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Playing With Fire
Chapter Seventeen: Lycanthrope

Millions of possibilities flashed through my mind.

Victoria, mostly. Victoria killing Charlie, Victoria killing the wolves, Victoria slaughtering half the mall and heading her way here. I was absorbed in images of a blood-spattered vampire, gloriously glowing with the thrill of killing as she made her way to her true target - me.

I was so consumed by my own fears that I barely heard what Paul was saying. He looked frustrated at me, doubting that I was listening, and snarled the statement yet again while dropping his fingers from my arm.

"Harry Clearwater's had a heart attack."

I paused, feeling ice in my veins, "Leah and Seth's dad?"

He nodded.

"Is he okay?"

"Not looking good," he admitted grimly. I could see how shaken up he was about this. I knew that he cared for Leah, despite the fact that he was as rough a guy as they come. I knew that he had, possibly, been in love with her prior to the imprint that bonded her to Jake. I felt the urge to reach out and wrap my hand around his, but suppressed it. Somehow, I felt that wouldn't have gone over well.

"It's not good. None of it is."

This had me pause, "None of it? What exactly happened, Paul?"

"You need to come with me." His fists were shaking. "We can't leave you here. And we have to be there for our pack."

The use of the term "our pack" confused me. I had thought that term was only used for the wolves, but maybe I was wrong. It could possibly be used for any family member…or maybe the pack included imprints as well? I was slightly confused, but Paul was suddenly insistent, his eyes almost crazed.

"We had Quil bring his car, just in case something happened," he continued. "So you don't have to worry about using one of us as your transportation."

The last sentence was supposed to be a joke, but it came out bitter and unconcerned about what I thought. His mind was fully on Leah now, and her brother, and her father, and just how much she must be hurting now. Funny, how I'd never thought Paul was still suffering. I had just assumed that he had been over her. He was just so strong that I thought that nothing phased him like this…

It was something I admired about him - I still did. But maybe somehow, I admired his ability to still care so deeply for her without it affecting his day-to-day life.

But this wasn't the time for that.

"Okay," I told him. "I'll go tell Angela and Jess what's going on."

"Hurry." The word was curt, an order, one that I didn't have the willpower to deny.

I did. I quickly made it back to my friends and told them the deal, leaving out the fact that Paul and two of his friends had been watching over us the whole time to keep us safe from a crazed vampire. They looked sympathetic, even Jessica, and I reminded myself idly that I needed to get her away from Lauren more often. She seemed more civil when not underneath her thumb.

I met Paul in the corridor leading to the bathrooms, "Ready."

He only nodded curtly and led me out into the parking lot, where Quil was waiting with the car. I noticed that Jake was absent. Of course he was. His imprint was going through a tough time now, and obviously needed him. With no envious or sad thoughts for myself whatsoever, I climbed in the car, feeling only sympathy and sorrow for Leah and Seth's situation. I put myself in their shoes for a moment, imagining Charlie in such a state, and immediately I got a frog in my throat.

Paul let me get into the front seat alongside Quil, who was driving. He then got stealthily in the back, obviously hating that he had to stay human for this part.

"You can phase and hurry over to her," I blurted. "I don't mind."

"My presence isn't going to change anything," he replied. "She's confused and scared and only Jake can help with that."

I found myself unable to look away from him. His words were brutal and honest, something that I'd learned to expect from him when he regarded me, but not when he was talking about himself.

"But you want to be there." I craned my head so I could get a better look at him, sitting in the back seat and looking out the window as if he could melt the glass with his gaze.

As soon as the words left my mouth, he turned his gaze on me, equally as hot, "You have no idea what I want."

I felt my eyes widen a bit. Somehow the words didn't fit. It was almost like he was talking about something else, something other than the situation at hand. This piece of Paul was raw and exposed, like nerve endings in an open wound. I was used to Paul being harsh, but his words were strange, ones of which I couldn't decipher the meaning.

"I'm just trying to help." I said, stubbornly.

"There are some things," he said, softly this time, "that even you can't help me with."

I paused, wondering about the meaning of his words. Those words were so different in comparison to his earlier, snappish comments. My chest tightened with those words ringing in my head, and I couldn't stop thinking of what he might have meant.

"Did Paul even tell you what happened?" Quil spoke up for the first time since we'd left the mall. I turned in his direction.

"Harry Clearwater had a heart attack and isn't doing good."

Quil stared at me for a good moment, his eyes looking slightly confused, and then he stomped on the brake when a chilling, piercing howl cut through the oncoming night. I felt goosebumps raise on my flesh. That couldn't have been good.

Paul took in a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was shakier than usual, cracking in odd places, "Harry's gone."

Quil pounded the steering wheel in frustration, and I felt tears prick my eyes. I hadn't known Harry Clearwater well, but I had met him enough times when Charlie brought his fishing buddies home from a day out. The sadness around me was palpable, and it had a definite effect on my mood. A few tears slipped from my eyes despite myself, and I wiped them away hastily.

Quil spoke solemnly, "You should tell Bella the other half of the situation."

Paul was silent for a moment before saying, "Leah and Seth were the cause of it."

I paused, all my muscles tense like a bowstring. I turned around to face him, slowly, my face a mask of shock. How could that even be possible? Leah and Seth loved their father. Though I hadn't been able to really meet Seth, I'd seen him around his father several times, and Leah was always telling Emily about how silly her father was. Those remarks were always kind ones, little insults that showed someone just how much she cared about her father.

Paul scoffed at my face, and then said, "They phased, Bella. Right in front of him."

I paused, letting the information sink in. The words seemed to not fit correctly in my brain. Leah and Seth? Phased? How was that even possible? I wasn't sure about all the other things, but I didn't even know it was possible for a woman to phase. Yet alone Seth, who was still so young.

"How did that…" I trailed off.

"We're not sure yet." Paul was looking out the window again. "Leah and Seth are too traumatized by what has happened to say anything. Leah at least knows what is going on, but Seth has no idea what has happened to him."

We turned onto the road leading to the Clearwaters' residence. I could instantly hear the howling and snarling coming from the surrounding woods. But at the looks on Paul and Quil's faces, I saw that they had been hearing the sounds for miles. I inhaled shakily. "What can I do?"

Paul looked sharply at me, "Nothing."

"I'm coming, too," I said as Quil got out of the car. I unhooked my seatbelt and started to follow.

"Why?" Paul snapped.

I set my shoulders and stared at him, "I consider Leah a friend." I said, though I probably used that term lightly. I felt like she had an understanding for my situation, and she had expressed true regret at the diner incident. I was willing to let the past be the past because Leah really was a good person who was put in several abnormal situations. This included.

Paul looked at me solidly for a moment. Quil had already phased and jumped into the bushes. "She's scared, like you said," I told him. "And don't you think another female presence would help? She's surrounded by guys."

Paul grimaced a smile at my last sentence, particularly at the way I said the word guys. He nodded curtly, lifting his guard back up, "Stay close to me."

I looked at him curiously for a moment, letting the words sink in and hating myself for the traitorous beat my heart missed. I nodded.

I didn't expect what happened next. He lunged forward and knocked my knees out from under me, cradling them against the crook of one arm and my neck and shoulders against the other. I gasped at the sudden contact, shocked and awed at his speed as well as the utter gracefulness and care that he held me with. I looked up at him, seeing that he was staring straight ahead. He was so tall that I felt I was so much further from the ground than I was, and the heat that consumed me was almost unbearable.

He looked down at me, "What? You didn't think I was going to let you ride me like a horse, huh?"

My cheeks heated impossibly at that, my heart rate increased, and I started wringing my hands.

He shook his head and said, as if to himself, "Right. Humor isn't a good coping mechanism."

Paul then launched himself into the woods. The blurring of the trees around me was so drastic and jarring that I was immediately taken back to the days of riding piggyback on Edward as he ran, laughing, through the woods. I remembered all those days as if they were yesterday. The hole throbbed a bit, but I had other worries, more current and pressing ones.

As Paul ran through the woods to their meeting place, I had the presence of mind to truly think. I thought of the campfire, in which I had a good time - Kim's odd questioning aside - and when I saw Leah punch Jacob. That should have been a first clue that she was getting stronger. When she made Jacob wince just from a playful punch like that. Hadn't she been growing taller a bit, too? How had I not put two and two together?

I was lost in my thoughts, which were flimsy at best due to the circumstances. I couldn't help but be fully aware of how hot Paul's body was, how his breath was coming out in even and paced repetitions, how he gripped me just a bit too tightly - but that wasn't something I was complaining about. It felt nice, I was not-so-surprised to admit.

He was liquid in his movements, his feet gliding over the rough surface of the ground, dodging fallen tree branches and creeping roots, missing random rocks and upturned stumps. All the while, he held onto me as if I were some kind of precious cargo, something that I felt…proud of.

I tried not to think about that too much. I had to focus on helping Leah in whatever way I could. I wasn't sure where my sudden bout of selflessness came from, but I knew that Leah had truly tried to be nice to me, to be my friend. Though she hadn't truly helped me like Paul somehow had, she was one of the people that I thought of when I imagined what I wanted to be like. Strong, beautiful, unshakable.

That last adjective might not apply to her right now, though.

Paul took us into a clearing where all the wolves were gathered. Two wolves were wailing in ear-piercing, chill-inducing howls. I was able to make out a wolf smaller than the others, leaner, the color of slate with longer fur than normal, and a wolf sandy in color, with paws that seemed too large for his thin, lanky frame. Somehow, I knew the latter one was Seth.

As soon as they saw me, there was a slight rumble in the crowd, as if they didn't expect me to be there. The large black wolf - the one I knew to be Sam - growled at me.

"She's fine," Paul said. "She thought she could help."

Paul then turned to me, "It makes him uneasy, this whole situation. He doesn't like having a human around all these volatile wolves."

I wondered for a moment how Paul could understand Sam's words, even when in two different forms, but sometimes, I figured that you didn't really have to be the same species to understand one another. I nodded my head, "I'll keep my distance, Sam. Thank you."

Sam let out another growl, low, as if consenting. He then jerked his head in Paul's direction. Paul nodded and jumped into a throng of bushes and trees, invisible to everyone while he phased. A deep gray wolf came out in his place and took a spot beside me, hackles raised in challenge, eyes dark and daring anyone to come close. I felt a spot of warmth build in my chest at his protectiveness, though I knew he was only doing his duty. There was nothing else there. There couldn't be.

There was a cacophony of howling then, though I noticed that it had become instantly quieter when Paul and I had arrived.

I looked over at Paul, suddenly feeling a jolt of pity for him. Jake had told me once that the pack mind was something that everyone was a part of. No one could hide their thoughts from any one member in the pack. And that meant that Paul's feelings for Leah were striking her full force. That meant that Leah's pain over losing Sam was hitting him. That meant that Paul could feel Leah's feelings for Jake now, could feel everything she had ever thought of him, and vice versa.

There were obvious perks to being supernatural, but I doubted that sharing every thought you ever had was one of them.

Howling started, and I wondered what they were talking about. For once, I wondered what it would be like to be a part of the pack. It was strange, having a daydream about being a werewolf and not their enemy.

Leah stepped forward, her hackles not as raised as they had been before. Seth followed, slightly shy compared to her. He kept his nose to the ground, still not sure what was going on. I heard Sam growl at the both of them, and Leah turned her head to snap at him. Paul maneuvered himself in front of me, as if becoming a shield. I knew my hands were shaking, but I tried to force it away.

The large russet wolf - I hadn't noticed that he was almost as large as Sam now - that I knew as Jacob, stepped close to Leah. She looked at him with something akin to insult. She pulled her muzzle back, revealing teeth. Seth whimpered in response.

The wolves I remembered to be Quil and Embry looked at the two newer wolves with wonder. The last wolf, the one that must be Jared, moved closer to Sam to flank him. It looked as if they were mounting an attack in case anything went wrong.

Leah looked at me, her eyes sorrowful and sad even in her wolfish face. Seth finally raised his head and moved closer to me. I wondered what drew Seth in this direction.

Leah started rumbling growls directed toward me and Paul. It was strange, how they almost sounded like words. She seemed to be very distraught, very sad. I couldn't even imagine what she was going through at this moment. Seth whimpered at her side, looking at me as if I were something like a sight for sore eyes. I figured that I was helping, even just a little bit, by being human. The only human in a pack of wolves, something they could see as normal in the bizarreness of this situation.

Paul shifted beside me, just so I could feel the solidness of his side, could feel the heat emanating off of his body. The soft fur of his coat bristled against my cheek and neck.

Leah sat down, and everyone relaxed. Seth came closer still, looking at me with a sadness that I couldn't comprehend. I knew what they wanted - human comfort. In a time when they had just been indirectly responsible for their own father's death, they wanted human arms around them. It didn't matter if it was me or if it was Emily. They just needed human contact in this strange, supernatural world.

I stepped forward, Paul shadowing my steps. All of the wolves looked tensed, as ready as I'd ever seen them. They knew the potential danger of this situation. They knew I could end up like Emily - or worse.

I turned around and smiled at Paul before reaching out to stroke Seth's muzzle with my hand. He tensed at first, but relaxed, leaning his massive head into my palm. My fingers stroked his fur, feeling the soft, sandy hair as it brushed gently against my skin. He whimpered just a bit, closing his eyes and then lying down at my feet.

Leah was a bit more stubborn, not wanting to be touched at all, but she kept her eyes on me, as if trying to see if she could make out any bit of deception in my eyes. But I knew there would be none of that. She moved so that she was lying down, calmer than before, but still having that edge of hurt around her.

I could almost feel how scared they were. It was like a static charge in the air, causing the hairs on my arms to stand up. Seth managed to move to lay down, just like his sister had before him, calmed just by the touch of a human hand. I found myself lowering to the ground with him, crouching to keep the contact of my hand against his fur. He whined in what I thought was appreciation.

Everything was calm, for once. The only emotion in the air was sadness, which was something so strong I felt it in my core.

I was so distracted by stroking the fur over Seth's brow that I almost jumped when I felt a cold, wet nose pressed into my side. I kept on scratching Seth's head, and then finally turned to see that Paul was looking at me with something I didn't even know he was capable of expressing - especially in regards to myself.

Paul, his large and liquid eyes glowing in his face, was looking at me with gratitude.

Somehow, knowing that Paul was grateful of what I was doing made be feel a sense of accomplishment like no other, like I truly could make a difference. Even if I was human while doing so.

End Chapter Seventeen.