Chapter 38

The following day was as they suspected. Cody's good-bye had been a sad occurrence and even though the rider put on his best smile, he just couldn't fool any of his friends. He was fully convinced of what he had done when he decided to enlist, but he had to admit to himself that he hadn't counted on it being so extremely hard to say good-bye.

It had been almost two years of hard work, but that time had also been full of memorable moments, which Cody knew he would never forget. He had come to consider those strange boys he had met in Sweetwater as if they were his own flesh and blood. They had struggled together, laughed together, and even suffered together. He'd surely miss those nights in the bunkhouse where they could fool around and blabber on without the strict looks and ears of Teaspoon, Rachel or Emma. Cody didn't think that he would ever have something as special with any other people he could meet in the future and even though it hurt him to leave the few remaining of their makeshift family, he knew that this was something he had to do.

The time of goofing around was over and the moment to follow a different track had finally arrived. Cody knew that he would always be a prankster, eager for amusement and a good laugh, but now it was a serious turning point in his life. It hadn't been easy to make this decision, and in contrast to what Teaspoon had hinted, he had thought things through before taking the last step. Cody had always wanted … longed to do something important, and he felt he couldn't stay idle as the country was ripped into two. Besides, since Noah had died, all this had taken a new and significant meaning to him. He needed to do this for Noah's sake and for everything that his friend had believed in and died for.

The riders, Teaspoon and Rachel had formed a line in front of the bunkhouse to say goodbye. Despite his usual boisterous character, Cody didn't really like this kind of display and would rather have gone in a more discreet way or at least dismissing the whole thing. To make the matter this solemn seemed to create a bad omen as if they wouldn't see each other again. As far as Cody was concerned, he didn't intend this to be the last time they heard or saw him. He didn't plan to get himself killed and as soon as the war was over, he'd come home… if there was still a home to come to. Right now the future was a humongous uncertainty, and the only thing to do was to focus on the present because nobody knew what tomorrow would bring. Despite his reticence to this good-bye, Cody didn't voice his protests and proceeded to do so.

Jimmy was the first one who came to hug him good-bye. Cody had to admit that he was going to miss him the most. Even though he couldn't say that he and Hickok were close in the same sense as Kid and Jimmy were … or at least had been till recently, Cody felt that there was something special between them. Hickok was the only one who always seemed ready to follow his jokes or to understand them. They might argue all the time, and more often than not Jimmy would snap at him for something he had done or said, but all in all, Cody admitted that he had had a heck of a time in his friendship with Jimmy Hickok. The blonde young man felt that the feeling was mutual even though neither would dare to voice it. He and Jimmy weren't much into talking about feelings and all that stuff, but deep inside they had an understanding of each other and shared many of their beliefs.

"Cody, don't go and make a fool of yourself like usual," Jimmy remarked in their usual tone, "and get yourself killed."

"You wish," the blonde rider responded with a smirk. This was their way, sounding as neither of them cared, but really knowing that they had that connection reserved for brothers. Cody laughed and then turned to Kid, who was next to Hickok.

For Cody Kid had always been a bit too difficult to understand. He was somebody who gave too much importance to everything and kind of complicated things with his moralistic views. The blonde young man really admired Kid for standing for his ideals no matter what, but even so, he believed life was too short to get oneself entangled more than necessary. It wasn't wrong to squeeze circumstances a bit to adapt them to one's convenience from time to time. Hard experience had taught him as much, but Kid was that kind of man who would not bend. Well… maybe a woman like Louise could make him sway. Cody could tell that she had a strong pull on his friend and he wouldn't be surprised if he received the news that the two would be tying the knot soon… well… unless Kid decided to go and fight.

The Southerner had been talking about it for a long time, and everybody had staked that he would be the first one to pack up and leave for Virginia. Yet, he was still around, and Cody thought that now that Louise was part of his life, he might decide against his initial plans. Cody hoped he did. He wouldn't like to think that one of the men he might have to fire against could be Kid and would hate to have that extra pressure apart from everything else. He and Kid might be on different sides now but that notion didn't prevent him from caring for the Southerner like a brother. Cody could now understand what Teaspoon had meant about families splitting apart and brothers fighting against brothers, but he hoped with all his heart that the situation didn't come to that extreme.

Kid and Cody didn't say anything as they joined in a warm hug. There was nothing to say but pray that this senseless war finished as soon as possible. Next to Kid was Buck. He and Cody had always got on well and the only time they had a disagreement had been when the blonde young man had made light of the Indian's beliefs. Cody had nicked the contents of Buck's pouch, filling it with river sand instead. From that moment on Cody had suffered a series of accidents one after another. Even today Cody didn't know what had cause all that, but from then on he had looked upon Buck's beliefs with greater respect. Cody had never laughed at him again or even mentioned anything in that respect. Of course Buck had had his revenge, pulling a trick to ridicule him in front of everybody else. Cody had believed him blindly when Buck had instructed him to perform a ridiculous ceremony in the river, but who would have believed that his very serious friend could be pulling his leg?

All that was far behind them now and even though he had been mad with rage at the time, the memory always brought a smile to Cody's lips. Buck was the kind of person who kept to himself most of the time, very discreet and thoughtful, but one of the best in their bunch. He was good with horses, an excellent fighter and the best tracker. Of course Cody would rather lose his highly-valued hair than admit that someone was better than him. All in all, the blonde young man wondered how Buck would cope with these uncertain times they were coming once the Pony Express ended. It was very difficult to be considered an outsider everywhere he went. In the white world he was one more despicable savage while his "people" only saw the whiteness in him.

"Take care, my friend," Buck said seriously. "Let your heart guide you wherever you go."

Cody simply nodded gravelly before the two of them joined in a hug. When they pulled away, the till now rider came to stand before Teaspoon and Rachel. Surprisingly, he felt speechless for a moment but he finally managed to speak up. "Thank you, Teaspoon, for everything. You've taught me most of what I am today."

"I hope my bag of tricks will come in handy in your new career, son."

"I'm sure it will," Cody replied with a crooked smile; Teaspoon's reference making his mind go back to those first times of the Pony Express where worries mainly centered on their daily work. He looked from Teaspoon to Rachel, and fumbled to say the words he felt he needed to let out. "And sorry for what I said about you not being my folks. I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"Remember this is your home," Rachel said, her forehead puckered with bitterness. "Please come back to us."

"I will," Cody simply said. He knew he was getting too emotional and before he could show it in front of his friends, he swung around. "I gotta go."

"Wait! Take this," Rachel said, handing him a bundle. "It's some food and other things you might need."

"Rachel…" Cody protested vehemently, annoyed that the woman still tried to mother him as if he were a small child.

"Son, don't be ungrateful," Teaspoon admonished, which made the boy stop his whining short. Then Rachel took a small object wrapped in soft muslin out of her apron pocket while the other three riders came to gather around the blonde young man.

"This is something Teaspoon, the boys and I want you to have," Rachel added in a soft voice and Cody removed its wrap to reveal a bright silvery pocket watch, which made him speechless momentarily. "Oh … this is … this is … too much," he finally managed to stutter.

"A young brave soldier like you are now should have a special keepsake remindin' him of his dear ones," Teaspoon said, patting him on the back affectionately.

"Think that the more this watch ticks, the closer the moment for us to see each other again will be," Rachel added with a placid smile.

Cody nodded, too touched to make his usually loquacious tongue talk, and turning away from the group he placed the bundle in his saddle bags and the watch in his waistcoat pocket. With a brisk jump he got on his horse and from atop the animal he ran his eyes over the people gathered in front of the bunkhouse. For the last time Cody lifted his right hand as their usual way to say good-bye and kept still for a few seconds.

"Ride safe, son," Teaspoon croaked, voicing what the rest were also thinking and brief seconds later Cody spurred his horse and started off at a light canter, which soon turned into a light trot. The five people remained on the same spot with their eyes fixed on the horizon till man and horse disappeared from sight completely. Although there wasn't anything to see, they stood rooted in the place each of them lost in their own thoughts which ran along the same line. Will this be a normal routine from now on? Who will be the next one to leave?

Rachel looked around her and noticing the grim expressions in the men, she tried to raise their spirits. "Come on, boys. Breakfast will be ready shortly, and now that Cody ain't around, you'll have more to eat." The light-hearted comment didn't manage to lift their low moods and without a single word the three young men, Teaspoon and the station mistress turned to step into the bunkhouse, feeling that there were too many absences, and in what once was a too noisy room a creepy silence had settled as a reminder of how very different things were now.

It had been a couple of weeks since Cody had left and they hadn't heard a word from him since then. Routine around the station had changed considerably. As the Express was approaching its predictable end, they hadn't employed any more riders to replace Noah or Cody. So although rides had been reduced, the load of work was very much the same with only three riders on duty. It was difficult to see the three young men around the station at the same time like in the good old days since most of the time they were away on a ride, and when they weren't, they simply decided to stay away from the deserted and silent bunkhouse.

Rachel was the one who suffered this new situation the most and noted the absences with a heavy heart. She was happy with her new job at the school, which definitely distracted her mind from miseries and bitterness. Children really had a way of making her forget what was waiting for her outside the schoolhouse. Her load of work at the station had been cut down and apart from cleaning and washing, she didn't prepare the copious meals she used to. Most of the time she ate in her house alone or in the company of Teaspoon from time to time. So she just cooked enough food for the riders, who simply stopped long enough to have a bite, or for the now less frequent riders on their way through Rock Creek. The situation was very depressing and Rachel felt more and more lonely as days went by.

Jimmy spent most of his free time with Rosemary, who still was in town after all these weeks. Everybody knew that the woman was trying to persuade the rider to leave Rock Creek with her, but so far her persuasion had proved to be ineffective. Rosemary wanted to head for Washington where, according to her, the action was and continue Isaiah's work. Jimmy wasn't convinced that he wanted to lead his life in that direction. He knew he felt strong for Rosemary. She was passionate, strong-willed and soft-hearted, and he knew that she was the kind of woman who would be a perfect match for him. However, he felt she was too obsessed with her late husband's abolitionist activities and intent in continuing what he couldn't … wasn't allowed to finish.

Jimmy just didn't feel comfortable with this side of hers. He could understand that she missed her husband after all those years living together, but however much she wanted it, he wasn't Isaiah. Jimmy didn't like to feel as if he needed to squeeze himself into a pair of shoes that had belonged to somebody else. He didn't want to become somebody's shadow, and as time went by, his doubts and her stubbornness were making things strained and difficult.

On his part, Kid spent all his free time with Louise. They were gradually repairing the wounds that their recent fall-out had left in their relationship. Lou was trying to get over her past jealousy, which had partly been the cause of his past problems. She knew that Kid was in love with her, but that insecure bit of hers threatened to disrupt her peace of mind. Whenever she saw Samantha around town or in the store, Lou couldn't help but silently compare herself to the teacher. She thought that Samantha was much more than she'd ever be. She was slender, tall, beautiful, elegant and educated. Louise felt so unsuitable, so plain but somehow to Kid's eyes she was unique. He might have decided to be with Samantha if he had wanted, but he had chosen her, her alone above any other women. They had something special and she just needed to shush her fears and insecurities.

Kid's reluctance to be physically intimate with her had been solved without awkwardness. Now they spent many nights together in passionate encounters. Lou would have never thought that something she had been repulsed about for years could make her feel so alive, and no matter how many times they were together, she never got enough. On those nights that Kid stayed in the bunkhouse or was away on a ride, Lou felt unable to rest properly and new fears invaded her mind. She couldn't forget about his words at Cody's farewell dinner. She hadn't had the nerve to ask him what he had meant about "doing the right thing" afterwards because she feared what his answer would be. In these two weeks he had hardly talked about his plans or any reference to the future. As a matter of fact, they didn't talk about nothing much as all the time they spent together, they concentrated on making up for those weeks they had been apart.

Louise relished in his touch, his kisses, his caresses, his love, but on those lonely nights her ghosts came to visit her without fail. She imagined her days and nights in her own company, her too wide bed reminding her of his absence and this latent ache constant in her routine. She didn't want to picture her life without him. How could he choose to risk his life for a bunch of ideals when they could have a happy life together? She just couldn't understand.

That afternoon Tompkins had been in a generous mood and had let Louise go a couple of hours earlier than usual. Without a second thought Lou had changed into her riding attire as she imagined it would be nice to spend the rest of the day with Kid. It had been a while now since they had last gone riding together, so this could be the perfect opportunity to do so. When she stopped by the station, Rachel told her that Kid was at his ranch. He and Buck had stayed there all day, trying to make some repairs around the place. Lou's heart leapt thinking that this was the sign that she had been waiting for. If Kid was working on his new place, that meant he was planning to make it work and stay in Rock Creek. As this pleasant news welcomed her, Lou felt the urge to cry in joy and hug Rachel, but instead she ran to her horse with an ample smile and rode off like a flash towards the ranch.

At mid way to the place, Louise saw Buck riding towards her from the opposite direction. She waved at him with a smile and stopped her horse just on the spot where the rider had halted his. "Going to see our friend?" Buck asked after greeting her warmly.

Louise smiled in admittance. "Is he still there?" the girl asked straightaway.

Buck nodded. "We've been working on that barn of his all day long, but cleaning the house ain't among my plans for the short term." Lou gave him a small smile and the rider added, "After all, it's up to him how he wants to arrange his love nest."

"Hey!" Lou exclaimed, blushing hotly as she sent him a murderous look.

"Don't give me that, Lou," Buck replied, a subtle smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "It's there where you two'll be living together someday, ain't it? And I can tell that's all it is in Kid's mind when he looks at that empty house."

Lou blushed even more furiously, but somehow Buck's words warmed her heart. She knew it was too early to think of sharing their lives together. They had been friends for quite a while now, but their moving to a closer and more intimate level was just recent. They needed to get to know each other at their own pace before taking the following step. Although she sometimes dreamed of marrying Kid, it still scared her to rush into something they might not be ready for.

"I'd better go," she said and sent her horse into a trot while Buck continued his own way.

When Louise finally reached the place, Kid came out of the house since he must have heard her horse from inside. As soon as his eyes fell on her, his mouth split into a wide smile. He ran up to her, and when she stopped the horse, his hands lifted to encircle her waist as he helped her get off the animal. When her feet touched the ground, he still didn't let go of her waist as his lips captured hers in a soft, lingering kiss. A sigh escaped her mouth when he pulled away slightly, letting his forehead rest against hers. "What are you doing here?" he asked softly.

"Tompkins let me go a bit earlier and Rachel told me you were here, so I thought to come and keep you company." Kid nodded as he took her hand in his, and they both walked towards the house. "So what have you been up to?" she asked as they reached the porch and were about to step inside.

"I was trying to clean some of the dust and dirt that have piled up during all these years," Kid said as he opened the door for her. She went past him and stopped short as she stared agape around the empty room. The wooden floor was covered with water and soap all around as if the house had been flooded.

"What on earth happened here?" she exclaimed as she turned to look at Kid's flushed face.

"I had an accident," he replied sheepishly. "The pail tipped over and …" Kid's voice trailed off as Lou burst out laughing, and soon he joined in her amusement. "Gosh, I'm so clumsy!"

Lou threw her arms around his neck and looking into his eyes, she said in a playful tone, "I love you just the same." Giving him a quick peck on his cheek she added as she disengaged her arms from around him, "Let me give you a hand, and we can dry this mess and finish the room in no time."

Kid shook his head. "No, Lou. Never."

"What? Why not?" she let out, deeply hurt by his refusal.

"You won't move a finger here, Lou. I'm supposed to take good care of you, treat you like a queen and not make you work your fingers to the bone," he replied, as he brushed the back of his hand across her right cheek.

"Don't be silly!" Lou exclaimed, moved by his thoughtfulness. "I wanna help you. Please." Kid saw the determination in her eyes and he knew that he was on the losing end, so he finally relented. "Good!" she let out, clapping her hands together. "We'll need enough cloths to dry this floor and hot water to clean all the dust."

Kid nodded and in no time they were busy in the lounge. Lou had boiled some buckets of water on the old stove in the kitchen, which it had been a trial to start, while Kid insisted that he should be the one to clear the mess he had made. The two of them worked in silence, trying to get rid of all the dirt in the big room. After washing the floor, doing the windows, cleaning the cobwebs, they tried to remove the soot from the beautiful fireplace which stood out in the lounge. When the work was done, they were tired, their clothes filthy, but immensely glad of having finished the task.

The pair looked around them at the now impeccable, empty lounge as they tasted two glasses of fresh water from the well on the property. Lou felt elated that he had obviously decided that he wanted to stay, and she hoped that she had something to do with that. She could clearly envision Kid happy running this place to success, and as she now looked at the empty fireplace, she could see herself and him lovingly hugging and kissing in front of a lovely fire. "I'm glad that you've started working on your place, Kid," she said after a while.

"Yeah, you were right," he replied. "I need to get this place back in good condition although I don't know when I'll be living here."

The smile on Lou's face froze as soon as the remark left his lips. "What do you mean by that?" Lou asked with a frown. Fear had gripped her heart and her hopes had crashed in just a few seconds. She remembered mentioning that he should get the ranch fit to live in. After all, if he left to fight, he'd need a place to live when he returned. Those had been her words, and now she painfully understood what he was doing. She felt a pressure in her chest, making it hard for her to breathe as she waited for him to speak up.

Kid turned to her, not noticing the pallor in her face or the tremor in her hands, and started matter-of-factly, "You know, I can't…" He stopped short as the door burst open and Jimmy stepped in. "What are you doing here?" The Southerner asked, turning to his friend.

"Teaspoon sent me to find you. There's a special delivery to Fort Kearny, and he wants us both to take it," Hickok explained.

"Why two riders?"

"Since things are a bit strained … well… in the whole country, he'd rather have a couple of guns in case there's some trouble."

Kid nodded in understanding and turning to Louise, he said, "I'm afraid I have to go, Lou. I'll see you in a few days, all right?"

"You take good care of yourself, will you?" she muttered, disappointed that he had to leave and at the same time scared by what Jimmy had said. And to her utter dismay, their conversation had been cut short, and Kid hadn't been able to answer her.

"Of course I will. I have a special reason to come back safe and sound, don't I?" he replied, playfully touching her nose with his middle finger. Despite herself and her worries, Louise giggled and kept looking at his deep blue eyes. The Southerner felt attracted to hers and her lips at once and his head started lowering towards her. Yet, he stopped as he remembered Jimmy in the middle of the room watching them, so he turned his head to him and cleared his throat pointedly.

Hickok met Kid's stare, clueless at what he was trying to denote and when it dawned on him, he started towards the door as he said awkwardly, "Uh… I'll wait for you outside. Do… uh… whatever you have to do, but don't be late." Without another look, he let himself out.

As soon as the door clicked closed behind Jimmy, Kid's lips joined hers in a soft kiss. They pulled away and Lou threw her arms around his torso, hugging him close. "I'm gonna miss you," she whispered against his chest.

"Me too," Kid admitted and pulling slightly back to look into her eyes, he added, "And if you're a good girl, I'll bring you a little something."

Louise smile coyly and hooking her arm around his as they walked to the door she said in the same playful tone, "I'm always a good girl, ain't I?"

Kid simply chuckled as they ambled out of the house. Jimmy was already on his horse, and the Southerner didn't waste any more time and jumped on Katy. He needed to drop by the station and have a quick shower to get rid of the dust and soot on his clothes before setting off. "You two take care," Lou said from the porch.

"Aren't you coming?" Kid asked.

"Yeah, in a second. You go ahead. I left my jacket inside."

Kid nodded, and casting a look to Jimmy they both turned their horses and started off. The Southerner kept his arm over his head for Lou to see while the girl waved her hand at the two riders although they couldn't see her. Even when she couldn't make them out in the distance, she continued waving her hand as if by inertia. Her body went cold and stopping her waving movements she wrapped her arms around her frail frame. She really hated saying goodbye and as time went by, it was harder and harder for her to part from Kid at the end of every day.

Lou had grown used to spending her nights between his arms, and when he wasn't around, a complete emptiness spread throughout her very soul, leaving her absolutely cold. These few days he was going to be away would feel too long, and Louise was already dreading every second of it. If she felt this way now, how could she stand the thought that he might go for months or even years long? How could she resign herself to let him go to an uncertain destiny? She would go crazy the day he decided he wanted to leave, but till then she didn't want to cloud what they had now with her negativity. She needed to take each day as a present and enjoy each moment of it. Worries would come anyway and this time was hers, hers alone. Nothing would spoil that for her, nothing.

They stopped to spend the night at a clearing near the creek. The ride had been a quiet event so far. Things between Kid and Jimmy were still strained, and they only addressed each other when it was strictly necessary. So much had happened which had been driving them apart that now it seemed impossible to walk the distance that separated them. Kid had to admit that he missed talking and joking with his friend like they had always done, but something kept him back. He still didn't trust Rosemary and it hurt him to think that Jimmy couldn't see what she was really like.

Jimmy seemed quite happy with her, but Kid feared that she might be using him for her own convenience. Yet, despite his own opinion the Southerner had gradually come to accept that he had no call in judging what Jimmy felt. Talking to Lou had made him realize that he was being more than unfair, and Kid felt he should show Jimmy that he was his friend above anything else. Even though it wasn't easy for him to admit it, Jimmy had every right to make his own decisions and if what he wanted was to be with Rosemary, then Kid needed to find it in his heart to be happy for him. The Southerner would like to say all this to his friend, but somehow the words weren't ready to flow from his mouth. Besides, despite his poor opinion of Rosemary, he felt ashamed of his rough manners towards the lady. After Noah's death, he had been too furious, but still that didn't justify his behavior. He hadn't found the nerve to apologize to her or Jimmy. Kid didn't regret his words because that was what he still felt, but he should have been able to handle his anger better.

Definitely this wasn't the way he had been raised and thinking about the intimate nature of his relationship with Lou, he realized that he was forgetting values he had grown with. Yet, he didn't regret anything that was happening with Louise. Kid couldn't keep away from her anymore, and after that first time together, he couldn't be content with just kisses or holding hands. He knew that Lou felt the same way. They had tried hard not to go there, but it had been an impossible mission and they always ended up making love. Kid was fully aware what consequences their actions could bring about, but he was ready to face his responsibilities with Lou, and he hoped she felt the same. Of course, right now wasn't the best time to start anything; he'd soon find himself jobless and his ranch was still in the works. Yet, he knew that he couldn't restrain himself with Lou. Even now as he imagined her clad in that lovely nightgown of hers, he felt his body react to the image.

Kid had to shake his head to get rid of those images popping in his mind. This wasn't the time or the place to start having this kind of yearning. Lou was too far, and he wouldn't see her for a few days, so he'd better entertain his mind with something else. Kid started collecting kindling, and soon made a fire. Jimmy, on his part, fixed something to eat and when he offered some of it to Kid, the Southerner declined. He wasn't hungry and simply spread his bedroll and dropped onto it heavily, resting his back against his saddle. Jimmy ate the concoction he had prepared as he watched Kid from the corner of his eye. The Southerner was looking intently at some kind of wooden frame that he had taken out of his saddle bags.

When Hickok finished eating, he placed the plate by his feet and feeling that this constant silence was getting on his nerves, he asked, "What do you have there, Kid?"

Jimmy's voice startled him and realizing that his friend had caught him red-handed, the Southerner replied curtly, "Nothing."

"Well, there's something in your hand," Jimmy said as he stood up and crossed towards where Kid lay. The Southerner tried to hide the object from Jimmy, but he was quicker and snatched it out of his grasp.

"Give it back to me, Jimmy. I'm serious," Kid barked angrily as he scrambled to his feet.

Jimmy brought the object closer to his eyes and felt ashamed when his eyes fell on the smiling face of Louise in a wooden frame. The long-haired rider dared to look at his friend and casting a brief smile he extended the frame back to the Southerner. Kid took it from his grip roughly and sent a glare to Jimmy. "Sorry, Kid. I didn't mean to pry."

Kid didn't reply to his apology and sinking onto the ground once again, he put the frame back into his saddle bag after having a last look. A company of actors had recently been in Rock Creek putting on a play that he and Lou had gone to see. After the performance there was a photographer, and Kid had insisted on having a portrait of Lou taken. She had turned shy all of a sudden, but despite her reluctance, she had accepted to pose for the photographer. Now the portrait was his most treasured possession and was with him wherever he went.

"I said I'm sorry," Jimmy repeated.

"And I heard you," Kid retorted in the same irritated tone.

They remained in silence for quite a while, and then Jimmy came to sit next to his friend and added, "It's nice to see you two are working things out. I've always thought you are perfect for each other."

Kid eyed his fellow rider, wondering whether he was making fun of him, but he could see and hear the sincerity in his friend. "Thanks, Jimmy," Kid replied softly, his past irritation forgotten. "I ain't gonna risk losing her again."

Jimmy nodded in understanding. They relapsed into silence once again and after a beat, Kid dared to ask, "Are things all right between you and Rosemary?"

"Yeah… I guess," Jimmy replied, his voice tinged with obvious hesitation, but Kid didn't want to insist, so he said instead, "I'm really sorry about my attitude these last weeks. I know I've acted like a jackass, but I never intended to go against you."

"I wasn't very smart myself," Jimmy admitted. Kid nodded with a faint smile on his lips, knowing that this was Jimmy's way to tell him that they could get over their past discrepancies. Somehow Kid felt that a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders and after all the wrongs happening between them, he was glad that they could sort out their problems. After a few minutes Jimmy broke the silence again with his deep voice. "Kid, can I ask you something?

"Sure."

Jimmy turned his gaze to the burning fire as his hands kept twirling a few grass blades around his fingers. "When you and Doritha broke up, … did you … uh … did you find yourself comparing Lou to her?"

"I guess I did," the Southerner admitted. "It's just natural." He remembered feeling that Lou was so different and marvelously fresh that being with Doritha at the time made him feel as if he were in a stuffy prison.

"I mean… did you try to find Doritha's … uh… traits … in Lou?" Jimmy asked again.

Kid shook his head. "No, rather the opposite," the Southerner said and suddenly decided to confide something to Jimmy, something he had never wanted to admit, not even to himself. "Actually, I fell in love with Lou quite a long time before Doritha and I broke up. I came to realize we had very little in common, and maybe I was never really in love with her… I don't know."

"Lou is quite different, ain't she?"

"Definitely," Kid exclaimed with a smile. They paused for a moment and then the Southerner asked, "Does all this questioning have anything to do with Rosemary?" Jimmy sent him an irritated look and Kid added, "Sorry, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Hickok stared at his friend for a few seconds and then looked away again and started in a tired voice, "I sometimes feel she wants to shape me in the way Isaiah was."

"Jimmy, she's just lost her husband and it ain't odd if she misses him," Kid offered.

"I know that, but…" Hickok paused, finding it extremely hard to explain himself. "She wants me to join their cause actively… but…"

"But what?"

"I ain't sure if I'm ready to do that," Jimmy explained. "My life's too complicated as it is and I can't afford to get it more tangled." He paused briefly and then continued, "I know what that life is. I grew up learning what it means for somebody to devote their lives to others. My father was never there for us because his other matters were more important." He let out a sigh and shaking his head to get rid of the memories he added, "I ain't sure if I want to start something that is getting so serious so quickly. I need time to decide if I want to commit myself to Rosemary and to what she believes so blindly in."

Kid nodded, understanding what his friend was talking about. Jimmy and Rosemary hadn't known each other long and the woman wanted him to practically join his life to hers as well as getting too involved in the abolitionist cause. "Do you love her?" Kid asked, and Jimmy nodded his answer. "And does she?"

Jimmy kept thoughtful for a moment and took his time to reply. "I guess." Rosemary wasn't the kind of woman who readily voiced her feelings. She was very similar to Jimmy in that sense. Yet, the rider knew that she had strong feelings for him. The attraction had been there even before Isaiah had died.

"Then that's all that really matters," Kid said. "If you love each other, I'm sure you'll manage to work things out." As he talked, he felt bewildered by his own words and attitude. Only recently he had been against anything that had to do with Rosemary, and now he was giving Jimmy advice about his relationship with her and feeling that he was ready to wish them well.

"Hell, this love thing is becoming so damn difficult!" he exclaimed as he threw a handful of grass blades to the fire.

"Believe me, Jimmy. Love's always difficult," Kid remarked with a neutral expression.

The long-haired rider chuckled at his friend's comment and feeling that he had more than enough with this conversation, he decided to change the direction of it before it got too awkward. So taking the coffee pot from the fire, he asked his friend, "Some coffee?"

"I wouldn't want anything better right now," the Southerner replied, grabbing a tin cup and extending it towards Jimmy to be filled with the hot brew.

"Some liar you are," Jimmy muttered as he looked down at the cup he was pouring the coffee into. "Don't tell me that you'd rather not be with your girl between soft and white sheets?" At his words Kid blushed to the root of his hair, and Jimmy had to chuckle at the stunned look the Southerner gave him. "Don't you think we have a quite clear idea where you disappear to almost every night?" Jimmy shook his head at Kid's obvious naïveté and unable to hide his amusement, he kept grinning from ear to ear. With a pat to Kid's back, he said, "Don't worry, Kid. Your secret rendezvous are safe with me." He paused briefly and turning his eyes back to the coffeepot he was still holding, he added, "You're right. Coffee's the best we can have right now. It keeps our heart warm and alive and unlike women, there are no complications."

The Southerner had to laugh heartily. "Jimmy, you shouldn't spend so much time with Teaspoon. You're starting to sound like him."

Hickok sent him an irritated look as he said, "Shut up, Kid." The Southerner couldn't conceal his amusement, but opted for not saying anything. He was glad to have talked things out with Jimmy and they could go back to their old ways. Both riders relapsed into silence as they sipped their coffee in that starred, summer night.