(A/N) Can you believe I've only just know discovered the wonders of Pandora Radio? I know crazy, right! Lol

I spent all day on this chapter, not exactly happy with it...like I said before I severely out of practice (^_^")

But hey, that just means that If you like it, it can only get better from this point on! WOOT!

-Review Corner-

Misato92 Update complete! Lol

Kurophoenix Frustrating isn't it? But how can someone help him when he himself doesn't even know whats happening to him?

fish-hugger BAM! Update!

As White As Snow Im specialz :3 I cant believe after...2 months!? (oh god) your still enjoying this story! Im so happy I could puke rainbows right now! :D Also that was the greatest analogy I've ever read! I missed hearing from you :) (PS Your having a copy-paste problem too? o.0)

Death the Girl Yay a new reader! Thanks so much! You actually came at the perfect time, I just got off off a 2 month Hiatus! (EW! Lol)

On With The Story!

*Chapter 15*

*The Reality of Fiction*

-Kaoru's POV (Ouran Academy Hallway, Lunchtime)-

I was walking down the hallway with my hands in my pockets, headed towards cafeteria 2. I didnt even bother to bring my bookbag with me, I really didnt feel like carrying anything. I didnt even feel like eating...

Whats the point?

I was only going to lunch because I wanted to talk to Haruhi. I dont even know what I was going to talk to her about! It was so spur of the moment, I just really felt like I needed to her...

Hikaru and the others were already there. Well, I would assume they were already there considering I was taking my sweet ass time walking there myself.

Again, why am I doing this? Im not even hungry.

Oh! Right, Haruhi...

I stopped walking, pulled my hands out of my pockets and started rubbing my face.

What the Hell is wrong with me? My mind and thoughts feel like ribbons floating in the wind, waiting to be caught and finally made into something coherent and solid.

Is this what ADD feels like?

I rubbed my eyes "Focus Kaoru."

When I finally looked back up, the hallway was deserted.

I looked behind me.

No one there either...

I dont think I've ever been in the hallway long enough to see it empty. Even when i'm late to class, there were always a couple of straglers here and there, but now...

Alone.

Not good...

I started walking again, a little faster this time, not exactly sure what I was afraid of.

I reached into my blazer pocket for my iPod...which...I left in my bag...

I stopped again.

I should turn back around, I mean I seriously really don't feel like talking to Hikaru.

Wait...I was going to see Haruhi, not Hikaru.

Hikaru...

Argh! This was starting to piss me off! Why can't I think straight anymore?!

Screw this, I'm headed back to the classroom!

I turned rather quickly and before I knew what was happening I collided with something.

Or rather someone...

Crap.

"Im sorry Miss! I didnt, wait...Haruhi?"

"Ow, not again...Kaoru? I thought you were in the cafeteria?"

"Uh...actually, I was looking for you."

"Really? I was in the classroom this whole time."

"Really!?"

"What do you mean 'Really'? You walked straight past me to leave the room!"

"I did!?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose "Focus Kaoru."

Focus...

She just continued to stare at me with the strangest expression, as if she was waiting for an answer.

"What?" I blinked.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Are you going to answer me?"

Shit, she did ask something, but what was it?

She let out a sigh "Have you seen your brother or not?"

My brother?

"I think he's in the cafeteria, why?"

She pulled a small gift wrapped box from her left blazer pocket and handed it to me. It was blue with a pink bow on top. Thats odd, it was nowhere near christmas or even our birthday for that matter.

"Sensei said someone stopped her this morning and gave it to her to give to Hikaru, she then gave it to me a few minutes ago, and now im giving it to you. I'd go look for him myself, but you didn't seem too confident he's in the cafeteria, plus I have a lot of homework I need to get a jump start on. I have to go grocery shopping after school today, anyway just make sure that gets to him ok?"

I looked back down at the box, trying to guess what it was. There wasn't even a name on the box.

"Are you sure its even for him, " I looked up from the box, "We look exactly alik-"

She was...gone...

I turned around and started walking again, present in hand. How did I get stuck with this? I mean she said sensei told her to deliver it not me.

I was headed towards the starcase that lead to Cafeteria 2 when I saw Hikaru coming around the corner.

Probably looking for me.

For some strange reason I still didn't feel like talking to him so I pretended not to notice him as he came straight towards me.

When I tried to walk past him we bumped shoulders. He turned around and gave me a look remenicent of Hunny's attack servants "Watch where your going!" He sneered.

What...the Hell? And I thought I was irritated...

"What's wrong, Hikaru?"

"Your whats wrong! Stop getting in my way!"

Now I was furious. He tried to turned and leave but I grabbed his shoulder, determined to find out what the fuck was going on. He's never acted this way towards me. Even when we were fighting and dyed our hair in a desperate attempt to seperate ourselves, he's never been so...cold.

He spun back around and knocked my hand away "So now your going to hold me back by force? Is that it?"

Holding him back...

I regained my composure "Im just trying to find out what happened, Hikaru."

"I told you, YOUR what happened! Always there! Always with me, distracting me, God I feel like i'm trapped in a freaking circle with you!"

There was a swirl for each of us, trapped inside of that circle; trapped in our little world...

As long as I'm here Hikaru will always be trapped inside that circle...

Tears were flowing down his face and I could feel them on mine as well "Just get away from me Kaoru! Haven't you had enough!? You've already taken over most of my life!" His yellow eyes were aglow with sadness and anger.

And regret...

The same eyes that pleaded with me in the mirror, day after day after day.

Those same eyes...

... were real this time.

I slowly reached for him.

This couldn't be real!

This just can't be real!

Please...

"Hikaru..."

"You just cant stop yourself can you?!" He turned and walked off again.

Don't go...

"...Hikaru..."

Please...

I have to stop him!

"Wait! Haruhi...gave me this...for you..."

I dont even know why I mentioned that stupid box, I was just so desperate to stop him...

He turned to me with piercing eyes as I tightened my hold on the box.

"So your not going to give it to me?"

Why are you doing this...

I squeezed my eyes shut, letting tears cascade down my cheeks as I loosened my hold on the box, enough to feel it slip from my hand to the floor. When I opened them again Hikaru took a few steps forward and bent down, eyes never ceasing to cut straight through my heart.

He picked up the box carefully, delicately. It hurt me more to know he cared more about something from Haruhi than about me.

But why should he care about something that doesn't exist? That should never exist...

He stood back up and opened the box, dropping scraps of wrapping paper at his feet. My heart skipped a beat as he opened the box and smiled.

He looked up and smiled at me as he reached for whatever was inside "Its just what I've always wanted! Look, Kaoru!"

I was confused, but at least he wasn't angry with me anymore. I wiped my eyes and took a step forward. I watch him pull something shiny from the box. Before I even knew what it was, he held the object in the air...

And hit me with it!

I quickly brought both hands to my neck. There was a tremendously sharp pain coming from my throat! It felt wet.

I couldn't breath!

It hurt so much...

I didn't know what was happening!

I fell to my knees as the pain intensified. There was red liquid pooling in front of me, running down my arms...

I looked back up at Hikaru, my vision blurring fast. He was still smiling at me, the box in one hand...

A knife in the other...

He didn't hit me...

He sliced my throat!

I fell forward, eyes screwed shut from the pain, the impact of the fall rammimg my hands into my throat. My blood felt so warm while the rest of me felt cold...

I could feel myself fading off.

How...did this happen?

Does it matter? Soon I won't remember any of it...

Soon...no one else will even care...

Just before I blacked out, I could hear the smile in Hikaru's voice as he said "Just what I've always wanted: the other half of my life back..."

Suddenly...the pain stopped...

I continued to lay there, feeling the cold tile against my cheek.

Not because I couldn't move.

Not because it hurt to move.

Not because I was scared to move.

No.

I stayed there because I was disappointed...

Just another dream.

It would have been perfect. If Hikaru was the one to kill me, I wouldn't have to worry about him following.

I froze. Did I really just...?

I quickly sat up, what the Hell is wrong with me!? Did I really just think that!?

This was getting out of hand!

I looked around from my spot on the floor. I was still in the back room.

I held my face in my hand "I fell asleep back here?"

"Yep."

I flinch and looked around again "Hikaru!? What are you doing back here?"

He was sitting on the sink counter, a grin on his face "You know I can't leave you alone. I made a promise, remember?"

"Just get away from me Kaoru!"

I slowly got to my feel, stretching my arms above my head "Dont you ever get tired of always being around me?"

He looked confused "What? Your a big part of my life Kaoru, how could I ever get tired of you?"

"Haven't you had enough!? You've already taken over most of my life!?"

I stopped stretching "Because I'm too big a part, Hikaru. A little time away from me will do you some good, you cou-"

He cut me off "Kaoru, what happened? Why are you saying this all of a sudden?"

"I told you, YOUR what happened!"

I was becoming increasingly irritated "Don't pretend like you don't know whats going on!"

"Always there! Always with me!"

"Kaoru, please..."

"Distracting me!"

"Together forever, IS THAT IT?! Seperate from the rest of the world? 'Us' and 'them'?! Locked in our on little world?"

His confused expression softened into a gentle smile as he stood up from the counter "Just like always." He took a few steps forward, wrapping his arms around me and tucking his head into my neck.

I just stood there, lost.

Trapped between dreams and reality.

"God I feel like im trapped in a freaking circle with you!"

Which hikaru was the real one?

As if he could sense my frustration he hugged me tighter "Its ok, Kaoru. Please...stop. Everything is fine, ok? Its gonna be alright."

"You just can't stop yourself can you?!"

When he finally let go of me he reached into his pocket "Oh and I'm keeping this. Y'know...just in case..."

He pulled out my switchblade and I nearly jumped out of my skin!

He quickly repocketed it and grabbed my shoulders "Kaoru! Your shaking! Kaoru whats wrong!? Talk to me! Please!"

"Its just what I've always wanted! Look Kaoru!"

He was going to kill me!

Suddenly, I felt myself relax.

This was what I wanted...

Wait! No it wasn't!

God I loosing my mind!

Focus...

I took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh before looking down at the pocket he held my knife in "Thank you, Hikaru."

He looked me in the eye a few seconds longer before finally letting me go "Are you sure your ok?"

I stooped down, hugging my legs to my chest, avoiding eye contact "No...i'm not ok."

-Hikaru's POV-

I remained standing.

Waiting.

Was he finally going to let me in?

He told me he was having nightmare, but...

I know him. He's not telling me the whole story...

Kaoru continued to look off in the other direction "Its getting harder and harder to tell whats real anymore..."

I sat down next to him and place a hand on his back. He still refused to look at me, but at least he was talking. I rubbed his back and waited for him to continue.

"I need help..." I could hear the tears in his voice.

What do I do?

What can I do?

I know on Wednesday I'm suppose to tell Tono and the others what I've noticed but, how much of this can I actually tell them?

I heard him sniff "I just wanna go to sleep and forget everything..."

Why did it sound like he was trying to say something else?

It almost sounded as if he wanted to...

Die.

I could feel his body shaking underneath my hand from the tears. I couldn't stand to see him like this "Come on," I got to my feet, "theres a couch outside. Plus, our guests have been worried about you." I said, changing the subject. Even though I was terrified of where this was going, I only stopped him because I could feel it was causeing him too much pain to relive.

I helped him to his feet and held his hand, guided him to the door.

Just before I opened it I gave Kaoru one final look and was met with the saddest expression I had ever seen in my life. It didn't even look like Kaoru anymore.

I could see in his eyes that he was slowly giving up.

Slowly giving in.

And yet...

He was smiling.

I have to save him.

(A/N) This was a very moody chapter, I didn't notice that until I was finished with it...

You've been given another symptom of Kaoru's "Condition", well if you can find it that is, its pretty obvious. Im still waiting for someone to piece together whats wrong with him :)

But because Im awesome I'll give you a hint:

It not just simply Depression^^

Bye guys! :D