Love Is Hell
Chapter Twenty-Five: Bachelor Party Side-Talk
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Author's Note: Thank you, Jislane, NightBloodWolf, Kriteria, and my other beloved reviewers. You all are so awesome and I'm so happy so many have followed me to this point of my story! Go Keldon!
As it was always on Monday, the gang went to get Thai food for dinner, instead they'd brought it home to Kate and Sheldon's apartment. Kate naturally divided the food in equal sanctions for each other person—Howard, Raj, Sheldon, Leonard, and Kate. The girls, since Kate's most recent angrily said outburst, had made them avoid her since then—that had been four days ago. However, it seemed that the guys, too, needed a break from the girls. Stuart, of course, was at the comic book store, while Amy was at work; that was his own little break.
Kate sat in her familiar spot beside Sheldon, who grinned when she'd gotten all the orders right; this was her twentieth streak; her streak had been lost when she'd gotten her own order wrong; that was a mishap on her part, but according to him, inexcusable.
Sheldon looked at Kate thoughtfully, then turned to Leonard.
"So, Leonard," said Sheldon conversationally. "Did you finally choose your Best Man or are we supposed to become suddenly and fictitiously psychic to figure out that mystery."
Leonard looked at him suddenly but said with resolve, "Yes, Sheldon. I chose Howard. But why are you even interested?"
Kate smiled at Sheldon—there was that quirkiness.
"I was interested in knowing when you and Penny were going to unite names and become one, considering you've been engaged almost a month and no date has been posted," said Sheldon. He added with a point of his fork, "Considering the importance of the wedding date, I want my invitation sent to me via email and post; also, a personal would be just as inviting."
"Why would I send you three wedding invites?" asked Leonard.
"Because without me, the wedding will be boring," Sheldon told him. "You don't realize what I give and take from a party."
"Oh, I bet I do," Leonard muttered under his breath. He quickly turned to Howard, saying, "You're still good to be my Best Man, right, Howard?"
"Naturally," said Howard. "We just have to figure out when your Bachelor party is going to take place."
Kate smirked at him, saying, "Should I evacuate the premises, or can you talk about this without mentioning strippers while I eat my dinner?"
Howard smiled at her saying, "Unless you want to be the stripper."
"I'm not going to strip for you, Howard," said Kate. "Although I'm sure it would be a pleasure emptying your wallet." She looked at Sheldon affectionately, her voice becoming one of a temptress, saying, "You on the other hand..."
Sheldon glanced at her suddenly, slightly creeped out by her promiscuous offer, but yet slightly smiling. Kate chuckled. She stood and went into the refrigerator to get herself another can of Diet Coke. Sheldon noticed this as she sat down.
"Kate, how many cokes have you had today?" Sheldon inquired.
Kate held out her hand and looked at him in return, saying, "Not enough." When he gave her a perplexed gaze, she said plainly, "I'm not jittery, so not enough." He continued staring at her, at which point, she lowered her hand, opened her coke, and said lightly, "I'm kidding, Sheldon."
"Oh!" Sheldon said in sudden realization.
Kate smiled at him again then drank her coke.
"Kate, your caffeine consumption on a daily basis is rather alarming," Sheldon noted. "Aren't you worried about being under caffeine intoxication? The constant jittery feeling, the anxiety, the constant need to urinate—that sounds like a big price to pay, considering this is all you drink." He glanced at the nutritional panel of her can.
"Sheldon, my consumption is fine," Kate said. "Don't worry about me."
"Well, according to Penny," said Leonard lightly, "we should."
" 'According to Penny'?" repeated Kate nonchalantly. She turned her gaze to Leonard. "If she's mentioning the day I snapped at her, Amy, and Bernadette in a bar, then, Leonard, believe me, it's not me you have to worry yourself about. It's the secrecy you keep with your blushing bride-to-be." Kate suddenly stood and left the room. Sheldon looked after her, heard the bathroom door close; Kate had to urinate—no doubt due to the caffeine intoxication that had already started taking its due.
Leonard, Howard, and Raj looked after her.
"What's the matter with her?" Raj asked.
"PMS?" offered Howard.
"No," said Sheldon. "She doesn't mense in the middle of the month."
Leonard, Howard, and Raj looked at him suddenly, all three rather disturbed.
"I marked her cycle down in a private calendar," said Sheldon. "When I'm gone and you all enter these sectors while she's on her cycle, you will be the ones caught off guard. Meanwhile, I'll be spending my time at work, not getting my head bit off, while she becomes increasingly irritable." He added with a tone of reconsideration, "Although, Kate's consumption of Diet Coke has definitely increased, one of which could be a sign of pre- menstruating."
Leonard looked at Sheldon, suddenly with knowing.
"You didn't tell her about what I said about..."
"If you're referring to the conversation about public displays of affection, then yes, Leonard, I did," said Sheldon.
"Ugh," Leonard groaned, and Howard sighed in dismay. Leonard complained soon after, "Sheldon, why do you tell her everything?"
"Because, Leonard, we have no secrets," said Sheldon. "In spite of your consistent prodding into my private life and what coincides during, Kate and I reside strongly on a strong silence. The situation regarding Kate and Penny, as I understand it, is that Penny, Bernadette, and Amy are doing the same to Kate as you three have been doing to me. Rather than my solution of drawing strikes, Kate's resolved to immediate anger, which I must deal with when you all leave."
Sheldon stood to get himself a bottled water, adding while pointing to Leonard, "By the way, Leonard, talking about your sex life is not only derogatory towards Penny, who trusts that you keep your end on the down low, but it's also disgusting. No one wants to hear about what you two do in an elevator, and neither does Kate."
Leonard looked after him, following him into the kitchen.
"Penny, Amy, and Bernadette talk about that?" Leonard asked incredulously.
"Apparently so," confirmed Sheldon unhappily. "And it isn't any better coming from them, according to Kate."
"So you pretty much just spilled everything on Anything-Can-Happen Thursday," said Howard as Sheldon sat in his spot.
"I didn't spill anything; to put the matter on its face, gentlemen, no one conceded that it was a secret," Sheldon stated. "Therefore, I have no fault in whatever trouble you entreat. You're the gossiping girls, not me."
"That's what men do!" Howard snapped. "We talk about our old ladies and what we do with them in our beds. It's just how guys are. You don't go blabbing to your girlfriend about it, even if you aren't the one doing the talking."
Sheldon held his hands up in surrender but said in nonchalance, "Dully noted for the future."
"Doesn't help us right now," said Leonard.
"Relax," said Raj. "You have nothing to worry about."
Howard and Leonard looked at him.
"What are you talking about?" asked Leonard ."We have plenty to worry about!"
"Not necessarily," said Rajesh. He stood. "You two may be ignorant about women talking, but trust me, they know we talk. It's why they do. We talk about them, they talk about us. It's an ongoing cycle; what bugs me is that I have no one to talk about; plus, who started the cylce? Did we talk about sex, then they did? Or did we hear it from them and we recycled our masculinity by talking about it in our point of view?"
Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon stared at him.
"You may be right," noted Leonard. "Maybe they already know that we talk so we really don't have anything to worry about."
"Don't be so sure," Rajesh said quietly. "Amy, Bernadette, and Penny may not care whether people ask you two about your sex life but, as we clearly can see, Kate is bothered by us trying to get Sheldon to talk." He shrugged, saying, "And can we really blame her? I never recollected her to be one to talk about sexual intercourse anyway."
Rajesh sat down and indicated Sheldon, "And with this guy, none the less!"
Howard and Leonard broke smiles and Sheldon gave the three of them glances of confusion and curiosity. He stayed quiet though as Kate came into the room. She was no less angry when she arrived than when she left.
"I'll be honest with you, Leonard," said Kate in a cold but calm voice. "I don't care that Penny, Bernadette and Amy talk about their sex lives to me. Frankly, I don't give a shit. But when they are asking about it to me constantly, it's invasive and harassing."
"Kate..." began Leonard.
"Shut up, Leonard. I'm not done," Kate snapped.
"Sorry," Leonard muttered.
"What bugs me, what really, really pisses me off is that you all try to interrogate Sheldon when you know he's a man that doesn't like to kiss and tell," Kate stated. "And you," (She turned her anger towards Leonard specifically) "What the hell gives you the right to tell him that if he doesn't hold my hand in public or kiss me in front of you all that I'll leave him? Who died and made youDate Doctor, huh?"
Leonard stared at her incredulously; her anger was incredible.
"Well, I, uh, er, I, see, well, I..." Leonard stuttered.
"It's not a question!" Kate snapped coldly. "It's rhetorical!"
Howard looked at Kate, saying, "We won't ask again, Kate. It's not like we thought it would upset you this much."
Raj leaned into Howard's ear briefly. Howard glanced at him, saying quickly, "Yeah, I think it came early too."
Kate narrowed her eyes.
"Kate," said Sheldon. "A word."
He stood and walked into the kitchen. Kate followed him, glaring back at the three. The three of them were looking down at their food, shamefully, and silent.
"Kate," said Sheldon, turning around, "Did you start early in your menstrual cycle and this is the reason for your incurring sub-psychotic rage, or are you genuinely riled by Leonard and Wolowitz' secret coming to the open, because to be honest, I've just learned that both sexes kiss-and-tell, and we're the minority who keep things private between us."
Kate looked at him.
"I'm not angry."
Sheldon looked at her pointedly. Kate held her hands out, palms up, and they shook.
"I might have had too much caffeine," she muttered.
"Mm-hmm, I suspected," Sheldon replied. He placed his hands under hers, touching his palms to the back of her hands. "Kate, are you under a stressful predicament due to the fact that not only will Penny and Leonard be married but you will also be at my mother's for Christmas, and under said events, you have become anxious and easily excitable?"
Kate bit her lip, murmuring, "I suppose that could be it."
"Caffeine doesn't help," Sheldon chastised.
"No, it doesn't," Kate agreed. Sheldon gestured his eyes to the group.
Kate went into the living room and looked at all of them. She addressed Leonard first, saying, "I'm sorry I've snapped at you Leonard and cursed. I was under extreme anxiety and I was easily angered." She looked at Howard and Rajesh, adding, "I'm sorry for snapping at you as well. Please accept my apology for I'm under duress and couldn't restrain my fit of rage."
"Sure," said Howard.
"Oh yeah," said Leonard, "you're forgiven."
Raj nodded three times. The rest of the dinner was over all awkward.
Xx
Sheldon and Kate finished the night, playing Co-Op in Call of Duty: Black Ops. Although Kate was a natural shot, her caffeine addiction had made her aim rather shaky, and Sheldon noticed this was hindering them from getting past Round 4.
"Kate, you may have to conceded that you have an addiction problem," Sheldon noted as their characters ran from the upstairs balcony to the two doorways on the first floor, rebuilding the barriers.
"I long ago accepted it, but I figure it's better than being a drunk or slowly dying from the rotting lung cancer of smoking," said Kate smoothly. She yelped when a zombie had snuck behind her but Sheldon's Player 1 had stood beside her and shot its head off.
"Thanks for that," Kate breathed.
Sheldon glanced at her, saying, "You're welcome." He paused the game and looked at her. "Kate, are you really that worried about meeting my mother?"
"No," said Kate.
"Oh, come on, Kate; even I know that sounded lame," Sheldon told her. "Why are you worried about meeting my mom? She's not abusive, and for the most part, she's a reasonable woman."
"I don't know, Sheldon. She's your mother," Kate remarked.
"That's nothing new to me," Sheldon reminded.
"Sheldon, that would be like you meeting my mother."
"I won't; for the very fact that she refuses to have any other contact with you besides an occasional email or going on Facebook with the creepy resemblance of a stalker," Sheldon noted.
"What did you feel when you were going to meet Amy's mother?" countered Kate.
"Well, initially, I was panicked as this was the first step in a pseudo-relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler but then I learned that Amy was playing a facade." Sheldon recollected. He looked at Kate, returning, "What's your point?"
"That panicky feeling you had initially is what I'm starting to feel," said Kate. She placed her controller on the table. "It's not Leonard, Howard, or Penny. It's not my caffeine addiction." She bit her lip again, and Sheldon gazed at her with concern.
"Do you not want to meet my mother and you just feel obligated?" asked Sheldon. "By all means, Kate, there is nothing in our contract that states anything about being obligated to meet one's mother; for all past indication, personally, I never thought we'd have gotten to this point of a relationship."
Kate smiled, saying, "That's sweet, but no, Sheldon. I don't not want to meet your mom."
"That's an incredibly erroneous syntax, Kate," said Sheldon. He glanced at the TV screen, replying, "Am I to assume that our night of game-playing has finished?"
"The game-playing," said Kate. "Yes, I suppose." She frowned, saying, "I can't play GTA4 without my emotions getting involved of my driving and it's quite obvious my aim-and-shoot part of my brain has depleted considerably."
Sheldon shrugged carelessly, turning off the Xbox 360 and wrapping the controllers in their wired companies. After doing so, he sat on the arm of the couch, looking at her. Kate turned her head to look at him in return.
Their long gaze was contemplative. Kate stood as though in a daze. She kissed him briefly on the lips and he returned it.
"I'm going to bed," Kate murmured. "Good night, Sheldon."
"Have a good REM sleep, Kate. You're in need of it," said Sheldon.
She smiled simply at him and then left for her bedroom. Sheldon looked after her. He shook his head and said in an undertone, "What has that vixen done to me."
Xx