Author's note: The song featured in this chapter is one of my fave songs of all time (it's my current ringtone on my phone :D). it's not a monkees song, though. It was written by and sung by Micky Dolenz and therefore belongs to him, not me. It's called "Quiet Desperation" and is on his new album "Remember" released this year (September I think) which I think every monkees fan should listen to as it is a truly beautiful album that Micky describes as a "musical scrapbook of his life". In fact, the version of "Sometime in the Morning" I had Micky sing in chapter 3 is the version Micky sings in this album.

Chapter 9: The Truth Comes Out

Mike stood outside the door to Rose's hospital room. He needed answers from Rose, but didn't want to push her in her condition. He tried to gather his thoughts and figure out exactly what he was going to say to her so as not to upset her even more. With a final deep breath, he pushed the door open. She smiled when she saw him come in.

"Hi, Mike," she said. The color had returned to her face and she had more energy now.

"Hi, Rose," he said, sitting down in the chair he had sat in earlier. "You look like you're feeling better."

"I am," she answered, pushing herself up a little more. "Mike, I need to ask you something." She looked concerned now. "Did you talk to Micky about all this?"

"I told him bits and pieces," Mike answered, glad she'd opened the door first. "I told him that Tony was the one who did this to you, but I didn't tell him you were pregnant. I thought that should come from you."

"Good," Rose seemed relieved, "I don't really want him to know."

"You kind of have to tell him the truth. He deserves to know the truth and even though he's letting it go now, he's not going to let this go for long."

"He'll be devastated."

"I know. But you have to talk to him. And while we are on the subject, I need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Micky said before you passed out that you said 'this can't be happening again'. Has this happened before?" Rose looked solemn.

"How much has Micky told you about us?"

"He said you have known each other since kindergarten and started dating in high school. Then somehow you got the idea he was cheating on you and broke up with him. Which, I really don't believe he would ever do, by the way."

"He did cheat on me."

"Where did you get that from? Did you see it?"

"No. Tony told me."

"And you still believe Tony after everything he did?"

"Tony's not the only one who told me. I confronted the girl he was with and she told me all about it."

"Then she was lying," Mike was really frustrated now. "I know Micky. He would never cheat on anyone. And with how much he loves you and everything he's been through after losing you, can you really say that he would ever want to be with anyone other than you? He's never had a serious relationship in the entire time I've known him. You've known him a lot longer than me, though. So you tell me, did you believe Tony when he first told you? Did you honestly believe Micky would ever do something like that?"

"No, I didn't," she spoke very quietly. "And a part of me didn't even believe the girl. Micky pled with me, trying to convince me he didn't…"

"Why didn't you believe him?"

"I don't know…I was overly emotional, I guess. And then when Tony told me what Micky said…" Her face paled as if she realized something. "Tony played me. He lied to me from the beginning."

"I'm not surprised."

"Mike, I'm so sorry," she was tearing up again. "I was so stupid. You must think I'm a fool."

"I don't think that at all," Mike said truthfully. "Sometimes people make mistakes. What makes them fools is the inability to see their mistakes and correct them." Mike paused, once again grabbing some tissues to help wipe away more tears. "Rose, I really need you to tell me about when this happened before. Were you pregnant before?"

"Yes," she croaked.

"Was it Tony's? Or Micky's?"

"Micky's," she answered. She looked up into his eyes. "I thought he knew. I told Tony and he said he'd talk to Micky. He swore to me that he talked to Micky and that Micky said he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby."

"You can't believe that's true. Not now."

"No, I don't."

"What happened?"

"It was my fault. I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't handle it."

"I don't believe that, Rose. Sometimes those things just happen." Rose was nearly sobbing now. Mike brushed her hair out of her eyes; trying everything he could to soothe her.

"That's what my parents said. And the doctors."

"Then I think you should listen to them." Mike's heart really went out to her. It's not like she purposefully tried to keep the truth from Micky. Mike fully understood now what had happened. And even with his level head and sense of responsibility, he wanted to kill Tony. Tony had broken the lives of two innocent people just to get what he wanted. He broke up Rose and Micky with a concocted story of betrayal and had somehow gotten the other girl to lie too. Then he had swooped in and toyed with Rose's emotions to steal her away from Micky. When he felt danger of the two reconciling because of the baby, he had made sure Micky didn't know about it and made sure Rose believed Micky abandoned her. This whole situation was a mess and Mike had no idea how to fix any of it. He knew that the truth would have to come out and that there would be a lot of dangerous emotions running high.

"I have to tell him," Rose mumbled. "I have to tell Micky about the baby, don't I?"

"Yes, you do," Mike said, taking her hand in his trying to give her some strength. "You don't have to do it now. You both need to heal a little." She nodded, but looked so much more fragile than when Mike had first walked in. Mike's heart sank once again. The past several days had been nothing but an emotional roller coaster and he really hoped that it would all be over soon.

It wasn't until around noon later that day that Micky woke up in his bed, hungry. He groaned from the pain in his ankle and wished the pain killers he'd been given had lasted longer. He reached over to the night stand and grabbed the bottle of pain killers Peter had filled for him the night before and the glass of water before taking another dose to dull the pain. He looked at the little bell that Peter had given him the night before. Peter was only the next room over and would hear the bell if Micky rang it loud enough and would get Micky whatever he needed. But Micky didn't want to wake his friend. Micky had fallen asleep 6 hours ago and Peter was still up at the time, so who knew how long Peter had been sleeping.

Ignoring the bell, Micky grabbed the crutches the doctor gave him and carefully and quietly maneuvered his way out of the room and down the stairs. When he got to the kitchen, he very carefully got some cereal ready for himself. He nearly fell over twice before giving up with the crutches and setting them to the side and resorting to hoping around on one foot. When he finally had his bowl of cereal ready, he sat down to eat it. Not a minute after finishing the last bite, he heard Peter yell from the top of the stairs.

"Micky!" he called. "What are you doing!?"

"Eating breakfast," Micky replied innocently, but knowing exactly what Peter was getting at.

"You're not supposed to be moving around!" Peter nearly ran down the stairs. "I gave you a bell to ring for me if you needed anything!"

"I didn't want to wake you," Micky replied.

"But you're supposed to be resting," Peter took the now empty bowl from Micky and carried it to the sink. "The doctor told you no moving around for a few days. Then you can move around on the crutches!"

"Guys, what is going on out here?" Came Mike's voice as he and Davy emerged from Davy's room.

"Micky decided to come down here and make a bowl of cereal," Peter answered, "even though the doctor told him not to move around."

"Didn't you give him a bell last night?" Davy asked through a large yawn.

"He did, but I didn't want to use it," Micky said, a little exasperated. "Forgive me for not wanting my friends to wait on me hand and foot."

"That's not what we're trying to do, Micky!" Davy yelled.

"Ssh!" Mike clapped his hand over Davy's mouth. "Don't wake Rose. She needs an awful lot of rest herself."

"What time did you guys get home?" Micky asked, grateful for a change of topic.

"Around 8 or so," Mike answered. "Davy came and picked us up."

"Is she doing ok?"

"Yeah, she just needs to rest and drink a lot of fluids." Mike sat down at the table and Micky got a really good look at his face now. His eyes looked even more haunted than the night before, which Micky didn't think was possible. His face was pale and slack. Mike looked like he had aged about 20 years overnight.

"Mike, you should go back to bed," Peter said, also noticing how he looked. "You look terrible. Sorry we woke you."

"Nah, I'm fine," Mike answered. "Can't sleep much right now anyway."

"Well, I'm going back to bed," Davy answered with a yawn for emphasis. He had bags under his eyes as well.

"What about you, Pete?" Micky asked, thinking he had maybe 6 hours of sleep himself.

"I'm fine," Peter answered, now getting himself a bowl of cereal. "I fell asleep right after you, actually. Mike, want some corn flakes?"

"Sure, thanks Peter," Mike answered. "I'm going to check on Rose real fast though." Mike pushed himself up and slowly walked over to his door. He opened the door slowly and silently and slipped in. Moments later he slipped back out, just as quietly as he had entered.

"How is she?" Micky asked when Mike had sat back down at the table.

"Good," he answered, staring at the bowl of cereal Peter had put in front of him. "She's still sleeping. The doctor said that she'll probably be sleeping a while today with the medications he gave her, but to keep an eye on her temperature to make sure she didn't develop a fever." The three of them sat in silence for a few moments before Micky couldn't take it anymore.

"Mike, why won't you tell me what's wrong with her?" Peter stopped eating, his spoon halfway to his mouth. Mike, however, didn't even look up for a few moments. When he finally did, he looked Micky dead in the eye.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you," Mike started. "I need you to understand that more than anything. It's just…It's very, very complicated and Rose needs to be the one to tell you about it. She'll be fine physically, but she's got a lot of emotional healing to do. As do you. There are definitely some things you both have to work out together as well as separately. You will find out what happened to Rose, but you both need to heal a little first. I promise." Micky leaned back in his chair, unsatisfied with the answer, but not wanting to push the issue. Mike seemed like he was incredibly distressed by whatever was going on. Micky knew that Mike really cared about him, and was trying to do what was best for Micky.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. Micky watched a little TV and ended up falling asleep for a few hours during one of him favorite movies. Mike had checked in on Rose every few hours, but Micky still hadn't seen her. Whenever Micky suggested he wanted to go in and see her, he was met with resistance from his friends. Peter reminded him of the doctors' orders, and had at one point taken his crutches away from him when he tried to walk on them to get a drink. Mike told him that Rose needed to rest, and his being in there might wake her up and stress her out. Davy, who had only spent another couple of hours in bed, tried to distract Micky by rambling on about everything you needed to know to be a jockey. As the sun began to set that night, Micky really wanted to get some fresh air, so Peter relented and gave him his crutches long enough to go outside. Micky decided he wanted to work on some music he'd recently been writing, so Davy brought him his music books and Mike lent him his guitar. He was now looking at the sheet music making slight changes. The song was almost finished and Micky played it to hear how it sounded.

"Had a friend - a good ol' boy, taught me all I need to know 'bout livin' life on this ol' spinnin' wheel.
His advice was simple stuff - devil's here to make it tough. Lord's around to see you pay your bill.

Had a girl - she promised me we'd love each other faithfully - took eternal vows as lovers do.
Then one day she changed her mind - left me on a line to dry, tellin' me what I already knew.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Try to make ends meet and keep the love alive.
Fight against all odds until the final curtain - go away and find some place to cry.

Had a friend we had a deal - we couldn't lose was it's appeal. Gave him all I had to see it fly!
Then one day I got a call, seems as though we'd lost it all. He was sorry - I just had to smile.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Try to make ends meet and keep the love alive.
Fight against all odds until the final curtain - go away and find some place to cry.

I wonder why I keep tryin' - must be somethin' in my genes.
Any minute now I'll see the light - realize what it means.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Try to make ends meet and keep the love alive.
Fight against all odds until the final curtain - go away and find some place to cry.

Go away and find some place to cry.
Go away and find some place to cry.
Go away and find some place to die..."

When he had finished, he decided he liked it, even though it had a country sound which was very different for him, and put down the guitar. Usually the country songs were written by Mike, but Micky had to admit that he was a secret country music fan, too. He heard a rustling behind him and he turned to see Rose standing in the doorway.

"Rose," Micky said, "I thought you were supposed to be resting?"

"I got tired of sitting in bed," she replied. "Can I sit down?"

"Of course." Micky looked through the window in the alcove and saw Mike watching them from the other side. "Did Mike say it was ok for you to come out here? He might ground you if you came out here without permission, you know." Rose laughed.

"I miss your jokes," she said. Micky couldn't help it as a smile stretched across his face. "He said it was ok, as long as I don't do anything too strenuous."

"So running down the beach is out of the question for both of us," Micky joked again, eliciting another laugh from her.

"There are some things I want to talk to you about, Micky." Her tone was very serious, and Micky turned in his chair to face her. He saw Mike still watching them and felt very unnerved.

"Go ahead," he said.

"I know it's about four years too late, but I'm sorry," Micky saw her eyes begin to water. "I should have believed you when you said you were never with that woman."

"It's ok," Micky started, but she stopped him, placing a hand on his arm.

"Please don't," she said. "This is very hard for me and I want to just get it out. I don't even know if I can tell you everything yet." She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes before she began again. "I should have believed you. Part of me did. When Tony first told me, I…"

"Wait, Tony said I cheated on you?!" Micky felt anger surge through his chest.

"Micky, please!"

"I'm sorry."

"When Tony told me, I refused to believe him," she continued. "But he took me to the girl who he said he caught you with and she told me things you two did together. Now I realize that Tony must have made her say those things." She stopped now, and it looked like she wanted to continue but couldn't. Micky reached out and took both her hands in his.

"It's ok, Rose. I forgive you. It was a long time ago."

"I should have listened to you, but my emotions were messed up." She wasn't looking at him, but staring down at their joined hands.

"If you don't want to do this right now, we don't have to."

"No, I want to. Promise you won't be mad at me?"

"I already told you I forgive you."

"No. I…something happened after I broke up with you. I told Tony about it and told him that I had to tell you about it. He convinced me not to. He said that he would talk to you so I wouldn't have to deal with you. He said that you didn't want anything to do with… my situation. But he lied to me. He never told you. And I'm really sorry for that."

"If that's the case, I'm mad at him, not you," Micky said, reaching up and tucking her hair behind her ear. "It seems as though Tony played us both, just to get you. He was always jealous of us, but I never paid any attention to it. Seems there's a lot I never paid attention to when it came to him. If I had, he never would have hurt you. And for that I am sorry."

"It's not your fault, Micky. I am the one who was foolish enough to stay with him after the first time he hit me."

"Don't think that about yourself. People make mistakes. What matters is that you're ok now and away from him. As long as you're here, I'm not going to let him hurt you ever again." She smiled at him, looking him in the eyes now. He could see a similar haunted look in her eyes that Mike had.

"I'm sorry I scared you last night," she said.

"All that matters is that you're ok now."

"I need to tell you what happened. I…" she drifted off and looked through the window at Mike, who was still watching them. Micky saw Mike nod at her, as if urging her on. Micky squeezed her hand even tighter in his, also letting her know it was ok. She took another deep breath before starting again. "I had a miscarriage last night." Micky's mind blanked. He couldn't believe what he just heard. But she continued with the awful truth. "You were right. Tony was angry I went to see you and he kicked me in the stomach. It caused me to bleed and I…I lost the baby." She broke down and began crying full force now. Without thinking, Micky kneeled on the ground in front of her and wrapped her in a tight embrace, not wanting to let her go, despite the weird angle his foot and ankle were in.

"It's ok, Rose," he whispered. "He won't hurt you anymore. I won't let him. I swear to you." They sat there for minutes, Rose crying into Micky's shoulder and Micky holding her as tightly as he could, stroking her hair and whispering to her that she wasn't going to be hurt anymore. Micky felt like crying, but tried to stay strong for her.

"Micky," Mike said very softly from the doorway. Micky didn't know how long he'd been standing there, but he looked very distraught. "I really don't want to interrupt, but you need to get off your ankle." Rose seemed to suddenly remember this, and pushed Micky away back into his chair.

"I'm ok," Micky lied. His ankle did hurt again.

"Don't lie on my account," Rose said through the last bit of tears. Micky smiled at her, and took her hands in his once again. "Micky, this isn't the first time this has happened to me," she said as she tore her eyes away from his again. "This happened four years ago, too." Micky felt like someone kicked him in the chest. He pieced it together now. The thing Rose wanted to tell Micky about, but Tony had convinced her to let him deal with. What she thought he had abandoned her over.

"You were pregnant four years ago?" Micky asked, though he already knew the answer.

"I'm so sorry, Micky," she still didn't look at him. "Tony told me that he told you. He lied to me. He said you didn't want anything to do with me…or the baby." Micky felt sick. How could Tony not have told him that Rose had been pregnant? With Micky's own child.

"It's not your fault," Micky managed to croak out. "You were played. We both were." Micky felt so many emotions wash through him. Rage, hatred, guilt, pain. It was too much for him to process, and he knew Rose had to be feeling the same. Micky wanted desperately to hold her again, but as soon as he had made a move, Rose pushed him back down.

"Don't," she said. "You don't need to be re-injuring your foot for me."

"Rose, I should have been there for you," Micky started. "I know this is Tony's fault, but I should have fought harder for you instead of giving up."

"Don't blame yourself, Micky. Please."

"What happened to the…our baby?" It was so hard for him to even think the words, let alone say them.

"The doctors just said that it was natural. If you can call a miscarriage natural. They said there's nothing I could have done. There wasn't a reason for it. It just happened."

"Rose…" he trailed off. He didn't even have any words. He felt numb now. He had almost been a father, and never knew about it. He knew he should be angry, but he just felt so numb. Rose got up this time and sat down carefully at Micky's feet so he could hold her without hurting his ankle. He looked up to where Mike had been standing before, but he was gone. Mike wasn't even standing in the window anymore. It was just the two of them. Micky understood now why Mike had looked so haunted. Rose must have told him what had happened, and Mike must have felt so much pain for his friend. Had he convinced Rose to tell Micky? Is that why he was standing there in the window before? Offering Rose support from a distance. Micky knew that he'd have to do something for Mike later to show how much he appreciated what Mike had done for both him and Rose.