Love Is Hell
Chapter Twenty-Two: Invasive Eloquence
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Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews! Always look forward to hearing your thoughts! On to the next chapter!
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"So when we leave, you all talk about robots," Penny mused.
"Yeah," said Kate.
"And here I thought you all did things," said Penny, smiling at Bernadette and Amy.
"Not physical things technically," Kate replied.
"So things do happen," sneered Bernadette. Her voice made a slight higher octave at the 'do' word but otherwise, she remained quite interested.
Amy shook her head and said to Bernadette logically, "Of course they do, Bernadette. Kate isn't the kiss-and-tell type of woman and has no need to dispel her sexual prolictivites to the group. You recollect that the last time she said anything, we practically forced it out of her?"
"Oh right," Bernadette said after a moment's thought.
The girls sat at a bar, for the first time with Kate. Clinking glasses could be heard, loud voices near the television where a popular football game was being watched but steadily getting drunk guys. Some of the sleazy women were parading, finding a reasonably attractive man to delve themselves for a night of shameless fun, until they woke up the next morning with their panties knotted in their purses.
Kate, Amy, Bernadette, and Penny sat around a round table; their legs dangled from their seats, especially Bernadette's. Penny drank a tall glass of orange-auburn liquid; Amy was delving into the spicy taste of whiskey, and Bernadette chose a less alcoholic drink, dirty. Meanwhile, Kate hadn't drunk anything for the exception of a coke with a hint of lime rum. She drank out of a thin straw.
"So," said Penny smoothly. "Come on, Kate. What happened after we left?"
"Not much," Kate replied. "What does it matter?"
"Oh, Kate, Kate, Kate," said Penny, laughing. "You hide it so well, but come on, even Sheldon has to get a little frisky after a date watching Lord of the Rings. I mean, sure, we enjoyed it, but you had a few more giggles out of it."
"I didn't giggle," Kate responded seriously.
Penny glanced at Amy, saying, "You know, when Sheldon isn't here, she does a good impression of him."
"I don't do impressions," Kate returned. She crossed her arms. "And to answer your question, Penny, nothing happened, as I've said before."
"Nothing physical?" asked Bernadette. She winked, saying, "After we left, Howie and I took a nap."
Amy gave her a look; she said, "That doesn't sound very sexual."
"Not in the literal terms," said Bernadette. "We had sex."
Amy looked at Kate, saying, "Well that sure sounds sexual."
Kate smiled at her. She turned to Penny.
"Why do you wanna know anyway?" asked Kate.
"I'm curious. On the outside of the box, Sheldon's like this guy that doesn't want to be touched by anyone but you." Penny said. "He has sex and when I go to touch his food, he threatens to give me a strike." To Bernadette, she added, "You think a guy who's 'exchanged bodily fluids' wouldn't care if I took an onion ring."
Kate smiled.
"Err regardless, Penny; my lips are sealed."
Penny sighed heavily, saying, "I don't see why you can't say anything. Just tell me what happened after we left. What do you all talk about when we leave?"
"A lot of things," Kate responded. "Robots, computers, games, work, Batman."
"That's it?" Bernadette asked. "Nothing about how you all feel?"
"Why would I talk about how I feel?" replied Kate obliviously. "He already knows how I feel, and I know he feels in return."
"Which is?" asked Penny.
"Which is what?" returned Kate. "We love each other—we're attracted mentally, physically, sexually, and emotionally. What other feelings can I possibly have that's worth talking about?"
Penny looked at Amy for once, and gave the look. Amy nodded and turned to Kate with a gentle smile.
"Kate, we're curious," she said lightly.
"I can see that." Kate replied.
"Well, we have more curiosity than just about what goes on behind closed doors," Amy stated. "For instance, are you going to get married? Are you going to have a progeny?"
Kate looked at her incredulously, saying loudly, "What the hell are you talking about?"
Penny leaned forward, crossed arms.
"Kate, you and Sheldon are making so much progress. Maybe you should get married when Leonard and I get married."
"No," said Kate.
"Why not?" asked Amy.
"Because," said Kate.
"That's not exactly a reasonable answer," Bernadette told her.
"Sheldon and I aren't ready for that type of commitment," Kate told the three women. "I'm fine with how things are and so is he. If this is all stemming from me not telling what happens in the bedsheets, then you girls are really hitting below the belt."
Amy, Penny, and Bernadette glanced at each other warily. Amy looked at Kate.
"Why are you getting angry?" asked Amy.
"I'm not angry," said Kate.
"Then why are you snapping?" asked Penny pointedly.
Kate looked at them irritably.
"Why am I snapping?" Kate repeated. "Has it ever occurred to you all that I don't share the happy experience of telling stuff about my private life. My sex life is not yours to understand or hear. The fact you all constantly force these matters out of me is mean. And you refuse to stop."
"We're just curious," Penny said defensively. "If you didn't wanna share, you could've said..."
"I did say," Kate returned. "I was hoping you all would take a hint and back the hell off. When I refuse to tell about my sex life, I expect that was hint enough. I shouldn't have to spell it out." She stepped from her chair.
"Okay, okay," said Penny dismissively. "We didn't know you were so serious about it."
"Well, now you do know, now don't you?" asked Kate heatedly.
Penny leaned towards Bernadette, muttering, "I'm the bride; I thought I was the one with emotional issues."
Kate frowned at her. She took her purse from around the chair and placed over her shoulder.
"Where are you going?" asked Amy.
"Leaving," said Kate. "I'm going on the doubt that you three are under the influence of alcohol, which has to be the only excuse for your rude comments. " She turned on her heel and left.
Sheldon sat on the couch, looking at one of his favorite comics he'd gotten from the comic book store. He was on the last page and just finished when the door opened and slammed. Kate had come home, looked—for lack of a better word—pissed. She threw the keys in the bowl and looked at Sheldon irritably.
"Remind me never to go to a bar," Kate said coldly.
Sheldon folded his comic book on the coffee table, sitting on the edge of the couch.
"Why were you at a bar?" asked Sheldon.
"Hanging out with Penny, Amy, and Bernadette." Kate replied angrily. "Bad choice on my behalf."
Sheldon looked at her confusedly, watching Kate drop her purse on the armchair then head into the kitchen for a can of Diet Coke. He stood slowly, taking caution in her demeanor. He stepped into the kitchen, hands clasped back in his back like an acclaimed professor. Kate slammed the refrigerator door closed and sat hard on the stool opposite of his own.
"Kate, I'm confused by your request. Are you asking me to remind that you never should go to a bar, or go to said bar with Penny, Amy, and Bernadette?"
"Either, or," Kate replied. She shook her head and gulped down the can in less than thirty seconds. Sheldon watched her get another can of Diet Coke and drink that one down just as quickly.
"Considering your exploiting your caffeine addiction for emotional compensation, may I ask why?" Sheldon inquired. He sat on the stool across from her, crossing his arms on the table close to him.
"I can't tell if it was the alcohol talking but the three of them together can be very invasive," said Kate indifferently.
"You're going to narrow it down a little more," Sheldon told her. "They interrogate Leonard about our relationship, which is rather invasive on the face."
Kate looked at him, a hint of an epiphany, but nothing ground-breaking. She leaned forward.
"That's about what Amy, Penny, and Bernadette do. Except they ask about our sex life." Kate responded.
Sheldon gazed at Kate observantly.
"Why would that anger you?" Sheldon replied.
"Because it's none of their business," Kate responded coolly. "Why? Do you tell Leonard what we do?"
"Of course not; I agree with your premise that it's none of their business," said Sheldon. "If neither of us feed either party data on what happens when no one else is around and assuming they aren't listening through these paper thin walls," (Sheldon indicated the apartment in general with one hand) "there's no other possible data to collect. One can conclude that they'd eventually tire from their interrogative ways and remain satisfied in the knowledge that, occasionally, we do participate in the frivolity."
Kate watched him with a cool gaze. Sheldon shrugged and added, "I still don't see why it's causing you emotional turbulence."
"If I said 'no' the first time in answer to a sex-related inquiry, would it not have been hinted, stated, and understood that it'd be 'no' the second, third, fourth, and fifth time?" asked Kate.
"Assuming you're going on the hypothesis that you would never change that answer, then yes, it's hinted, stated, and understood," Sheldon told Kate smoothly.
Kate stood and put her cans in the trash can. She sat back in her seat; Sheldon's eyes followed her.
"Every time I have a girls' night, we talk about the same stupid thing over, and over, and over. It's always sex," Kate muttered. "Funnily enough, it's never about the wedding."
Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows, remarking, "Really?" He looked at the refrigerator in thought, muttering, "That's mind-alternating on the face of it."
"Isn't it," Kate replied rhetorically. "I'm under the impression it was the alcohol talking but it's happened several times in the past without beer presenting itself. Amy talks about her thing with Stuart; Penny talks about what happens with Leonard, and Bernadette—god forbidden but still it happens—talks about what she does under the sheets with Wolowitz...and I don't want to know any of that!"
Sheldon smiled at her, replying, "Yet another differential factor setting you and me apart from everyone else. I can't tell you how many stories I've unwillingly heard about Amy and Stuart, Penny and Leonard, and Howard and Bernadette. Personally, when they trade off, I'm involved in my work." He indicated a grease board particularly, saying, "That's what I've done this afternoon while you were out."
"They were here?" asked Kate.
"Unfortunately, so," Sheldon replied sadly. "Kate, I'll console you on the fact that you aren't the only one who gets pressured to talk about our sexual component in this relationship. Currently, I've established that should anyone ask me about that component, I now award strikes. Since then, nothing's happened."
Kate looked at him, smiling.
"It's nice to hear you don't say anything about us," Kate replied. "Granted, I figured in the past times they'd heard us from behind the door, that would have been enough."
Sheldon blushed a small tinge of pink. He said uncomfortably, "Immeasurably so." He tapped the table a few times and looked at her momentarily. "Kate, I'd like to pose a question to you and after you've thought of it for some time, I'd like an answer in return."
"Sure thing," Kate responded gently. She apparently was resolved of her anger, and place one hand over the other. "Fire away."
"You realize that in two weeks it will be Christmas, which I rarely do celebrate, or even Saturnalia."
"Right," said Kate.
"My mother wants us to come over for dinner, and you'd meet my family," Sheldon said slowly. "She wants you to stay for a few days in order to understand our relationship."
"What's to understand?" Kate laughed.
Sheldon gave her a look, saying, "It's her way of saying she wants to meet you in person on a specific holiday so as to keep you comfortable with the tryst rather than coming down to California and meeting you one-on-one." When Kate looked at him weird, he added, "She's under the impression that meeting you at Christmas time will strengthen whatever memories I have of the holiday, by associating it with you."
Kate smiled and said, "So basically she wants me over for the holidays because Christmas is fun, and it's about that time where we meet our mothers?"
"Essentially, yes," said Sheldon with a difficult tone. "Would this interest you?"
"I love Christmas, I love you, and I don't mind meeting the woman that made you, Sheldon," said Kate lightly. "It interests me."
"Oh good," said Sheldon.
Kate smiled at him as he stood to get the home phone and called his mother. Kate smiled widely when he handed the phone to her. She answered it with a 'hello'.
"Hello, dear," said Mary Cooper on the other line. "It's been quite some time since we spoke. How are you?"
Kate could definitely hear the Texan accent.
"I'm fine, Mrs. Cooper."
"Mary."
"Right, sorry. I'm fine, Mary." Kate said. She glanced at Sheldon, who shrugged carelessly. He sat in his spot and continued reading his comic book. Kate sat in the kitchen, opening another Diet Coke.
"I'm so happy you've decided ta come 'n' see me," Mary said. "When I told Sheldon ta tell you, I didn't think you'd say 'yes', but I figured, why not?"
"Yes," said Kate. "I'm more than happy to come over."
"Good, I'd love to meet you. Sheldon's been keepin' me up to date. Now, I don't know much about you so do you have any food allergies?"
"No, why?"
"Well, I'm the mom so I'm cookin Christmas dinner," said Mary, her tone in good humor. "I thought maybe Missy might help cook but she said she was goin' to be here late and whatnot; honestly, I think she's dumb as soup, so what can be more important than spendin' time with the family, but hey."
Kate could hear the annoyance in her voice.
"Missy is Sheldon's twin sister," Kate acknowledged.
"Yes," said Mary. "Apparently, she's decided to make last minute arrangements. I thought it'd be great for all of us to meet you...Anyway, no food allergies?"
"No, Ma'am," said Kate.
"All right, that's wonderful to hear. And you're not anti-religious?"
"No," said Kate. "I'm fencing between plain Agnostic and Christian."
"Christian, it is," Mary said immediately. "Now, what am I to get my Sheldon's girlfriend? Do you like huntin'?"
"No," said Kate. She laughed shortly after and said, "I'm not a big fan."
"What about jewelry?"
"Yes, I am a big fan of that," Kate returned. "Clothing is fine...but really, Mary, you don't have to get me anything."
"Nonsense!" Mary said loudly into the phone. "We're havin' Christmas the way it was meant to be—except without the avarice or the lyin'...Missy makes up for that more than usual. You know every time a person lies for personal gain, we make Jesus cry."
"Yes, that's what Sheldon tells me."
"And he's right too," Mary replied. "Hopefully, things will change and you will get to meet her. And don't be pressured to wear anythin' fancy. This is a Christmas gatherin'-not some cocktail party."
"Thanks for letting me know," said Kate.
"It's great to hear from you. Now, can you put Shelly on the phone?"
"Yes, Ma'am," said Kate. She handed the phone to him; Sheldon took it without acknowledgment, still reading his comic.
"Hello, Mom," said Sheldon—obvious affection in his voice. "Yes, we'll be there...I'm going by train...that very well may be easier but I love trains, and Kate won't mind...we will...okay...all right...love you too...Bye." He hung up and looked at Kate. "Oh, FYI, Kate, we're going to Texas via train."
Kate smiled and said, "BTW, I don't mind."
He sent her an impish smile, which Kate returned.