The Strallans' first Christmas together began exactly as Edith thought it should: with the two of them making love in the pre-morning light while snow fell silently over the rolling fields of Locksley.
They took their time, watching each other closely. The sun, still low in the East, was shrouded in clouds that filtered it in dulled golds and silvers down through their bedroom window. They relished in the brushing of fingertips and the taste of skin, enjoying a certain lack of urgency—as though time had slowed just for them, as though the waves of the oceans and the sway of the moon over the hills and the pulse of the earth all beat to the rhythm they two created between them. Then, wordless and replete, they laid together for a long and sober while, hands and arms locked, watching the dawn rise outside.
When the sun finally cleared the distant trees and made it day, they got into their nightclothes again. The morning fire had yet to heat the entire room comfortably, and they climbed back into bed to keep each other warm. Anthony was propped against the upholstered headboard while Edith rested against him, head lolling on his left shoulder.
They had both been largely silent when Edith suddenly flinched and uttered a little, "Oh," and then a more definite "Oh!"
Anthony tensed immediately. "What is it?"
Edith, by way of response, pulled his left hand from her hip to her belly. Through the thin layer of lilac satin, Anthony felt nothing more than the firm swelling he was getting familiar with. Curious and worried, his mind reeled at the possibilities of what could be paining his wife. And then the slightest bomp-bomp registered against his palm.
"Is that the baby?" he asked in disbelief.
"It certainly isn't last night's guinea fowl," she replied with a little giggle.
He marveled at her, a crooked, astonished smile on his face as they waited for it again
"Here," Edith said, "Try this." She sat up and turned, planting herself in his lap with her belly between them. He placed his hand back in the same spot eagerly, but nothing happened. With trembling fingers and a giddy anticipation, Edith quickly pulled his right hand against the other side of her stomach, and waited.
"Will it happen again?" Anthony asked. No sooner had the words escaped his lips then the little creature sent another bomp-bomp-bomp to its parents.
"She likes the sound of your voice," Edith whispered. Anthony glanced up at Edith, absolutely alit with pride, and then turned his attention back to her belly.
"Your mummy seems to think you're going to be a girl," he said softly, addressing the baby directly. Looking to Edith after the next bomp-bomp, he said "Well that is without a doubt the best Christmas present I have ever received."
"Makes it all quite real, doesn't it?" Edith asked, her smile beginning to quiver. Anthony sensed something uneasy. He watched Edith's face, the way her eyes looked down and not at him.
"What is it, dearest?" he asked gently, craning his neck to try and see her
"Oh, nothing. I'm terribly, terribly happy."
"Edith, I can't help if you don't tell me. Please?"
"I'm fine," she said definitely.
Anthony sighed, releasing her belly and tapping her bum. "Up," he demanded.
Edith moved automatically from his lap, shocked at his sudden brusqueness. Anthony removed himself from her hands and got out of bed.
"Have I upset you?" she asked helplessly, so unused to quarreling with her husband.
Anthony turned back to her, waving his hand in the air with a shrug. "What use is a marriage if you share nothing?" he asked in a low voice.
Edith climbed out of bed, her cheeks flushing in anger, and stomped over to Anthony. "You are my best friend. I tell you everything, and you know me far better than anyone on the planet. What on earth do you mean 'share nothing' Anthony?"
"You won't tell me when you're sick, or when you need rest, or when you're absolutely terrified. So what am I left to do?"
"Terrified?" she asked, her voice suddenly small. She shrank away from him slightly.
"I know," he said, his tender patience returning, "that you are frightened. Darling, I am as well. But we must talk about it if we're ever to get through it. Together, right? Isn't that what we always say?" Anthony took Edith's hand quickly into his, as though he might catch her before a distance could come between them.
"I wasn't... I haven't kept things," she struggled, her eyes and voice betraying her.
Anthony kissed her hand and waited.
"I don't hide things from you, because there's no point. I just don't like you to worry more than you already will," she nearly shouted, sitting on the edge of the bed. Anthony lowered himself down beside her, their shoulders touching, his fingers still laced through hers.
"I know you are trying to spare me, but I sincerely wish you wouldn't."
"But I wasn't lying, Anthony. I am so happy."
"I know."
"It's just," she began. And then, like a great floodgate, she couldn't stop. "I've no idea what I'm doing, do I? I mean, I've failed so epically as Lady of the House that your cook went and ran away didn't she? And that was about picking some soufflés. What am I to do if I fail as a mother? I don't want our child to come to tea cleaned and pressed and then that's it. I know it's how we were raised, but it's wrong, Anthony. I want to love my child, and to know her, and make her know that she is wanted, and my parents have never shown me how. I don't know how be nurturing and warm. Oh, god, how does anyone ever learn to do this?"
As she broke into sobs, Edith laid back, burying her face in the soft duvet. Anthony laid beside her, running the back of his fingers up and down her arm.
"Edith, you have not failed at a thing. I would be more concerned if you weren't fretting over all this."
"Oh? And what are you so terrified of?" she blubbered into the folds of the blanket, her tone accusing.
"That I won't have the energy to do fatherhood justice, that I'll die and leave you two alone, that I will make a mess of things with my child like I did with you."
Edith lifted her head, her tears stifled by his quiet and sincere confession. Looking into his eyes, her heart broke for him. "Anthony," she began, but he put a finger to her lips.
"But then, I look at you, Edith, and I'm reassured. Oh, my darling, you are warm, and so very, very nurturing. You take care of everyone around you. And you are going to be a wonderful mother. I worry about a lot of things, you know, but of that I am absolutely certain."
Edith quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I've been so focused on me I haven't asked you how you feel. I'm sorry."
"I feel incredibly blessed."
"So do I. And you're going to be the most adored father."
They shared an intense silence, each searching the other for what they lacked in themselves. And much to their satisfaction and relief, they found it. Edith laid her hand against Anthony's cheek, brushing a tear from under his eye with her thumb.
"Alright, my dearest," he said, "We'll be late if we don't hurry now."
"Oh gosh, I suppose you're right. I'm going to take a bath though. Do I look a mess?"
"Ghastly. Don't know what we'll do with you."
"You could join me in the bath," she suggested coyly.
"Right, best make sure you get a proper scrub, no?"
"Proper, exactly. It is Christmas after all."
"Mm, and you're going to have an awful lot of attention on you once you share our news."
"Oh, lord" Edith sighed, pulling Anthony towards her washroom, "Don't remind me."
Thank you for reading! Next installment is definitely Christmas dinner at Downton Abbey. Can't wait to see how they'll all react. :) Your reviews are lovely and continue to delight. Thanks ever so!