Edith was having a moment. Standing before the long mirror in her dressing room, pregnant as a pelican, she began to cry. She turned to one side, and then the other, looking at the ever-growing protrusion that pulled her skin taught and had caused her hips to widen just so and her breasts to swell. She didn't recognize herself, and while she'd embraced the changes so far, today it felt as though her body wasn't her own. She dropped her head into her hands as the sobs ripped through her.
"Darling, I thought we might stay in town if the concert goes very late. I worry about you traveling. Of course it's up to you. We can see how you feel-" Anthony was saying as he entered her dressing room, straightening his own tie. He apologized briefly when he saw she wasn't quite ready, but her tear-streaked face and quivering lip troubled him a great deal more. "Whatever is the matter?"
"I'm enormous. I am. Nothing I put on is helping the fact that I've doubled in size, and I am just so sorry you have to been seen in public with your overgrown wife." The tears began again, hot and abundant, and she didn't even try to wipe them away as she stared at her stomach. "And it's still only April, Anthony. I'm not due until June. Can you imagine how big I'll be in June?"
Anthony moved to stand behind her, placing his hand soothingly on her neck and meeting her eyes in the mirror. He knew this was a fleeting problem, that tomorrow she'd be content and pleased again. But in this moment his heart broke a little for her.
"I think you're lovely, and beautiful, and charming, and wickedly attractive," he finally whispered. He meant every word, and she knew it. "And if you're this gorgeous in April, I can't wait to see what June holds for us."
Edith looked down at her belly again. "I don't mind it. Really I don't. I've loved being pregnant. It's just this formal wear. I look like a great, peach ornament covered in all these beads. And these gloves are cutting into my new-found arm fat," she griped gesturing helplessly at the coral gown and white satin gloves. Anthony saw no such arm fat but didn't dare argue with her in this moment.
Instead he kissed her neck, and silently slipped each glove off one at a time.
"What are you doing?" she asked, sniffling as her crying abated.
"I'm getting you undressed."
"Why?"
"Because we're not going to the concert."
"We're not?"
"No," he said patiently, "we're not. We're going to put you in the blue dress you're so fond of, and then we're going to call to Downton and accept your mother's invitation to have supper with them."
"You won't be sorry to miss the concert?"
"Truthfully, darling, I'm rather relieved I don't have to worry about you for an entire drive to London and back, and I've almost got your father at the chess game we've had going the last several weeks. I should be glad to see Tom, too, and Cora said he'd be joining. Let's forget about the concert, hmm?"
Edith turned and threw her arms around her husband. "Thank you, Anthony. I just couldn't face it tonight. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be."
"You're wonderful, you know."
"I am rather, yes," he joked, dismissive of her praises. He kissed her head and added soothingly, "Dry your tears, my love. Please don't be sad."
"I'm not sad. I'm just pregnant, and a complete disaster. Oh god, I never used to cry like this. At least not in front of anyone."
"I'm not anyone. Anyway, it's nice being needed once in a while."
"I need you always."
"Good," he replied simply. Sitting on the bench at the foot of the bed, Anthony addressed the belly directly. "And you, my child, be good to your Mum tonight. She needs a rest, alright?"
"Do you feel that?" Edith asked with a smile, pressing his hand to one spot.
"Indeed," he whispered. The sense of wonder he always expressed at the baby's movement never grew wearisome for Edith.
"Thank you. I feel immensely better. And I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing. Your emotional state changes like the wind but I find it's rather entertaining, really," he said dryly. Edith pretended to be angry, giving his arm a pinch. "Your violent streak isn't much improved by your condition, I dare say," he muttered. He rose quickly, giving her a warm and loving kiss before moving for the door.
"Where are you going?" she asked, her voice accusing.
"To get undressed. I'm not wearing tails to dinner."
"I'll undress you. If you don't find me too hideous," she replied. Her usual flirtatious manner was undermined by the mild insecurity in her large eyes.
He paused for a moment, taking in the sight of his tiny, round Edith. If Anthony were to tell the truth, Edith's current state was a constant reminder both of his own virility and the success, for lack of a better word, of their rather active private lives. Beautiful and alluring as she was before, Anthony could hardly contain himself around her now.
"I thought you'd never ask," he said casually, shutting the door and tossing the gloves in his hand over his shoulder.
When Edith and Anthony walked into the drawing room at Downton, they were first greeted by little more than a stunned silence.
"What?" Edith asked, looking down at her pale blue dress to see if she'd missed a button or something.
"You look wonderful," Anthony whispered to her, leading her into the room by the small of her back.
"We thought you were going to a concert tonight," Cora said, smiling widely at them. "Oh how wonderful that you came after all."
"Sorry, Mama, I forgot to tell you. Mrs. Patmore knows they'll be joining us for dinner," Mary said, reaching both her arms out for Edith to sit by her.
"Granny seems less than pleased," Edith said tentatively, watching Gran's face as she lowered herself onto the sofa with some effort.
"Forgive me, Edith. Most of us aren't used to seeing women at this advanced stage out and about. In my day you would have been in confinement already."
"Confinement," Edith grumbled. "Why should I be locked away just because I'm going to be a mother? I'm pregnant, not diseased."
"So it's not contagious then?" Tom joked as he handed Anthony a whiskey.
Granny gave an admonishing look as the younger generation laughed.
"Well, you're always very welcome," Cora appeased, looking pointedly at Robert.
Papa, great man that he was, couldn't help but feel an uneasy embarrassment around all things female. He cleared his throat awkwardly and forced a smile. It was also much easier to like Anthony when he could pretend the man hadn't put Edith in this condition in the first place, but the developing bump under her gown made that nearly impossible.
"Of course, that goes without saying," he managed, though he frowned slightly as he stared at his shoes. "Anthony, care to revisit our game? I believe we last left your queen in peril, no?" Edith smiled as her husband gave a conspiratorial wink and followed Robert into the study.
"Carson will be announcing dinner any minute, boys. Don't be late," Cora called after as Tom and Matthew followed.
"They've formed quite the club, haven't they?" Granny asked.
"And thank heaven, too. It wasn't that long ago I thought we'd have to hire a moderator just to have a meal together," Cora chirped.
"We didn't have to hire a mediator, Edith just married one instead," Mary said, casting an approving smile in her sister's direction.
Granny rolled her eyes, and turned to Cora with news of Rosamund's trip to Scotland to visit the cousins.
"And how are you feeling?" Mary asked quietly, pulling one leg onto the settee so she might face Edith directly.
Edith ran her hands over her stomach. "Very, very happy. And giant. And a bit tired, but Dr. Clarkson said it's normal. Anthony's made me check in with him practically every week, poor dear. He worries so much."
"Better than the alternative, I suppose. Is he excited?"
"Oh, he's over the moon. And infinitely patient," Edith smiled guiltily. "The other day I threw a book at his head for turning the pages of his paper too loudly."
"What did he do?"
"Walked over, kissed the top of my head, and said, 'I love you,' before happily taking his paper elsewhere." Both sisters giggled.
"It's official. You married a saint."
"You may be right," Edith sighed before flinching slightly. "Ooh, someone's ready for dinner," she laughed, cradling her belly as the baby kicked against her.
Mary looked tentative. "May I? Feel it, I mean?" she asked.
Edith pulled her sister's hand against the bomp-bomp without hesitation and watched Mary's beautiful, controlled face melt into a grin.
"That's remarkable," Mary muttered, laughing. "Does it hurt?"
"Not usually, though every once in a while she'll get my ribs or my bladder."
"Lovely," Mary said, but it wasn't in her usually critical, sarcastic way. Edith watched her face closely, sliding her own hand over Mary's.
"It will happen, Mary. I'm sure of it," Edith whispered as Mary evaded eye contact.
"Edith, have you found a nurse yet? If you wait much longer it'll be too late," Cora asked, pulling the sisters from their shared moment.
"Uh, no," Edith said distractedly, worried about the tears in Mary's eyes. When Mary gave a warning look she turned her full attention to her mother. "No, I don't plan on hiring a nurse, actually."
"What do you mean?" Violet asked, sincerely bewildered.
"I want to nurse the baby myself. I don't want to send her away every time she needs me."
"Edith, darling, I don't think you realize yet what you're taking on," Cora said. Whether she intended to be so patronizing Edith was not sure.
"Yes I do. Really, I do. Women with less means raise their own children every day. Anna, for instance, is doing a beautiful job with little Jack, and she doesn't have a nurse. I don't know why I should be any different." Edith felt her face growing red in frustration, and a little, if she was honest, in hurt.
"Right, you are a Lady, and you are very fortunate in your circumstances, which is why I don't understand why you wouldn't want help," Cora retorted.
"I'll have help. I'll have Anthony, of course. I don't want someone else raising my children."
"Children? You mean to tell me you plan on having more? And with no nurse or nanny?" Violet asked, truly scandalized by her granddaughter's plans. "And how does Anthony feel about this?"
"Anthony's tickled by the idea," Edith said, shocked at the row that was forming over something so natural as wanting to be with her children.
"Right, well, we'll see how he feels at three in the morning after getting no sleep," Granny scoffed.
"And how much do you know about that, Gran?" Mary asked, surprising even Edith with her contempt.
Granny gaped for a moment, unable to form a response because, of course, Mary was right. Granny's idea of hands-on parenting was kissing her children on the head before they were sent to bed with their separate governesses.
"I don't want to fight, really I don't," Edith sighed. "But I do wish that you'd respect my decision, just once, and that you'd at least try to understand."
"Oh Edith," Cora said dismissively, "Let's not start all that again. A woman of your circumstance not hiring a nurse? Well, it simply isn't done."
"Mama, I really don't think," Mary began, but she was interrupted by Carson announcing dinner. Mary hooked Edith's arm in solidarity as all four women left in a terse silence.
"Well what's next, a cold July I suppose?" Violet grumbled to Cora, gesturing to her granddaughters as they walked ahead. Displeased as Cora was about the argument, she couldn't help but feel glad to see Mary and Edith getting so close after so many years of bickering.
They met the gentlemen in the hall, who seemed chummy as ever, and utterly oblivious to any tension between the other four.
Except Anthony, of course, who saw it right away in Edith's face. "Everything alright, my dear?" he asked quietly as he kissed her temple before taking their seats at the table.
"I'll tell you later," she replied, giving his hand a squeeze.
Dinner seemed to lighten the mood after the row. Tom and Matthew were quite funny together, and Robert was in a particularly pleasant state. Feeling exhausted and unwilling to sit through any further conversation, Edith hinted to Anthony and they took their leave immediately following dessert.
"Anthony, you really should know better than to allow Edith to travel this late in the pregnancy," Granny nagged as they all said their goodbyes in the hall. She was still smarting from the disagreement.
"In fact, I know better than to allow my wife to do anything. But I am taking care of her, I promise," Anthony countered jovially, easily deflecting Granny's jibe.
"Touche," Mary muttered, kissing Anthony goodbye.
"Mary, I wondered if you might come for tea tomorrow. I need help with the nursery, and you've far more talent for prints and fabrics than I. Do come and help, won't you?" Edith pleaded, her expression saying far more than her query.
"Pleasure," Mary agreed, knowing full-well what Edith wanted to talk about, and it certainly wasn't decorating.
When they had changed into their nightclothes and climbed into bed, Edith told Anthony the entire story. "It's so infuriating, after all these years, that I still get no credit at all. That we get no credit. They still don't see it, Anthony. They still don't see what you and I have," she finished with a growl.
"I'm proud of you for staying your ground, but darling, why does it matter?"
"What do you mean?"
"If they don't see what we have, why should it matter? You're Mama now. You're the Lady of this house, wife to a man that loves you madly. Why do you care if they approve?"
Edith frowned for a moment in thought. "I've absolutely no idea," she finally said, looking up at him, "But I do."
That Edith's great doe-eyes conveyed so much trust and hope when they met his filled Anthony with an overwhelming pride. That she, Lady Edith, was in his bed, carrying his child, confiding in him, being his wife, well it struck him suddenly and profoundly. He owed her everything, wanted to give her everything. As her eyes searched his for a response, many grandiose words flashed through his mind, but not one in his rather extensive vocabulary could begin to encompass all that he felt for the woman beside him.
He choked a bit on his emotions, his voice cracking and giving him away. "Well, then we'll just keep proving them wrong. We do it together."
"Thank you for understanding," she sighed, leaning into him, "And for being the single most patient man on earth."
"I want to raise our children too. I loved my nanny more than anything as a boy, including my own mother, and I'd hate for our child to grow up like that."
Edith leaned up and kissed Anthony's jaw. "Could we be any better suited to each other?" she mused sweetly, closing her eyes and settling against his chest.
"Not likely," he said with a smile, stroking Edith's soft hair until her body relaxed, and her breathing slowed, and she gave in to the overwhelming urge to sleep. And never had he loved her more.