Chapter 39
Weeks passed quickly and life in Rock Creek had fallen into a different routine. War in the east had made many local men leave their homes and join the conflict thousands of miles away. The differences were evident to anyone who walked through town. Some of the businesses had closed down as their owners had moved out of Rock Creek, and the normally busy streets looked deserted more often than not. Fortunately, the town was also receiving a gradual influx of families that were fleeing from the unsafety of a land that was being savagely torn by the terrible war. Although Rock Creek was far from the action, the news of what was happening in the east reached them punctually.
Louise clearly noticed how all this information was affecting Kid. The shadow of strain and bitterness was evident in his face, making him appear somehow cold and detached. He never talked about what she knew worried him, and when Lou asked him directly, he simply didn't answer or changed the subject straightaway. It infuriated Louise the way he kept her in the dark in this respect. Her life was beginning to feel like a torment as each day she had to live with the constant fear of learning that he might decide to leave. Louise didn't know what was worse: to know for sure or this maddening uncertainty. Other than this continuous worry, things couldn't have been better between her and Kid. If felt as if they had been together all their lives and after that serious disagreement weeks ago, everything seemed to have fallen into place.
Louise turned her head to one side to look at his smiling face as he animatedly talked to his friends. Being her day off, Lou had decided to come over to the station and Rachel had insisted that she stayed for lunch. Extraordinarily today the only three remaining riders were at the station at the same time, and Lou could tell the blonde woman couldn't look more pleased as she served the food to her boys. Louise knew that it had been hard for the Express group to adapt themselves to the new situation with the sad absence of several members and the news of the war bombarding from everywhere. Yet, as Rachel had rightly said, life had to go on despite everything, and they had gradually got used to the new routine imposing on them.
Lou looked around the table and her eyes fell on Rosemary, who was sitting at the further end of the table next to Jimmy. She was really a strange woman, Louise thought. Although Rosemary was continually around the station or wherever Jimmy was, Lou knew that she and the woman would never be able to be close in the way she and Rachel were. They were civil and relatively amiable to each other, but still there was an insuperable distance which kept them apart.
Since Kid and Jimmy had repaired their dented friendship, the four of them had even had a meal at the local restaurant together, but even so, Louise just didn't feel comfortable in her presence. She didn't like the way that Rosemary looked at Kid or even at her as if she was trying to assess them, study them, sneak into their very souls. She made Lou feel awkward and apart from this uncomfortable feeling, Louise had noticed her veiled comments about Kid and his beliefs, and she hated that. Lou didn't know whether he didn't get the woman's hostile tone or he simply did his best to ignore her for his friend's sake. All in all, Kid didn't talk to her much and did everything to avoid being dragged into a conversation about something which surely would make tempers flare. Louise was glad that he could keep his calmness since she knew how difficult it must be for him not to explode on hearing those comments. As a matter of fact, Louise still didn't understand how someone like Kid could love a place so much to want to risk losing everything, even their lives, but she could accept the way he was.
It was now that she was seeing why he had been so against Rosemary. More than once Lou had been tempted to confront the woman and show her the sharpness of her tongue, but she had always refrained. The last thing she wanted was to embarrass or make him feel uncomfortable. Yet, Lou still felt insulted and vexed whenever Rosemary threw one of her subtle comments about Kid. Nobody was going to demean her man in front of her, and she knew that one of these days she wouldn't care about anything and would barge against her.
The door creaking open behind her made her snap of her reverie and the conversation around the bunkhouse stop. As all eyes fell on Teaspoon stepping inside, they all greeted the marshal warmly. He sat down at his usual place at the table while he removed his hat and wiped his forehead with a white handkerchief. "Boys… ladies," Teaspoon started gravelly, "I got news." His words instantly stilled everybody in the bunkhouse and all attention was drawn to the marshal. "It's over," he announced after a few seconds.
"You mean the Pony Express?" Buck asked with a surprised frown, and at the marshal's nod he added, not completely believing it was happening, "Just like that?"
Teaspoon nodded a second time, and Jimmy stated in a grave voice, "We're out of a job."
"I'm afraid so," the marshal replied morosely. When he had received the letter that morning, it had felt like the last blow to knock him out. With the end of the Express, he feared it would also mean the end of what was left of his small family.
"Great," Jimmy let out sarcastically as he sent a bitter look at Rosemary, who was silently watching with a calm and placid expression.
"I have an offer to make," Teaspoon continued. "One of my deputies left a couple of days ago, and if one of you wants it, the job is yours. The pay ain't great, but at least it's somethin' to keep you goin' before you make up your mind about what you wanna do."
"Not me," Kid, who had been quiet all this time, spoke up. "You know I already decided what I'm gonna do. I told you I'd only stay while the Pony Express was alive."
Teaspoon nodded and at the Southerner's words Lou's head shot to him as she looked at him with wide eyes. Her whole body started shivering, and she felt the urge to cry. Yet, she remained there, staring at Kid as if in shock. She was taken out of that state when his hand squeezed hers under the table, and he turned his head to her and smiled brightly. Lou, though, just couldn't bring herself to share his gesture and kept a serious expression. Kid didn't seem to notice anything amiss and simply continued listening to the conversation in the bunkhouse.
"Buck?" Teaspoon continued, but the Indian shook his head as he said, "Sorry, Teaspoon, but I have other plans."
Rachel sent him a quizzical look and unable to keep her curiosity in check, she asked, "Other plans?" Buck simply nodded and as he obviously wasn't going to explain himself, the station mistress insisted, "What other plans?"
Buck briefly met Kid's eyes across the table and said, "I'll tell you all in good time."
Rachel wasn't obviously satisfied with his answer but she didn't dare to insist. The woman feared that Buck would decide to go to his people, now that nothing was keeping him here. She knew that the idea had been playing on his mind since Ike had died, and maybe those were the plans he had mentioned. Rachel was aware that it would be dumb of her to expect the boys to hang around in the same way as when they had all been working for the Pony Express. They'd all eventually go different ways, but still she hoped they could still be seeing each other. Yet, if Buck returned to his Kiowa village, there was little or no chance that they would see much of him from then on.
"So, Jimmy, do you also have other plans or would you like to work for this old dog again?" Teaspoon asked.
Jimmy remained quiet for a few seconds, obviously fighting a battle inside his head and finally he said, "You ain't such a bad boss, so I guess I wouldn't mind to be under your orders again."
"Good!" Teaspoon exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table. He was clearly relieved that Jimmy had said yes, and at least he would stay in Rock Creek for a while.
Hickok slowly turned his head to Rosemary and found her accusing, angry eyes shooting daggers at him. After a beat she averted her gaze and adopting a proud stance, she stood up from the bench. "Excuse me," she said in a very serious voice before she dashed out of the house.
"Rosemary! Wait!" Jimmy called, jumping to his feet, but feeling that he had nothing much to say, he flopped onto his seat as he shook his head. The others in the bunkhouse had watched the scene between the pair, but didn't dare to say anything. The room was in complete silence as each of them was lost in their own thoughts. The only sounds which resounded were the cackling of the forks against the plates as they ate, or rather picked, at the rich pudding Rachel had served a few minutes ago. It was Teaspoon's voice which finally broke the silence after a while.
"Boys, let me congratulate you for the hard work you've done in all this time. Who would've thought that those thick-headed boys I met in Sweetwater would turn out to be not so bad after all?" A few twitters were heard and the marshal continued. "Feel proud of what you've done and don't let nobody tell you otherwise. But know that the most important deed you have pulled has been to stay together and support each other like a real family should. We've struggled, laughed, suffered, lived together all this time and I hope that the end of the Express won't mean the end of all this. Wherever your destinies take you, make sure there's always a little place in your hearts for those people you've grown to respect and love."
After Teaspoon's heart-felt speech nobody said another word. It was scary to think about what was going to happen from now on, especially under the terrible circumstances the country was in. Nobody had foreseen that by taking this job they would find a home, a real home. All the riders hadn't had one for years and after roaming for quite a while, it had been like a blessing to be part of something so special. It was as though all the pieces had assembled perfectly in this strange group of people and it was clearly amazing. The notion that the reason they all had come together was gone filled all of them with utter dread. Would they become strangers to each other? Would everything they had lived become a simple memory? Nobody could tell and they all hoped that despite everything they'd remain being a family.
A few hours later Jimmy rode to see Rosemary. She was now living in a small house she had rented in the farthest extreme of town. The young man took his sweet time to slide off his bay horse and tether it to the white fence that surrounded the dainty house. With slow steps he walked to the door and without much ceremony he let himself in.
"Rosemary?" he called but didn't get an answer. He could hear some noises coming from the kitchen, but he stood still in the middle of the hallway for a few moments, not looking forward to the confrontation he knew was in store for him. Knowing that he couldn't delay the matter much longer, he finally stomped towards the kitchen. When he stepped in, he saw Rosemary standing before the sink washing the plates left from last night's dinner. She didn't turn around to Jimmy even though he could tell by her stiff posture that she had heard him enter. "Rosemary?" Hickok called softly.
The woman slowly swung around as she dried her hands on the apron she was wearing and folding her arms over her chest she gave him a look that made him freeze in his place. "James, what a surprise!" she said sarcastically. "I thought you'd be busy locking up criminals and playing Rock Creek's national hero."
The young man let out a sigh, feeling that this was going to be harder than he had thought. "Please, Rosemary, let's talk."
"You want to talk now?" the woman barked, infuriated. "You made your decision without counting on me. So what's left to talk about?"
"I didn't plan on leaving you out. The news of the end of the Pony Express caught me by surprise as well as Teaspoon's offer. I accepted without actually thinking."
"So are you going to back out of it now?" Jimmy's silence told her all she needed to know, and she continued in the same angered tone. "I hate it when you make up those silly excuses to me." Jimmy was about to protest but the woman didn't let him. "Your friends had it perfectly clear when they said no to Teaspoon. I imagine Kid must have been very pleased when you made a fool of me in front of everybody."
"I didn't make a fool of you!" Jimmy exclaimed irritated. "And you're being unfair with Kid. He might have been hard on you, but he ain't that mean."
"Great! Now you even defend your dear friend against me!" she boomed sarcastically as she threw her arms upwards in frustration. "Anyway," she continued after a while, "I don't want to talk about Kid or his dumb girlfriend." Rosemary knew that she was starting to sound like a hysterical and jealous woman, but she didn't care. In fact, she was jealous of Louise however ridiculous that might sound to her own ears. She was jealous of the way she and Kid acted to each other when they were together. Rosemary wished Jimmy looked at her the way Kid looked at Louise.
Rosemary knew that Jimmy loved her and their circumstances were quite different. She was a recent widow and for the sake of decency they had to keep up appearances and not flaunt the intimate nature of their relationship in front of others. Yet, she wished Jimmy could let himself get carried away from time to time and show her how much she meant to him. Of course he was the kind of man that kept his feelings inside him and wouldn't make a show of it. Rosemary knew him, but that didn't prevent her heart from cringing as she sat in the bunkhouse, looking at those two sending coy smiles at each other as if they were alone in the room. Besides, Rosemary envied the way everybody fussed over Louise whenever she was around. They treated her as if she were part of that family they had formed. Rosemary knew that even though Kid had been the only one to voice his bad opinion about her, the rest had clear reservations about her. The woman felt like an outsider inside the group, and all that added up to her illogical dislike and jealousy of Louise.
"I don't know what's gotten into you today," Jimmy remarked, taken aback by the venom in her voice.
"I just feel deeply disappointed in you, James. We had plans and you've left me in the lurch," she added, this time more calmly.
"I never said yes," Jimmy reminded her.
"But you never said no either," the woman retorted. "I thought you understood how important this is. Isaiah would…"
"Damn it, Rosemary. I ain't Isaiah," Jimmy snapped angrily.
"I know that, and I've never intended to make you."
"Well, I feel as if I am a poor substitute to your perfect husband," Jimmy admitted bitterly.
Rosemary shook her head ruefully. "You've never understood me, have you?" she let out and they both remained in silence for a few minutes. "I'm leaving Rock Creek tomorrow," she announced after that brief break.
Jimmy walked the few steps separating them to stand before her and bringing his hands around her upper arms, he said, "I love you, Rosemary."
"I know," she replied softly. "But I need to do this. It's my whole life and I can't break with it for anything … for anybody." Jimmy nodded, feeling that they weren't so suited for each other after all. Rosemary needed a man who shared her passions and beliefs in the same strong way and Jimmy needed a woman who would simply be there for him, nothing else. That wasn't too much to ask, the young man thought irritated, but as he had told Kid, love was so damn difficult.
"I'll never forget you," Jimmy said as he leaned over and planted a soft kiss on her lips, the last kiss they would share. From now on loneliness would come and visit him at night again. Maybe this would be the worst decision he had made in his life, but somehow his heart told him that he wouldn't be happy living the kind of life Rosemary had already planned. He was a wild free soul and he probably wasn't meant to have a special one to share his good and bad days with. Love was overrated and he could be perfectly happy having a few good friends and a little romance from time to time. If he accepted his reality, maybe these moments wouldn't hurt so much as he was hurting right now.
After lunch at the station, Lou and Kid had driven to his property. Since Teaspoon's announcement neither had said much. The words the Southerner had said at the bunkhouse table were fresh in her mind, and Lou felt as if a hand was squeezing her throat hard and she hardly could breathe. She was scared stiff, but couldn't bring herself to talk to him. When he had suggested going to the ranch, she had simply nodded in agreement. Kid now spent some hours every day at his ranch, trying to finish those repairs, sometimes on his own and sometimes with Buck's help. Lou knew that the main part had already been done, and Kid had just bought some furniture for the house. Since Louise hadn't been to the place for a while, Kid wanted to show her all these improvements today.
The Southerner stopped the buckboard in front of the house and after jumping off it, he rounded the wagon to help Louise down. They walked to the house hand in hand, and when they stepped inside, she could quickly spot the changes in the lounge. There was a stout mahogany table with several chairs around it and a sofa placed opposite the fireplace. It wasn't much but Lou reckoned that those few additions gave the place a cozy atmosphere it didn't have before. She smiled at him in appreciation and expected him to lead the way upstairs to the master bedroom, which she knew he had also furnished. However, he stopped and steered her to his new table making her sit on one of the chairs while he took a seat opposite her. Louise looked at him with curiosity and had to smile when he took hold of her hand and bringing it closer to his mouth, he planted a feathery kiss on it. The Southerner didn't let go of her hand as he kept rubbing the back with his thumb.
"Lou," he started softly as she sent him a quizzical look. He paused briefly and then said, "There's something important I need to tell you."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, she pulled her hand out of his grasp and stood up nervously. "I don't wanna know!" she exclaimed loudly and turned from him, running to the other far side of the lounge. She stood before the window, fighting the tears that threatened to escape. Her reaction bewildered the young man and he stood up and came behind her.
"Lou?" he called softly.
"I don't wanna know," she repeated as she brought her hands to cover her ears while tears began trickling down her face.
Kid looked at her as if she had gone crazy all of a sudden, and placing a hand on her shoulder he turned her towards him. His hands lowered both of hers from where she had placed them over her ears. He didn't understand what was with her and the reason she was crying. "Lou, what's wrong?"
"Leave me alone and do what you want. See if I care," she barked among sobs.
"Lou, I don't understand. I was just trying to say …"
"I don't wanna know," she said at the top of her voice, cutting him off in mid-sentence.
"Know what, honey?" he asked, cupping her face in his right hand and caressing her cheek with his thumb.
Lou wanted to fight his touch, but she felt she didn't have the energy. "That you're leaving me to fight this goddamned war," she replied roughly and the tears soared as she uttered the words. Kid drew her to his arms as she sobbed against his chest. Her arms hugged him tightly as if this was their last minutes on this world before they were swallowed by the immense earth.
"No, honey," he spoke softly as he kissed the top of her head, "I ain't leaving you."
At his words Louise pulled away slightly and looked up at his face with a puzzled expression, "Wh…what?"
"I'm staying here with you. That's what I've been trying to tell you in the last ten minutes," Kid explained.
"Really? Are you serious?" Lou croaked, a small smile playing at her lips, but still not completely believing him.
Kid nodded with a big smile. "I just can't leave you. Mind you, it hasn't been easy for me to decide, but after everything that has happened there was no sense to return to a place that hasn't been my home for years. Virginia will always be special to me, but I want a future here … with you."
Lou started laughing as she pulled him closer and hugged him tightly. "Oh I'm so relieved!" she exclaimed in a happy voice.
They pulled apart but Kid kept his hands around her waist. "Did you truly believe I was leaving?"
"Well… yeah," Lou admitted sheepishly.
"The idea has been out of my head for a bit now. I thought you could tell. Why then would I take the trouble of repairing and furnishing this place if I wanted to leave?"
"I dunno," she replied dismissively. "But you wouldn't talk and I thought…"
"I just wanted to find the right moment … but well, with the Pony Express ending I couldn't wait any longer."
Lou punched him on the shoulder playfully as she exclaimed, "That ain't fair, Kid. You've made me live every day in complete anguish in the meantime."
"Sorry," the young man muttered bashfully. Despite feeling a bit annoyed, Lou smiled, love and relief surging through her overwhelmingly. The fear that had been present in the last few weeks had vanished at a stroke and she wanted to shout how happy she was. Without uttering a single word she wrapped her arms around his neck and crashed her lips against his. She wanted to let him know how much she cared for him and how happy he made her. After a while they broke the kiss breathlessly and smiling.
"I want to tell you something else, Lou." The girl sent him a quizzical look and Kid continued, "Maybe, I should have talked to you about this before, but I thought you wouldn't mind."
"What is it?" Lou asked a bit too snappily, running out of patience with his talking in riddles.
"I've asked Buck to join me in starting and running the ranch," he finally announced.
"Those are the plans he was talking about in the bunkhouse?"
Kid nodded as he explained, "I told him not to say anything before I talked to you. So what do you think?"
"Me?" Louise asked with a puzzled frown. "It's your ranch, and you can do whatever you wish."
The Southerner shook his head at her words. "Lou, I want to share my life… everything with you, and I hope you feel the same way. So I need to decide everything with you." He paused briefly and Louise gave him an ample smile. It warmed her heart to think that he really wanted a future in common for the two of them. They had never talked much about it and never once had he mentioned marriage, but his words now filled her with dreams and hopes. "So what do you say?" Kid urged her when she remained in silence.
"I like Buck," she answered truthfully.
"He's really good with horses," the Southerner added. "I wish Jimmy could be part of this as well, but I know he won't settle for that." Lou nodded in understanding and Kid continued, "I told Buck that he can build himself a place of his own on the property. There's more than enough land to put up a small house or hut."
"Can't he live in here with you? You could well spare one of the bedrooms upstairs."
"Well, Buck surely must want to have some privacy for himself," Kid replied. "We've had enough with sharing the bunkhouse all this time. I know I want my privacy, and I wouldn't appreciate having anybody's eyes or ears nearby if I want to do this," he said as he leaned in and nibbled at Lou's ear. She giggled and a moan escaped her lips while her whole body instantly reacted to his touch. "Which reminds me," he said, backing away and looking in her eyes. "I still haven't shown you my bedroom."
"Kid, I've already seen everything. Have you forgotten I helped you to choose the furniture?" she said. A few weeks ago Kid had spent almost the whole afternoon at Tompkins's trying to decide what furniture to order for the bedroom. Lou had helped him to choose and he had finally ordered a beautiful metal-framed bed, a beech wardrobe and a matching dresser. Kid had also bought the bedding, soft white sheets and a beautiful blue quilt.
"I know you have," Kid replied. "But you haven't seen how they look in my room." He paused briefly and directing his bright, mischievous glance to her, he whispered, "Besides, I haven't tried the bed yet, and I thought you could help me with that." With a quick movement he scooped her up in his arms.
"Kid!" she protested, squirming in his hold. "Put me down."
"Lou, stop wriggling or you'll end up on the hard floor," Kid admonished and she stopped the movements at once. "I won't let you fall if you keep still." Lou didn't look very happy but simply wrapped her arms around his neck for support. "So what about trying the … new furniture?" he asked as he started towards the staircase.
Lou had to smile at his question. "Where did you get this sassy?" she asked teasingly as he climbed the stairs with her in his arms. "Where's my quiet and shy Kid?"
The Southerner chuckled as he struggled to see his way towards the bedroom. "Honey, I'm just the same, but you simply drive me crazy. Can't think straight when I'm with you."
Louise let out a contented sigh as she rested her head against his chest. She really felt like the luckiest woman in this very moment. If she could stop time, she would want to do it right now. For once there were no black storms in view and despite what was happening around them, the horizon appeared clear and spotless to her eyes. Lou would never have thought that a man could make her so happy. But then Kid wasn't any man. He was the first and only to have shown her that there was nothing wrong in trusting somebody and letting herself be loved. The desire to love and be loved had grown in her insides and she just wanted to share it with the man she had fallen so hard for. She knew Kid wasn't perfect and could err like everybody else. He could sometimes exasperate her but at the end of the day she was sure of one and only reality. She had his love and he would be there for her. Problems would inevitably come their way and her insecurities would surely shake her again, but right at this moment none of that mattered. Nothing at all.