Love Is Hell

Chapter Nineteen: The Windows Vista Reanimation

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Author's Note: As always, I love hearing from my readers, and even the guests. I did think about putting Chance back in but, quite frankly, I'm tired of her. Hope to hear from all my Regulars, including NightBloodWolf, Jislane, and...crap...well, my mind has a brain fart, but those are the ones that regularly review, but all the other people I've forgotten, thank you so much!

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Sheldon sat in the passenger seat of the Batmobile as Leonard and Penny opted to take Leonard's car, provided he'd been car sick the last two times he had gotten in the back of a car. On the way there, Sheldon was a bit...odd. Granted, he was a quirky guy, but he acted exponentionally strange. As they got out of the car, closing the doors and locking, Kate watched him move around the car and step beside her, rather closely.

"Sheldon, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks for asking," he said quietly.

"Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't, would I have said so?" Sheldon replied.

"Yes, I guess, but when I'm not fine, I say I am. So...are you really 'fine'?" Kate inquired.

Sheldon shrugged and said, "I believe I am. Admittedly enough, I do recollect having an episode back in the lobby, but that was indicative of your possible abandonment." He glanced at his hands which were slightly shaking; apparently, his panic attack had not completely disappeared, but rather reassembled at the thought.

"Noted," Kate replied. She touched his wrists. "Sheldon, I reassure you. I'm not going anywhere. I love you and I will never leave you. This, I promise."

Sheldon looked at her hands and then at her inquisitively. She knew the reason why he looked uncomfortable. It wasn't the physical contact; he'd become used to her and familiar enough with her that her simple hand-holding or chaste kisses had not unnerved him so much as in the very beginning. Kate knew his discomfort lied in the fact that although he wasn't estranged to kissing, they always did so in private. Now they were in the parking lot of the Pasadena Movie Theater, and this made him look extremely uncomfortable. Kate dropped her physical contact pointedly.

"Thank you, Kate," Sheldon said lightly.

"You're welcome, Sheldon. Sometimes I'm amiss." She looked at him for a long time. "Sheldon, in spite of you saying so, are you sure you're okay? You look a little...pale."

"No, really, I'm fine; healthy as a horse." Sheldon told her. He thought and said, "Curious how a phrase of that would have originated; generally, horses aren't always so healthy. If one had to place themselves in a state of health compared to most beings, I'd mark my immunity as one of a robot's. Hardly ever do they get under the weather."

Kate rolled her eyes and walked towards the theater. Sheldon followed her.

"Then again," Sheldon continued, "You'd compare the sickness of a human being or a dog, per say, to that of a virus being found in a robot's processing system. Both are ill-fated, leading, if untreated, to death, or more overwhelming viruses, which, combined, can lead to an explosion."

Kate opened the door and Sheldon kept it open for another couple. He waited with Kate in line.

"However, if one detects the virus in a computer like those who detect illness at its premature phase, one can eliminate it, and bypass the illness, and ultimate death, entirely, thus erasing all possible destructive viruses." Sheldon finished. As an afterthought, he said, "Does your laptop have a firewall?"

"I'd suspect so," Kate replied. She stopped and looked around. "We're talking about computers, not humans, right?"

"Why would you have a firewall?" asked Sheldon. "Unless, you're an android of some kind, and in that case, where do I sign up?"

Kate chuckled. Sheldon, then, exhaled his normal breathy laugh.

"If I was an android, I would have a firewall," Kate replied assuredly. "Although, if I was a computer data base, I'd have no recent back-up nor the anti-virus scans to eliminate the other injuries and illnesses I had sustained in the past." She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, reminescing, "Would that make me damaged?"

Sheldon looked at her, a bit admirably. He felt a tug on his insides; she was talking computers with him, and he could barely ignore the leap in his chest when she smiled at him...a way that was most compelling, like she was teasing him or flirting...first one, second one...perhaps both?

"Damaged?" repeated Sheldon. "Kate, if you were an android, that would predicate that your physical and intellectual stimuli would be comparable to one of the most leading computers currently." He smiled, saying, "If you were damaged, there would be several anti-virus codes to eradicate the damages."

"I don't know anything about computers though," said Kate sensibly. She smirked at him. "How would I program myself?"

"Dismantle the computer entirely, find compatible mechanisms to replace, and piece-by-piece reassemble it to the most recent workable state before the viruses invaded," Sheldon replied.

Kate smirked at him and said dismissively, although her tone was not so far from being seductive, "I'd let you dismantle my data base without hesitation."

Sheldon stared at her but said nothing; what could you say to that?

She merely turned to step up a few paces and waited for the two families ahead of her to get their movie tickets, and complimentary popcorn and soda. Apparently, everyone else had the brilliant idea of seeing the new Lord of the Rings movie as well...typical.

"If I was a computer," Kate continued, turning to him. "Would I be Windows 7 or Vista?"

"Vista," Sheldon replied immediately. "I prefer it."

"Mm, why is that?"

"Windows 7 is user-friendly. I don't like it."

"What if I was Windows 7?" asked Kate curiously. "Would you throw me away?"

"No," said Sheldon pointedly. "I'd replace you."

"What's the difference?"

"Much like to your statement in whether substitution or replacement was different, I'm bringing it into affect for this situation as well," Sheldon responded coolly.

Kate smiled, returning, "Touche."

Sheldon and Kate moved forward as one family went to the movie, and now one remained, although, in this one, there were two obnoxious kids, a crying baby, and the parents arguing with the attendant about why the prices were dubiously high since their last visit. Kate rolled her eyes subtly. She looked at the prices—they were the same since they were here last week.

"To answer your question without being obviously distant," Sheldon said quietly; his mouth touched the back of her neck. "If you were originally a Windows 7 data base, I'd dismantle, replace, and, with some great restraint and viable concentration, reassemble you to be my perfect Windows Vista." His fingers grazed from her shoulders and down her arms, a notable tease on his part. Kate gasped softly when he kissed the nape of her neck softly.

"We don't change our prices constantly," the movie attendant from behind the counter argued. "If the last time you came was yesterday, they were the same. If you came last week, they were the same. If you came last month, they were still the same!"

"No, they aren't. They're seven dollars a piece!" argued the woman.

"Which is the going rate of the movie per person!" protested the movie attendant.

"No, mine are thirty-five!" argued the husband. "How the hell do you explain that!"

Sheldon leaned into her ear and muttered, "If they keep going like this, we're going to miss all three and a half hours of fantastical 3-D, never before seen footage."

"I know," Kate uttered. "It wouldn't hurt to turn me into perfect Windows Vista and let me electrocute them all with a short fuse, would it?"

"Computers don't electrocute, Kate," Sheldon corrected. "Frayed electrical cords electrocute."

"Point taken," said Kate. She looked at him and said, "Watch Kitten work."

Sheldon looked at her curiously as she stepped from him and walked around the counter, over which she hopped and stood beside the movie attendant. The movie attendant, a man, looked slightly surprised but as the couple continued debating, he was estranged.

"What are you—you can't be back here!" he said.

"Carl..." Kate said, she glanced at his name tag, "is your name Carl?"

"Obviously."

"Well, Carl, you look like a pleasant, work-a-day man; I have to see a movie with my boyfriend and it's clear you can't handle yourself out here," said Kate pointedly, gesturing her eyes to the heated parents of a baby and two dawdling boys of their own.

"You know what you're doing?" asked Carl.

"Yes, sir, I do; I come here every week with my friends and the prices never change." Kate told him. As though she was a miracle sent from God, Carl breathed a sigh of relief, and moved her in front of him.

"Ma'am, sir," Kate addressed the couple.

"Oh, God, who the hell are you?" snapped the woman.

"Actually, I'm not God, but if I was, do you really want to talk to me in that tone?" Kate remarked calmly.

The parents gave her an odd look, which Kate smiled widely.

"Now," said Kate in a flight attendant's voice, "I know you're upset about your prices. Why are you upset?"

"Because these prices are outrageous," the husband snapped. "How can you come here every week?"

"Because the tickets are seven dollars a person," said Kate smoothly.

"Ours is thirty-five," the wife argued.

Kate looked at her as though she was stupid, and for hell's sake, she was. The movie attendant, Carl, didn't think the situation was getting any better, but as he couldn't do anything better than what she was doing, he merely sat back and watched the show. Entering the theater were Penny, Leonard, Howard, Bernadette, Amy, and Stuart, and they saw Kate behind the counter, talking calmly to the couple, despite their need for vehement tones and loud voices.

"Has it ever occurred to you," said Kate slowly, "that your tickets are thirty-five dollars based on the principle of multiplication?"

"Excuse me?" the wife snapped. "Are you telling me I'm stupid?"

"Actually, yes," said Sheldon from behind her.

"Who the hell are you?" retorted the husband.

"Attention at the front," Kate remarked immediately. The husband and wife looked at her. "Your ticks are seven dollars a piece. Seven times five—the Mr., the Mrs., the bawling kid, and your two sons. Seven dollars a piece, five people, equal to thirty-five dollars. Want to reduce your prices? Kill one."

Carl let out an exasperated groan and pulled Kate from the counter as the husband and wife stared at her incredulously.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carl snapped. "You can't tell people to kill each other!"

"It was a joke," Kate replied. "I don't expect murder. Anyway, it shut them up, didn't it?"

"Well..."

Kate stepped from him and looked at the couple. "Now, that may seem drastic. However, I'll inform you that while you stand here idly looking at me as though I've gone insane, and I assure you, I have, you may either kill yourselves or your children, whichever, I don't care. Or, I present you another option by leaving this theater, voicing your complaints to the manager by phone, email, or in person, and then, for god's sake, go to another damn theater."

As she spoke, her tone became increasingly irritable. After, however, the couple stared at her and then left the theater wordlessly. Carl watched after them. To Kate, he said, "You might as well have gotten me fired."

"Oh don't worry, lamb chop," Kate said sweetly. "You've just chased away everyone else's problems; you're getting a promotion."

She hopped over the counter and stood beside Sheldon.

"Hello," said Kate happily, "my boyfriend and I are going to see the Lord of the Rings movie. We'd like two tickets—which by the way are never changing and will equal to fourteen dollars—and complimentary popcorn and drinks to go, thank you."

Carl looked at Sheldon and said, "Is your girlfriend insane?"

"You have no idea," Kate remarked, smirking.

Quickly, Carl handed the tickets to Kate and Sheldon and their drinks and popcorn of choice. Kate was about to pay but Carl held up his hands.

"No charge; call it a thank you for what you've done," said Carl smiling.

"You do realize you are giving items out freely which is an illegal gesture on your behalf," Sheldon stated. "In retrospect, while in a Best Buy store, you might as well hand me a large plasma screen television and say 'Happy Birthday'!"

"Just go watch your movie," Carl complained.

Kate took his arm and moved them out of the way. Following them shortly were the gang; Amy came up beside Kate, enthusiastically.

"I've never seen you act so boldly, Kate," Amy enthused, smiling. "In spite of your pleasant appearance and over all meek and fragile frame, you are a dominating Tunnel Spider underneath, aren't you?"

"I sure hope not," Sheldon said from Kate's right. "Otherwise, I'll have night terrors."

Kate smiled, saying, "I'm not a spider. I'm a Windows Vista."

Amy looked at Kate dubiously but Sheldon merely grinned broadly at her statement.