Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Okay, here's the latest chapter. I hope that y'all enjoy this one. I am really trying to get this chapters out fairly quickly and all. I am just glad that everyone seems to be enjoying this fic. Thanks for reading!

Playing With Fire
Chapter Thirteen: Proclivity

After the food, after the fun and the drama and the laughs, Paul took me home.

Or, rather, I drove, but he rode along with me. But I suppose that doesn't matter, since the car ride was completely silent the entire way back. Charlie had to take his own car back to the house, which I was grateful for. I didn't even want to think about what would happen if all three of us were crammed into the cab of my rickety little truck.

The ride seemed to take forever, and I felt myself becoming increasingly anxious. There was something niggling at the back of my head, something I didn't even realize was bothering me until the question escaped my lips.

"What was Jared saying to Kim earlier? About me?"

Though Paul didn't move at all, I could almost sense that his muscles contracted, tensed, at my question. Maybe that was why it was so silent in the car. I felt myself regretting my words, and tried to take them back.

Paul, as though expecting my reaction, held up a hand and sighed exasperatedly, "No, no, you have a right to know." He kept staring out the windshield. "I guess I was hoping you wouldn't ask, then I wouldn't have to bring it up. But damn you and your curiosity."

I felt my lips twitch upward. "Curiosity killed the cat."

"Killed the Swan in this case."

I felt an abrupt laugh tear from my throat, rough and heady and surprised. I changed a glance at Paul, who was still staring out the window. I felt my laughter was misplaced, for his eyebrows were pulled tightly together, his hands balled into his fists and clenching the fabric of his shorts.

"It's okay, Paul."

He snorted, ignoring my reassurance. "You wanna know what Jared said? Fine." He turned to look at me, at which point I quickly turned my head away and stared out in front of me. For some reason I couldn't stand having him look at me like that - like he…resented having to tell me.

"He said, 'You know that girl isn't going to be anyone's imprint. She's only for the leeches. Any wolf who imprinted on her would be setting himself up for disaster.'"

I felt myself go cold, a flash of ice water directly in my veins, before heat flooded in its place.

"What the hell, man?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Paul jump. It was a minute little thing, but I felt satisfied that I had caught him off guard. I looked over at him as my truck turned into my driveway, slamming on the break as soon as I got within. "Is that what you wolves talk about while I'm not there? About how much of a leech-lover I am?"

Paul stared at me, and I felt so satisfied at the look of shock on his face that I almost felt my lips curl into a smirk. I forced the edges of my mouth down into a scowl and opened my mouth to continue my tirade. "You know, you could always just let Victoria have me. You don't have to do all of this. I'm sure it would all be easier."

I wasn't sure where all this cynical, boiling rage was coming from, but I had a good idea. Jared's words, while meaning to reassure his imprint for her innocent mistake, cut me. He obviously had meant for them to be harsh words, completely capable of cutting down weak little Bella Swan, had she heard them.

"Shut up," Paul snapped.

"What?" I asked in a wry, self-loathing tone, "You know that would be the truth. All of this…it's stupid. Everything you guys are doing for me…it's nonsensical and…and stupid."

"Need a thesaurus?"

I glared at him.

Paul rolled his eyes as I put the car in park. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "Just shut up. You have no idea…"

"I have no idea about what?"

"Just whatever. Let's get you inside." Paul shut the door of my truck and started to move to the porch. I got out of the truck, locked it, and followed.

"Paul."

He spun around at my tone, "Jared's opinion doesn't count for the opinions of the group. Just because the pack shares each others' thoughts while in wolf form doesn't mean that we all share the same opinion. Calm down."

I stopped in my tracks. The intensity of his voice scared me, if I was to be completely honest with myself. I'd forgotten that I was with the most volatile of all the wolves, the one most likely to lose their temper and phase. And right now, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't do it. After all, Sam had phased in front of Emily and done that to her…and she was his imprint. Paul didn't have the same kind of loyalty to me.

"And about all this dying shit. I thought we were past this? I thought you were at least trying not to pity yourself anymore. I liked that person."

I huffed at that, "I didn't say I wanted it. Just that it would be easier for all of you if you didn't have me as a burden."

Paul slapped his face with a hand, "What have I told you about you not being a burden? This is what we do, Bella. We kill vampires. We protect innocent public, despite the fact that they were once a vampire's girlfriend. Jake, Sam, Emily, Leah…hell, I even care about you. Jared is the only one that thinks that way. And believe me, it grates."

I deflated, looking at Paul, at the way his hand was shaking even as he pressed it against the back of his neck as he lifted his eyes to me. I felt my shoulders slump, all the fight taken out of me in that instant. I whispered, "I'm sorry."

Paul seemed to mirror my look. He looked utterly exhausted, his eyes half-lidded and his mouth slack. He shrugged, "No problem." For a moment he seemed to try to open the front door, then realizing it was locked, turned to me. I nodded and started to come up the steps onto the porch, bringing out my key and unlocking the door, letting it swing open with a muted creak.

He pushed ahead of me, and for a moment I thought he was simply being rude, but in fact I saw that he was sniffing lightly, his eyes darting around the first floor. Testing for vampires. When it seemed no one was there, he turned to me and nodded.

"I think you might be taking after me, after all," he said as I stepped through the threshold.

I looked up at him, amazement and disbelief crossing my features. How could he go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. I gaped, my mouth opening and closing like that of a fish out of water. "Uh…what?"

Paul grinned - grinned! - and said, "The Bella that I saw tagging along with Jake would never have done that."

"What do you mean?" I wasn't sure whether to feel insulted or flattered. Well, it was at least normal - I always seemed to have conflicting feelings around Paul.

"You were always mope-y. Quiet. I never would've thought you had a mouth like that on you. I thought you were the type that let people fight for you. Looks like I was wrong."

I blushed, "I can stand up for myself…"

"Clearly," he said, yet I wasn't sure if he believed my words or not. He smirked and led the way up the stairs, clapping me hard on the back before he said, "Atta girl."

I scowled at him before I discreetly rubbed the spot on my back where his hand had made contact. "Are you bipolar or something?"

Paul looked back at me, just as he was in the middle of the stairs. "I could ask you that same question."

"What?"

"The way you just flipped out. Went all calm and collected like usual to freakin' raging harpy like on Jerry Springer. Meryl Streep would be jealous."

"Calm and collected? When have I ever been calm and collected?"

"All the time," Paul replied. "You don't see yourself too clearly, do you?"

And just like that, a stab through my already ragged chest. I remembered the first time I'd heard that question, said with a wry smile as topaz colored eyes looked down at me, filled with the love that I now thought was fake. I struggled to keep it together, clutching my chest where the hole resided, still throbbing and wicked, and breathed deeply in and out.

No, you need to stop this. Stop letting this get to you. Stop letting Edward get to you.

I pulled myself out of the depths and looked up at Paul, whose gaze was almost suspiciously blank, but if I looked hard enough I could make out the concern in his eyes. "Something the leech said, no doubt."

"Yes." The sound of my voice was hoarse, breathy, as if I'd been punched in the gut, had all the wind knocked out of me.

"C'mon," he moved aside for me to get on the stairs above him. It looked to be against his instincts, to let a girl lead the way into a potential battle situation. But the house was clear, Paul would have realized if anyone was waiting for us in my room. I then realized that he was probably protecting me from myself. I'd looked myself in the mirror after one of my Edward-induced attacks, seen the way my face became paler than usual, the way all blood left my face, the way I trembled. He was probably nervous that I would faint and fall backwards on the stairs, an ironic end to what he was sacrificing so much to protect.

Or, I might be looking to far into it. I didn't want to get cocky, to think that Paul cared that much about me. He had other priorities, after all. What they were, I wasn't sure, but I knew that I couldn't be the only thing that worried him in his life.

Somehow, I wished he would open up and share…

No. I shook my head as I opened the door to my room. I couldn't think like that. Being close to people only hurt you in the end. If I got too close to Paul and he imprinted on someone…

The thought stopped me dead in my tracks.

"What?" Paul was immediately at my side, looking around the room. "Did I miss something?"

I was silent, thinking about this newfound knowledge. Sure, we had talked about it earlier, but I hadn't thought about how his imprinting would affect me. I just knew how much he hated to think that he might be next. The next person that would have his will taken away from him, forced to love someone he originally wouldn't have. I knew that Paul didn't want it, and I knew I didn't want it for him either.

But this new ache, this new panging in my chest, was something completely different than what I had experienced earlier in the day. At the time I was only worried for Paul, worried that he would lose control and run off, worried about the fact that he so hated being a slave to a legend that was actually truth.

Until now, in such a throwaway thought, I had never even considered how it would affect my own state of being if Paul imprinted, as selfish as that sounds.

Surely, I wasn't…I didn't…things weren't like they were with Jake before he imprinted. There was something different between Paul and I, something that I couldn't just shake off. While Jacob was my own personal sun, getting me through the darkest of days, Paul had been an anchor. A steady, solid presence, as tough as iron itself. Keeping me from drifting away to sea when things got too tough. Paul…understood me on a level that I felt Jake never did. He didn't put up with what I considered to be appropriate mourning over lost love. In such a short time, he had already made such an important indent on my life, one that I didn't want to lose.

But I would lose it, if he were to imprint.

I'd lose everything.

As melodramatic as that sounds, I knew I would be in just as big of a wreck when Paul imprinted.

But I'd try to handle it differently.

I'd learned a lot of things from the many people I'd been fortunate enough to know. I'd learned from Edward that I could be desirable, even if it was only for my blood. I'd learned from Jake that I was a myriad of things. And from Paul, I'd learned I was stronger than I'd given myself credit for. Instead of lurking about in the depths of my own self pity, Paul had dragged me out kicking and screaming, told me to get a grip on myself. Something that no one else had ever tried to do, thinking me too fragile to deal with criticism and harsh comments.

I was stronger now, I could feel it. And not in the immortal sense. Where I had thought myself weak physically before, I felt none of it. I felt as indestructible as any immortal, though it was probably just because my mental state had improved so.

If Paul were to imprint, I'd try the same thing I did with Jake - I'd try to be happy for him.

I wouldn't bring everyone down with my self pity. That wasn't helping anyone, as Paul had so pointed out before. I would be happy for Paul and the random, lottery girl that was lucky enough to have him.

Lucky enough? Yes…whoever ended up with Paul in the end was just that. Lucky.

I hadn't realized I was so spaced out until Paul put both hands on my shoulder. "Swan?" The warmth of his hands seeped through my sweater, leaking through every limb in my body, filling every cell to bursting. "Hey…earth to Bella."

I snapped out of it, only to realize how close to me Paul was. I could feel his breath fan across the crown of my head as he leaned over me, as if I were a patient he were examining. "Are you okay? Is it one of those leeches with the powers?"

I blinked a few times before looking up, my eyes surely as vacant as Paul's were frantic. I felt the gravity of my newest revelation flow through me, felt it as certain as I knew my own name. "I'm fine…sorry."

"Geez," Paul said, though his hands still on my shoulders. I found that I didn't want them to let go of me. That though was enough to send me backing up slightly. "I thought you'd gone catatonic again."

"Me? Never…" I joked thinly.

It didn't work. Paul's face was set in deep concentration - our bodies were still too close. He backed away, as if I were something that he was particularly iffy about, something that maybe he didn't want to get too close too. Maybe he felt the same as I did about that. Maybe not. I was probably just imagining things, right?

The night outside was as dark as ink, a few stars could be seen from my position in my room. I stared at that for a while as Paul moved to sit in the rocking chair nestled in the corner of my room. He inhaled deeply, steadying his fists. I only now realized that they were shaking, trembling against the instinct to phase.

"Did I make you mad?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Paul looked up slowly, the tremors slowly subsiding, "What would you say that?"

"Your hands were shaking." I pointed at his large, thin hands. "Jake's did that whenever he was mad at me."

Paul exhaled a breath that sounded like a whistle, "No. Not mad."

"Oh."

He didn't look like he was going to say more on the fact until I sighed and said, "Sorry."

"Quit apologizing," he growled, "for things that are not your fault."

"But it seems - "

"Bella," he said, and I felt an unwilling chill go down my spine as he did so. "It's fine. You're fine. I'm fine. You know what everyone else knows. I'm the one with the least amount of control over my changes. Anything could have brought it on."

"Oh." I muttered. That seemed to be the safe word to say.

Paul looked at me, and there was something in his eyes I couldn't place. I found myself thinking that quite often, thinking that there would be something there but there wasn't. Thinking that there wasn't anything there but there was. It was a strange cycle, that. I wasn't sure what to make of it. The shade to his eyes changed from something dark to something infinitely safer. "Your dad's home."

As if on cue, Charlie's voice rang out, "Bella! I'm home!"

I paused for a moment, looking at Paul with what I was sure was an expression of shock. "Um…"

"Go say hey." Paul waved me off, a smile tugging at the edges of his lips. "I'll be here when you get back."

I ignored the way my stomach contracted when he said that.

I nodded at him, gave him a feeble smile, and started to descend down the stairs all the while feeling as if I was descending into something deeper.

End Chapter Thirteen.