You guys are probably not going to like some things about this chapter, but boo-fucking-hoo. Deal with it. Oh, and theres smut.
I'm a broke college student working a minimum wage job. I don't even own a toothbrush.
Things with Ashley changed very quickly after that. We went from having sex every time we had the chance to hardly ever having sex at all. It didn't feel the same, suddenly. Mind blowing orgasms were no longer the only thing on my mind, and I could tell it was frustrating her.
It was a couple weeks before graduation when I was lying in bed, half asleep, that she came in the room, hair damp from the shower, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. Without saying a single word she crawled in bed next to me and slipped her hand into my pajama shorts, while straddling my bare thigh. She wasn't wear anything under her shirt, and I could feel her wetness coating my thigh as she ran her fingers through my folds.
I tried. I really did. I grabbed her face and kissed her as hard as I could, but I felt nothing. I wasn't even the least bit excited. She pulled back and looked me in the eyes, and I don't know what she saw but she knew. "What's happening Quinn?" She asked.
And right then and there I broke. With Ashley's hand in my pants and her wetness on my thigh I broke down and started crying in that way where it's so hard you start to hiccup a little bit.
I don't know how she remained so calm after that, because I would have freaked out. But she didn't. She just held me until I was calm enough to reach under the bed and grab the box that held what was hurting me so much. She read the letters, and smiled when she looked at the pictures. She couldn't see what I saw, but she understood that this was what was hurting me.
"Who is she?" She asked.
"My best friend." I said. It was the only thing I knew for certain. She was my everything. The girl I loved. The girl that broke my heart to keep herself safe. The only thing that really mattered to me. She was so much, but she was first and foremost my best friend. That I knew for sure.
And then, a week or so after I graduated and started working for the office, I got that midnight call. The one I'd waited for so long, but at the same time hoped would never come. I was lying in bed with my girlfriend curled up to my side, and my phone started buzzing. It didn't wake me up at first, so Ashley answered it, poking me in my side to try to get me to open my eyes.
"Uhh, hullo?" She answered. "Oh, yeah she's right here, may I ask who's calling? This is Ashley, who are you? Okay hold on I'm trying to wake her up… Quinn get the fuck up." She shoved the phone in my hand. "It's Santana. It sounds important." She told me before rolling over and trying to fall back asleep.
"San?" I said sleepily. I felt like this was still a dream, seeing as Santana hadn't talked to me in over a year.
"Who was THAT?" She asked, in that knowing tone I hated and loved at the same time.
"That's Ashley." I said quietly.
"No, I know that, she told me that. Why are you waking up in bed with this Ashley?" She said, and I could practically hear her smirk through the phone. I don't know why but I could feel a blush spreading from my cheeks to my ears and down my neck.
"Santana, I know you did not call me at…" I checked the clock on my nightstand. "11 PM on a Wednesday night just to inquire about who I'm sleeping with."
"I wasn't, but now I'm interested. You said sleeping with? Where's this Ashley person? Let me say hi. Are you two banging?" She was spitting out questions and orders faster than I could think, and before I could say anything Ashley snatched the phone out of my hand.
"Hello? Hi… Yeah, we're together… Yes, we've been having sex for like… 9 months now… How is she? She's been pretty good as far as I can tell… Oh you mean in bed?" I grabbed the phone back before she could answer. Dear Lord, Santana doesn't talk to me in over a year and the first time she calls this is the way the conversation goes? It felt like a really weird dream and I wasn't sure how to make sense of it all.
"Santana, please tell me why you called before I have a heart attack right here in this bed and Ashley has to google how to do CPR."
She laughed dryly before getting really quiet. In the background I could hear cars whirring by, and I realized that for whatever strange reason, Santana was standing outside at in the middle of the night, and that alone should be cause for concern.
"Do you remember what you said to me?" she asked.
"Santana I've known you since we were 7, I've said a lot of things to you over the course of 15 years."
"Okay, true. But do you remember what you said… it was the day after thanksgiving? When we uh…" She stopped talking, and I knew didn't want to say it. And suddenly I did. I didn't care about Tony or his stupid family anymore. I felt so much that I didn't want to feel over one simple moment in time, and I was tired of pretending it didn't happen.
"We kissed Santana. You and me, full lip-lock, on your couch. And we kissed again on New Year's Day. No, we fucking made out on New Year's Day, in my bed. Both of those things I remember perfectly clear." I said it before I could really think about it. If I think about things too much, I talk myself out of them.
"Okay, yeah, I know we kissed. I was kinda there when it happened. But that's not what I'm talking about." She sighed heavily. "Although we can talk about it later since it seems to be so important to you."
"BECAUSE IT WAS IMPORTANT SANTANA!" I was yelling now, and Ashley was looking at me like I just sprouted another head.
"OKAY! Okay Quinn, I understand how important it was, and trust me it was a magnificent fucking kiss and I saw fireworks and turtle doves and shit and honestly it scared the fuck outta me but that not the point right now okay?" She took a deep breath to calm herself down. "You said something to me that day, right before I kissed you. Do you remember what it was?"
I had to think about it, because the only thing I really ever thought about when it came to that day was the kiss. But then I remembered. "I said I'll always be there. All you have to do is call." The line went silent, and I had to check and make sure she was still there. "San?"
And then I heard it. She was crying. The really broken kind of crying, the kind that sounded like a years' worth of pain coming out all at the same time. "I need you Quinn. I really fucking need you."
"What happened? Where are you?" I stood up and started digging around under my bed and on the floor in the dark, looking for my shoes.
"I'm… outside a hotel… in the middle of… Pennsylvania." She was saying between sobs. It didn't make sense at all, and I wasn't even sure if I heard her right.
"Santana, I need you to calm down and explain things a little better than that." Ashley flipped on the lights and threw my flip flops across the room at me. "Thank you." I whispered and she nodded. Then she stood and grabbed my jacket from the chair and threw it on the bed, along with my keys.
I expected her to hop back in bed and go back to sleep, but she didn't. She went to the closet and grabbed one of my big purses off the floor and started filling it with clothes. I stood there in awe, and briefly why I couldn't just fall in love with the perfect girl standing right in front of me. The Santana started talking again.
"Okay, Tony started hitting me again. A lot. But he would only do it at night when Elie was asleep, or no one was around. But we would argue all the time, and it was sort of my fault because I would always start it. But then, about a week after Elieana's birthday we started arguing, and I was yelling really loud. Elie started crying and then he looked outside and one of the neighbors was standing there, watching us. He got really mad and dragged me up the steps by my hair…" She stopped for a minute, crying really hard again. "I told him to stop but he wouldn't. He just started hitting me. When the cops got there he was gone. I was in Elie's room, lying next to her crib and trying to get her to stop crying. I couldn't pick her up. He cracked a couple ribs and broke my wrist…"
"Where are you now San?" My voice sounded surprisingly calm.
"I got out of the hospital a few weeks ago. Took the car and Elie and drove as far as I could until I ran out of gas. I wanted to come see you but I couldn't get that far. So I stopped at this little motel and I was staying here until I figured out what to do. But now I'm out of gas and out of money and I still don't know what to do Quinn. I'm all alone."
"Santana where's Elieana?" I asked.
"Right here in the car. Hold on… Say hi Elie."
"Hi Elie!" She said. Her voice was perky, despite her mommy having a mental breakdown in the front seat. "Hi Elie, Hi Elie, Hi Elie!" She sing-songed into the phone, followed by the cutest giggle I ever heard. It brought tears to my eyes, which I quickly wiped away.
"Hello?" It was Santana again.
"Okay San," I said, taking a deep breath and trying to keep calm even though I was clearly a mess. "Go in and give the guy my credit card number. I'll text it to you. Tell him I'm your sister and if he gives you any shit call me. Only pay for one day because as soon as I get there we're heading back to Lima and staying at my mom's house. You got it?"
"Okay, I got it." She said, sounding a little defeated.
"Okay good. Now text me the address of where you're staying and I'll call you back when I'm on the road."
"Okay." She sounded really sad, but she was finally done having her little meltdown. "Hey Quinn?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. I owe you one."
"You own me thousands." I said before hanging up.
When I turned around Ashley was holding my bag and my keys and my jacket. She had that knowing look on her face that made her look older than she was. "Ashley…" I started, but she put her hand up to stop me. "I heard. You're going to go be an awesome best friend and save the day."
"I just… I have to do this." I said, trying to explain thing I didn't understand myself.
"Do you love her Quinn?" She asked. I nodded, because I didn't want to say it out loud. "And you don't love me."
It wasn't a question. It was a statement. A fact. Something she already knew before it was even said. I could see tears welling in her eyes, and I didn't know what to do. We never were good at talking. So I decided to do the one thing we were good at.
I pushed her down on the bed and kissed her. Hard. My tongue made its way into her mouth and my hand slipped under her nightshirt. I slipped my fingers under her tiny pink panties that I saw her put on a few short hours beforehand, yanking her shirt off with the other hand.
My mouth found its way to her hardened nipple at the same time my fingers slipped through her drenched folds and deep inside her. She screamed. Loud.
"Oh my God Ash…" I breathed out against her skin before switching to the other breast so I could occupy my free hand. "Has it been that long?"
"Far too fucking long Quinn." She lifted her leg up between mine so I could grind myself against her. She always loved it when I rode her knee, and I once again wondered if I could make myself fall in love with Ashley the way I was with Santana. But I pushed the thought away, not wanting to ruin this.
Somehow, someway Ashley pushed my pajama shorts off to the side, knowing I wasn't wearing any underwear. I knew she could feel the wetness sliding down her thigh as I pushed myself closer to the edge. I used my thumb to rub her clit as fast as my fingers would allow, still pumping in and out. I felt her grow tight around my fingers, and in less than a minute she was coming undone under me.
Before I could ride her through it though she pushed my hand away and slipped her own under my shorts, finding my clit with ease. I gasped at the feeling, and her skilled hand had me coming in just a few moments, with me riding her leg the entire time.
I knew it was time to go, but I knew she wasn't entirely finished yet. I stooped down between her legs, smelling the sweet scent that was so purely Ashley, and brought my mouth to the dark pink spot of cotton between her legs. She moaned loudly, her fingers lacing through my hair as my tongue found her hardened bud through her panties. I sucked as hard as I possibly could, and that was all it took for her to come again.
Now it was really time to go, but I wasn't satisfied. I slipped off her underwear and ran my tongue through her folds. "One more time?" I asked her, my breath making her clit even harder. I blew against it, and it rose out of its hood, making me smirk. I still had it.
"One more time." She agreed. I wasted no time at all, pushing three fingers in at once and flicking her clit with my tongue. I felt her yanking my hair at its roots, and her thighs clenched around my head. I ran my tongue in circles around the little pink bud while pumping in and out, and just as I felt her tightening around my fingers I pressed my tongue against it as hard I could. That's when Ashley came, hard. I don't think I've ever seen her so wet, and the sheets beneath us were absolutely soaked.
She rode my fingers as she came down and finally released my hair. Before I could even sit up all the way she pulled me into a kiss, one that I'll probably never forget. It was hard and passionate and desperate, and when I finally pulled back I thought I might faint. She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling. She was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, and I almost couldn't believe I was about to leave her behind.
Her eyes were all glossy. It was a look I knew well. She'd be asleep in a matter of minutes, probably before I even got to the door. She pulled the blankets up around herself. "Don't expect me to be here when you get back." She said.
I started gathering my things that had fallen on the floor. "I don't."
She was really quiet then, and I thought she was asleep. Then as I reached under the lampshade I felt her hand on my hip. I looked at her, and she looked at me with those wise, tired eyes, and said something that would stick with me for years to come. "Don't regret anything. Okay? People make mistakes every day. They follow the wrong path, fall in love with the wrong people, and do stupid things to make themselves' feel better. Just keep moving forward and don't look back. I never do."
I nodded and leaned down to kiss her forehead before turning off the light. "So I guess this means were over?" I asked as I reached the door.
"Oh totally." She answered but I could hear the smile in her voice. "But call me if you ever want to have goodbye sex again."