Chapter 19
After Doritha's eventful dinner, Kid hadn't had an easy night at all. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Lou all night long as he laid in his bunk. She must sure be angry, and he wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to speak to him ever again. He hadn't moved a finger to defend her, and she might think that he believed all those things Doritha had been babbling about. Kid hoped that she'd give him the opportunity to apologize and explain to her how highly he thought of her. The idea of appearing as a jackass in her eyes filled him with sheer agony, and he couldn't wait for the morning to come and then he'd look for her straightaway.
Because of the incident, the dinner had been cut short as apparently Doritha was much too upset. He hadn't stayed much longer and had left the house without even saying good-bye to his fiancé. In his mood it wouldn't have done any good if he let his tongue voice what he really thought. He needed to calm down before talking to Doritha so he wouldn't lose control, and he didn't want the ears and eyes of all her nosy acquaintances around. Of course he planned to have his say this time, and she'd have to hear him out.
Even though he had left Doritha's place early, he hadn't felt like going straight to the station. He wasn't ready or willing to be questioned about the night, which he knew his friends would be curious to hear about. He had considered looking for Louise, but in second thoughts he decided against it. He was sure that she wouldn't be in the mood to talk or listen to his poor excuses. Therefore, he had just aimlessly roamed around on his beloved mare, and when he was sure everybody would be fast asleep, he had directed Katy towards the station. Likewise, today while everybody was still sleeping, Kid had silently got up and began doing his daily share of chores. Fortunately, he didn't have a ride scheduled for the day and as soon as he finished his routine, he'd head for town.
It was noon when Kid was finally free to leave the station. He'd thought that he'd manage to carry out his plans sooner, but Rachel had come up with the request that he'd repair the bunkhouse table, which had been limping for a few weeks now. Of course, he couldn't refuse her, and the job delayed him a bit more, much to his dismay. At least nobody had asked him about the previous night, which Kid felt grateful for. They must have forgotten about it and anyway, the Southerner had to admit that none of his friends mentioned anything related to Doritha if they could help it.
Once in town Kid headed for the hotel, intending to look for Lou. Any other time he wouldn't dare purposefully inquire after her, but today it was very urgent that he talked to her. To his utter chagrin, he didn't see her anywhere in the hotel lobby, and he had to ask the clerk, Albert. The quiet young man simply muttered a stilted "I don't know" and dismissed Kid unkindly.
The rider was about to retort to his roughness, but thought that he wouldn't want to get Lou into further trouble with this idiot for his sake. So he stepped out of the hotel, frustrated and stood in the middle of the walkway, his hands resting on his hips. It was then that he saw her walking along the street at a quick pace. She was wearing her masculine clothes, which she usually donned for riding, and as her wide hat hid her face from curious looks, Kid almost missed her presence. Yet, he could recognize her slim figure and those well-formed legs of hers anywhere.
"Lou!" he called loudly, and he saw her stop and cast a look in his direction. Kid left the walkway with a jump and ran towards her. When he reached her, he started, "Lou, I…," Yet, he couldn't finish as the girl cut him off in mid-sentence.
"I don't intend to apologize to her, you hear me?"
"I didn't come for that!" Kid exclaimed, hurt that she could think that he was so unreasonable. "I came to do the apologizing myself," he added in a soft voice, lowering his eyes in shame.
Lou sobered as she heard the sincerity in his voice and muttered, "It wasn't your fault."
"Yes, but I should have stood up for you. It wasn't fair that you had to bear that treatment," he replied. "That's what friends are for."
"I can perfectly defend myself," she retorted seriously.
"Yes, we could all see that last night," he added with a grin, and when he lifted his eyes to her, he noticed her long face and hurt countenance. He wondered whether he had said something wrong and as he was about to ask her, Lou got there first, "Anyway, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to bid you good-bye."
Her last words confused him and sending her a quizzical look, he asked, "Good-bye? What are you talking about?"
Lou's face was hard to read and as she talked next, the bitterness and rage she was feeling oozed through her mouth, "Thanks to your precious girlfriend I'm out of a job!"
"What?" Kid stuttered perplexed.
"Her dear friend the mayor talked my boss into giving me the sack and is also threatening anybody who dares to employ me," Louise explained to a flabbergasted Kid.
"But he can't do that!" the rider exclaimed with sheer indignation. He couldn't believe that Doritha could go to those lengths and use her influential friends to cause havoc in Lou's life. Knowing her as he did now, Kid had feared that his fiancé would try to retaliate for what had happened the previous night, but to put Lou's livelihood in jeopardy was simply outrageous.
"Of course he can! He's more than willing to comply with your girl's pleas of turning my life inside out, and nobody would dare to go against him. He's the power in this town and many people's livings depend on his decisions," Louise retorted with a bitter voice.
"But you won't leave, will you, Lou?" he asked, fearing her answer already. Even though indirectly, he felt responsible for what was happening to her. It was his fiancée who was the instigator of this senseless harassment. He knew the whole matter was partly his fault. It was because of his friendship with Louise that Doritha had this irrational dislike for her. But no! It was way before that when Doritha started showing clear signs that Lou wasn't of her predilection at all.
"Kid, I can't stay if I have no means to live by," Lou exclaimed, irritated by his silly comment. He knew how hard she had to work to make ends meet, and now that her only way of supporting herself was gone, she needed to start anew somewhere else.
At her words he advanced a few steps forward and placing his hands on her forearms, he almost pleaded, his eyes searching hers in despair, "Please, Lou, don't go."
"Kid…" she tried, lowering her eyes as she suddenly felt very uncomfortable at his nearness.
"I'll sort out this mess, I promise," he cut in. He couldn't let her go like that; just the thought of it stabbed him deeply, like never before. As he noticed the doubt in her eyes, he added, "Just give me one day. I'll find you a job, honestly. You trust me, don't you?"
"Yes, but…" she protested again, this time disengaging herself from his hold. Passers-by were giving them strange looks and besides, she knew that without her hat darkening part of her face, Kid would notice her blushing cheeks, which she'd rather hide.
"Please Lou, let me do this for you," Kid continued in the same tone.
The girl dared to lift her eyes towards him and stared into his eyes for a few minutes. The look he sent her was all she needed to finally crumble her defenses. "All right," she let out, which instantly brought a smile to his face. Louise was certain that he wouldn't be able to help her. She had already been turned down in all the places she had gone hunting for a job. It was Mr. Bray, the butcher, a kind old gentleman, who had told her about the mayor's doings against her.
From that moment she had known that her hours in Rock Creek were numbered. It pained her terribly to leave the town, especially knowing that she wouldn't be seeing Kid anymore. She hadn't got over her crush on the rider however much she had tried to throw him out of her mind. Maybe leaving would be the solution to her confused feelings. Yet, she was aware that she'd miss his friendship. He was the first true friend she had had in a very long time. Therefore, she had to start coming to terms with the idea that she'd be all on her own once again. That was what was bound to happen and despite his confidence, Lou knew that they'd have to part ways, but she didn't try to contradict him and just gave him a shy half-smile.
Kid rode at high speed, feeling that he needed to make good use of his time if he wanted to help Lou. Otherwise, the girl would leave town, and he knew that would fill him with utter grief. She was a good girl who didn't deserve to be treated so unfairly, just because she had nobody to stand up for her. Well, he'd show her that she wasn't alone. He was there for her now even though it meant he had to go against Doritha. It didn't matter if she was his fiancée; Kid hated anybody being treated unjustly, and it was ten times worse if Lou was involved. Louise was his friend, somebody who he'd come to trust and like, and he wasn't ready to stay idle seeing her leave town.
Doritha's big house appeared before his eyes like an eerie monster, ready to gulp him down and leave nothing. For some strange reason he'd come to hate the house as if it embodied all the motives why his relationship with Doritha was going through a rocky patch. It was as if they both were speaking different languages and couldn't understand what the other was saying. It was tremendously frustrating for Kid to try to talk to her and on top of it all, this new matter with Lou added up to his already deteriorated image of Doritha.
With a resolute stance Kid plodded up to the front door and pounded loudly with insistence. Not long afterwards the door opened and Doritha appeared before him. As soon as she caught sight of her fiancé, the girl smiled happily. "Oh Kid I'm so glad you came!" she exclaimed as she threw her arms to his neck and hugged him close. "I was so upset I never saw you leave last night," she whispered with a tiny voice to his ear. Kid remained stern and unmoving by her touch. Noticing him not responding, Doritha pulled away slightly and she stared at his set and grave countenance. "Kid, what's the matter?"
The rider didn't reply and instead he disengaged himself from her grip and stamped past her inside the house. Doritha followed him and since he didn't seem eager to talk, she urged him, "Kid?"
"What are you doing, Doritha?" he barked, anger evident in his voice.
"Me?" she let out, clueless at what he was apparently so angry about. All morning long she had been looking forward to receiving his visit and thus relishing on how her clever maneuvers from yesterday had taken effect. In fact, she felt that Louise's reaction to her provocation had served to her purpose better than she had imagined. Everybody had seen how she had been the victim of the girl's terrible lashings and more importantly Kid had seen what kind of person Louise was. The night couldn't have turned out better but now she was completely thrown by her fiancé's unexpected anger.
"Please don't give me that innocent look," Kid continued. "I know what you've been doing. I just can't believe that you could try those low tricks of yours to get to Lou"
Just the mention of Louise's name was enough for her fury to well up. She was a proud woman, and nobody would insult her like the girl had done the night before and get away with it. Louise McCloud would regret having had the nerve to cross her. Not only had she slyly gotten in between her and her fiancé, but she also had shamelessly insulted and humiliated her in her own house and in front of all her friends. "How can you be so… so… such a nitwit?" she exclaimed loudly, her pale face turning into a shade of bright red as if she were about to explode. "The woman you are supposed to love over anybody else gets slandered, shamed, ridiculed, tainted and … and … instead of being there for her … for the love of your life… you come here with your stupid accusations."
"For goodness' sake, Doritha. Don't try to pretend you're the victim here," Kid retorted, unmoved by her angered words. "Your false tears stopped affecting me a long time ago. You know it was you who started this sordid matter with your veiled insults and insinuations."
"I didn't do anything!" Doritha protested in the same tone, her fury swelling by the minute.
"The hell you didn't! You implied that she was nothing but a two-bit whore!"
"Don't you dare use that foul language in my presence!" she chided at the top of her voice.
"I'm just repeating what you so kindly said in front of your "dear" friends as an audience," Kid continued. "Your sweet words don't change the meaning behind them." Doritha glared at him dangerously and the rider added, calmer this time, "Anyway, I don't wanna argue about this anymore. I just want you to undo what you've tangled up. How could you get as far as to involve the mayor in your schemes against Lou?"
Doritha kept a proud stance and holding her head in a dignified fashion, she stated firmly, "You can dream on because I'm not doing such a thing."
"Are you listening to yourself, Doritha?" Kid asked, frustrated at her unreasonable stubbornness. Before reaching the house, he had thought that she'd now be regretful for her reproachable actions done in a moment of fury, but apparently this was more than a simple tantrum of hers. "How can you be so insensitive?"
"I'm just defending myself against those trying to harm me," the blonde lady continued with a cold voice.
"Defending yourself?" Kid repeated completely stunned. "Against what? That's a funny way of calling your own actions. You get a poor girl into your house under false pretexts just to hurl those horrendous insinuations to her face, and now trying to threaten her livelihood is simply … detestable. What on earth are you defending yourself against, Doritha, because I don't see any attack?"
"I want her out of this town for good, you hear me?" she replied angrily. "I don't like other women chasing after my man, especially one like her!"
"For goodness' sake, Doritha, she's not chasing after me! Stop talking crazy," Kid exclaimed utterly irritated.
"Oh really?" she retorted sarcastically. "Then maybe it's you doing the chasing! I'm not a fool, and I see how you look at her, drool over her. Do you think I missed all those looks passing between you two last night? Here under my own roof, in front of all my friends!" Her face was red with indignation as she hurled her accusations at the top of her voice.
"Goodness me. That's a downright lie! We are just friends!" Kid exclaimed, completely flabbergasted at her spiteful words. He was tired of having the same argument over and over again. It offended him greatly to think that she might think he could be unfaithful to her. Besides, he respected Lou too much to try anything with her. She was a true friend and deserved to be treated like the lady she was. Of course he was aware that she was beautiful and maybe… maybe if he wasn't a man engaged to be married, he'd consider going beyond the limits of friendship with her. The man who he knew one day would be part of Lou's life would be very lucky. Very lucky indeed. Kid had to admit that on certain occasions he had wondered how it would feel to kiss her rose lips, to touch her soft skin or … feel her in all senses. The unexpected thought made a wave of blood color his face. He tried to shush the images popping in his mind, reminding himself that he wasn't a free man and the woman he was supposed to marry was before him. Directing his eyes to Doritha, he repeated with a shaky voice, "We are just good friends."
The woman remained silent for a few seconds and meeting his eyes with her grave and cold ones, she said in a calm voice, "Well, you'll have to make do with one less of your "lovely" friends from now on because that's the way it's going to be."
Not giving Kid the opportunity to reply, Doritha swirled around and strutted out of the room, leaving the rider in the middle of the hall all alone. He just kept staring at her retreating figure as if she were an unreal vision. He didn't know what he felt towards her anymore; it was as if she was a total stranger and all she had made him feel not long ago was absent. Kid sighed and placing his hat on his head, he walked to the door and dashed out.
"Please"
After leaving Doritha's place with a heavy heart, Kid had gone to the only person who he thought could help him. It was clear that he wouldn't be able to convince Doritha to back off, and he knew that going to the mayor was a useless task as well. Kid was aware that his fiancée could be really persuasive and must have used all her charm and resorts to maneuver the mayor into performing her purposes. The man wouldn't be ready to listen to Kid and go against Doritha, so the rider discarded the whole idea straightaway.
All he needed to do was to find Lou a job. Kid knew that under the present circumstancing he'd be wasting his time if he tried his luck in town. He didn't expect that anybody would be more willing with him than they had been with Lou. So his only hope was Teaspoon. The rider was sure that his boss would be unaffected by Mayor McGregor's meddling. After all the Pony Express was an independent company, and Rock Creek couldn't afford to lose its service. Anyway, Teaspoon wouldn't be one to be thwarted by the mayor's threats; he was one of the most upright people Kid had ever known and always managed to act on principle.
Kid hoped that the marshal could be able to help him with Louise. He had promised the girl he'd find her a job, a reason to stay, and he'd hate to return to her empty-handed. That would mean she'd be leaving Rock Creek. Resolved not to fail her, Kid had headed for the station and found Teaspoon in the bunkhouse by himself. He was sitting at the large table, checking the rides scheduled for the following weeks; everybody else had gone to town, which Kid was really glad for. He didn't want anybody's unasked advice and words.
He was sure that Teaspoon would agree with his suggestion. He had to. Lou was a hard worker and Kid thought she'd be a good addition if Teaspoon hired her at the station. She could help Rachel with the meals and all her housekeeping duties. Kid knew that the blonde station-mistress would really appreciate the help, but first he had to convince Teaspoon about it. He chose his words carefully as he tried to talk the marshal into accepting his suggestion. He told him the events from the previous night that led Lou to be without a job. As Kid jabbered on, he could see that, even though the marshal seemed sympathetic to what he was hearing, he didn't look very willing to comply with his idea.
"Please Teaspoon," he almost begged.
"Kid," the marshal began, "I'm sorry but I can't do anything for your young friend."
His heart sank as he received his flat refusal. "I assure you she's a good worker."
"I don't doubt that," Teaspoon replied, "but we don't need another housekeeper, son. I wish I could help you, but the company won't accept to pay for anybody else, especially now. You know things ain't been exactly brilliant lately."
Kid nodded ruefully, knowing that Teaspoon was telling the truth. He kept thoughtful for a few moments and then he said, "And what if you deduct her pay from my wages? That would do, wouldn't it?"
Teaspoon stared at him for a few minutes and then asked, "Tell me one thin', Kid. Why are you doin' this?"
Kid lowered his eyes to the rugged surface of the table and muttered, "She's a good girl and an excellent friend to me."
"Is that all?" the marshal asked again.
His question made Kid lift his eyes towards him. "What else should there be?" he retorted, his voice tinged with irritation. Teaspoon was the last person he'd have thought would make any kind of insinuations along those lines. He was already sick and tired of bearing the comments from Cody and Jimmy, or Doritha's jealousy. He had thought that the marshal would understand his reasons.
"Dunno," Teaspoon replied. "You tell me. But I've never seen you so intent on somethin'."
"She doesn't deserve what's happening," Kid explained. "It's all my fiancée's doing, and I feel somehow responsible."
"Why don't you talk to Doritha then?" the marshal offered.
"I've tried, but it's useless!" Kid exclaimed frustrated as he ran his fingers through his hair repeatedly.
"Kid," Teaspoon continued, carefully choosing his next words, "you know I don't like meddlin' in my boys' private matters, but … it seems to me that you got more at stake here than you're ready to let on."
"What do you mean?" Kid asked with a frown, not liking the direction the conversation was leading to.
"Well," the marshal replied hesitantly, "you sound as if you have feelings for this girl."
"Teaspoon!" Kid protested vehemently, jumping to his feet. "Doritha's my fiancée."
"I ain't talkin' about her," the older man retorted, rising to a standing position next to his young employee. Placing a hand over his tense shoulder, Teaspoon added, "Son, there's no shame in havin' a change of heart. It's just human."
At his words the Southerner shook his head. "I can't allow that, Teaspoon."
"Kid, sometimes the promises made at one's tender years don't hold much weight," Teaspoon continued. "Years change people and the person you thought you love unexpectedly grows into a stranger. There's nothin' wrong in admittin' that the natural course of life simply changed everythin' and bein' ready to start anew… maybe with somebody else."
"Not for me, Teaspoon," Kid insisted stubbornly. "I can't do that to Doritha. She left everybody and everything for me, just to be with me."
It was extremely meaningful for the marshal the fact that Kid hadn't mentioned any reference to his love for his girl. Teaspoon knew that the southern rider was an honest and level-headed young man, who might be making the biggest mistake of his life simply because he thought it was the right thing to do. His sense of righteousness was so ingrained that he didn't even realize what he really felt for either his fiancée or Louise. "So you're ready to let go of the woman you love for a promise you made when you were just a boy," Teaspoon added, knowing he was trying his luck with his forwardness.
Kid stiffened at the marshal's comment and with a serious countenance he retorted, "I never said I love her."
"And do you?"
The rider kept thoughtful for long moments, pondering about the marshal's question for the first time. Images of Lou and Doritha appeared before his eyes, and the reality fell over him like a ton of bricks. He had disguised his true feelings, making excuses, telling himself a bunch of lies so that he wouldn't realize how deep his feelings for Louise ran. It seemed as if he was the last one to learn that he had fallen in love with the wrong woman. Even Doritha had noticed as he had repeatedly denied what he thought were jealous accusations. He was supposed to have those feelings for his fiancée, the person he'd be marrying in a few months.
Kid couldn't understand how he'd let himself go down that trail; he hadn't even been aware of it at all. The truth didn't bring him any comfort but rather the opposite and with a heavy heart he nodded his reply to Teaspoon's question while he muttered, "Never thought I could feel so strongly." It was true; now that he was aware of his … love … yeah, his love for Louise, he realized that it wasn't comparable to anything he had previously felt for Doritha. At his admittance Teaspoon smiled and then Kid exclaimed, his insides in turmoil, "But that doesn't make it right. Doritha's the woman I'm supposed to spend my life with." He paused to let out his breath and with a trembling voice, he added, "I guess I should let Louise go or stay clear of her."
Teaspoon remained silent for a few moments, not envying the situation Kid found himself. The marshal knew that wanting the wrong person could be shattering and utterly perturbing. He had been himself where Kid stood now, and he couldn't say he kept warm memories from those days. Back then Teaspoon had been a young man, not much older than his riders, when he had fallen for the beautiful Pauline Roberts. She was the loveliest and most charming woman in his little town. Nobody was as sensual and enticing as Pauline and soon young Teaspoon had fallen in her compelling web. He would have considered himself a lucky fella hadn't it been that she was a married woman. Teaspoon lived days of love and passion, fully aware that their affair would eventually end. Months later her husband, an army officer, had been moved up north and young Teaspoon Hunter never heard from her ever again.
It was so long ago, but the marshal could still feel his heart wildly racing whenever he thought of Pauline. In those days he hadn't been able to do anything. He had been an inexperienced young man who had probably been just a pastime for beautiful Pauline. For this lost love he had felt as a young man, Teaspoon's heart went out to Kid. He wanted his rider to have the opportunity he didn't have. The Southerner needed to understand what he was about to lose if he followed the trail neatly traced before him. Unlike the marshal, Kid could really make a difference and take the path which had appeared before him. After all, it wasn't as if he was married, but the Southerner acted as if he was already condemned to a destiny who he already abhorred and to forget about his young love.
"Kid, you sure?" the marshal asked after a while.
"No!" Kid retorted loudly. "Just the thought of not seeing her again scares the hell out of me, but I can't see any other way out."
Teaspoon patted the young man on the back encouragingly and knowing that nothing he could say would make much of a difference, he simply added, "Just make sure you don't make a mistake you'll have to suffer your whole life."
"Thank you, Teaspoon," the Southerner mumbled as he picked his hat from the peg and shuffled towards the door.
His conversation with the marshal had been a revelation of the secrets of his own soul. It was as if all of a sudden he was supporting the weight of the world on his weak shoulders. He felt bitter and cold; he wanted to declaim against heaven. Why did he have to meet Louise? He wouldn't be in this predicament if she hadn't turned up in his life. Yet, the notion of her disappearance from his existence sent a stabbing pain all over him. He wanted Lou in his life in any possible way. It was a fantasy he needed to start to forget about. He knew where his road was leading to and there was no way he could take a detour. Doritha was the woman who would be part of each of his days and that was all he needed to start to understand.
"Just forget about Lou, Kid," he told himself. "She ain't yours and can't be."
Kid walked towards town, dragging his feet as if the weight of his own soul was preventing him from moving forward. The task he had ahead was going to be hard and in one word unbearable. He had to tell Lou that he had failed in his mission, but that wasn't the worst part. He feared the moment she announced that in that case she'd have to leave Rock Creek and thus leave his side. The rider couldn't bear the thought of having to say good-bye to her, but there was nothing else he could do.
Kid knew he could eventually have convinced Teaspoon to employ Louise on condition that he'd pay her wages himself. He was more than ready to do that, but … Would he want to see her every day round the station, with the knowledge that he longed for her? Yeah, he would, more than anything. He wanted to see her every day, every hour, every minute and second of his life, but his head urged him in another direction. The sooner he broke the bonds joining them together, the sooner he hopefully got over her. It was going to be devastating but in the long run it would be better for everybody.
As he advanced along Rock Creek's busy street, he spotted Lou a few feet ahead. She was now wearing one of her simple dresses, which to Kid's utter surprise made her look more beautiful than ever before. She was talking to Tompkins, the store owner, and when Kid approached, the man was saying, "If that old fox of Simon McGregor thinks he can rule me like a puppet with his tyrant ways, he doesn't know a thing about William Tompkins!"
Lou giggled and shaking hands with her, the man turned to leave. "Thank you, Mr. Tompkins," she exclaimed and then turned to Kid with a wide smile.
"What was all that about?" he asked, feeling terribly uncomfortable in her presence. He could hardly look her in the eyes and had the weird sensation that she could read through him. A few hours ago Kid had been blissfully ignorant of his own feelings, and now everything seemed to have changed so much. She was the same person but in a way she appeared so different to him.
"Tompkins offered me a job!" she announced happily, not noticing his weird mood or guessing the thoughts running through his mind.
"Doing what?" he asked again, this time daring to meet her big expressive eyes.
"He needs somebody to help him keep his back store in order and also to give him a hand in the shop," Lou explained, surprised that he didn't share her enthusiasm. This morning he had bugged her to stay in Rock Creek, and now he even sounded strangely disappointed that she wasn't leaving the town.
"You sure you'd be happy doing that? Tompkins can be quite a handful to deal with," Kid added, hating himself for what he was doing.
"Kid," she replied, her happy countenance gone and replaced by irritation. "Until today I've been cleaning what others dirtied, all day long on my knees and with my hands in dirty water. So you can sure understand that anything … anything at all is better than that."
"I know, Lou," he muttered, "but…"
"But what? Just spit it out!" Louise barked loudly.
"Just make sure you don't get in the middle of something uncomfortable. It's clear that Tompkins is just hiring you to prove himself to the mayor that he's better or stronger. I've heard that he wants to run for mayor of this town next time."
"Well, I don't care about his reasons," Lou stated firmly. "All I care is that thanks to him, I'll be able to have a roof over my head and hot food on my table. The rest is all buck wash to me." She stopped briefly and looking in his direction purposefully she added, "I'm sorry if that disappoints you."
"Lou, it ain't that," Kid replied, ashamed of his own behavior. He had only been thinking of himself and a way to have things to his convenience. Lou had almost found herself in a precarious situation, and he hadn't given a thought to any of that. He felt like a selfish hypocrite. He should be happy for her and instead he had reacted like an idiot. "I really want to help you."
"You could've fooled me," she continued angrily. "But please stop pretending with me anymore. I ain't sorry if your little perfect fiancée didn't have her way with me. All I'm sorry about is that I really believed you were my friend and cared for me. I'm simply that stupid." Lou stopped briefly to get a grip of herself as she felt she was about to cry at any time and she'd hate for him to see her in tears because of him. "And now if you excuse me, I have work to do."
"Lou! Wait!" he called but Louise was already running towards the far end of the street. Of course he cared for her; the problem is that he cared too much. Kid cursed himself for his clumsiness. She must have thought that after all he agreed with Doritha in her opinions. All he had wanted was to put some distance between her and thanks to his stupidity he had hurt Lou and with all probability he had lost her friendship for good. Maybe that was what he needed: to stop all contact with her. If he continued seeing her, breaking from her would be an impossible task. It was definitely better this way. The thought, though, didn't bring him any relief. It was as if a part of him had been ripped and the gap would remain with him for as long as Louise was part of his soul.