Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters or the rights to "Little Wonders" as performed by Rob Thomas, and I will not be earning income from using these materials. I do, however, own the storyline and any original characters. Thank you.

A/N: So, because I'm a bit impatient, and don't feel like waiting any longer (sorry Clara!) I am posting this chapter before I get it back from my beta ... if there are any glaring errors when she does get it back, I'll simply replace the chapter, but, hopefully, I don't think there are too many. :)

However! Even though this chapter doesn't reveal her handiwork, clarabella75 is still a fantabulous friend and wonderful beta. Anyone is lucky to have stumbled upon the little gems I call her fan fiction. :) It's called Home, and it is fantastic. You should check it out.

Secondly! I know I've been saying this a lot, but it's just because I can't help feeling so wonderfully grateful. THANK YOU to everyone who has enjoyed, loved, read, reviewed, alerted, or favorited this little piece of my heart. I'm rather attached to this story, so knowing that next chapter is the last ... well, it's kind of making me bit sad. But I will never forget the awesome words of inspiration and encouragement my amazing readers have given me. You've even helped direct the story, on occasion ... even when you didn't know it. ;)

Lastly! As always - review if you feel so inspired, and I'd love to reward you with a sneak peek of the majority of the next Mini-Moment with Treward (who is really mostly Edward now). This time, we'll be taking a look at his conversation with Esme and Carlisle, after Bella tells him the truth. Again, I already have it written this time, and, while I will be posting the full Mini-Moment when I post the last chapter of this story, if you want to get it early ... well, you know the drill. :)

Love, hugs, tea, and cheesecake.

Happy reading, my friends.

Chapter Nineteen
Memories in the Moments

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away, but these small hours
These little wonders
Still remain

"Little Wonders" – Rob Thomas

x0x0x0x0x0x

"Just," I sniffed once, "call me if you need me." I patted my coat pocket. "I've got my phone."

I moved from the room.

He never said a word.

x0x0x0x0x0x

The wallpaper was raised … dips and potholes in the wall. Most definitely not well laid. I picked at the overlapping edge, listening to the click it made against my nail.

I hadn't been able to move five feet from his door in twenty minutes. My eyes were closed; my head against the badly papered wall.

"Bella …" Shuffle, shuffle, kick. Small nips of pain radiated through my numb leg. "Bella? Are you asleep?"

I cracked one lid open, emotionally exhausted.

"Hey, Yoda."

He grinned.

"Hey yourself, lover girl. Whatcha up to?"

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "What does it look like I'm up to?"

Leaning against the wall, he crossed one arm over his chest and propped his chin up in the other.

"I'd say absolutely shit nothin'."

I snorted and shut my eyes again.

"Ding, ding. We have a winner."

"Then you won't have a problem coming to visit, would you?"

"Visit?" I glanced at him sideways. "Alice?"

He nodded. I raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not. But ... why are you asking?"

He shrugged.

"She just asked me to find you. Said she wanted to talk to you."

Odd.

Well ... Alice had always been a little off.

I slid my fingers down the wall to the floor and then pushed myself forwards, pulling at weary muscles to stand. I followed Jasper in silence. He didn't walk with me into Alice's room, one wing down. He just opened the door and gestured me inside.

"Aren't you coming?"

He shook his head.

"Hell no. I don't get in the middle of girl stuff."

Girl stuff?

Shuffling my feet, I edged into the room, suddenly feeling a bit bad that I hadn't come to visit Alice yet today. But, in all honesty, between confronting the people who had kidnapped my best friend and confessing to the man I loved that his entire life was a lie, I had a lot on my plate.

I will not blame myself for things I can't control.

It was my new mantra. Breathing out, I tried to let the stress escape and focused on my other best friend, who was in the middle of tossing the TV remote to the bed with a death scowl.

"Remind me why I had cable at the apartment?"

"Because the repair guy had a nice ass, and you flirted your way into HBO."

"Oh, yeah." Grinning, she gingerly lifted the railing of her bed and edged sideways – using her arms to move her legs.

I stared at her.

"Ali -"

"Come on, sit with me." Patting the bed, she cut me off. "Please?"

I rolled my eyes and scooted in next to her, rustling the stiff sheets. "You don't have to beg, nymph."

"Nymph?" She snorted, snuggling into my shoulder. "Maybe nympho …"

I chuckled while she finished adjusting the rest of her body. We leaned against each other, a late afternoon soap opera on mute our only form of shared entertainment.

After a few minutes, I started to run a hand through her short, feathered locks. Her beloved, long, glossy hair had been so entangled in tree bark and scrap metal, the emergency responders had to shear it all off in order to save her life.

I flinched when she sniffled.

"Alice?" She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. "Jasper said ... you wanted to talk."

"Yeah." She went silent for a few more moments. I watched her face, trying to read the unreadable.

"I'm sorry."

Alice was the only woman I had ever been close to, and as I studied her watery, thin, hazel eyes, I couldn't bring myself to say a word. This was Alice's battle - and while I had to give Edward the key, Alice already had the whole set. She just needed to unlock the door.

"I know that things ... haven't been the same for us, since the accident." My hand drifted to my own head. Her fingers reached upwards, searching for hair to wrap her fingers around - an absentminded habit. "At first - well, I just ignored it. I guess I figured that it was just ... how things were going to go back to normal, little by little, you know? But then ... they didn't. And it was my fault."

She shifted and moved away from me so she could look me in the eye.

"I wanted to tell you, that day and every day since. I'm sorry, Bella." Her voice grew softer with every word, until I was nearly straining to hear her. "I should have been a better friend ... I was your confidant, and I didn't know – I had no idea, because I didn't ask. I said so many things, but I was so ... so ..." she pressed her lips together and glared at something behind me, "so – self-involved!"

With that one word, everything about her deflated. Her small shoulders slumped and she leaned backwards, supported by her hands on the mattress.

"I wanted to tell you, I wanted to hug you, from the moment I found out." Her eyes never left mine. "The whole story ... everything about it?" She shook her head. "It's crazy, Bella. It's seriously, seriously screwed up, but ... I guess it's true, and it's your life. And I should have –" her voice cracked. One tiny, beaded tear slid down her cheek. "I should have been there for you. I'm so, so sorry."

Instantly, my arms were wrapped around her small form.

"It's okay, Alice, it's okay."

And so, for the second time in as many hours, I found myself holding. I found myself comforting and soaking up tears that weren't mine, without a hint of wetness from my own eyes.

Her small body didn't shake, and she didn't sob. After a few minutes, she pulled away and just looked at me, all watery eyes and running mascara. Leave it to Alice to wear make-up in the hospital.

I wanted to return the smile, the tears, everything she had given me, but the words she spoke next stopped that smile dead in its tracks.

"Bella ... I'm paralyzed."

My entire being froze – mind, soul, heart, spirit, body.

"Wha – Alice?"

"It's okay." She was calm, placid. I was reeling. "The doctors said it's probably not completely irreversible. I can go to physical therapy, and keep working on it. I mean, I know it'll be hard but ..." I noticed her hand, absently stroking her leg. She smiled, almost dreamily.

I wondered how in the hell she could be dreamy at a time like this.

"Alice! Hard is an understatement! How are you going to work? How are you going to get around, to drive, to eat, to –"

"I'm not brain dead, Bella," she scowled, but her face softened immediately. "Look ... I know this is hard, and I – well, I kind of just sprang it on you, but ..." she grinned. "It's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Alice ... you're being cryptic again. It's annoying."

"Bella, you're jumping to conclusions." She straightened up, wiggling a little and tossing what hair she lad left. "I know I haven't given you much time to process everything, but it's all been happening really fast for me too."

I nodded. Alice had only woken up from her doctor-ordered, drug-induced coma twelve days ago. Her left eye was still swollen, her right arm still casted, and a few tiny nicks from pine needles still riddled her skin, but she looked as happy as ever. And she had moved back to talking twenty miles a minute.

"I didn't know how I was going to make it, Bella. When they told me there was a chance I might never walk again, I knew I couldn't do that to you – couldn't ask you to take care of me, just because we were roommates. But I couldn't figure out what to do. I didn't want to be stuck, never leaving my house. I couldn't do that to me. But then, he came up with a solution. He made it all work, Bella, and I know, I know you're going to be disappointed but I promise, I just have this feeling, it's going to all be okay. I mean, this is the first time since they gave me the news I've been happy, and I just can't - "

"Alice, slow down! You sound like you have a speech disorder."

"I know, I'm sorry, Bella, I'm just so excited and you had to be the first one to know, as long as you weren't mad at me. Which you're not mad at me, right?"

"No, Alice, I'm not mad." My eyebrow rose. "Know what?"

She squeaked a bit and then flung her hand beneath my nose – where a simple, glittering diamond dripped from her left ring finger, flanked by two smaller sapphires, the same color as Jasper's eyes.

"Jasper asked me to marry him! Bella, I'm moving out. Jasper wants to take care of me. He can drive me places during the day, and I can go to the bar with him at night, if I want. He bought his apartment with his inheritance, so he doesn't have to worry about rent. And Bella ... he loves me." She chuckled, the sound light, airy, and nearly disbelieving. "It doesn't matter that I'm broken, or crazy. He loves me. And he wants to be with me."

"Alice," I breathed, probably for her. "This is – I'm going to miss you?"

Her response was a joyful cackle.

"Yeah, you will. But it's not like we won't see each other. You'll just have an apartment all to yourself."

Wait.

"What?"

"You didn't think I'd kick you out of your home, did you?"

To be honest, I wasn't sure. I raised my eyebrow, skeptical. Alice laughed more.

"Of course not! Mom and Dad bought that apartment years ago, just so they could rent it out to whoever came along. They even made me pay them to live there. Anyhow, I've already talked to them, and they said they'd be happy to let you stay there – provided you pay the same rent you do now."

"Um ... I – thank you?" I stuttered. Everything was flying so fast; it felt like a hurricane had erupted, flying through my ocean of fear and leaving me no more room to doubt that Fate spun in the middle. And it was forcing me out into the open, with no more crutches.

"Of course." She sighed, eyes still alight, but sobered. "I couldn't leave you with nothing ... not again."

"You didn't leave me with nothing, Alice. It was my fault, too." I took the tiny hand and studied the glimmering, princess-cut diamond. "Maybe you should have asked, but ... I should have told you. I hid, and I pretended like nothing was wrong. I'm sorry, too. I should have been honest with you, from the beginning."

She snorted daintily.

"Well, maybe not from the beginning. I would've thought you were a raving loony."

"This is true," I nodded and snickered. Giving me a lopsided grin, Alice brushed hair form her forehead and sighed.

"I guess we were all a little selfish this time around."

"Yeah. Not again, though, right?" I raised an eyebrow.

"As much as I can help it."

The hinges squeaked behind us.

"You two kissed, hugged, made out, and all that?"

I shot Alice's fiancé my dirtiest look.

"Oh, shut up, Jasper."

Alice just giggled. Grinning, Jasper sauntered to Alice's side and planted a kiss on her forehead, absently rearranging the blankets and straightening her gown.

"See, you propose to a girl, you can do no wrong." He winked at me.

"Yeah, for the next twenty-four hours," I muttered.

Ignoring me, Alice snuggled into his torso, wrapping her arms around his waist. Jasper cradled her head and stroked her cheek. I tensed. The atmosphere was suddenly suffocating.

"Okay, well," I cleared my throat and slid from the bed, edging away. "I'm gonna … go do something."

The look on Edward's face – sorrow, broken tenderness, confusion torn by anger – all filtered over the happiness in Jasper's eyes. It was the same effortless adoration I had seen whenever he looked … at me. Before.

I was stifled. My lungs ceased to work. I picked up my jacket.

I closed the door softly behind me.

It was as though a 50 ton truck had barreled through and hit me squarely in the chest.

I walked.

I walked through the hallways, I walked down the stairs. I walked past the receptionist, I walked through the doors. I walked through the concrete and steel jungle of cars. I walked past the entrance and left the sun-warmed asphalt beneath my Chucks, under a hazy, cloud-shifting sky. On the outskirts of the hospital, where the parking lot backed into a thick, verdant forest, I walked towards a bench.

Probably there for smokers.

I shrugged my jacket closer and sat.

When I sat, I cried.

I cried for him, for the pain of not knowing, of never being able to grasp a certainty so easily taken for granted. I cried for her, for the pain of therapy, of hurt and the possibility of never walking again.

I cried for Esme, for the loss, so doubly felt, and yet so strongly received. I cried for friendship, for the past we would never know and the ache of years, accepting he would never enter our lives again. I cried for the lies and the insufficiencies which had brought us all, here, to this moment and to these broken moments.

And I cried for me.

I cried for the shock of discovery, of the senseless denial and days lost to insecurity. I cried for the torture of feeling his arms, wrapped so tightly, to carry me through what I couldn't survive alone. I cried for the failure of running away, and I cried for finally finding home.

Not once did I sob, or heave, or hiccup, or fight. They were simply rivulets of agony, of weariness and worry, creasing lines into my skin and drawing the hurt from my eyes and mind.

I cried until no tears were left, until the streaks hardened to my face, dried by a cloud-covered sun and chill late-December breeze. I cried, staring at the endless sea of blacktop, of chipped paint lines and wavering, dead, lifeless trees.

It was as though my insides were splitting open, my chest was breaking in half, and finally, finally, I knew what it was like ... to truly feel alive.

A fresh, untainted gust blew by me, stirring my hair and wrapping cold, comfortable stillness around me. It was sorrow incarnate, broken by an unsurpassable serenity; slumbering shadows which had hovered around my heart, swept away by a shimmering sun.

I was at peace.

It was instinctive, and my body seemed to latch on to the feeling, the calm, soothed, breathless peace that I couldn't explain, drinking it in like a parched desert flower in a monsoon.

I had emptied the pain, the hurt, the fear of rejection and expected to find nothing but emptiness left in return. Instead, I was overwhelmed with a physical relief, with the fullness of a hope for a new future.

I was free.

My revelation was interrupted by three quick vibrations in my coat pocket. I hesitated, glancing down before pulling it to my ear without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bells. Are you around?"

"Yeah, Emmett, I'm ... outside of the hospital. What's up?"

"What are you doing outside? It's nearly freezing."

I sighed, simultaneously rolling my eyes and dragging my hand across my cheek. As if he could see me.

"I needed some time alone. Did you call me just to play twenty questions, or do you need something?"

"Nah, nothing important. I just figured you might want to know, but if you don't, it's cool. Don't spit on the messenger, you know. You might not get the message."

What the ...?

"Emmett, what in the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know."

"Oh my God. Did you really call just to waste my time?"

"Nope."He popped the 'p'. I wanted to smack him.

I was on the verge of tossing out an absent threat about his sex toys or his jock strap when he interrupted my train of thought.

"I just thought you might wanna know. Eddie the memory-less asked me to call you. Said he wanted to talk, if you were anywhere around."

I waited for my heart to seize up, but instead, all I felt was more peace.

"Gee, Emmett, thanks. Nice of you to mock the brain trauma patient."Edward's voice echoed through the phone.

I chuckled.

"Tell him I'm on my way."

"Sure thing, Iz."

I noticed Esme as I walked through the halls. Her slim form was rigid, seated in cold plastic, staring through the glass and wall.

I passed by without a word.

The door felt heavier than before, my arms weaker, more worried – until I heard the laughter. Great, heaving bouts of laughter, some booming and some along a more even tenor, slightly more breathless.

I stepped around the edge, eyebrow raised.

"Hey, Em, you know he still has stitches, right? I'd rather not have to clean up a bleed out." I scrunched my nose. "It's really not pretty." Placing one hand on Emmett's shoulder, I dropped my coat on the chair he sat in.

Both boys fought to calm themselves, wheezing unevenly through the remnants of laughter.

"See," Edward, struggling to breathe, ran a hand through his short hair, "I told you I was making the right decision." He winked at me. "And you questioned her caretaking abilities."

"Oh, come on man, you cannot tell me you don't remember Jesus!"

Oh, fuck … no he didn't.

"Emmett! You didn't!"

Both he and Edward erupted into unabashed laughter. I scowled.

"Look, it was not my fault the damn thing decided to commit fishicide! Who knew goldfish could be lethally depressed?"

This only spurred them on. I couldn't help but grin, making my way around to the other side of Edward's bed before clearing out my own space and plopping down. His hand automatically came to rest on my leg.

Settling down once more, he absently stroked my jeans with his thumb. He glanced at Emmett before turning a sheepish gaze to me.

"I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to leave, before. I just ... I had a lot to sort through. You know," he tapped his temple, "up here."

"It's okay." I rolled my hand on top of his. "It should always have been your decision to make. I wasn't going to take it away from you again."

His quick exhale after I spoke surprised me. He looked at the mattress, then me, then Emmett.

"See?"

"Dude." Emmett stood from the chair, grinning. "I told you it was right from the second I walked in this joint." He winked at me. "And that, my friends, is curtain. Time for me to say adios." Learning over, he embraced Edward in that semi-awkward, macho half-hug I hadn't seen in years. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. "See ya, Eddie. Rose's got filets ready to go at home, and I need sustenance. Maybe you should come over next week. Eat something filling, after all this liquid shit hospitals pass off as food."

"We'll see what my in-home nurse has to say."

Emmett laughed as he walked out of the room, the sound lingering even down the broad hallway. Edward shook his head and turned back to me.

"In-house nurse?" I couldn't keep the incredulousness out of my tone. I swear on my future grave, Edward blushed. Right then and there. His hand moved to his head, again.

"Yeah, um … I –" he huffed a sigh. "Damnit, Emmett."

My stomach sank and my heart fluttered all at once.

"It's okay." I couldn't swallow. "Just … say what you wanted to say. I'll pretend I never heard it. Swear."

I could never pretend I hadn't heard it. My guts wound into a thick, tight knot, pushing at the base of my spine.

Instead of showing it, I pulled myself straight and looked him in the eye.

"You wanted to talk to me?"

At least my years of hiding were coming in handy somewhere.

He was silent for a few moments, his eyes roaming both my figure and my face, eventually landing squarely in the depth of my eyes.

"Thank you, Bella." I opened my mouth, but he silenced me with a finger against my lips. "You have no idea what … the truth feels like." My lips snapped shut. "I mean, I won't deny, it hurts, but … it's refreshing."

Redemptive pain. I knew that feeling well.

"And you were the only one willing to give that to me. So, thank you." He smiled, quietly, glancing away. "It's good to know I have someone I can trust."

The knot in my stomach swelled. He continued.

"As for me, and – who I am …" he trailed off, eyes falling back on the window, staring through me. "I wish – I could tell you. I – I want to know, for you, who I am." He moved back to focus on me, his fingers ghosting down my neck and across my collarbone. "But I'm afraid … I can't." His gaze flickered down and then up, glancing across my expression. "I'm too much of two people, Bella … and, I need them both."

I kept my face passive, but my mind swam, searching for answers. He frowned.

"Now … on to us." Leaning backwards, he pulled his arm up in an invitation – for me to sink into his side. But I couldn't be so near to him … not without knowing. On a whim, I wrapped my hand around his knee. He leaned forward, brow furrowed.

"Bella. I can't be without you. Not seeing you … it would be suicide. The thought of you getting here, of seeing your eyes flash, hearing the sheer sarcasm …" he ran trembling knuckles across my cheek, "of being able to invoke that adorable blush." He grinned, and my cheeks reddened. "All of it gets me through the hours you're not here. I'm ready to get out of here, to play music again, to try and find myself. But I need you by my side."

He stopped, watched me. I was frozen.

"I'm broken, Bella. My whole life … what I know of who I am, it's not whole. I've been torn in half." He hesitated, watching me, before diving in and dragging us both to the bottom. "If I choose to be … if I can't separate them … can you love both Edward – and Trevor?"

I stared at him.

I didn't know. I had spent so long loving Edward, my friend … this – decision – had never occurred to me. Could I? Could I learn to love both of the men he had become?

That old cliché, a fish out of water? It was written all over me.

My mouth hung open, speechless. His gaze flickered away, nervous.

"If you can't, I understand. I mean, I know, you said you wanted to be here for me, but you deserve someone who can choose, who doesn't cop out because he can't figure it out. I won't blame you, and I can always just move back in with … with them." The last word dripped off and hung in the air, littered with disdain, and I was speaking without thought.

"Where else would you go? Do you want to move out on your own? Did they offer?"

"Yeah, they offered." He was quiet, not meeting my eyes. "They offered a lot, but I told them no. I can't be caught in their world and figure out who I am. I need … someone unbiased. Someone who knows me."

"They know you."

"Yeah, they do." He smirked lightly, eyes falling on our still joined hands, my fingers woven in between his tubes, small and thin in the middle of his scars. "But you know me better. Bella," his breathing was breaking, "I want to live with you."

"What?"

It was little more than a squeak, but at least this time I wasn't speechless. I couldn't move, absolutely frozen; my heart ceased to throb. Every hair stood on end, my skin immediately erupted in a light sheen of sweat.

Half of me ran screaming from the room at that instant, unable to breathe in the midst of the commitment emanating from his words.

The other half of me sat, stared – and actually contemplated. I thought of him. I thought of me. I thought of the heart that was pounding from my chest, the head that knew his past, knew his pain, and knew the struggles that would layer my – our – days. But it also knew of the joy which would overwrite and undermine any and every battle.

The small victories which could win this war.

He needed someone to hold him up, but so did I. Time had broken him, but the pain had broken me. We were both just pieces, and I was finally learning to heal.

Could I wait for him to learn, too? Yes.

Would I wait for him?

"Yes."

We had and would wait for each other. Forever.

My heart began to beat again, a calm, steady thump, certain and at peace. His eyes met mine, unsurprised from the moment they snared me.

"Okay?" His hand left my leg and brushed the length of my neck, ending at rest on my arm.

"Okay." I nodded, simultaneously over and underwhelmed, as if I had been waiting for this, without ever knowing. This acceptance. This peace. This moment.

So many battles down.

Our war leaned a little less towards the impossible.