A/N - Hey all, hopefully this is now more readable as I have split my paragraphs and I think I'm getting the hang of this story posting lark! This is all still un-beta'd tho as I don't know one other person at the mo who is as addicted to Cal and Niko as me and my attempts to convert those living in RL have so far failed!

-wswswswsws-

Jesus it was cold. Unnaturally cold, even for Wisconsin in November. I'd managed to pull myself together enough to have at least grabbed a large stick from the undergrowth and I was now sitting with my back to the nearest tree, my legs pulled up to my chest. It was a laughable excuse for a weapon and was probably rotten through, but at least holding it helped me feel a little better.

I didn't recognise a thing. I had zero idea where I was and it was quickly dawning on me how royally screwed I really was. My brain also hurt and my eyes, hell, even my eyelashes hurt and to make things worse, everything was now pretty much constantly swirling in the nauseating bowl of my vision. I decided that propping myself up against the tree was at least something I had done right tonight, at least something wasn't moving. I knew it was wrong, but I just wanted him here.

I knew I couldn't ask that - after what I'd said, what I'd done, but I couldn't help it. It was pansy-assed and completely contradicted pretty much all of my earlier ranting about how I could handle myself, which I was sure I had foolishly thrown into the screaming mix somewhere. I just wanted Niko to find me. Swoosh down like he always did when something was wrong with me, out of nowhere with his long golden hair.

He should have a cape I thought to myself absently and surprisingly seriously before realising I was getting right off track. My head hurt. I just needed him here. To swoosh in out of the inky blackness with his golden hair and his twitch of a smile, reserved just for me.

I'd tell him how sorry I was. How I hadn't meant any of it, how much I needed him, how grateful and goddamn lucky I was. Luckier than anyone like me should ever be. Just to have him stay with me, let alone put up with my shit. Here I went again, dreaming up fantasies that were never going to happen. If Niko had ever had a reason just to leave my Grendel-ass out in the cold, it was now…and maybe that's how it should have been all along. Maybe I'd been kidding myself from the start. Maybe Sofia was right after all.

I decided then, that since it was so damn cold and I'd probably lost quite enough blood from my head wound by now, that passing out was totally justified. Maybe a little nap was overdue. Not like I hadn't driven away the only person in the entire sorry universe who gave a crap about me was it? And maybe this empty feeling in my chest where my heart was would go when I let the world slide away.

The world had already gone to hell anyway. Ok, so maybe that was a poor choice of words. Damn ground wouldn't even stop spinning. My eyes are so tired. So tired and stingy. Stingy and tired, I almost sang it in my head..and that warm feeling down the side of my head was starting to feel kinda nice now. The warmth of it had spread to the rest of me, but it was still pulling me down. So I let it take me. Swallowing me down to a fuzzy oblivion.

The last words I breathed hoarsely into the icy night air, like some slain dragon, "Niko, I'm so sorry" and then that last word, the one which would always be the last to pass my lips, now and for always. "Niko".

-wswswswswswsws-

It seemed I couldn't even get passing out right tonight. It felt like only seconds later (I have no idea at all how long it was) when my ears picked out a distant screech. Maybe it was a shout. I couldn't tell but it brought me painfully back to 'barely conscious' with a jolt that sent searing pain through my eye sockets. Grendel. Auphe. They'd found me.

Now that was a thought to bring anyone back to the land of the living, so to speak. Me, well, it usually also did other not so pleasant things to me that I really didn't want to go into. If I hadn't been screwed before, I was now. They'd found me, he'd found me. Not the side of the family I was hoping for.

The thought of dear-old-dad finding me in a crumpled heap at the bottom of a tree, wielding nothing but a rotten tree branch had what little pride I had left playing a part in the torturous journey to my feet. I might be an abomination, but I was not going to be an abomination taken out holding nothing but a stick. Niko would kill me. My thought processes had made it that far, my body had got me to my feet, but that was as far as either were going to take me. Who was I kidding? A stick and a concussion were my only weapons.

I staggered to the edge of the rickety bridge finding a desperate hand hold on the top rail. The noise had come from the darkness back across it. At least I'd see them coming I thought ruefully. Perhaps this was just deserts. Karma. Pretty darn quick karma, granted, but after the way I'd been to Niko..

Damn it, I had gone at least a whole 30 seconds without thinking about him, but impending death was no time to chastise myself. He would at least want me to go down fighting, I thought, testing my 'weapon' against the metal of the bridge. It held. Wow, a break. At least maybe I could get one decent swing in. Just thinking the word 'swing' turned out to be a bad idea though and the world that had settled briefly was now churning again, along with my aching, now empty, stomach. Great. Just great. My vision was greying out and even the darkness was blurring. He was here.

I sensed rather than saw the shadow approaching the bridge. I was vaguely aware I couldn't smell him. But, hey, I couldn't smell shit right now what with all my blood clogging up my face. He was moving pretty fast, that much I knew and it sent my heart-rate through the proverbial roof. The shadow halted at the end of the bridge, or at least I think it did.

"Cal? Cal, is that you?"

Ok, so clearly I really do lose it in the face of certain death, nice to know, 'cos now I was hearing Niko's voice coming from that dark shadowy form I was pretty certain was a Grendel. I froze. I tried not to breathe. Like somehow I could melt into the darkness and wouldn't be seen. Lame, I know.

"Cal?" There was his voice again, now it was closer and more fraught. Forget this I thought, my legs giving way. If I was hearing Niko as a Grendel then I was done for anyway.

"CAL!" the scream pierced my addled brain, why was this Niko-Grendel now shouting at me? That was when I vaguely realised I'd chosen the worst place ever to pass out, right on the edge of the ravine, which I was now tumbling into.

I swear for a moment I was in free-fall. Or maybe that was just the concussion. Anyway. The floaty feeling was snatched away as a hand latched onto my arm nearly pulling it out of its socket. The pain barely registered, just something further for the list. Maybe dismemberment was a Grendel thing.

"Hold on Cal, just hold on! I've got you"

Why did this Grendel sound so concerned? My mind was really foggy and nothing was making much sense but I was pretty sure Grendels were not supposed to sound concerned about me. Do you think it might not be a Grendel? - Great. So now I had a debate team in my head too. Doesn't smell like a Grendel.

I was hauled up onto the metal grill of the bridge to rest against something surprisingly warm and, well, soft.

"It's ok. I've got you Cal, I've got you"

Nope, I don't think it was a Grendel. Then it hit me. Like a wet fish to the face. The smell, worn leather, warm, worn leather and that comforting, fresh yet earthy smell that only belonged to one person in the entire world.

Niko. Could it really, actually be Niko? It couldn't be. Could it?

"Not'Grendel.." wow. I know - and yeah I'm pretty sure I said that out loud…I really sounded bad.

I tried again, managing to sound not a whole lot better, "Nik?"

"Yeah Cal, I'm here, it's gonna be ok, I've got you now, I'm here" His voice sounded kinda funny too and I suddenly realised he had dragged me up against him. That's what the warmth was.

"Nik, m'sorry" I rasped. God I sounded pathetic.

"It's ok Cal, don't speak"

It really was Nik. He was here. I didn't deserve this - but he was here and I wasn't looking that gift horse in the mouth anytime soon. Not ever again. But of course I still ignored him and asked,

"Nik, 'how'd find 'e?" I whispered, only to be gently shushed like the kid brother I was.

"We have to get you somewhere warm, fast" Nik told me as I flinched away from his hand almost before it had even reached my head "and we have to see to this" he mused, more to himself than me. Which was lucky as that was the last thing I heard before than old friend of mine, oblivion, came to claim me again.