. Chapter 30

Rachel ambled along the street, averting the people, horses and wagons coming from the other direction of town. Saturday was always busy, and Rock Creek filled with families and lone men from nearby who chose the day to get their supplies, carry out their deals in the bank or simply have a few swigs at the saloon. This Saturday being the first one of spring made the town look brighter and somehow jollier.

Rachel carried a small basket on her right arm as she advanced along the long street. Teaspoon had missed lunch once again, and as usual the woman had saved some of the stew and potatoes for him and was bringing them down to his office. A four-horse wagon dashing along the street made her jump to the side and to her better sense she decided to continue along the safe walkway. Even though using the covered walkway would prevent her from enjoying the comforting sun over her skin, it would be better for her own security. As she reached the general store, she saw Louise cleaning the wide windows where Tompkins displayed his most tempting goods.

"Hello Louise."

The girl turned around to check who was greeting her and when she realized it was Rachel, the smile came natural to her. "Oh hi!"

"I see you're as busy as always," the woman remarked.

"Yeah," Lou let out without much enthusiasm, and then a thought struck her instantly, so she asked with some hesitation, "Uh … Rachel … Is Kid all right? I haven't seen him in a while."

It was a week since she had told him her terrible story, a week since she had asked him to ride away. After that day, Kid had called on her once, checking that she was all right. They had exchanged a few awkward words but nothing much. She felt very embarrassed in his presence after practically baring her soul to him, and Kid seemed to feel the same way. She hadn't seen him since. The thought that she might have scared him off was present in her mind, and she wondered if she should have kept quiet after all. She hoped that she was just letting her fears dominate her, and in reality there was nothing to be afraid of.

"Kid?" Rachel asked innocently. "Yeah, he's fine." As soon as she noticed Lou's face turn gloomy and disappointed, she got ready to tell a small lie. "He's been on a run and just came back this morning." Lou's face brightened instantly as she felt she had been a fool for believing the worst. Kid had a very busy job, and it wasn't the first time he had been away for a few days and even weeks. "I'll tell him that you've asked after him when I see him," Rachel added as she readied to continue her way towards the marshal's office.

She hated lying to Louise, but she could see there was something new troubling the pair. Kid had been acting very weird in the last week, and it hadn't gone unnoticed to her that he avoided coming to town at all costs. Rachel knew that there was something disturbing the Southerner. Whatever it was was clearly connected to Louise. Rachel knew that Kid felt strongly for the girl, and all this game of avoiding made no sense. The woman had a certain suspicion of what the problem was, and she felt she needed to have a word with the rider.

An hour or so later Rachel marched back to the station and, as she reached the yard, the riders were walking towards her from the other direction, obviously to spend some of their free time in town. There were four of them and Rachel wondered where the fifth was. "Where's Kid, boys?"

"In the bunkhouse," Noah replied from the certain distance separating them from Rachel.

"All right," she retorted and followed on her way and when she crossed paths with the boys, she added, "You four, have fun and stay out of trouble."

"Like we always do," Cody piped with a contented smirk.

"Yeah, sure," Rachel whispered sarcastically to herself as she continued towards the bunkhouse. When she stepped inside, her eyes instantly found Kid sitting at the table, reading a book.

He lifted his gaze to her and greeted with a grave voice, "Hi Rachel."

"What are you doing here? Aren't you going to town with the boys?" she asked straightaway.

"Don't feel like it, that's all," Kid muttered lightly.

Rachel took a seat across him and added, "You seem not to feel like going into town a lot lately." Kid simply shrugged his shoulders in indifference, and the woman explained, trying to make him react to something, "I saw Louise today, and she asked after you. She asked me whether you were sick or something since she hadn't seen you at all lately."

"I've been busy," Kid replied, his face showing a glum and bitter expression as soon as Rachel had mentioned Lou.

"You know that's a lie in the same way as my explanation to her was," Rachel retorted emphatically and regretting her roughness, she paused and asked in a softer tone, "What's wrong, Kid?"

"Nothing," the Southerner mumbled in a defensive demure. He didn't know what to tell her or how to explain to Rachel the way he felt. It was too complicated and besides, how could he do so without betraying Lou?

Rachel eyed him warily, wondering whether she should come up with the next bit, so she tried to use all her subtlety. "Do you and Louise have problems?" The sandy-haired rider didn't attempt to answer her question, and the lady asked again, "Does that man you… killed by any chance have anything to do with it?" Despite himself Kid nodded somberly and Rachel insisted, "Did he… did he … abuse her anyhow?"

Kid's eyes shot wide open in bewilderment. "How… how d'you know?" he stuttered with a cracked voice.

Rachel let out a deep breath, hating that her hunches had proved to be right. "Unfortunately, things like that happen to women more often than they should. I've seen the same before, and I thought something like that might explain Louise's behavior."

"She wasn't even a woman, but a young girl!" Kid exclaimed furiously. "How can any man do something like that to a child?"

"I don't know, Kid," Rachel replied softly as she placed her hand over his comfortingly. It was no wonder the boy looked so troubled lately. It wasn't easy at all to learn that the person he loved had had to suffer an ordeal like that. They remained in silence for a while and then Rachel asked warily, "So what's wrong, Kid, you know, apart from the obvious?"

"I… I just can't face her," he let out between gritted teeth.

"Why not?" she asked again with a frown.

"Just thinking what that animal did to her is killing me. I can't stop thinking about it since she told me. I just can't look her in the eyes without feeling her suffering, and the worst is that I can't do anything." Kid explained in a strained voice. "This last week has been a torture and …." He couldn't finish and simply let out a deep sigh.

"Do you blame her?" Rachel continued warily.

"No! Of course not!" Kid exclaimed loudly as if he had been slapped on his face strongly. "Of course not," he repeated in a softer voice.

"She might think you do if you keep avoiding her," Rachel offered and feeling that he was still troubled, she added, "I thought you felt strongly for her."

"I do," Kid admitted in a soft voice.

"Then why ain't you together?"

"Rachel, after what she went through, how can I tell Lou how I feel?" Kid countered. "Gosh, I even had improper thoughts about her." The comment slipped out of his mouth without actually realizing what he was saying, and his face turned bright red at his confession while he added in a very soft whisper, "I ain't better than that animal who stole her innocence. I should be ashamed of myself."

The station mistress couldn't help but chuckle at the rider's naiveté. "Kid, you have no reasons to be ashamed. It's just natural to have longing feelings for the person you care for. There's nothing more sacred than to share the gift of love with that special person." She paused briefly and adopting a grave posture she continued, "And please don't you dare compare yourself with the man who did that to Louise. You're nothing alike. You would never hurt her, and I'm sure Louise is of the same opinion."

"I don't even know how she feels about me," Kid reminded her.

"Well, it's high time you found out, ain't it? And you won't till you ask her."

"But what if she doesn't feel the same? It might end up ruining the friendship between us," Kid voiced his fears to the woman. This argument was the main reason why he hadn't acted on his feelings before, and later when he had felt ready to do so, problems had been hurled in their way. It seemed that for some reason or other they didn't find the occasion to stand on the same side of the river at the same time.

"Well," Rachel replied, "you have to weigh out the options and decide. That's something you need to do on your own, but … well… just remember that you kissed her once, and she didn't seem unhappy about it, did she?" Kid nodded and then Rachel let out a peal of laughter. "Gosh, listen to me! I'm starting to sound like Teaspoon more and more!" The comment made the rider smile which didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'd better cut the lecture short, or I'll never get any dinner done today." The blonde woman rose to her feet and proceeded to leave the bunkhouse.

"Thanks, Rachel," Kid let out gravelly.

The woman paused at the door and turning to the Southerner she said, "You're very welcome, but I'll feel myself repaid if you make that girl happy."

Kid nodded again, this time with a wider smile, and Rachel opened the door and let herself out. The rider remained seated at the same place as he kept thinking about his conversation with the station mistress. He had to admit that she was right and he should stop his foolish behavior of the last few days. Lou's confession had affected him more than he had imagined it would. At night his mind was full of terrible images of that man savagely attacking Lou. In his dream Kid desperately tried to reach for her, save her from his claws, but then he felt sucked away from her into darkness by strange powerful currents. The last image he always got before suddenly waking up in a cold sweat was her sad and scared face as she begged him, cried not to leave her alone.

That dream haunted him all day long and was literally driving him crazy. Even though the circumstances Lou had told him about had happened long before they had met, Kid felt completely frustrated and powerless. He wished he could be able to make all that disappear from her existence, that she only had happy memories, but he just couldn't. Actually, he couldn't do a thing, and he was having a hard time coming to terms with his own inability. During this whole week Kid had been fighting with himself whether to go and see her. Of course he longed for her as much as always, but he couldn't possibly stand before her in his mood of lately. She would see through him at once, and he would hate to make her feel even worse on top of everything else. Yet, after his conversation with Rachel, he was seeing things from another perspective. Lou might think that she had scared him away or even worse, that she repulsed him.

Nothing could be further from his mind. The admiration he really felt for her had even soared after the terrible account she had told him. Lou was an amazing woman, and it was simply praiseworthy how bravely she had dealt with everything she had been forced to face. Yeah, he needed to break his confinement and stop his foolishness.

With a renewed disposition Kid dashed out of the bunkhouse, and in no time he reached town. As he approached the store, his steps slowed down in nervous anticipation. Casting a casual look at one of the mercantile's wide windows, he saw her rearranging the items on display behind it, so intent on the task that she never noticed him watching her like a hawk for a few moments. The Southerner had to knock lightly on the clean glass with his knuckles to attract her attention. Louise lifted her gaze and smiled as her eyes fell on the rider. She made him a gesture with her hand, conveying him to wait and in a flash she turned from the window and scurried out of the store to the walkway where Kid stood.

"Hey!" she called sheepishly.

"Hey yourself!" Kid replied flatly.

Lou advanced a few more steps closer to him till she was facing him and then asked, "How was your ride? Rachel told me that you've been away all this week."

Kid adopted a stiff bearing at her words. He knew that Rachel had made up a story about his voluntary absence, but he didn't want to leave any lies between him and Lou. That wasn't the way he liked his relationship with Louise to be. "There was no ride, not a lengthy one anyway."

Louise sent him a confused look and scrunched up her face into a frown. It was then that it dawned on her what he was trying to tell her and folding her arms over her chest, she changed her smiling face into a grave one. "What's wrong, Kid?" she asked seriously. "And no fooling around. I'm sick and tired of everybody lying to me!"

Kid fumbled for words. It was complicated to explain to her what she was demanding from him and having her mad at him now didn't make things easier. "I… Lou, after … after… after what you told me, … I … hadn't been able to think of anything else. It was breaking me inside."

Lou stared at him dumbfounded and after a brief lapse, she placed her hands on her hips as she replied sarcastically. "Was it, Kid? Wow. Poor you! I had no idea. After all, I just lived the whole thing myself first hand!"

"Lou, I didn't mean it like that!" the Southerner exclaimed and tried to put his hand on her shoulder, but she roughly shoved it off. "I just …" The girl stretched her own arm, shaking her hand in front of his face to stop his flow of words.

"It's fine, Kid," she replied in a no-nonsense tone. "I want to put the past behind me and … just forget. I told you because … I don't know." Her voice trailed off and she felt dominated by an intense sadness all of a sudden. Lowering her eyes to her joined hands which she kept wriggling Louise added in a soft and gloomy whisper, "Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. It wasn't my intention, honestly." With a sigh she lifted her sad eyes back to him. "I guess I'll see you around."

The first thought that popped into her mind was that Wicks had ruined this for her as well. She had known what the risks were when she had decided to open up to Kid, but she had hoped that despite everything, their friendship remained intact. Apparently, she had been totally wrong and now regretted her naiveté.

Louise turned to leave, which spurred Kid into action. Taking a grip of her arm to stop her, he let out in a pleading tone, "Please Lou, don't go." The girl locked eyes with the rider, and he understood that this was his opportunity to mend what his clumsy mouth had botched. Like usual, he had blundered it and his words had come out the wrong way. "You didn't make me feel uncomfortable. I just… I've been so furious for what he did that I wanted to kill the animal with my bare hands."

"You did kill him," Lou reminded him.

"Yeah, I did," the rider replied in a whisper. "But I don't know… I couldn't prevent him from … harming you."

"Kid, you couldn't … it happened years ago!"

"I know, but … it's just the way I've been feeling all this week," he admitted softly, and they trailed into silence while sharing a long look. After that lapse, he started feeling better and he dared to ask, "Would you like to go for a nice stroll? It's a beautiful day."

"I can't. I gotta work."

"Maybe later?" Kid insisted. "Please Lou." The girl simply nodded, which instantly brought a big smile to his face. "I'll be waiting for you in an hour, is that all right?" Louise nodded again and sharing one last look with the rider, she silently made her way back into the store.

At the agreed time Kid was waiting for her, and in no time they were ambling out of town at a relaxed pace. Neither had uttered a single word, and they were simply enjoying the warmth of the day. Being spring, the fields and woods were all in bloom and the new-born flowers filled the air with their soft and delicate scent. Kid relished in the sensations this ideal setting, and Lou's presence sent through him. She was walking a few steps ahead of him, which gave the rider the perfect chance to watch her figure without being intercepted. He was feeling very light-hearted but unable to stand the silence falling between them any longer, he called her name in a soft voice, "Lou."

The girl halted and turned round to him while Kid covered the few steps keeping them apart. He stopped before her, meeting her big eyes intently. "I have something for you," he announced with a merry twinkle in his eyes as he produced a little velvety bag out of his breast pocket.

Louise peered at the small pouch in puzzlement and noticing her hesitation, the rider grabbed her hand and placed the little bag in her extended palm. The girl sent him a quizzical look, and Kid urged her, "Come on, Lou, open it."

She directed her eyes to the pouch in her palm and turned it upside down, thus tipping its contents into her hand. She picked up the object with two of her fingers to reveal a fine chain with a small pendant in the shape of a flower. It was the same one she had shown him weeks ago when he was still seeing Doritha. She was so surprised he had actually remembered that she simply was able to let out a clumsy 'oh'.

"I'm so glad that Tompkins didn't sell it in all this time," the rider explained. "I wanted to give you something you would really appreciate… and this is the only thing I knew of."

Louise closed her hand over the chain in a fist and tried to give it back to him. "Kid… I … I can't accept it."

"How come?" the rider asked with a frown, placing his hand over hers and stopping her intentions.

"It's … too much. I can't…" she started, but Kid shushed her by placing his index finger on her mouth.

"Nothing's too much for you. You definitely deserve something pretty, and this will look even prettier on you," he added and without taking his eyes off her for one single second, he took the chain from her hand and clasped it around her neck ever so slowly. His fingers softly brushed against her skin, and Kid had to gulp as he felt lost at the sensations this little gesture woke in him.

"Thanks," she breathed. Her eyes looked as bright and luminous as the surface of a lake on a clear day. Kid felt intently drawn to them as if he could drink on them, feed from them or drown in them. Without being fully aware of it, his head lowered towards hers. Louise remained unmoved and just before his mouth met hers, he saw her close her eyes in anticipation. His lips brushed hers ever so lightly like that very first peck that had surprised them both a few weeks ago, but soon he deepened the kiss, wanting to taste her even more than that first time. Yet, he noticed her shift and remove her lips from his grasp. The girl started to back up from him, and after the total attack to his senses, Kid was only able to croak her name, "Lou?"

Louise kept her eyes downcast, feeling her cheeks burn and her heart race. She was unsure if she would manage to utter a single sound, but to her surprise her throat allowed her to respond smoothly. "This… this thing between us," she said motioning one of her fingers between the two of them, "it ain't right."

"Wh…why?" Kid asked in a terse voice, steeling himself to receive her refusal as he had always feared. This was her way of letting him know that she didn't want him, that he'd simply been fooling himself into believing all those romantic fantasies.

"I ain't like other girls," she stated, her eyes still unable to meet his and feeling her heart break with each word she said.

"What?" he hardly managed to make a question, not understanding what she was saying.

This time she lifted her intense eyes to him and replied in a clear voice. "Have you forgotten what I told you the other day… about Wicks?" She hated to bring up that name between them. Her eyes moistened, and her body started shivering despite the warmth of the day. She wanted so much for once to let herself be carried away and forget about the consequences of her acts, but Kid deserved her respect above anything else. She just couldn't play with his feelings so lightly.

The rider noticed her change of demeanor, and at her words he thought he now understood what she meant. "Do I … disgust you?"

"No! Of course not!" she exclaimed, feeling terrible that she had given him the wrong impression. "Honestly, it ain't that, but you shouldn't waste your time… your … affection with someone like me. You deserve better than … a tainted woman."

Her comment made him choke with rage, thinking that Wicks not only had stolen her innocence, but he had also made her doubt herself and feel like less of a woman. "You're not tainted, Lou!" he exclaimed loudly, and watching her shocked eyes, he realized that he had been too rough and hurried to add in a softer tone, "You're not tainted. Honey, what happened wasn't your fault."

Lou lowered her eyes again, feeling very uncomfortable. Kid was the first person she had told everything about what had happened back then, and she couldn't help but feel very awkward discussing Wicks and what he had done to her with him. "I know, but…"

Kid placed a finger under her chin and lifted her troubled eyes to his. "No buts, Lou." He paused briefly and sending her a faint smile, he continued in the same soft tone. "All I care about is that I love you."

His words coming so naturally out of his mouth surprised Kid, who hadn't planned this at all. By the expression of her liquid eyes he could tell that she was also bewildered at his declaration, but soon the surprise was replaced by tenderness and emotion, and the tears she had been holding back trickled down her face. The rider used the back of his middle finger softly to dry her face of the tears, and then he moved both his hands, placing them on her shoulders. Louise stared at him intently, feeling that she couldn't move a muscle or utter a single word. The rider stared back at her with the same intensity and clearing his throat that suddenly felt stiff and very dry, he croaked, "I thought… that … well… maybe you could let me… you know …let me court you."

Louise closed her eyes relishing in the glee his words brought to her. It was as though she were in the middle of a dream, and as soon as she would wake up, Kid would be gone. Yet, when she reopened them, he was still there, looking at her quizzically. Knowing that he was still waiting for her answer, she only managed to nod her answer. Kid's face instantly split into a contented grin at her consent, and Louise sent him a sheepish smile as she finally muttered, "I love you too, Kid."

Before she had finished uttering her own declaration, his hands drew her closer to his body and his lips joined to hers passionately. Lou responded whole-heartedly and her own arms wrapped around his torso. It was like touching heaven, and Kid felt his whole self invigorated and beaming, relishing in the fact that the woman he loved actually loved him back. Nothing could match the feelings that were literally turning his whole soul upside down. He had been longing for this moment for so long that he still couldn't believe it was actually happening.

After a few minutes they pulled away, but they remained locked in a tight hug. "God, Lou, you've made me the happiest man in the Nebraska territory," he admitted in her ear. Louise smiled in satisfaction and turning her head over his shoulder she planted a quick kiss on his neck. Neither was eager to let go of each other, and they still stayed wrapped in a warm embrace. "I swear on my life that I'll never hurt you," Kid continued in a serious voice. "I promise I'll do anything to win your trust, honestly." He felt he needed to let her know that he didn't take her or her love lightly. Kid was aware she hadn't let herself trust any man because of her terrible experiences, so it was very important for him to show that he was different. He would never harm or use her, and he would show her how much he respected her.

Noticing his urgent tone Louise pulled back so that she could look at his face. "Kid, I know you wouldn't hurt me, and I already trust you," she admitted softly and they shared a warm smile. They remained in silence, watching each other and soon his lips captured hers again, both getting lost in their intense kiss. The afternoon was turning into evening, but the couple didn't notice anything around them, all their senses intent on getting acquainted with their newly found love.