There are rare occurrences in life. One instance of this would be when you think you are about to die. It is as if everything around you spirals into the pace of a snail. The normally fast bustle of a city seemingly turns into a perfect, still picture. I've always wondered what happened to a person when things stood still because they knew life was about to hand them something they couldn't comprehend. I have wondered if you really saw life flash before your eyes. Do you see all the people in your life that matter? While I did occasionally wonder about these things, I never in a million years expected to find out, at least not yet. My questions were about to be answered and I was terrified.
Everything around me had slowed; it was much slower than the pace of a snail. It was like trying to get marshmallow crème to just fall out of the jar-not something you could easily accomplish. My head turned slightly to where Jacob was standing. A look of anguish and terror had materialized on his face. His lips parted and a gargled, undistinguishable sound filled the air around me. I could tell he was trying to run; he was trying to get to me. It wasn't going to work. He wasn't going to save me, not this time. He was my world, my sun, but life isn't always full of sunshine. Not in our world.
As my head swiveled slowly back towards the silver car making its way towards me, the headlights flickered on, practically blinding me. The white light in my eyes began to twist and turn until I was faced with the image of my Jake. He was sixteen again. His now cropped black hair was long once more. He had worn it down they day we met again, after I moved back to Forks to stay with Charlie. His brown eyes had been full of emotion, but I hadn't picked up on that until sometime later. It occurred to me that Jacob had looked older then sixteen when we first met because he had always been so tall. Granted, he had filled out a lot in the time we had known each other. As the vision swirled, I caught a glimmer of the boyish demeanor he held, something that had vanished from Jacob as life handed him bad card after bad card.
The image began to swirl and fade. The distinguished vision of Jake became darker and darker until there was nothing left to see. As hard as I tried, I could not make it return to me. I wanted to cry and to scream because I could not stand to lose sight of my sun. My head turned to where I knew Jake had been before my world turned so slow and virtually immobile. The white light reappeared and momentarily blinded me before I saw him still trying to run, only having moved about an inch in the time I had been dwelling on the memory of our first meeting. I felt wetness on my cheeks, and knew that a tear had managed to escape.
My head went back towards the blinding white light because it broke my heart to see the look on his face. He knew deep down he couldn't get to me in time, but still he tried. I know I mean the world to him and that he will forever try to save me from myself, and anything else that ever threatens to cause me harm. Sadly, this wasn't one of the times in which he would succeed. A part of me wished he wasn't here to see what was inevitably going to happen to me when the world regained the normal speed in which it operated.
My vision began to shift once again. The white light began to swirl and dance before me as it molded into another memory.
As the images swirled I could make out the start of a house, and then suddenly it was clear as day. The house was small and made of wood with a dull red paint which sort of made it resemble a barn. I could see Jacob waiting for me on the porch, like he knew I was coming before I had even decided it. Then again, my truck wasn't exactly silent. I could still him calling out my name with a massive Jacob smile, one that would come to light up my world. I couldn't help the tiny smile that had appeared on my face because of his infectious happy nature. It was then that I had really noticed that he was changing. His body was filling out, and he was slowly becoming more and more of a man.
I'd grown accustomed to Jacob's hair being pulled back when I saw him, but this time it was down, much like the first time we had met. It was beautiful, so silky and smooth looking. I nearly reached out to touch it, but I stopped myself. At the time, I didn't have the right feelings for that kind of intimate gesture, though I wondered if someday it could be possible. As he pulled me into a hug, I realized he had had another growth spurt. He had promptly informed me that he was now standing tall at six foot five. We had gone inside and spoke with Billy for a few moments before Jake and I had made our way back to his garage. It was the first time I had laid eyes on his Volkswagen Rabbit. I remember faking interest as he happily rambled on about it. Finally, the topic of the motorcycles in the back of my truck came up. Jake had seemed incredibly interested in helping me fix them up. Though I knew it was because he wanted to spend time with me- it wasn't exactly hard to figure out-though I was slightly guilty of egging him on without truly thinking about what I was doing.
The images began to swirl and I mentally cried out for them to stop, to let me continue living in this one. This memory was where it had all began for us. Those bikes had been the catalyst that brought us together in ways that I would have thought impossible back then. More tears slowly trickled down my face as I stood motionless. The feeling of being unable to do anything hurt. Each time the memory ripped away, regardless of how hard I fought to keep it, felt like a piece of my heart was being ripped violently away along with the visions I longed to see. One by one, each memory came and left me, taking another little piece of me with them as they faded away to nothing.
Visions of Charlie and Renee came and went. My mother's crazy ways always brought a small smile to my face. Even though I felt like the parent most of the time, she was still my mother and I couldn't recall the last thing we had even said to each other. Another piece of my heart ripped out. Charlie's attempt at cooking breakfast a few days ago filtered in. I had never really though anyone could burn eggs, but he sure could. The image in my mind of his confused face made me want to smile and cry all at the same time. Poor Charlie, who would take care of him if I didn't live to see another day? Who would cook for him, who would make sure he wasn't clogging his arteries with grease filled foods? The thought of leaving him alone took a large chunk of me away.
My mind swirled back to Jacob. The memory of my attempt at cliff diving alone came forward. I had been so stupid that day. It was obvious the weather was turning, and the water at the base of the cliff was black and angry as it rolled around. Despite this, I had let my dark place win, and launched myself from the cliff. The currents had been strong, and after a few seconds of being knocked around beneath the surface, I had lost all sense of which way was up and which was down. Lucky for me, Jacob had been witness to my idiotic decision and managed to come to my rescue again. He bravely fought the enraged waters and pulled me to shore. Though the situation was dire, he probably took a slight pleasure in giving me mouth to mouth. I'd gasped for air as I stared into his angry and pained eyes. Water dripped down his face and made him look so handsome. I vowed in that moment to try and not make such stupid decisions in the future. The memory began to blur and I wanted to scream yet again. The tears began to sting my burning cheeks and my eyes felt swollen and pained. I felt as if I could not take any more of my memories being ripped away. My heart was almost gone.
Almost on cue, another memory came spiraling in. I was standing face to face with Sam Uley and his little gang. My anger had been building for some time. He made my anger seethe because he took my sun from me, he was taking my Jake. Vaguely, I remember yelling and screaming at him. Paul, one of his little gang, had angered me and I couldn't control my hand from flying through the air. The moment it connected, the stinging sensation in my palm had indicated I made a bad decision. He began to shake violently, and I vaguely heard the voice telling me to run. As I backed up, I saw him explode, the shreds of his clothes flittered through the air, and my eyes took note of the unnaturally large wolf standing in his place. Sam and the rest of his gang seemed slightly at ease with what had just happened. I turned and ran back towards Jake's house. He was running towards me and I had told him to run. He kept coming. As I tripped and landed facing Sam's gang, Jake soared over me. As he did so, his clothing became shreds, and a large brown wolf landed in a crouch in front of me.
My heart was about to beat itself right out of my chest as I tried to process everything. I watched as Jacob and Paul circled each other before they lunged and attacked, rolling off into the woods, obscuring themselves from my vision. Sam had ordered two others to take me somewhere, and went chasing after the two wolves. My mind reeled as I had suddenly realized that my Jake would protect me with his life if he had to, not that I thought it would really come to that. As my imagery began to fade, I thought of the irony in the current situation.
Jacob Black would do absolutely anything to make sure I was alive and well. He would do whatever it took to make sure I was happy. He had saved my life so many times before, always there picking me up and putting me back together. Whether it was saving me from the stormy waters, a crash on our bikes that I had stupidly decided on, or whether he was just saving me from myself. He had already endured so much in his life. Jake had lost his mother at a young age, and his sisters left him to deal with his father in a wheelchair. They got out of this place, but that was something Jake would never be able to do. He was bound to La Push because of the stupid gene that caused him to transform into a giant wolf to protect his people. His choices were taken and he would forever have to deal with that, and here I was, possibly about to be taken from him. He wanted to save me; he didn't want me to be taken from him like everything else had been.
Yet here I was, standing in the middle of dimly lit road with a car speeding towards me. Jacob was still moving so slowly. He would never be able to get to me in time, and I could not move myself from this spot. Whether it was from fear or just a reality I couldn't comprehend, I was stuck. All I wanted was to be saved, but it wasn't going to happen, not this time. It dawned on me that if I wasn't the one standing here, waiting to face my impending doom, it would be Jacob.
In my short time on earth, I had come to understand what it means to love someone unconditionally. Love isn't just a feeling; it's an experience that will leave you forever changed. You would do absolutely anything for the person who holds the key to your heart. I had held the key to Jake's for the longest time, and that was why he was so willing to constantly be my savior and my sun. Even though I had known for a little while that I was completely in love with him, it hadn't fully dawned on me what that meant. Standing here, staring into his fearful eyes and watching his attempt to get close enough to save me, I finally understood the meaning of doing anything you could for the one you love. Here, in this moment, I was willing to accept my fate. I was willing to risk everything for him, like he had done for me so many times before. Even if that meant that I would have to give my life in order to save his.
My heart shattered in my chest as I thought about the reality of what was happening. Soon the world around me would return to its normal pace and that car was going to plow right through me. Jacob was going to see every single moment of what was about to happen. He'd been waiting so long for me to come around, and now that I had, he was possibly about to lose me. I'd uttered the words he'd wanted for so long tonight, and now I wished that I had done it sooner. I wished that I had cherished what I had long before this. My heart kept breaking as my tears fell. My eyes were glued to the spot in which he was moving so slowly. He was only about two inches closer to getting to me. Something that wasn't going to happen, he was too far and the car was too close. My heart was pretty much gone. I felt so cold and completely devastated, but I was ready for what was coming. For once in my life, I was ready.
The sound of his garbled voice was still filling the air, and I knew it was my name. He was screaming for me to move. I didn't have to fully hear him to understand. Even in such an impossible predicament, he was still trying to be the one to do the saving. Poor Jacob, it was killing me to look at him, knowing that he was about to witness something that would turn his world upside down. Closing my eyes, I silently prayed that this would be over soon. I couldn't take standing here and waiting any longer, I wanted the pain and apprehension to end. I wanted life to continue on at a normal pace.
Thinking back, I realized that this kind of moment truly was a rare occurrence. I really felt like I could be living my last moments, inhaling my last few breaths, and seeing the most important person in my life for the last time. My surroundings were moving so incredibly slow, and I felt like hours had passed, when it was really only seconds. I could truly see a fast paced area becoming as still as a painting in this moment. My musings about what would happen were being answered. It was true, the fleeting images of your loved ones and those important flash before your eyes. Things you wouldn't normally understand become so clear in your mind. For me, the clarity came in the form of my love for Jacob Black. My body ached to be near him, but maybe things were going to be better this way, maybe this was all part of some bigger plan for his life. I wasn't a religious person, but I found myself silently praying to the God I don't believe in. All I wanted was for Jake to be happy, to have a good life, with or without me. I wanted to forever be a part of it.
Things around me began to suddenly spin, and the blinding white light was back. My eyes refocused on the headlights of the speeding car that was beginning to regain momentum. I could hear Jacob screaming my name, but was unable to turn my head to see his distraught face. Something inside of me wanted him to trip so that he would not fall witness to what was coming. Every ounce of my being hoped that something would happen so that he missed this. I couldn't stand the thought of him forever reliving this in his mind, something that my Jacob would surely do if this ended as badly as I felt it would. As the world came back in full swing, I heard my name being yelled again. I knew he was running as fast as he could but it wasn't enough.
Suddenly, it was like I had become an innocent onlooker watching a tragic tale unfolding. Jacob was sitting on the ground, pulling my bloodied and broken body into his arms. He was openly crying and I could hear his sobs ringing in the air as he cradled my head against his chest. My blood was beginning to stain his nice white shirt. The red stood out, even in the dark night. His tears were falling onto my cheeks, mixing with my own salty liquid. He used his right hand to brush the matted and bloody hair from my face. I could feel the overwhelming pain racking my body, but none of it mattered. What truly mattered was that I was being held in Jacob's arms, and he was whispering how much he loved me over and over again. He was promising that I would be okay, that I had to be. I felt sadness overrun my emotions when he said he wasn't sure he would survive without me.
As I continued on with this strange out of body experience, I could see several people nearby watching. A woman had her phone to her ear and was crying. I assumed she made the call to 911. In the very far distance, I could hear the faint hum of sirens, but they were still a little ways away. As I watched the heartbreaking scene continue to play out, I needed to look away because it was becoming too surreal for me. That was my bloody body he was cradling, that was my blood staining the pavement and his clothing. As I felt like I was going to hyperventilate, I turned away and looked at the ground. My heart completely shattered as I crouched near the side of the road and reached out to something that I could not pick up, no matter how hard I tried.
Tears were falling and I wanted to scream at Jacob to come pick this bracelet up. He had given me this beautifully woven piece of jewelry as a symbol of the love he possessed for me. I had slipped it on with pride and silently promised myself to never be without it. It was a promise that I had already broken because it was now on the side of the road, forgotten by both Jacob and I. My fingers kept trying to grasp it, but without any luck. It was causing me pain knowing I could not touch it, could not feel it, and that I could not tell someone to come and pick it up. The intense feeling of pain ran through me as I fell on my knees. My shaking hands came up to my face to wipe at my wet cheeks. When I pulled them back, they were covered in a warm red substance. Blood.
I managed to get back up on my feet and look back to the unfolding tragedy. I was still cradled in Jacob's arms, coughing blood now. My eyes looked like they were losing the emotion normally housed in them. I could feel myself fading, and listened as I whispered that I would forever love Jacob between the coughing and gasping for air. His tears began to fall quicker as he gently shook me, yelling for me to stay with him, yelling at me for trying to leave him. It was breaking every ounce of my being to witness this from the outside. The sirens were no longer distant and I could see the flashing of the lights as it they approached, but I wasn't so sure they would make a difference. I continued to watch as my eyes slowly began to close, and I could see that my chest was rising and falling a lot slower than it should be. My hand came up to my face and the sight before me began to fade. It dawned on me that I was fading in more than just one way. Slowly Jacob became a blur of dark colors before my entire world went black.