And you were going to consummate a relationship with me when she dumped ya; good idea, Leonard; brilliant."
Kate gave her a curious look, to which Sheldon included her in by saying, "She and Leonard used to—and I'll quote Howard on this—'do the dance with no pants'. She's also been with Howard as a friend with benefits, which after dumping him, made him cry like a little girl."
"Thank you, Sheldon," Leonard and Howard scolded together.
Sheldon gave them looks and warily replied, "You're welcome," giving them odd looks in return. Kate smiled at him then at Leslie.
"Why aren't you with Kripke?" Kate asked.
"He's an ass."
"I got that, but how was he an ass."
"Like I said, Kate, I like you, as a friend and acquaintenace. He started talking smack about you and I differed on the matter. He said one of his friends made a move on you one day and made you cry like a little girl," Leslie told Kate dismissively. "I told him he was lying, he said he wasn't."
"One of his friends?" Kate remarked curiously. "Who?"
"Kyle Doors?" Leslie remarked.
At this, Chance and Kate stared at Leslie.
"Kripke is a friend of Kyle's?" asked Kate quietly.
"Yeah, why?" Leslie responded, oblivious.
Leaning in, Leonard asked, "Who's Kyle Doors?"
To this, Sheldon turned to Leonard and said, "When Kate was younger, in her high school years, a man by the name of Kyle Doors regularly picked on her and put gum in her hair. Due to its rot tangling, she had to cut it off. To rectify her dignity, Chance Briar, also the woman standing before us today, seized the opportunity to pummel his anatomical matter to jelly, rendering his mind in a coma, epso facto, being the reason she and Kate are friends to date."
Chance stared at Sheldon impressively.
"How did you know that?" Chance asked.
"Kate told me two months ago when you and Koothrappalli began dating," Sheldon said.
Chance turned to Kate, saying, "Good listener."
"No," said Kate. "He just remembers everything he reads, hears, and sees."
"A photographic memory," posed Leslie.
Sheldon gave her an annoyed look, correcting, "That's a misnomer. I have an eidetic memory."
"And boy, is it sexy," Kate responded happily, winking at him. She looked at Leslie. "So he's friends with Kyle?"
"Yeah, apparently. Never met the latter though. Can't say I was eager to; turns out I like you a lot, Kate," said Leslie smiling. "Who knew, considering your dumb-ass' girlfriend."
"Ha-ha," chuckled Chance. " 'Dumb ass', ha-ha."
"Ha-ha, yes, very amusing," Sheldon mocked. "Enough chitchat, let's massacre the dirt people."
"Finally!" Chance yelled with ultimate relief. She cocked her gun, following the other sounds of the group preparing.
As directed, Sheldon and the boys covered the girls as they shot at the opposing team. Leslie was a rogue unto herself, although she regularly dodged in to cover Kate's back whenever she was at odds with two other people. Penny and Chance covered Bernadette.
"We're losing them!" Leonard shouted, as the girls went out of range.
"Let's get them back!" Raj shouted in return. "TODAY I SPICE MY ROAST WITH SCIENTIST BLOOD!" Yelling like a maniac, he fled after the girls.
"Raj!" Leonard called after him. He looked at Sheldon and Howard with oblivion. "I think it's the sex that's drawn him to Chance."
"I'd give my life for that," Howard surmised.
Sheldon gave the two a look of disappointment saying, "You'd decapitate your brain before you became dilapidated. Would the detachment from your lower anatomical extremities dismantle whatever virility you maintain?"
"Without hesitation," Howard denoted. He gave Sheldon a serious look.
Sheldon shook his head and followed suit after Raj, the other two following him. The field was plain and only a few rocks hid the girls. Leslie was down on the floor, having been shot in the back—no doubt a fire from a coward.
Bernadette lied on the ground not far from Leslie, having been shot in the front. And there was Penny, farther away from Leslie and Bernadette; she seemed to have been hit in the arm, leg, and chest as well; she lay sprawled in a humorous manner, her tongue sticking out like a panting dog. Leaving Kate and Chance against a rock, their backs to it, while Kripke, leading the squad, advanced towards them. Raj stepped towards the field but Sheldon took his arm and pulled him back.
"What are you doing?" Raj snapped. "We have to go save them!"
"And risk your neck? I don't think so," Sheldon snapped back.
"Oh, like your girlfriend's going to protect mine," Raj remarked.
"Of course she is; it's the reversal I don't predict," Sheldon told him coldly.
"What is with you not liking Chance?" Raj snapped—he seemed to have had enough of whatever was going on between the two. "She's an incredible woman. Don't see why you have to belittle her attempts to make peace with you."
"Belittle her?" responded Sheldon. "She's the provoking one."
"And you deserve it," said Leonard. He shook his head and said, "You know, you could just try to like her, considering you're Kate's boyfriend and Chance is her best friend."
"I have doubled my efforts in doing so," Sheldon retorted.
"Really?" said Leonard.
Sheldon was ready to respond but at that moment, Raj pointed ahead of them. They turned to see that Kripke was trying to goad Kate out from hiding, and it wasn't for his lack of trying.
"Did you know one of my fwiends know you, Kate?" he shouted. His army was behind him; it was Kate and Chance VS two departments...aka, about twenty people. "His name is Kywle; accowrding to him, you were vewy touchy when you were in high schwool—cwied a lot, didn't have many fwiends."
Kate frowned in spite of herself.
"Oh god," Leonard muttered. "He's using the emos appeal. What a bully."
"She doesn't stand a chance," muttered Raj.
"Don't know why you cwied when you had gum in your hair; the way he told made it sound hilawious!" Kripke shouted at Kate, laughing as he did so.
Kate frowned deeper; there was a glare in her face. She stood and the whole army cocked their guns, ready to fire.
"It wasn't funny!" Kate shrieked. "The whole school made fun of me for weeks!"
"Aw, cwy me a wiver and build me a bwidge," Kripke said, shaking his head. "And while you're at it"-he cocked his gun and aimed it at her—"Sit down and shwut up." At that moment, Chance shot to her feet, aimed the gun, and pulled the trigger.
Kripke yelped and went down on the ground. Even as the army splattered Kate and Chance with pellets, Chance was in her prime. She dropped her gun, ran at Kripke, and with one fist pulled back, punched him right in the nose. He let out a scream and Kate, having seen this unfold before, ran after Chance, and pulled her back. Chance was stronger than her as she pushed her off and punched Kripke again.
"You sit down and shut up!" Chance snapped furiously.
"Chance, back off!" Kate shouted. She pulled Chance by the waist and pulled her off him.
The army of geologists stopped immediately, and shouted, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"
Penny, Bernadette, and Leslie rose from the ground, no longer dead, and watched as Chance pummeled Kripke. Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Howard rose from their hiding and came to join the girls. Kripke managed to hold is own until Dr. Seibert and Dr. Gablehauser from the referee line came to the center field.
"Alright, that's it! Game's over!" Dr. Gablehauser acclaimed.
Kate pulled Chance completely off, joined with Raj, Leonard and Penny. Leslie looked down at Kripke, who was moaning and hold his nose.
"What the hell is going on?" Dr. Gablehauser exclaimed. He glanced between the Kripke on the floor and to Chance who was still furious.
"Vengeance for all the victims of bullying," replied Howard, smiling.
Kripke was helped to his feet and, holding his bloodied nose, shook his head, pointing to Chance, saying, "You'we a maniac!"
"What happened here?" asked Dr. Gablehauser, glancing between them all.
"Nothing," Kate remarked.
"Really? Doesn't look that way to me," Gablehauser responded, looking to see Kripke's nose bleeding.
"He deserved it," Chance said heatedly. She turned to Kripke and spitefully hissed, "That's how your friend went into a coma, you piping, speech-impaired jackass. You're lucky Kate's so damn soft when it comes to teaching you jerk-offs a lesson, otherwise, your head would be mounted on my fucking wall."
"Language, Dr. Briar!" Dr. Gablehauser gasped. He shook his head, tsk-ing as he did so, but after the situation was explained by a slightly stuttering Leonard Hodfstader, Gablehauser only conceded that Kripke see a medical doctor right away. To this point, Sheldon reminded him that Kate was, in fact, a medical doctor.
"Oh right," said Dr. Gablehauser. He smiled apologetically to Kate and said, "I sometimes forget that not all of us doctors are physicists."
Kate glanced from him coolly to Kripke. She smacked his hands away.
"Let me check you," said Kate.
"Fine..." he muttered. He looked at Kate, cross-eyed. "What do you think?"
Kate took his nose and twisted it. He cried in pain. Dr. Gablehauser scolded her for it; the others around her slightly flinched when she gave Kripke a cold gaze. To his cursing that Kate had made his pain intolerable, Chance looked at her, wondering perhaps if she'd consent to his accusations. Instead, Kate stooped to his level.
In an icy tone, she said, "Cry me a river and build me a bridge, meanwhile, sit down and shut up."
She straightened and looked at Chance.
"You're forgiven," said Kate.
Chance smiled and said, "You do realize that this is how we became friends before, right?"
"Yeah, so?" Kate replied.
"Right, doesn't matter." Chance said. They hugged briefly. "I'm in the mood for pizza."
However, she turned to Sheldon momentarily. The group followed her gaze. Sheldon thought for a moment and said with a smile, "Pizza sounds good."
Kate glanced at Kripke again but she didn't spare him an apology. After all, Chance might've been the one to cause him the pain but he'd been the one to pull that trigger.
Author's Note: So what do you all think? I had fun writing this story; I love the paintball scenes!