Chapter 29

The bunkhouse was silent except for a soft humming voice that resounded softly in a happy tone. It was a warm afternoon, which was welcomed with glee after the heavy rain in the last couple of days. The riders had gone to the swimming hole for a good dip, except for Kid who had declined the offer and Jimmy who was out on a ride. The Southerner stopped the humming as he stood thoughtful before the small mirror on the wall, trying his best to turn his wild hair into a decent shape. It had been over a week since the night in which he had killed Wicks. Even though Louise seemed to be troubled, probably caused by the last incidents, she was coming back little by little to her normal self. After that night the Southerner hadn't talked much with her, especially about anything important, and even though all he wished was to clear things with Lou, he had refrained himself from pushing her.

The day after Wicks had died Kid had escorted her to Teaspoon's office. The marshal wanted to ask her a few questions concerning the events of the previous night. This time Louise didn't seem as reluctant to answer Teaspoon's questions as she had been when asked about Charlotte. Kid had learned how that man had been after some money that apparently the lady had taken from him. Louise explained how Charlotte had hidden the money at her place, and then she had burned all of the banknotes she had found, without getting into detail about the reason for her actions.

Kid paled when she carried on telling them how Wicks had snuck into her room and the way he had maltreated her when she had tried to escape. The Southerner didn't want to imagine how things would have turned out if Lou hadn't got hold of that gun. The man might have killed her when he had found there was nothing left of his money. However, by the expression of Lou's face as she told all these events, Kid suspected that somehow she had feared something worse would have supervened to her if things had turned out different. What could possibly be worse than death? Kid couldn't say or imagine, and of course Lou had never elaborated and just told Teaspoon what was relevant, without saying how she felt about it all. Her account about Wicks had been concise and to the point. That man had known the two women he had messed with in the last days, but Lou had never mentioned and even avoided saying what the connection between the three was. Teaspoon had been satisfied with the information Lou had provided and though still curious, Kid had kept his curiosity to himself.

After talking with the marshal, Kid had insisted that she should visit the local doctor for that wound on the back of her head. The night when the incident with Wicks had taken place Louise had let him escort her to her rooms and once there, Kid had done his best to clean the blood and placed a small patch to stop it from oozing anymore. Head injuries weren't nothing to take lightly, which was the reason why Kid had been worried about that wound on her nape. At his insistence Kid had expected her to refuse going to the physician, but against all odds, Louise had consented and let him walk with her to Doctor Sanders's small surgery. The good doctor had cleaned the remainder of dry blood off the wound and given her an ointment to use for the cut. Other than that, to Kid's utter relief the doctor had assured him there was nothing to worry about.

The day after that one, the funeral for Charlotte had taken place. Since the lady had been a stranger in Rock Creek, her last moment on earth had been intimate and sober. Only Louise, Rachel, Kid and Travis McKay had attended the funeral. The Southerner had wanted to be there for Lou, and at the same time keeping himself at a certain distance and thus respecting her likely desire to face the pain alone. Despite the circumstances, Lou looked very composed, not shedding a single tear. Kid had wished he could know what she had been thinking about at the moment, but her face had lacked any emotions. In spite of her calm demeanor, Kid was sure that her insides had been in turmoil, but it was as if she had built a cold façade over her and hadn't let herself show what she was feeling. In contrast with Lou, Mr. McKay had broken down after the funeral. Kid pitied the poor fella. It would be totally soul-destroying to lose the right woman just after finding her. If something had happened to Lou… Kid didn't even want to know. The thought was too horrible and came like a revelation. Time was too precious and he realized that he should make the most of the opportunity life had granted him.

After that day, Kid had seen very little of Lou. He had been away on a ride for two days and other days he had simply seen her when he had dropped by the store for some errand in town. They had only exchanged a few words, but he could tell that she was again the old Lou he had missed recently. However, following Teaspoon's advice, Kid had decided to give her some breathing room before they could have that outstanding conversation. The least he needed was for her to think that he was an unbearable pest. Yet, after a few days Kid couldn't wait any longer and had reached the conclusion that the moment had arrived. If he let more time pass, it would get to the point where it would be awkward to bring up something that had happened too long ago.

The door to the bunkhouse clicked open, and Jimmy walked in, having just arrived from his ride. Kid was still at the same position before the mirror and softly greeted his friend. The long-haired rider didn't return the greeting, and instead left his gear on the bunkhouse table, took his shirt out of his trousers ready to have a nice long nap in his bunk. Yet, he stopped his intentions as he noticed Kid before the mirror and kept watching him with obvious amusement.

"Where are you going all preened and pampered, Kid?" Jimmy asked teasingly while the Southerner strained in vain with the comb.

"Don't start, Jimmy," Kid let out and with a sigh he left the comb on top of the chest of drawers. Not minding the warning, Hickok edged towards the southerner and looked him up and down.

"That shirt is new, ain't it?" Hickok continued and bringing his face closer to his friend, he started sniffing exaggeratedly. "Hmm, and you smell quite deliciously, I should say."

Kid had to chuckle at Jimmy's mannerisms and shaking his head, he said, "Stop horsing around." Hickok joined in his mirth, fixing his eyes on the Southerner quizzically, and after a brief lapse Kid relented and explained, "I'm going to see Lou."

"Oh I see," Jimmy replied with a knowing smile. "Well, you shouldn't bother yourself so much then. You know, she's already familiar with your plain looks, well … not that you could do much to improve them..." His teasing provoked a genuine laughter from the Southerner and after a beat, the long-haired rider dropped the mocking tone and asked seriously, "So what's the occasion?"

"I need to tell her something… ask her something."

Jimmy sent him a curious look and tried his luck as he added, "Must be something really important if you even went to the trouble of buying new clothes." He knew Kid was very particular about his private matters, and even though they all teased him mercilessly about his relationship with Lou, he'd never dream of prying. Kid only opened up when he felt like it, never before.

"About us," the Southerner blurted out his answer.

Jimmy stared at his friend with a frown and asked, "So it's definitely over for the 'eternal pals', and there's actually an us now?"

"I really hope so," Kid replied truthfully. In the last days Lou hadn't shown any signs that she wanted anything other than friendship … nor the other way. As a matter of fact, she had never given him reasons to think that there was something else, other than the kiss they had shared. Kid had the strong need to be clear about his feelings, because only her friendship wasn't enough anymore. "With all that's happened, I didn't think it right to rush her," he muttered.

"And is it the right time now?" Jimmy asked again.

"I believe so. I hope so."

"I'm really glad for you, Kid," Jimmy added sincerely. "Louise is a good girl."

"Thanks Jimmy, but it's a bit early for that," the Southerner let out in a soft voice.

"Good luck then," Hickok concluded as Kid got ready to leave and with a last look at himself in the mirror, he clumped to the door. For a few moments he strained to open it, pulling strongly towards him.

"Damn, it's stuck," the Southerner muttered between gritted teeth, stopping his strong tugs for a moment.

Hickok inched next to him breezily and resting his right hand on the upper part of the door frame, he nodded and said, "Yeah, stuck. Or… you might try the other way. You know…push … like we've always done." And with a swift motion he opened the door smoothly for his friend while sending him an amused look.

"Uh … yeah," Kid let out awkwardly, visibly embarrassed and keeping his eyes downcast, he fled out of the bunkhouse like a bat out of hell.

Jimmy chuckled loudly at his friend's clumsiness. The fool was a nervous wreck and in that state when the moment arrived, he would probably be unable to open his mouth. At this pace, Jimmy thought amusedly, Louise would end up taking matters in her hands because she was bound to run out of patience with Kid's hesitancy. Either way, Jimmy wished they would hurry up because it was becoming quite a job to get any rest in the bunkhouse lately. The Southerner kept turning and tossing all night long, making the whole bunk structure creak and squeak disturbingly in the silence of the room. Everybody knew what kind of dreams haunted their friend constantly, so the sooner he got his peace of mind, the sooner they'd get their peace at night.

Kid paced up and down the walkway as he was waiting for Lou to leave the store. He knew that she finished work at about this time of day, and as the minutes passed and the moment to see her approached, he was getting more and more nervous. Stopping his frenetic pacing, he made a mental note of getting a grip of himself because otherwise he would make a poor show in front of Lou. He wasn't even sure how he'd bring himself to tell her what he wanted to, but he realized then that it was too late for any more rehearsals as he saw her come out of the store.

As soon as Louise noticed him, her mouth split into a wide smile and coming closer to him, she exclaimed, "Hi!" Kid returned the greeting, likewise matching her gayness and she continued, "What brings you to town? Some last-minute errand?"

"Actually, I came to see you," Kid replied matter-of-factly, his nerves of merely seconds ago quickly blew over at her presence and as she sent him a quizzical look, he continued, "I want to talk to you, that is, if it's safe for me to do so today."

Lou had to chuckle at his comment. The last time he had come to her with the same intentions, she had roughly sent him away. The memory was laden with bittersweet feelings since it brought about the reason behind her reticence and moodiness of the last times. "As a matter of fact, I'm glad you came. I want to talk to you too."

"Ladies first then."

Louise smiled briefly and added. "I never had the chance to thank you for all you did for me this past week."

Kid hurried to interrupt her flow of words. "I didn't do anything."

"Yes, you did," Louise stubbornly contradicted him. "You killed a man for my sake, and I feel I owe you an explanation. You deserve that much."

Kid shook his head no. "You owe me nothing. I only did what's expected between friends." Lou smiled briefly and the Southerner continued. "But I'm ready to listen if you're ready to talk."

Lou briefly hesitated at the question behind his comment; her resolution momentarily teetered, but she quickly got over her indecision and stated in a clear voice, "I'm ready."

"Then I'm all ears."

Lou nodded, and her heart started pounding in her chest so strongly that she thought Kid could hear it from his position. Looking around her she suddenly felt very self-conscious as if everybody going past them in the street had their eyes on her and could see through her soul. "But not here," she offered after a beat. "Why don't we go for a ride?"

"That sounds mighty fine to me."

"Let me get changed first, and we'll set off in a jiffy," Lou concluded as she started walking away towards her rooms a few alleys away.

Half an hour later they were riding at a light canter on the outskirts of town. The pair hadn't exchanged a single word since they had left Rock Creek behind. Louise wasn't sure whether she preferred him blabbering on or this unnerving silence. Kid kept sending her looks and smiles in her direction, which were making Lou sick with nerves. He looked very laid-back and serene which contrasted with Lou's own mood. Obviously Kid didn't even suspect what she was about to tell him, and the girl began wondering whether she should back up.

As he had told her, she didn't need to tell him anything. That had taken place so long ago and she could even pretend that it had never happened. But the truth was that it had happened. Kid was the first person who had come as close to her as to knock down her defenses. She owed him and herself to be honest for once. If she didn't, anything between her and Kid would become soiled, shadowed by this big lie.

Louise led the horse towards an out-of-the-way copse of trees. Only the chirping of the birds at the place, and in the distance a small creek could be made out, its waters in combination with the afternoon sun offered a vision of dreamy translucent colors. Louise stopped her horse and slid off it briskly. Kid followed suit and tethered his mare next to Lou's. She had turned into her subdued self again, and Kid was actually fearful of what she was about to tell him.

It was obvious that she wasn't comfortable with the matter, and Kid couldn't help but wonder what could be so disturbing to turn her into this solemn figure. Cody's comments about Charlotte popped into his mind, and the Southerner shushed them away immediately. He wasn't going to let anybody's malicious comments and prejudices rule him. What Cody had hinted was totally false and besides, Kid told himself that he would understand whatever Lou was going to trust him with. Her past was just that … past, and she wouldn't appear worse to his eyes for any reason, any reason at all.

Trying to silence his thoughts, Kid forced a big smile into his face and turning his eyes to her, he said breezily, "This is a nice place, Lou. Is this where you disappear to when you need some time on your own… you know, like some kind of special location?"

Lou kept a straight face as she finished tying the horse reins around a tree trunk securely. "Never been here before," she replied gravelly. "I don't want to spoil the places dear to me with bad memories. Today will be the first and last time I set foot here."

Kid stared at her figure with a confused frown. Her attention was focused anywhere but on him as she couldn't dare to face him. Her words and her obvious reticence to look at him told him that he was up for a hard moment. He was temporally tempted to tell her that he didn't want to know, but he stood there, watching her intently without uttering a single word.

Louise brought her body down to rest against a tree while her arms hugged her flexed knees tightly. Kid came to sit next to her, his eyes constantly on her while she kept looking ahead as if she wasn't even aware of his presence by her side. They remained in silence for long minutes as Louise debated with herself, afraid of opening her mouth, but after a hard internal fight, she started in a very soft voice, "After I left the orphanage, I ended up in Saint Joseph. I had no money and soon I found out that there weren't many opportunities for a young girl on her own. I had to get by with the few crumbs some compassionate people gave me, and at night I snuck into sheds, barns or stables to sleep. I was so naïve."

She paused for a beat and taking a deep air intake she continued, "Wicks found me and offered me a job. He took me to a big house where some ladies lived. Charlotte was the only one who was nice to me. He gave me a job doing laundry, and soon I understood what kind of place I had gotten myself into."

She paused again, feeling as if her throat was on fire all of a sudden. It had been relatively easy to bring up this part of her story, but now terrible images popped into her mind as she came closer to that point in her account that had haunted her existence for years. "One night," she continued in a shaky voice, closing her eyes tightly, "a year later Wicks burst into my room. 'You're all grown up, Louise' he kept saying and even today I can still hear him."

At this point Lou stopped and hugged her knees even tighter. Kid stared at her with wide eyes at the horror she was telling him. He felt paralyzed as if all air had been sucked out of his body. The thought that a man could do something to a little girl … to Lou made him boil with a fury never known to him till now. There were so many things he could understand now: her distrust to men, that first child-like image of hers in braids and childish dresses, her voluntary isolation. Kid felt the urge to bring his arm around her body and hug her but he was afraid to touch her, to scare her with his forwardness. His doubt was answered promptly as she rose to her feet and walking a few feet from him, she stood, her right arm hooked around a tree trunk and her back to him.

"The following morning Charlotte snuck me out of there and got me a ticket on the stage to St Louis," she resumed her account after a beat. "I never thanked her and now she's dead," she added mostly to herself.

"I'm sure she knew, Lou. Words are unnecessary between true friends," Kid spoke for the first time, surprised that he had managed as far as uttering all that without choking. His voice somehow startled Louise, who had forgotten about Kid's presence.

The Southerner rose to his feet and slightly edged towards her, stopping at mere inches from her figure. He wanted to let her know that he was there for her, but at the same time he wanted to give her space if that was what she felt like. They stood like that for long minutes and then Kid dared to inch closer and place a hand on her shoulder. "Lou…"

The girl moved out of his grasp and folding her arms over her chest, she asked, "Kid, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure," he answered promptly, trying to hide his hurt feelings at her reaction. He wished she would let him comfort her, but it was clear that she wouldn't appreciate his gesture now.

"Go," Louise simply said.

"Wh… What?"

"Please go," she repeated with her back still turned to him.

"I ain't leaving you, not after what you've told me."

Louise cringed at the reference of that terrible episode. She was afraid of what he now thought of her, or what his eyes could tell her in that respect. The whole thing surely hadn't left Kid indifferent and she feared to find him looking at her with pity. She'd rather have his despise than having him pitying her. Steeling herself for the worst, she turned around to face him. "Please Kid. I just need to be alone for a while," she said again and was surprised to see him look at her not with the pity she had expected, but with concern and … even tenderness. In that moment she wanted to throw herself to his arms and cry her eyes out in his chest. Yet, she stood still, and noticing his hesitation to comply with her request, she insisted, "I'll be fine, Kid, honestly, but please go now."

The Southerner stared at her for a few moments and with a heavy heart he turned to his horse. She seemed very far even though she was a few feet away, and feeling unable to reach for her, he decided to relent. Once on top of Katy, he cast her a quizzical look. Any words now would be too unsuitable, and he felt he couldn't speak without blundering or crumbling down. Without further ado, he spurred Katy much to his dismay and they rode off. Lou remained on the spot, watching intently as the rider and the horse disappeared in the distance and when she couldn't see them any longer, she crumpled onto her knees over the dusty ground, and the sobs she had restrained started to rack her petite frame.