Love Is Hell
Chapter Sixteen: Kahla Counterfactuals
Author's Note: Chance never changed her lizard spots, evidently; is anyone surprised that happened? I'm not. Anyway, on with the story! Are you happy Chance is out of the game? Do you think Kate will find another more suitable match for Rajesh? Should Amy be Kate's new 'Bestie'? And do you think Kate's definition of Cheating is right for the most part? (Be careful answering the last question, because her definition is naturally not too far from mine). Love you all for those who've updated recently! Thank you for your constant support! (Note: Elixir Red is my alcohol-creation! It doesn't exist.)
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Kate pulled up to the apartment building, and called the home phone. It was Leonard who picked up.
"Burns-Cooper residence, Dr. Leonard Hodfstader, speaking," he greeted.
"Why are you talking like that?" Kate questioned.
"Sheldon told me to answer the phone like that, so, naturally, I did," Leonard returned reluctantly. "Hello, Kate."
"Hi, Leonard. Can someone help me bring this stuff in? I have a drink carrier with the two Icees, two bags of ice cream, a six-pack of Elixir Red, and Stuart's McDonald's. As versatile as I am in multi-tasking, I lack the efficient number of arms."
"So do you need help?"
"No," said Kate sarcastically. "That's why I'm calling. You know, for chitchat."
"Alright, alright; no need to be snippy," Leonard retorted. "Someone will be down there."
"Good," said Kate. She clicked off and looked at her cell phone irritably. For a smart guy, Leonard could be a real asshole.
Her accompaniment happened to Amy. She arrived at Kate's window, smiling. She wore a green cardigan over red blouse and a blue denim pencil skirt; instead of the yellow high heels to which Kate had seen her wear a few times, Amy wore comfortable flats. Her hair was unnaturally straight and she smiled at her.
"Hello, Kate," said Amy happily.
"Hi," said Kate. She opened her door and handed Amy the icees and McDonald's bag, while she took put two bags over her arm and carried the six pack of alcohol bottles.
"Sheldon doesn't drink, by the way," Amy reminded. "So if you were intending on having angry intercourse with him later in the night, the scenario is inevitably flawed. I should know. I've tried."
Kate smiled at her honesty, and shut/locked her door.
"I know he doesn't drink," Kate said. "But thank you for the reminder."
"You're welcome. It's easy to forget a few minor details whilst under anger's destructive management; it frequently disrupts one's mental processes. Naturally, alcohol, being an anti-depressant, doesn't help the matter, merely worsening its affects, but having seen you under its influence, I gather you will become more care-free as you drink." Amy told her as they went into the apartment building.
They ascended the staircases.
"I hope so," said Kate lightly. She looked at Amy. "Did you draw the short straw?"
Amy looked at her pointedly, saying, "If you're implying that I was strong-handed into helping you, you're under the wrong impression; I volunteered."
"Well, aren't you sweet," said Kate with a smile.
"What made you think I came against my will?" asked Amy. "Have I been less than supportive?"
"No, no; you've been very reassuring," Kate replied. "Most people don't like catering to a woman's emotions when feeling down about themselves or, you know, betrayed by a best friend."
"Kate," said Amy lightly. "It may not be my place to say so, but considering I am the only female to console and since Sheldon's consolation is only uttering the words 'there, there', and offering a hot beverage of one's choice, I've designated myself to be the one person from whom you need advice and information you neither desire nor want to hear at this time."
They stopped in front of the apartment door of 4A, and Amy turned to her.
"Have you ever considered in sobriety that Dr. Chance Briar was never a best friend initially, that your friendship, on its base alone, was only achieved and maintained through physical defense of your honor and Chance, being naturally physically abrasive, could only meet you on that level through confrontations like those presented by Kyle Doors and Kripke?" Amy inquired.
Kate looked at her, saying, "Meaning?"
"Perhaps your choice of best friends is mediocre and lacking foundation." Amy told her.
Kate smiled, saying, "You're suggesting that now Chance is out of my life, I'm in need of another best friend?"
"Most definitely," said Amy. "I'm honored to be Penny's bestie, and I consider myself one of her closest friends but it's most apparent, even to myself, that her relations of friendship are those closest to Bernadette and Leonard. I find myself at odds while with Penny; I admire her physique as well as her social elite skills, and yet we only speak out of social-related motions: nuptials, dresses, Leonard, Sheldon, you. However, while I maintain a daily association with her, my encounters where we speak are more memorable and shared."
Kate smiled, saying, "You're telling me that you want to change your bestie status with Penny, reducing its affect to just 'friends' and relay that 'bestie' factorial between you and me, Amy?"
Amy smiled, and said, "That's exactly my point. And I needn't explain it twice."
"Well, I agree with your stipulation; we are of the same intellectual mindset." Kate said.
"And I don't mind talking to you with our comparisons of Sheldon Cooper," said Amy. She beamed, saying, "Speaking of which, how is that sexy man?"
"He's fine," said Kate.
"Doesn't he look like a sexy praying mantis?" asked Amy, smirking.
"I suppose so; I've never looked at him in a bug's perspective," said Kate smoothly.
"Get drunk one day and look at him through a magnifying glass," Amy said, winking at her. "You'll never look at him the same way."
"I expect not," Kate told her. They laughed. Already, Kate was feeling better about herself. That wouldn't deter her from the ice cream treat in the bags. Kate lowered the six-pack of alcohol and took out her keys, opening the door. As they entered, Kate met eyes with Rajesh, Howard, Leonard, Stuart, and Sheldon.
"Hey," said Kate, smiling weakly. The gang was encircled around Rajesh, apparently, consoling him. Rajesh sat on the far right cushion while Howard sat on the arm of the same part of the couch. Even in Rajesh's despair, Sheldon refused him the right to sit in Kate's spot. It was sweet and yet a little resenting at the same time.
Without a word, Kate took one of the six bottles of Elixir Red, uncapped it, and handed it to Rajesh.
"What's that?" Howard inquired curiously.
"It's called 'Elixir Red'." Kate told him.
"Alcohol, Kate?" Sheldon questioned from his spot.
"Yes, Sheldon," said Kate. "I think when a woman as treacherous as that snake bends over backwards for a brute, alcohol is necessary." She looked at Rajesh. "I'm sorry for ever introducing her to you, Raj. I hope you can forgive me."
Turning from him, she gave Stuart, who sat in Sheldon's rolling chair beside the armchair, is Mcdonald's bag. To Leonard, she handed him his Icee with the straw already in it. To Sheldon, she handed him the Icee and then its straw—still sealed in its unopened cellophane packaging. Kate took the ice cream bags into the kitchen.
"Does anyone want ice cream?" Kate offered.
"I'll take some!" Stuart said happily, walking into the kitchen.
Rajesh took a drink of his pre-offered bottle and he cooed. The drink was cooling and had the taste and thickness of a chocolate milkshake but the color of red Kool Aid. His exclamation of pleasure was an inclination that he enjoyed it.
Kate opened two tubs of chocolate ice cream and this made Howard jump from the arm of the couch and stand in line behind Amy and Stuart. Kate put three scoops in Amy's bowl, Stuart's, and Howard's. She looked across the kitchen at Leonard.
"I have non-fat, lactose-free ice cream too, if you want some, Leonard."
Leonard then hopped from his armchair and ran behind Stuart, holding his bowl. Kate only grinned. She looked across to Sheldon.
"Sheldon, do you want any?"
Howard looked at Kate and said, "Kate, mind if I ask you a question? It regards Sheldon and you."
Kate sighed and said, "Fine."
"Did Sheldon get scratched by something? A kitten perhaps? Those scratches on his arms look pretty recent," Howard said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Kate smiled and said, "Yes, Howard. It was a kitten."
Howard looked behind to Leonard and said, "We need damage control, stat; this filly's been broken."
Leonard shook his head and pushed him forward saying, "Knock it off, Howard."
As Howard sat on the floor on the pillow provided by Kate, next to Rajesh, he looked at Howard as Kate and Amy spoke in low tones in the kitchen. To Sheldon, Howard acclaimed, "Isn't it awkward for your girlfriend and ex-girlfriend to be in the same place?"
Sheldon looked at him and said, "I don't see how it would be."
"Well, they know stuff about you," Howard said. "That's not scary?"
"I repeat myself and say: 'I don't see how it would be'." Sheldon told him. He was on his computer, playing the computer-interfacing game of 'Zork', a typing game in which one would type a response to the computer and it would reply with another scenario.
"No," said Leonard, agreeing with Sheldon. "What Amy has against Sheldon is nothing what Kate has on him." With a smirk, he added, "Or underneath him."
Howard and Rajesh chuckled—it seemed to know Rajesh out of the rut he was in, for they were laughing at Sheldon. Once more, Howard pointed out his scratches and Sheldon's face became a soft hue of pink. Leonard saw this, and out of his defense of being a best friend, Leonard told them to knock it off.
"Why? You started it," said Howard.
Leonard shook his head and said, "Well, it's not really worth teasing him about, if you think about it?"
"Why?" asked Stuart, who joined them. He sat in Kate's spot, to which point, Sheldon gave him a steady glare. Kate consented from the kitchen that he could sit there. Sheldon, knowing Kate's current emotional stability and having already seen her aggravated state once already, merely consented for sake. Raj looked at Stuart pointedly.
"Leonard's saying that we shouldn't make fun of the clear indication that Sheldon and Kate had rough sex because it only proves a point that they did," said Raj. "In return, it only makes us pathetic because we can't achieve rough sex of our own, and that's the best sex you can have."
"Really?" Leonard said. He stopped himself when Stuart, Howard, and Raj looked at him pointedly and said with a smile, "Wait, what am I saying? I completely agree!"
"I've not had rough sex," Stuart said. He sighed and said, "But I will. Give it time."
Sheldon looked at Howard and said, "Now, it is awkward."
Howard chuckled, but he rolled his eyes simultaneously. He continued to smile at Sheldon and said, "So why did it happen in the first place?"
"He was jealous," Leonard answered before Sheldon could (or even would've) responded.
"What, no way," said Howard sarcastically.
Stuart looked at Howard, past Rajesh, and said, "No really; he pulled Kate out of the comic book store without saying a thing."
"Why?" asked Raj.
"He didn't like the way the guys were looking at her," said Stuart.
Sheldon seemed to ignore them for he continued playing his Zork game.
"How were they looking at her?" asked Rajesh.
"You know the way Joker looks whenever Batman's about to get killed, right before the cops somehow rescue him or Batman figures out a way to get out of the aforementioned trap?" Stuart said.
"Yeah: hungry and very unsettling," said Howard.
"Well, that's how they were looking at her; can't say I blame him," Stuart lamented.
"Nothing better than jealous sex," stated Howard.
Sheldon rolled his eyes, and told them all, "All right, different topic. Isn't there anything else to talk about with you four other than coitus?"
"Yeah," said Rajesh. "We can talk about Chance."
Sheldon sighed and said pointedly, "Well, if that's the alternative, then yes, Howard, these marks are Kate's doing, and yes, I do admit that I had the smallest ounce of jealousy. But I refute the idea of my being jealous of the simpletons in that comic book store. Now, can we concede our understanding of this and switch topics, and not to those subjecting Koothrappali to tears?"
The four men stared at him incredulously; they hadn't expected that. Kate and Amy evidently had heard it for they were looking at Sheldon with the same surprised and yet mischievous grins. Apparently, the two girls had heard everything. Amy smiled at Kate and said, "If I had known Stuart was game for rough sex, I'd have opted for those plans rather than the agenda of seeing a movie."
Hearing her, Stuart blushed red. Sheldon shook his head and closed his laptop. the gang munched on ice cream and alcohol and chips, talking about work, Leonard's wedding, and what Penny and Bernadette were doing, which was currently at the bar and dancing. Amy and Kate sat on the floor. Amy sat lady-like, her legs together, bent to the side, while Kate, not wearing a skirt, but wearing Capres. Her choice of sitting was the common Indian-style.
The boys talked their own conversation and then Amy pulled out several cards from her purse and smiled at Kate.
"What is that?" asked Kate.
"A game," said Amy.
"What's it called?"
"It's a game Sheldon and I devised a year ago," said Amy. "It's called 'Counterfactuals'. We postulate a world that differs from ours in one key aspect and pose questions to each other."
Hearing the game, Sheldon glanced at Amy curiously and smiled when Kate gave Amy a considered agreeable look.
"All right," said Kate, smiling. "I'll play."
"This should be good," Leonard uttered, remembering the first and last time he played, it made no sense to him. It was also the time where Amy indirectly insulted him, saying they'd play something more suitable for his level—the mean joke of hide-and-seek.
Amy pulled out a card and read: "In a world where one tiger is perceived to be a god in its true form, why does it die?"
Kate gave her an odd look but then thought for a moment. Amy smiled at her, waiting patiently.
"How does one figure that out?" Raj asked Howard
."Shh," Howard said, waving him away. Stuart gazed at him curiously and Howard said, "I want to see this."
Kate was in thought and looked at Amy, saying, "Can you tell me the question again?"
"Sure," said Amy. "In a world where one tiger is perceived to be a god in its true form, how does it die?"
Kate made a small 'hmm' and then smiled brightly.
"The tiger is one of kin to cats, being a cat, the Egyptians worshiped felines above all other gods, running second to Ra. The tiger's true form would be a smaller cat, rendering it meeker to the large portion of slaves. Pharaoh perishes in a fire for lack of control over his subjects; Egypt hunts the tiger down, it dies, Egypt triumphs."
Amy grinned broadly and looked at Sheldon saying, "She's a keeper."
"Now hold on," said Leonard. "How the hell did you get that?"
Kate looked at Leonard, saying, "It's obvious. It took me a moment but I got it."
"That was a hard one too," said Sheldon pointedly.
Leonard opened his mouth to say something but Sheldon interrupted him saying, "And to point out another obvious fact, it's now eight o'clock, which means we are playing Halo." He stood and stepped past Kate, handing the controllers to Raj, Howard, Leonard, and himself; Stuart opted to play Counterfactuals, mainly intrigued by answers.
The three retired to the kitchen, in which Stuart ate another bowl of ice cream and watched his and Sheldon's girlfriends' minds work together. Amy pulled out another card and read to Kate: "In a world where music was never invented, how does Tchiakovsky create his compositions?"
Kate smiled and said immediately, "Tchiakovsky composed Waltz of the Flowers, right?"
"Yes," confirmed Amy.
"Russia is destroyed with thousands of rock avalanches, millions die, he becomes insane and with a desperate attempt of making noise other than his voice, he makeshifts two glasses and does this"-she circles her finger along the glass of her own cup—"and creates sound by using its hollowed our ridges and the volume in the glasses, thus creating sound, ergo, music." She smiled and said, "Or at least, during those times, what people would consider music."
Amy chuckled at her afterthought, saying, "That's cynically amusing."
"It is," said Kate.
Howard shook his head and said to Sheldon after hearing them, "You really know how to pick 'em, Sheldon."
Sheldon was pre-occupied with setting up the game and looked at Howard distractedly, "Pick what?"
"Never mind," Howard said, shaking his head. He ate more of his ice cream and watched Raj drink his second Elixir Red.
"You know, that was technically meant for Kate," Howard pointed out.
"She won't need it," Sheldon stated.
"Oh, like you know what's going on with Kate's emotions," Leonard stated sarcastically.
Sheldon looked at him and said, "No, I don't know what's 'going on with Kate's emotions'. However, what I've observed is that through communicating with Amy and playing Counterfactuals, she's subjected herself to buoying her spirits without the absorption of alcohol." He pressed 'start' on his controller and said to Leonard, "And FYI, it's not my girlfriend that subjects herself to anti-depressant fluids to overcome emotional bouts of turmoil and despair; that's Penny's solution."
"Meaning?" Leonard said, his voice edging offense.
"Meaning," said Sheldon coolly, "that in order to solve her negated feelings, Kate's practical. Penny drinks."
"So?" said Leonard.
"I have no point; I'm stating fact," said Sheldon. "It's already eight o'six, let's start this game." He glanced at Raj who was looking at his controller with wide eyes and confusion. Sheldon leaned past Raj and took his controller.
"Why'd you do that?" asked Raj.
"No offense, Koothrappali, but I don't trust my back to a player who's under the influence," said Sheldon. He called over to Stuart: "Stuart, you're in."
Stuart happily sat in Kate's spot and took the controller. Sheldon glanced at him then saw Kate and Amy laughing. They had finished playing counterfactuals. He didn't know what Kate and Amy were talking about, wasn't interested in finding out either, but he was more than relieved to know Kate didn't resolve to alcohol. To make things better, her associate with Amy was far better than her friendship with Chance.
"So," said Sheldon lightly to Stuart. "Am I to be under the impression that Amy and Kate are the new best friends as Briar has become cut from all ties?"
"Yeah, I guess," said Stuart.
Sheldon sighed in relief, "Oh thank goodness. I prefer Amy as Kate's confidant rather than Briar; that woman was a loose cannon."
Howard looked at Sheldon and told him, "That doesn't solve our problem."
"Which is?"
"Raj doesn't have a girl anymore so quad-dating is a bout out the equation until we find another co-efficient," said Howard.
"I have a person in mind," Stuart suggested.
Rajesh was already passed out on the floor; unknown to him, Elixir Red tasted like milkshakes but they contained more alcohol in one bottle that after one, you were illegal to drive. Two bottles was doubled that. He had drunk three, leaving three more.
"Who's your idea?" asked Howard.
"More to the point, is she tolerable?" asked Sheldon.
"She's sweet, if that's what you mean," said Stuart. "Pretty, smart—not like freaky smart but she's like Penny."
Sheldon was about to say something but Leonard interrupted saying, "She sounds nice."
"Yeah; Her name's Kahla; she's into drawing, like me; we took art classes together."
"So you automatically think she's good for Raj? I mean, good enough?" asked Howard.
Stuart shrugged and said, "I would think so; she's Indian."
"Perfect," said Howard. "Definitely get those two introduced." He glanced at Raj on the floor, snoring. "We'll need all the ammo we can get."