A/N: So, I keep finding things from the Holiday Fics challenge I did in January, but forgot to post. Better late than never, I guess?

Thank you to: Lothlorien Aeterna, Aeidhryn and FARISWHEEL for reviewing Masquerades.

x tromana

Title: The Search is Over
Rating: T
Characters: Jane/Angela, Jane/Lisbon
Notes: Another story I should have posted in January but forgot to do so. Written for SteeleSimz as a part of the holiday fics challenge.

The Search is Over

Dear Angela,

I've got a lot to tell you. Things have changed a lot since I last wrote to you. In fact, it's been a long while since I last wrote to you at all. But things get in the way, I'm ashamed to say. They often do, but it's no excuse, not really. Sophie always said that writing was therapeutic. Yes, I scoffed at her, but really, she does have a point. I should learn to take other people's advice, sometimes. I always (fine, sometimes) took yours on board, but that doesn't mean that nobody else has anything of use to say.

Anyway, I know that this won't get to you. Nothing can get beyond the grave, but this is meant to make me feel better. Instead, I'm just rambling because to avoid getting to the point.

Partially because I don't want to get to it. Then, I'd have to admit to something which I'm kind of ashamed to admit to. But equally, I shouldn't have to feel any shame because in reality, it's a good thing. It doesn't mean that I feel any different about it, however.

I wish I could say that the news was good. That I had finally found and killed Red John in your name. But would you really want that? You always hated violence and yet, for years, it's all I've been able to think of doing. It's been my way of staying afloat, of keeping my memories of you and Charlotte alive. Without it, I wouldn't have had anything to cling onto. It isn't the act of revenge, per se, it's just a way of keeping you close without you actually being here.

But the thoughts of revenge are slowly dissipating, growing more and more distant.

The thing is, I think I've met someone. She's not at all like you. She's stubborn, abrasive, and almost rude. But there's something about her. It's hard to explain, I shouldn't even really bother trying. Besides, what's the point in comparing the two of you? You're like chalk and cheese, apples and oranges. Both of you are so different, but good at what you do.

And I think I love her. Not like I love you; nobody could fill the hold you've left in my heart. No, she's found her own space, I think.

And I believe I could be happy with her. It's been such a long time since I last believed that. I hadn't even been looking for happiness, but somehow, it might have found me. If only you'd let me.

Will you? Please?

I'll take your silence as an affirmative, because I know there's no other way of getting an answer. It's a literal impossibility.

My love to our little Charlotte. Give her lots of hugs and kisses from me. Tell her that her daddy misses her and wishes he could see her again.

And you, I'll always love you, Angela. I just want you to share me with somebody else.

Love always,

Patrick xxx