Chapter 35
An army unit had arrived in town a few days ago with the intention of recruiting Rock Creek's young and not so young citizens. The talk was that war was imminent and both sides of the approaching conflict were quickly using all their efforts to collect as many men as possible to have the bigger and stronger force. The captain, Tommy Erbach, leading this particular unit was a friend of Teaspoon's, and when he told the old marshal about his intentions, the station master had been anything but pleased. The officer delivered speeches of encouragement to the local people and each day more and more men decided to enlist.
Kid was glad that Teaspoon had sent him and Jimmy on this special ride. The couple of weeks since he and Lou had broken up had been a terrible ordeal and everybody talking about war was really getting on his nerves. Every single day he wanted to hit himself hard for messing things up with Louise. He was the biggest fool in history. He had been so blissfully happy with her and never before had he felt as miserable as he felt right now. It was as if a part of him had gone with her, and the realization of what he had lost was more tangible with each passing day.
Rachel had told him about Lou's planned little surprise the night of the social. She had taken all the trouble to hide those arrangements and the fact that she had refused the job at the hotel had really pulled at his heart. Rachel told him how upset Lou had gotten when she had seen him dancing with Samantha. Kid cursed his bad luck. He had just danced with her once, and Lou had had to walk in on them at that very moment. Of course there was no shame in what she had witnessed. He had just been dancing with the teacher, nothing else. But now after what had followed, his innocent twirl with Samantha might appear much more important to her eyes. Things seemed to have allied themselves against him. No wonder Lou had got so upset when she had learned about the duel. Even though she was utterly mistaken in her considerations, Kid had to admit that somehow she had reasons to believe the worst and think that he was particular to Samantha. Louise had drawn her own conclusions and had never let the rider explain himself.
Since that last conversation at the front of the store, Kid hadn't crossed or rather hadn't been able to cross a word with her. She avoided him as if he had the plague, and whenever he went down to Tompkins, she scurried into the back of the store as soon as she saw him. So Kid had opted for staying away from the mercantile if he could. Her gestures hurt him more than her words that last day, and with each day Kid felt that he was teetering on the edge of despair.
Life had taken a sudden swirl and he couldn't feel more lost than right now. His plans and existence without Lou had no sense, and it was with all this talk about war that made him wonder whether he should finally make up his mind. Everybody seemed eager and willing to fight. He had no excuses any more. Lou wasn't part of his life, and there were few or no possibilities to get her back. The Pony Express was slowly winding towards its end, which would leave him jobless in the near future. And his ranch… well, he could always make it work when he came back. That was what Lou had told him. Lou. All his thoughts came back to her. She was the main reason why the idea of putting some distance between him and Rock Creek became more and more appealing. He literally felt broken inside whenever he saw her, and memories of their times together popped in his mind and knowing that all that was over left him completely shattered. Yeah, maybe he should talk to Teaspoon when he returned and tell him. He would go to Virginia and fight.
The ride had gone quite smoothly so far, which had given him the opportunity to muse over his problems. He was glad that it was Jimmy riding along with him. His friend was the type that kept to himself most of the time, and now that Kid wasn't in the mood to talk, Hickok had perfectly understood without uttering a single word. Kid just needed peace and quiet for a chance to fight his own demons, so the two riders had hardly exchanged a few words during the entire ride.
When they stopped to retrieve some documents, the station master told him that some homestead had been attacked. Jimmy feared that his sister would have been caught in the middle of this series of raids. She lived in the area, working for the abolitionist cause with Isaiah and Rosemary Burke. Celinda was expecting her first baby any day now, which added up to Jimmy's concern. Kid suggested that they should check their place just in case and when they reached there, there was not a single soul in sight. Both riders decided to check one of the safe houses, and on opening the door, they found a very upset Rosemary all on her own. The woman was a very good friend of Celinda's and her husband's. The lady was married to the leader of an abolitionist group. Kid and Jimmy had known the couple when they had visited Hickok's sister a few months ago. The Southerner had never liked Rosemary but suspected that Jimmy just liked her too much.
Rosemary told them that a group of Southern raiders had attacked the homestead and killed her husband. Fortunately, there was also good news for Jimmy. The woman told him that Celinda and Nathan were safe in Seneca where their son had safely been born about a fortnight ago. Jimmy's countenance brightened instantly, and Kid had to swear that he had never looked as proud as in this moment. Very few people knew the real James Butler Hickok since most of the time the image they went by was of somebody cold, detached and even arrogant. Kid knew better than that and could feel fortunate to be the one of the few people to see that other side of Jimmy, the Jimmy who was warm, caring, funny and even soft-hearted.
Jimmy offered to accompany Rosemary to Seneca where she could stay with Celinda and out of danger's way. Kid would have never thought that a simple ride could turn out to be so complicated. It was nothing like the laidback and carefree ride that they had had till now. The Southerner could now understand when people said that a woman could mean a bigger danger than all the forces of nature joined together. The distrust he felt towards Rosemary proved to be well founded after all. The feeling seemed to be reciprocal as she apparently had this thing about every single soul from the South, without distinctions. So unbeknown to Kid, the woman had gone to Jimmy and revealed that she had a list with the names of those who had killed Isaiah and so many others.
The list was written in some special code which needed to be deciphered. Jimmy suggested she should continue with them and ask Teaspoon for help. On their way to Rock Creek two men ambushed them, who obviously had a special interest in Rosemary or in something that the woman had. Fortunately, Kid and Jimmy could get rid of the two men and when the Southerner had confronted the woman, by his friend's words he understood that Jimmy had been part of her intriguing plans as well. Kid's mood of lately, the pain of feeling betrayed by his best friend and the tiredness made him react harshly and throw an unfortunate comment about Jimmy's more than friendly fondness for Rosemary.
Soon the two riders started delivering blows at each other. Kid had never felt so furious before and hit his friend with full force, not really aware of what he was doing. They fell into the creek nearby and Kid got the upper hand of the fight as he plunged Jimmy's head under the water several times. Rosemary stared horrified at the two men from the bank, unsure of what to do to stop them and simply kept pleading with them to let go. Finally, Kid ended the fight before he did something he might regret later. He waded out of the shallow creek and hobbled up the slope were Rosemary still stood. Without a single word to either of them the Southerner mounted his horse and rode away.
It was dark when Kid finally made it into Rock Creek. His face was swollen and sore because of the blows he had received from Jimmy. The darkness that now surrounded the whole town made him feel lonely and miserable. His pride had once again gotten him in a situation that he hadn't really wanted. He knew that Jimmy and he could have disagreements from time to time and see things in a different light, but after all he was a good friend. They were all family and despite everything, Kid prayed that it stayed that way.
That woman, Rosemary, was the one who had started everything with her plotting and half truths. Kid had to admit that men could sometimes be such wimps with the wrong woman but he hoped that he could solve matters with Jimmy when he returned. They had fought more than once in the past and always found a way to close any rifts before. This time, though, it felt kind of different. They had both acted like two strangers that were ready to kill each other. That was what this damn war would bring about; families would be divided and the one who was your brother, your sister, your parent today could be your enemy tomorrow.
With a sigh Kid tried to shush the notion away. At least Jimmy is with Rosemary now, Kid thought bitterly. A deep longing started deep inside him and spread through all his soul. How he wished Lou was with him at this moment. He needed her comforting arms around his body, her soft words in his ear and her sweet mouth caressing his skin. Instead he was terribly lonely with a bleak perspective ahead of him.
In that very moment he was riding past the small alley where Lou had her lodgings. As a reflex action, he looked into it and as luck would have it, he spotted her trying to unlock the door. Kid immediately stopped the horse and kept staring at her as if transfixed. Louise hadn't noticed him yet as she struggled with the key, but then she turned her face and saw him. The light from the lamp hung by the door fell over her face and Kid saw her countenance change from confusion to coldness as she realized who the onlooker was. Kid had the urge to call her name and run to her, but the words got stuck in his tight throat, and he couldn't move a muscle. They kept looking at each other through the distance for what seemed like hours, but then Lou lifted her chin in a proud fashion and disappeared inside the building.
Kid's face fell at her gesture. For one moment he thought that she'd walk to him and tell him that she missed him and they should get back together. It was his most desired fantasy, a dream that was as far from reality as the moon from the earth. Kid wanted to fall to the ground, bury his face and cry like a small child. Yet, he simply sighed and continued riding towards the station.
As he dismounted, he could see light coming from the bunkhouse windows and the shadowed outlines of his fellow riders. When he reached the porch, he could hear their soft voices and laughter. Kid wasn't in the mood of talking, but he was tired and couldn't wait much longer to get reacquainted with his bunk.
"Hey Kid!" Cody greeted and the other two riders followed suit. They instantly noticed the state the Southerner's face was. His left eye was wrapped in a dark shadow and his lower lip was split in the middle.
"What happened to you?" Noah asked.
"Nothing," the Southerner replied dismissively.
"Where's Jimmy?" Cody continued.
"I haven't the faintest idea," Kid answered with irritation as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the bunkhouse table.
"You two fought again," Buck concluded and after a pause he dared to ask, "You feel like sharing what happened with us?"
Kid wasn't in the mood to talk about the matter, especially after his encounter with Lou. Yet, he started telling his friends about Rosemary, the secret list and his disagreement with Jimmy. The three listened to the Southerner's account intently, but none voiced his opinion about the whole matter. They had learned long ago that they should keep away from the problems between Kid and Jimmy because whatever happened, those two would always find the way to set aside their differences and continue their friendship against all odds.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," Cody said after a lengthy silence, "but I gotta go now."
Buck and Noah stared at their blonde friend as he grabbed his hat and scurried out of the bunkhouse into the dark night. The two riders shared a knowing look and then they turned their attention back to Kid, who asked, "So how have things been around here?"
"Actually, kind of tense," Buck muttered.
"Why? What happened?" the Southerner asked, his interest peaked by the Indian's enigmatic words.
"It's Cody," Noah replied in a serious voice.
Kid rolled his eyes, not surprised that Cody was in the middle of whatever commotion was going on. "What did he do now?" he asked again from his sitting position at the table as he sipped his coffee.
"He enlisted in the Army," Noah blurted out in answer.
"He what?" Kid exclaimed, almost spurting the coffee in his mouth over Buck who was seated just opposite him. The southern rider conveyed a silent sorry to his Indian friend and repeated Noah's word as if dazzled, "He enlisted… Cody enlisted."
"Yeah, he did," Buck continued. "That's why I guess he left all fiery-like, probably to tell his friend the captain about the list you told us about."
"Figures," Kid let out in a bitter gesture.
"Teaspoon and Rachel went ballistic when he told all of us," Noah explained. "They are really giving him a hard time, but Cody ain't listening to them any longer."
"So ain't he working here anymore?" Kid asked.
"Not exactly. He'll stay with us till his unit leaves," Buck explained. "I guess that way Teaspoon will have the time to find and train a new rider. Rides are obviously reducing but not so much as to run this place with just four riders."
"He'd better hire a couple of riders instead of one," Kid said in a grave voice.
"What are you talking about?" Buck asked with a confused frown.
"I'm going back home," the Southerner stated firmly.
Buck and Noah cast each other painful looks and the Indian added, "I thought you had given up on the idea of joining up."
"Not really. I just wasn't sure about it."
"And you are now?" Buck asked again.
Kid nodded his head as Noah exclaimed, "I can't believe you're serious about this."
"Look, Noah," the Southerner retorted. "You know I ain't got anything against you. This has nothing to do with you, this is about fighting for my home, for the land I was born in. I just can't stay idle."
"Kid, you know it's more than that," the black rider continued with obvious irritation.
The Southerner didn't retort as he didn't want to fight with Noah, especially after what had happened with Jimmy. The three riders lapsed into silence and after a beat, Buck dared to speak up. "Kid, this sudden decision have anything to do with Lou?"
The days after the Southerner and Louise had broken up, all the riders had left him be as it was obvious that their friend was hurting. They had never seen Kid look in such low spirits, and they understood that he needed to suffer his pain in solitude. Nobody had dared to ask him or bring up Lou's issue to Kid, but Buck decided that maybe it was time somebody made him talk and face the situation.
The silence that followed let the two riders know that Buck had hit the nail on the head. "Kid, you can't blindly rush into a desperate situation because you're just hurting for Louise," Noah said, his irritation gone as he realized that there was more to his friend's resolution than met the eye.
"She will come round," Buck offered. "She loves you."
"Well, you should let her know that," Kid let out sarcastically as he brought to mind his recent encounter with Lou, "because she's clearly clueless."
"Kid, she's just hurting as you are," Noah added. "That's the reason why she acts like that." Nobody had missed the way Louise almost killed herself to get away from wherever she was when Kid appeared. "If she didn't care, she would be totally indifferent to anything you did."
"I don't know, Noah," the Southerner admitted.
"Kid, I know you're not a quitter," Buck continued. "But I haven't seen you move a finger to sort out your situation or even approach her."
"Buck, she won't talk to me. Hell, she won't even stay in the same room as I am," Kid exclaimed in a pitiful voice.
"Well, just insist and tie her up if necessary," Noah urged him, which elicited a weak smile in his friend. "Let her see you still care. Send her flowers, chocolates, fruit, hire a mariachi to sing under her window… just anything, but for goodness' sake, do something!"
Kid had to chuckle at his friend's comment. "I don't think Lou's much into that kind of thing."
"You know what I mean."
"And most importantly," Buck added, "don't let her see you near Samantha or any other woman for that matter."
Kid nodded in understanding. There was no danger in that line as he had no interest in the new teacher or anybody else. Actually, he hadn't even seen Samantha at all since that terrible day of the duel. "Thanks, boys," the Southerner replied truthfully. "But that doesn't mean that I won't be considering going back to Virginia."
"Fine!" Noah exclaimed. "Just try to fight for that girl first, and if everything fails, you can go back, get yourself killed, become a monk, join a circus… whatever you want. Just don't come bothering us again!"
Noah's outburst sent the two other riders into a fit of laughter. It was the first time that Kid had felt like laughing, really laughing after breaking up with Lou. Maybe they were right after all. He needed to fight for Louise and show her that he wouldn't give up on them so easily. He still didn't know how, but he would get her back.
The following day Jimmy arrived in Rock Creek with Rosemary in tow. He left her at the local hotel so that she could freshen up and rest for a few hours. In the meantime, Hickok rode to the station. As soon as he stepped into the bunkhouse, he came face to face with Kid, who was finishing breakfast on his own. They stood in strained silence for a few minutes, but soon the two riders awkwardly exchanged apologies. Kid was sorry that he had let his present mood come between him and his best friend. Even though Rosemary's stunt had angered him to the extreme, he should have been able to handle things calmly instead of coming to blows with Jimmy. The Southerner still didn't trust Rosemary, and he feared that if Jimmy decided to stick with the woman, they would have more than a problem due to her. Anyway, the important bit was that they had been able to pour oil over troubled waters now.
Later in the day Cody and Captain Erbach searched out Rosemary and Jimmy. The blonde rider had informed his superior about the list that, according to Kid, the woman had in her possession. The officer asked her directly to hand the paper over and although she first tried to play dumb, the lady finally relented and gave the man the well-sought list. Somebody called Pearson was the leader of those raiders who had attacked the homestead and killed Isaiah, and the Army had been after him and his band for a long time now.
While all this was happening, Jimmy was living in his own torment. As he spent more and more time with Rosemary, he was growing more and more aware of his feelings towards her. Jimmy knew that she was now a free woman; her husband was dead. However, he couldn't find the courage to talk to her plainly. It was too soon after Isaiah's death for the rider to declare his love to the man's widow. Kid had always confided in him and asked for advice when he had some concern in his relationship with Louise, well, except for now that he didn't talk to anyone about that sensitive matter. Jimmy just felt he couldn't come and share his problem with his friend. He knew that the Southerner wasn't having it easy since his break-up with Lou. Besides, Hickok was aware of the animosity between Rosemary and Kid. One just needed to see the stern looks Kid sent Rosemary at meals in the bunkhouse to realize that he somehow still resented her. So talking to Kid about his feelings for the woman was out of the question.
Jimmy's problem was soon sorted out when one sunny afternoon he finally spilled the beans to Rosemary. The woman seemed to share his affection, but asked him that they should take things slowly. Jimmy could understand her reasoning and reluctance to publicly announce that they were more than good friends. She had just become a widow and needed some time to properly mourn her husband.
Meanwhile, activity in the army camp was bubbling over. One of the experts on decoded texts had deciphered the list Rosemary had handed the captain and also a message stating the band's meeting point on the outskirts of Rock Creek the following day. Cody had been summoned for this expedition and the whole unit rode towards the key place. Rosemary had been watching the soldiers and realized that all the hustle and bustle was more than simply military maneuver. So when she saw the soldiers heading out of the town, she knew that they were on their way to face Isaiah's murderers.
Without a second thought she decided to follow them; she just wanted to see those criminals pay for what they had done with her own eyes. However, Noah saw her and guessing her intentions, the black rider intercepted her. After a dialectical battle, the woman convinced him to let her go, but in her obvious nervous state, the rider didn't think she should be on her own and went with her. When they arrived at the place, the shots resounded everywhere. It seemed that somehow the band had been expecting this attack from the army and had now the upper hand. Captain Erbach ordered retreat and as the soldiers rode away, Rosemary recognized her husband's killer in the distance and spurred the horse towards him at full gallop.
Noah rode after her at breakneck speed, trying to stop her before she got hurt or worse. The woman fired a couple of times to the man without much luck and one of the men shot her on her left arm, knocking her off the horse. Noah reached after her and when he managed to get her back on the horse and sent her out of danger's way, he turned to mount his own horse. Unfortunately, Pearson, the leader of the band and her husband's murderer, noticed the unsafe position of the rider and shot him, hitting him squarely in his abdomen. Noah struggled to get on the horse and rode away. Having spotted him from his position, Cody met him at midway and kept asking him what the hell he was doing there. Noah wasn't listening, couldn't listen and at some point he fell off the horse. Cody hurried down his animal to help him, calling his name repeatedly, but it was clear that Noah couldn't hear anymore.
Back in town the whole Express family gathered around Noah's lifeless body. Apparently, this ambush the army unit had suffered could have been avoided if the officers hadn't been in such a rush to catch Pearson and his men. It seemed that the two men who had attacked Kid, Jimmy and Rosemary a few days ago had alerted Pearson of the woman's whereabouts and her likely intentions. So the outlaw had rightly guessed that they should expect some kind of attack at any moment. Captain Erbach had never learned about the existence of the attack to the woman and the two riders, and he now regretted that Noah and some more soldiers had unfairly died in the process. Kid, however, felt that the blame completely fell on Rosemary. If she hadn't stupidly followed the soldiers, Noah would still be alive. Kid didn't try to hide his opinion, which of course caused him and Jimmy to almost come to blows again in front of Noah's corpse. It was Buck's calm voice that finally made them realize where they were and they finally stopped.
Following Noah's death, Kid had been acting more or less like a shadow. He was in so much pain that anything around him felt like a blur. He wondered what else could go so wrong around him. His best friend wasn't talking to him. His girl had left him and now Noah was dead. The Southerner was still in shock at the unexpected turn of events. Noah and he hadn't really hit it off when they met. It was as if their backgrounds had kept them apart or made them reluctant to come closer to each other, but fortunately, with time they had managed to cover the distance that separated them. Noah had been a good friend and Kid believed that he was the most strong-spirited person the Southerner had ever met. He would have never thought that somebody like him could die in such an unjust way. It wasn't fair, and Kid wished he could turn to Lou in this moment. She had been there for him when Ike had died, but now things had changed so much. They weren't even friends anymore, and he felt that he had lost her in all and every sense.
That night Kid had hardly been able to sleep. His mind was tormented with terrible images and whenever he closed his eyes, trying to drift to sleep, nightmares assaulted him overwhelmingly. Somehow his head had mingled Lou's image and Noah's death, and his dreams were full of scenes in which Lou died in every possible way. His body was trembling of the so real images penetrating through his mind into his soul, and he struggled to keep away. He didn't want to see her like that, dying before his very eyes. He wanted to see a smiling and lively Lou, the one he loved with all his heart.
Morning eventually came, and Kid opened his eyes, realizing that he had finally managed to fall asleep without being frightened by those nightmares. His eyes traveled around the bunkhouse and his heart shrunk at the emptiness he found. Jimmy's bunk looked intact and Kid imagined that his friend must have kept Rosemary company last night. Cody's one looked much the same as the rider had stayed in the army camp. His eyes followed and fell on the two bunks that would now be empty forever, Noah's and Ike's.
The only one present was Buck who was getting dressed. The bunkhouse was eerily silent and Kid couldn't believe that things could change so drastically and so quickly. Barely months ago, weeks ago the bunks had been occupied and laughter had filled the whole building. Kid shared a look with Buck across the length of the bunkhouse, but neither said a word. They could tell what the other was thinking without actually saying any words. Somehow Kid feared that the echo of his voice in the silent bunkhouse would be the evidence of what his eyes were seeing. He felt that the bunkhouse reflected the state his life was in right now: a lonely room without much hope to fill it.
Teaspoon arrived a few minutes later as the two riders and Rachel were having breakfast. The marshal informed them that an army scout had located Pearson and his men about 5 miles from Rock Creek and Captain Erbach would gladly have their help. Neither Buck nor Kid doubted for one second what they wanted to do and later that day the two riders, Jimmy, Cody and Teaspoon were riding alongside the army unit. The scout had been right and soon the place became a living hell of bullets and explosions. It seemed that this time Pearson was on the losing end and their men were falling like flies.
A machine gun had been brought along, causing havoc on the raiders, but at some time the soldier maneuvering it was shot dead. Kid and Jimmy jumped on the platform holding the machine, thus continuing with the unfinished task. It seemed as if despite their differences, Kid and Jimmy could reach a silent understanding. They were family and as Teaspoon said, family sticks together. Soon the band yielded and the shots ceased. Cody ran his eyes over all the men, realizing that Pearson wasn't among the surrendered men. It was then that he saw the outlaw mount a horse and gallop away. The blonde rider swore himself that he wouldn't let him escape and calling out his name like a curse, he aimed his rifle and managed to shot him dead. Killing Pearson wouldn't give them Noah back but the man wouldn't cause any more unjust deaths.
That afternoon they all attended Noah's funeral. Many people had come to pay him their respects and even the whole army unit was present. Kid silently thought that life could be such a bad joke. Many of the people present had looked down on Noah just because his skin had a different shade and that was also the reason why the Army had refused him. And now… they were all there, looking solemn and contrite like in a pantomime. The laments and good words were useless to Noah now. Nobody had known him, but the people who had come to be his family.
Teaspoon delivered a speech at the cemetery about the horrors of the coming war. Kid had never seen the marshal look so upset, apart from the time Ike had died. Kid's eyes flew to Rosemary, and he couldn't help but sent her a resentful glare. He still thought she was responsible for his friend's death and nobody could make him change his mind. Jimmy was by her side and Kid ruefully thought that despite everything, he envied him for having her now, somebody he could turn to. The Southerner had hoped that Lou would have come and however much he looked for her among the dozens of people, he didn't see her anywhere. With all probability she had heard about Noah's death. The news had spread quickly and working in the general store, she must have been one of the first to know. It hurt Kid to think that she hadn't wanted to attend the funeral. She might not want to see him, but she had known Noah, and she should have come for his sake.
The funeral came to an end with rifles being shot into the air and a bugle sounding in the little cemetery. It was the way brave soldiers were buried. Noah hadn't been given the opportunity to live like one, but he had been a courageous man and he had died like a truly western hero.
Rachel removed her black jacket and placed it on the peg next to the door. Tears cascaded down her face as she dropped to her rocking chair in the lounge. She had been able to control herself in the cemetery, but in the silence of her house she felt the need to let out her emotions. Noah's death had been the last straw of a week full of miseries: Cody deciding to enlist, Jimmy and Kid treating each other like sworn enemies, and Buck looking more and more confused. Rachel started to sob and buried her face in her hands.
Suddenly, a knock on the door pushed her out of her voluntary isolation and Rachel got up from her rocking chair as she wiped her eyes with a handkerchief. "Coming," she said with a cracked voice. When she reached the door and opened it, she was surprised to find the person at the threshold. "Louise," she let out with a soft voice.
"I heard about Noah's death," the girl started. "I couldn't make it to the funeral and …"
Before she could finish, Rachel threw her arms around her, and the two women remained in a tight hug. "Thanks for coming." Rachel pulled away after a beat, somehow feeling calmer. "Come inside and I'll make us some tea."
"Oh please, Rachel, don't bother yourself," Lou exclaimed, not wanting to disturb the station mistress in her time of bereavement.
"It's not a bother," the blonde woman added. "I really need a strong cup of tea, but not so much as I'm in need of the company of a good friend."
Lou smiled faintly and let the woman steer her to the lounge. The two women tasted the tea while Rachel told the girl about the circumstances leading to Noah's death. Then she simply kept talking about him, how he had first come to work for the Pony Express, about his ideals, his problems, about his little details, about just everything. Louise listened to the woman intently as she knew that was what Rachel needed right now.
After a while, the conversation or rather Rachel's monologue was broken as the door opened and to Lou's horror, Kid walked into the room. The rider stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he spotted Louise sitting on the sofa. He kept staring at her, but fully aware of his presence, Lou had adopted a stiff posture and directed her gaze ahead of her, never meeting his longing, anxious eyes.
"Kid?" Rachel asked, noticing the awkward moment between the two young ones.
"Uh?" the rider let out clumsily, forgetting about where he was or what he came here for. As soon as he had seen Lou in Rachel's lounge, he felt as if he had been struck by lightning. It had been so long, or it felt so long since he had been able to see her this close, and now he just couldn't look away. She was more beautiful than he remembered and he felt the urge to fall to his knees and implore for her forgiveness. Yet, he remained stuck in the same spot, drinking her with his eyes, and only when Rachel called his name, did he come back to reality.
"Anything I can do for you?"
"Uh…" Kid started clumsily, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Buck's leaving on his run and … uh… you had a letter for him to take, didn't you?"
"Oh yes," Rachel answered, remembering the letter that she had written to Cassie. The girl and Noah had been courting after a serious incident which had led Noah to be accused of murdering an army officer. Cassie had left Rock Creek shortly afterwards, but Rachel knew that the black girl and Noah had kept writing and seeing each other whenever they could. The death of Noah would surely come as a tremendous shock for Cassie to say the least, but Rachel knew that she shouldn't delay the task.
As an instant reaction, the station mistress reached for her skirt pocket where she had tucked the letter safely, but as she eyed the awkward pair in the lounge, she opted for another alternative. "I have it upstairs," the woman said as she stood up and headed for the stairs. "Won't be long."
Louise breathed in deeply and began twisting her hands nervously as she realized that she was going to be left all alone with Kid. His mere presence was totally overwhelming, and she just couldn't face him. The sound of steps in the staircase told her that Rachel was gone and they were alone. With a grave countenance she remained in the same position, her chin lifted in the air in a proud stance as her eyes kept fixed on the wall opposite her. Despite the cold demeanor she wanted to reflect, Lou felt that Kid could see through her farce.
Her breathing was quicker than usual, her forehead was sweating and her hands kept fidgeting. "He must be having a good laugh at my cost," she thought wryly. In her heart she felt she should turn to him and ask him how he was doing. He had just lost a good friend, and Louise could imagine that he was hurting. Yet, she simply couldn't face and talk to him. She knew that she'd crumble down as soon as his blue eyes looked at her, and that was the last thing she could allow herself to do. Kid had betrayed and hurt her more than anything in the world and that was how he had wanted things.
On his part, Kid remained much in the same way as he had been since stepping into the room. He just couldn't avert his eyes from her, and even though he was crossing the limits of propriety with all this ogling, his whole body seemed to act to its own accord. He remembered Noah's words of advice about Lou just a few days ago. He should do something, start coming closer to her again, but right now he felt himself freeze. "Tell her something," he kept repeating on his mind, but he just couldn't. All he could do right now was to ogle her, eat her with his eyes. "If she only turned her face to me," he mused hurt and disappointed. Having her so close before him made him realize how much he missed her and how much his whole body literally pained to touch her.
Meanwhile, Rachel had taken her sweet time reaching her room and back again. She didn't want to give herself away and let them suspect that she had left the two young people downstairs on purpose. Expecting to hear voices from her lounge, she was surprised when total silence met her when she got to the end of the corridor where the staircase started. As carefully and quietly as possible, the woman descended a couple of steps and peeking behind the wall hiding her from the pair in the lounge, she saw them much in the same way she had left them a few minutes ago. "Silly boy!" Rachel muttered under her breath. "Tell her something for goodness' sake."
She knew that Lou was too proud to admit that maybe she had let herself be carried away by jealousy. It was Kid who should take the first step to set things back into motion between the pair. Rachel had no doubt that it was merely a question of time to see those two together again. Since they broke up, Kid looked as if he was carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders and by her reaction when seeing him just now, Lou seemed to be in the same state as he was. But of course, somebody needed to do something, Kid should do something other than stare at her like a peeping fool. Rachel waited a couple more minutes and realizing that nothing was going to happen, she started to go down the staircase with heavy steps.
"Here it is," she said as she waved the white envelope in her hand. Kid moved closer to the woman and took the letter from her hand. "Life has to go on, doesn't it?" Rachel remarked with a sigh. Noah had just been buried and they needed to straighten their souls and continue living.
Kid shrugged his shoulders and sending a meaningful look at Louise, who still refused to meet his eyes, he said, "I ain't so sure about that, Rachel." Without further ado, he simply turned around and left the place.
As soon as the door clicked closed behind the rider, Lou let out an agonic yelp and started sobbing. "Louise…" Rachel hurried to sit down next to the girl and drew her against her chest. "Shh!" she tried to appease her while stroking her back comfortingly. They sat like that for a few minutes and Louise's sobs gradually subsided.
She finally pulled away from Rachel's hold as she wiped the remainder of her tears with her hand. "Sorry, Rachel. I don't know what came over me," Lou muttered, feeling awkward by her outburst. "You have nothing to apologize for, honey," the station mistress said. "It's natural you're hurting." Lou forced a wry smile into her face and Rachel continued warily. "I know, Louise, things ain't as complicated as we made them. You could really put yourself out of your misery easily." The girl gave a confused look and the woman elaborated. "Why don't you come back together with Kid?"
"What?" Lou exclaimed as if she had been slapped across the face.
"Honey, you love him and he loves you, and you're both unhappy, so…"
"I can't," Lou broke in, not wanting to hear anything related to Kid. It was just too painful. She had thought that by now she'd have gotten on with her life as if he hadn't existed, but she had been wrong. Two weeks had gone by and each passing day was worse than the previous one, making Kid's absence more and more evident.
"Louise, I give you that Kid acted like a fool… a big, big fool. But don't let a mistake, a simple mistake ruin everything for you two."
"He's ripped my heart out," Lou admitted softly. "It ain't only his foolish behavior what got me … it is what lies behind those actions."
"If you're thinking about Samantha, you'd better throw that thought out of your head. You got nothing to worry about, honey, because there's nothing."
"Really?" Lou asked, her heart surged with hope. Her days and nights were full of the constant images she had witnessed the day of the social of the two of them smiling and dancing. They tormented her like anything and lately her imagination had started to distort those scenes, and she kept seeing them joined in passionate kisses and whispering love words. "Maybe she's just turned him down," Lou cracked, not wanting to completely believe that she could have been wrong about the new teacher and him.
"Honey, he doesn't want anything from her in that sense, and it ain't that she wouldn't give her right arm and a leg for just a tiny spark of interest, but there's nothing," Rachel said.
"How do you know?"
"Honey, I live with him and work with her. So I know pretty much about what's going on. And I also know that Kid's only interested in a certain brown-haired petite girl with a heck of a character."
Lou smiled for the first time then sobering once again, she said, "Rachel, it ain't easy. I'm scared. I don't want to suffer again."
"So are you saying you ain't suffering right now?" the station mistress asked pointedly, and Lou simply lowered her eyes in admittance. They remained in silence for a while and then Rachel decided to give another hard pull at the right strings, "You know, he's seriously thinking of fighting this war."
Louise turned her two shining, concerned eyes to the woman. "Yes, I know," she managed to utter in a coarse voice. The idea had always been in Kid's mind, but now that things were getting complicated in the east, Rachel's words managed to scare her out of her wits. Her body began to shiver and her eyes stung with the tears she was trying to choke back.
"You're probably the only reason he could desist from the idea"
Lou remained deep in thought as she wriggled her hands nervously. She felt so lost lately, as if she had no aim anymore. Her insides were in such a tumult that she didn't even recognize herself. She was continuously irritated, nervous and had the constant urge to weep at any time of the day.
"I gotta go now," Louise muttered after a while.
Rachel nodded and both women ambled towards the door. "Thank you for coming, Louise," the station mistress said as she opened the door to the girl. "And please don't be a stranger," she added even though she was fully aware that as long as things were strained between Kid and Lou, the girl would avoid coming to the station. Louise nodded and when she was about to step out, she stopped as Rachel exclaimed, "What's this?"
Lou turned to see what had caught her friend's attention, and then she noticed a little bunch of small yellow flowers attached to the doorknob. Rachel reached for the bouquet and picked up a small paper sticking out between the flowers. After scanning the contents of the note she said, "I think these are for you, Louise."
The girl grabbed the little note in her hand and sent a confused look at the station mistress before she directed her eyes to the paper. "I love you. Please forgive me," the note read. Lou felt totally moved by this small token, which obviously came from Kid. With a heartfelt sigh she rested the paper on her lips as if she could feel him closer that way. Her eyes filled with tears, forgetting about Rachel or where she was. Even though she was still sore at Kid, her heart seemed ready to believe any tiny gesture showing that there was still hope for them. She had felt so hurt minutes ago when Kid had stood in Rachel's lounge unmoving and without saying anything. She had believed by his passivity that he just didn't care anymore, that he was over her. But now this simple gesture was turning her beliefs inside out.
"It's really sweet of him, ain't it?" Rachel spoke by her side. Lou didn't say anything, and the older woman added with a smile. "And for your sake I'll overlook the fact that he nicked those flowers from my garden."
Louise forced a faint smile in her mouth and muttered, "I have to go."
She was about to walk off when the station mistress said, "Don't forget these, Louise. They're yours." She stretched the flowers towards her and Lou kept staring down at them, fighting whether to take the bunch with her. She just couldn't forget and forgive what had happened so easily. She was still hurt and somehow she wanted Kid to undergo what she was suffering.
As if reading her thoughts, Rachel remarked, "Come on, Louise. You can still punish him a bit more, but that doesn't mean you can't accept his present."
Lou sent her a skeptical look and then decided to take the flowers from her hand. Without another word, the girl started walking away from the place while Rachel went back inside the house. It was when there was no danger to be spotted that Kid sneaked out from his hideout, a shadowed corner of the bunkhouse. Unbeknown to the two women, he had been watching the exchange between Lou and Rachel, and was glad that Louise had finally accepted the flowers. His fear had been that she'd refuse them or hurl them away, and now a little hope had started to grow in his heart. He'd fight for her and would do whatever was necessary to recover her trust and love. He wasn't ready to let more dear ones walk out of his life and Lou was the dearest to him. No matter what it took him, he was going to have her back.