Vanish

Anger surged through her. She hated the forest around her. The blurry, wet, oaks. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be back in ShadowClan. The weak gray light combined with the wet, flimsy oak leaves only gave an indication of weakness. Pathetic, she thought coldly. Just like me.

She was waiting for her sister. Watching the rain fall down. It fell onto her fur. She sneezed. The moss she had sat down on was soaked, and prickly with fallen twigs. Iceshadow was waiting. She had been waiting for hours.

Iceshadow cursed. Where are you when I need you? The answer was evident as she shivered.

Iceshadow walked back, a growl begging to be released in her throat. She needed help. Needed someone to help her. Needed her sister. But that help was being denied. Snowblossom didn't care, obviously. That's not true! Something inside of her wailed. She cares about you. She has to care about you. A darker thought, but the fear that had been in her mind all along found a voice. She forgot you. All of ThunderClan forgot you. After all, why would you care about someone you never saw? Someone you didn't really know anymore? Someone who was really gone, vanished into the air.

Vanish. The thought was a tempting one. Vanish. Just vanish. Run away? How could she vanish? Suddenly, she wanted it with a deep craving. She wanted to vanish. Vanish from the rain, the cold wind blowing around her. Vanish from the light she felt, and the pain when the dark slammed into her.

I need it. I need to vanish.

For a while, she sat there, alone. The world she was in was drab, unimportant, ordinary. She hated it. She wanted to build her own world. And slowly, she closed her eyes.

Iceshadow pictured herself in her forest. ShadowClan forest.

Black and white. Beautiful. Perfect. She loved it. Perfect for her. The colors, the sounds, made her head spin. When she closed her eyes and imagined her other world, she could hear her heart beating. She didn't understand why she needed it so much, only that she did. Iceshadow. It was in her. In her name, in her heart, in her mind. It filled her completely. She didn't need the world where she was second rate and alone. The world where she was there, her existence only hurting her every moment. She didn't need it. She could be alone, she could vanish, as long as she had her escape. Her way to vanish.

Iceshadow's blue eyes snapped open, and the color flashed against her eyes. She focused with difficulty, and saw Snowblossom standing in front of her. "Snowblossom!" Iceshadow called. In a moment, Iceshadow crossed the ThunderClan border and touched noses with her sister.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you." Iceshadow said warmly.

"What is it?" Snowblossom asked.

Iceshadow waited, moving her paws on the moss. "Whatever you think of me, think of me of someone entirely else. Someone you don't even know."

Snowblossom frowned. "Okay."

"I clawed myself. Over and over. Snowblossom, I just felt so alone. Please, I know it's-"

Snowblossom's eyes had widened. "It's wrong."

The word echoed through her head. Wrong. Perverse. Bad. Wicked. Evil. Wrong, simply wrong.

"Iceshadow, you need someone to help you."

Iceshadow wanted to wail, you were supposed to be that person.

"I'm sorry." Snowblossom began to back away, running too fast away.

"Snowblossom! Snowblossom!" Iceshadow called again and again, but Snowblossom didn't turn back. "SNOW!" She yelled.

Alone. Again.

Iceshadow closed her eyes to the rain and tried her best to vanish.