Trigger warnings for this chapter: war, survivors guilt, violence.
Thank you to all of the people who have followed this story so far and to Az, who told me "I can only tell you, write whatever the hell you feel like writing and dont worry about anyone being a douche about it, it's your fic afterall so let them feels fly free~"
so here is chapter two. (Beta) thanks again to L. Greene.
"You Southerners are all the same." Dean frowned as he glanced down at one of the Old Government's infiltration soldiers. "You claim to fight for the Old Ways but you're not," the soldier spat.
He continued to frown as the man—boy. He was a boy. No older than seventeen. Dean cleared his throat and motioned to his two TU soldiers to keep their swords crossed at his neck. The sliver dug into his neck and dulled beneath the soft trickle of blood. It shut the boy up.
"How's Garth?" Dean chuckled as he knelt down to meet the boy's face. "Oh wait, your President doesn't meet with his underlings. Pity, the Garth I knew cared for his followers…" He let the s hiss from his lips and turned to his four remaining soldiers. Two were leaning against each wall.
Dean hated this. Acting like an uncaring hard ass. He glanced around at the six sets of eyes waiting for his command. He twitched the right side of his mouth and the two sword-wielding TU soldiers slit the intruder's neck until his head was removed from his shoulders. Dean leaned down and grasped the boy's head in his right hand and lifted it off the floor. Five soldiers moved to remove the body while one drew a video camera out of a slot in the wall. He followed behind Dean as they walked briskly down the hallway towards the cement steps that led to the upper level. The other three intruders had been dealt with. Now he needed to send a message to the ones who sent them.
Castiel pushed his face into his alabaster hands. His perpetually long fingernails scratched his forehead painfully but he ignored it. The pain of tearing Dean Winchester out of his life was coarser than he imagined. He let his left hand drop to his laptop keyboard and swim through the general motions to shut it down. Balthazar shrieked in despair when Lucifer tried to comfort him again.
"Hon, it's alright." Lu whispered. Castiel only heard it because it was right beside his wall. Balthazar mumbled a series of "No's" until he smashed his head into the wall. Castiel jumped out of his moping and closed the laptop lid. He thought back to the last time Balthazar had gotten this violent during an episode. Lu still had a scar below his hairline from it.
Castiel sighed loudly and stood, his bare feet touching the cold plywood floor as he made his way to his bedroom door. He needed to talk to Gabriel and assure himself that he had done the right thing.
He was surprised to see Gabriel and Sam outside of his door. He nodded and motioned for them to both come inside and turned on his heel to follow them. Gabriel said nothing and pulled one of Castiel's metal folding chairs towards the wall closest to Balthazar and Lucifer. Sam motioned with his head towards Cass's bed and the raven-haired man nodded after he moved the laptop to the floor beside it.
Sam sat at the foot of the bed and watched as Gabriel placed his right hand against the wall. This house was supposed to be a fresh start for all of them. They had finally been granted US citizenship and found jobs in the North before the Southern states started to secede. The government hadn't fully declared war since the New Republic of the South hadn't done anything to prompt Congress into a declaration of war debate. Yet.
Balthazar sobbed and the wall thumped above Gabriel's hand. He frowned when the room went quiet for a few moments. Had Balthazar finally calmed down? Another shout echoed through the room; Castiel bit his lip, Sam ran his fingers through his hair and Gabriel fisted his hand on the grey chipped plaster. No one knew what to do to help the elder blonde.
Lucifer watched as Balthazar's episode increased into a full blown meltdown. He backed off and braced himself beside the window. He was prepared to jump out if need be. Luce watched as Balthazar punched the wall and flipped over their nightstand with his bloody hands. Tears streamed down the man's face as he crumpled to the floor.
"How can you stand to touch me?" he whispered into his hands. "I killed a kidLucifer." He gasped as he dropped back against the wall. "I… I… shot him."
Lucifer said nothing as he moved away from the wall and cautiously stepped towards his lover. He had never fully talked about what happened on his second tour other than the fact that he was honorably discharged afterwards. He had watched Balthazar gain and lose progress in his attempts to recover and stood by him when he finally took the steps to get clean after he started doing cocaine. He glanced down at the simple silver band on his left ring finger and smiled softy.
"Balthazar." He reached out to cradle the elder man's face in his palm, "Love, look at me. Please."
He drew Balthazar's now balled fists away from his face and put them down beside his body, leaning forward so their foreheads touched. "I love you, Balthazar Milligan." He kissed the bridge of Balthazar's nose. "I love you no matter what you've done."
Lucifer embraced him as the blonde began to sob again. He let Balthazar soak his worn T-shirt with tears until he shuddered and wrapped his arms around Lu's neck. He lifted his head after a few moments but only far enough so he could whisper into Luce's ear.
"I thought they had packed him with a bomb," Balthazar gasped faintly, "but it was the man beside him. I had an open shot at the actual guy and I ended up shooting the kid instead." Lu gently palmed his hand through Balthazar's short hair to distract him from his now slow, fat tears. "He couldn't've been older than seven, Lucifer." Balthazar gripped the short sleeves of Lu's T-shirt. "And his mother… I couldn't look her in the eyes as she held that poor boy." He inhaled and choked, "Everyone else I killed was in an ambush. We were supposed to go train local forces." He pulled away and tried to break out of his lover's grasp. "It was two weeks before I came home."
Lucifer glanced down at Balthazar's open, shaking hands. "Lucifer, it pains me to wake up most mornings… even if you're right there beside me. I took that boy's life. His future. He could've been—"
"You don't know what he could've been, Balthazar." Lucifer shook his head and met Balthazar's gaze.
"I took away his potential!" Balthazar gasped out. "I took away any positive input he could've given this world. I took a child from a mother far too soon and the only thing you seem to be pissed off about is the fact that you can't make me happy every fucking waking moment!" He shoved Lu away and paced towards the door.
"What pisses me off is that it's killing you inside!" Lucifer shouted back. "You shot him because you thought he was going to take the lives of everyone there, including the rest of your fellow soldiers!"
"I was trained to spot possible threats and tell another soldier, not to shoot the target myself. I disobeyed an order and some of my training. If I hadn't, that kid could still be alive."
"But there is a possibility the kid could've died because of the man standing next to him!"
"I know!" Balthazar growled, "But three of the men in my unit were killed instead and they were all Castiel's age."
The whole house went silent. Even the leaky faucet and creaking door were mysteriously noiseless. Balthazar nearly ripped his blazer from his body and tossed it onto the floor before he pulled his tank top over his head. Blood from his hands splotched the shirt as it dripped down from his hands.
"You asked me where I got this scar from." He pointed to the long line running straight down the side of his left arm that sloped and stopped above his wrist. "It was a fragment of the bomb that dug through my uniform." He glanced down at the other scar that marred his hip. "This one was from the ambush..."
Lucifer wrapped his fingers around Balthazar's wrist and held it steady. The older man murmured, "I'm a monster. A murderer."
"Balthazar…" Lu's left hand caressed Balthazar's cheek as he pulled the man back into their room and gently pushed him on the bed. "You need to rest, please, love."
Gabriel and Sam silently slipped out of Castiel's room a few hours later. Lu emerged just as Cass was about to close the door. He smiled sadly and nodded once at the laptop in his hands. He had heard his talk with Dean. Lu made a lips sealed motion and turned to go make himself an early breakfast. Castiel watched Lu until he took a left into the small kitchen area behind the center island. He knew Lu wouldn't tell anyone. They had enough secrets on each other to last eons.
Castiel placed his laptop back on his bed and gently closed the door behind him as he stepped back out into the hallway. He could hear Gabriel as he whispered softly to Sam and rose from bed. Castiel turned and padded his way towards Lu and the kitchen but stopped at Lu and Balthazar's door. Music eased its way through the crack at the bottom of the door. Soft orchestral music he could place. He smiled sadly as Gabriel stopped as well. It was the song Lu often left on a repeating loop to soothe Balthazar into sleep.
"Nothing else matters," Gabriel whispered before he grasped his hand, "Come on, let's let him sleep."
A calm silence had worked its way over the three men. Lu continued to make some chicken noodle soup for Balthazar while he pounded down another mimosa. It was an odd drink for him so early in the morning. Castiel continued to muse as he thought back on Lu's usual drink of choice, a rum and Coke. Gabriel motioned to the burner and Lucifer nodded as he pulled his pan off of it. Gabriel set to work making his famous stomachache-inducing pancakes while Lu returned to Balthazar. A part of Castiel wished Balthazar wouldn't wake up right away to give Lucifer time to breathe. His whole life had been a never-ending saga of taking care of people: first Gabriel and then Castiel. Their parents always had to work to keep a roof over their heads and rarely did anything once they got home. He'd been taking care of someone else his whole life and never fully took care of himself.
"Balthazar's awake." Gabriel faked a smile for him and Castiel knew he was thinking the exact same thing. They both knew that it never was and never would be Balthazar's fault and could only wish him well. Neither of the brothers had been to war yet which was Lu's other mission in life. He didn't want to see his brothers suffer the way his husband currently was.
Gabriel sighed as the music faded out and Lu's gentle, coaxing voice convinced Balthazar to eat some soup.
Chapter Soundtrack: Mad World, Nothing Else Matters- Apocalyptica, From Yesterday- 30 Seconds to Mars, Sweet Dreams- Eurythmics