*Chapter 2*

*Onset - I'm absolutely SURE this isn't normal... *

"You ok, Kaoru? You've been pretty spacey lately..."

I looked up from my English homework and saw my twin brother looking at me from across the library table.

"Yeah, Hikaru I'm fine. Just having some trouble pronouncing this sentence." I slid the paper across the table to him. He took one look and slid it back.

"No clue..."

"Is that what it says?"

"No I have no clue what it says."

"Oh!" I proceeded to write 'I have no clue what it says' when he stopped me.

"No! You know that's not what I meant!"

"Oh!" I erased, " you-know-that's-not-what-"

"OH MY GOD!"

I fell out of the chair laughing to the sheer horror of the librarian as we broke the Library's one and only rule in spades. As she kicked us out my mind started to wander again.

Truth be told, I knew all along what the sentence said. I'd just spaced out again thinking about the same thing as yesterday. There was nothing wrong with me. I was perfectly happy. I had friends, goals, ambitions, my life was always full of laughter and love and the future looked brighter than ever. But the idea of killing myself was slowly poisoning my mind. It wasn't like I had some sort of fascination with death or anything, I don't even know where the thought came from! It just suddenly appeared there and as the days went by it slowly started to justify its presence. It was so out of place in my mind that i frequently questioned whether it was actually my thought or someone elses that sort of fell into my head by accident. I don't know if it's reason for being there is right but the idea was slowly becoming my own.

I really hope I'm not losing my mind.

Once we got home, Hikaru started doing some sort of potty dance and flew up the stairs leaving me holding back laughter in his wake.

"It won't be so funny when it happens to you!" He quickly called back before disappearing into the hallway.

I walked up the stairs towards our room, pausing at the bathroom door. "Are you pooping in there?"

"No!"

"Yes you are!"

"Shut up!"

I laughed again.

It's almost sad he doesn't know what I'm planning to do

...wait, planning? Was I actually going to do this!?

I ran down the hall and into our shared bedroom. I threw my bookbag into the corner and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked so forgiving as they stared back at me. The look my reflection was giving me made me feel guilty for having such thoughts. I watched as forgiving eyes morphed into sorrowful orbs that begged me not to put anyone; not to put Hikaru through that kind of pain. Thats when I noticed that the bangs in my reflection were being mirrored just like the rest of me and I starred in horror when I realized my reflection was an exact copy of Hikaru, with those same pleading eyes 'Dont do this to me Kaoru!'

I tore my gaze from the mirror. It's not like I was really going to kills myself, right? Of course not! Thats so stupid! I cleaned up my face a little, remembering all the times I would scoff at suicide victims. Victims? Hah! Those weren't victims, those were morons with knives! No matter how bad a day you were having you just had to move on, it always got better in the future, killing yourself was so stupid!

I shook my head and looked at my bookbag. I should be finishing my homework but instead I did what most teenage boys did when they had homework...Xbox!

When Hikaru finally made it out of the bathroom he threw his bookbag down next to mine and grabbed a sharpie and some post-it notes out of the nightstand by our bed. I watched as him snicker as he drew something on it. I paused the game to see what it was.

He held back another laugh as he held up the post-it. He had drawn a troll face meme. Underneath the scrunched up face it said 'Problem?'. He had also drawn on clothes pin on its nose for good measure.

"One does not simply use the bathroom after Hikaru!" he grinned before walking back to the bathroom and sticking it on the door.

I stifled another giggle before going back to my game, grateful he didn't use the ensuite bathroom.

"What are you playing?" he asked when he came back into the room.

"Im playing 'How-long-can-Kaoru-play-Xbox-before-he-realizes-he-still-hasn't-finished-his-homework'. Otherwise know as Call of Duty: Black Ops."

"Black Ops? We still have that one?"

I paused again "Surprisingly yes! Co-op on Zombies?" I offered, holding up second controller.

He glanced at his bookbag before sitting down on the floor next to me.

"Alright, I can spare five minutes."

"Isnt that just code for: 'I was going to do this anyway but since you were the first one to offer I now have someone to blame for not finishing my homework'?

He playfully pushed me, "You know me so well!" he smirked

I treasured moments like these.

It's too bad this never happened...

Wait. Of course it happened. Its happening right now isn't it?

He'll probably throw this game out when I'm gone; too many memories...

"Kaoru there's one behind you."

I turn my attention back to the game. We were in the Situation Room of the United States Pentagon. I turned my character around and aimed an M-16 at the Zombie and fistpumped when I got a headshot, than lobbed a grenade at the door when I notice a horde gathering.

It was fun, but why do something you'll never remember?

This time it was Hikaru's turn to pause the game "What's wrong Kaoru?"

I just starred at my controller. Trying to memorize the look and feel of it and how fun it was to do something you really weren't suppose to be doing with someone you truly cared about.

"I'm just tired that's all..." I put down the controller and jumped on the bed snuggling rather childishly into the Duvet.

"Kaoru, you do realize your still in your school clothes."

"Don't care. Must sleep!" I whined rather cutely, idly wondering if I really was happy with my life or if I was merely keeping up appearances.

"Your so adorable." Hikaru cooed as he ruffled my hair a little with one hand. I watched him walk back over to the Xbox to turn it off before grabbing some clothes from the dresser and going into the ensuite bathroom most likely changing out of his school clothes.

My mind started to wander again as I stared at the bathroom door, slowly drifting in and out of sleep.

Please don't forget me Hikaru.

I knew I didn't want to be forgotten. But...was I more scared of becoming a distant memory to him...or to myself?