Chapter 42
Louise sat before the mirror at the dressing table Kid had bought for her a few weeks before. She yawned as she brushed her hair, trying to get rid of the tangles that the hairdo she had worn tonight had caused. They had returned from town barely an hour ago, and Kid had gone to check on the animals for the last time before turning in. Today had been full of emotions and sensations, and Lou had to admit that she has very tired after dancing the whole evening. As Kid had promised, they had gone to the social. She had had the opportunity to dress up and wear the dress Kid had bought her and now that it was longer, she had worn her hair in a knot. When Kid had seen her, he hadn't been able to say a single word, staring at her agape as if hypnotized. His blue eyes had looked brighter tonight as he kept looking at her and Louise had felt like the princess of those fairy tales her ma used to tell her.
It seemed that the memories of that fiasco of a social weeks ago had given way to the ones she had made tonight. Lou had danced all night, and contrary to what she had first thought, she hadn't been so clumsy on the dance floor. Rachel's instruction had really paid off, and she had felt as if walking on air whenever Kid and she had swung around the social hall. She had been in such high spirits that to her utter surprise she hadn't felt threatened when at some point Samantha had approached them and made small talk with Kid. She had even coaxed Kid into dancing with the schoolteacher, which of course had drawn a strange look from the Southerner.
Lou had assured him that it was fine by her in a low voice, but naturally as soon as she had seen the two of them dance together, her indifferent demeanor had crumbled down and a terrible anxiety had started to stoke in her chest. She knew it was foolish, but she couldn't help herself. Luckily, to her relief Buck had appeared as if heaven-sent and had asked her to dance, which had been a distraction to her troubled mind. Even with her head distracted, she hadn't been able to relax and only when the tune had finished, and Kid had been back to her side, she had been able to feel safe. Louise hated falling into these silly insecurities again and of course Kid had noticed the change in her straightaway. She had naturally dismissed the whole thing, excusing her long face to tiredness, and thankfully he hadn't said anything else about it. Despite this short silly moment, she had enjoyed the rest of the night and her insecure feelings hadn't dampened her mood till now.
Louise continued brushing her hair, which now reached past her shoulders, making her face look fuller and more feminine. Months ago the notion would have annoyed her, but right now she felt proud of the image reflected in the mirror. She wanted to look her best for Kid and like herself at the same time. Lou had to admit that she was now living the happiest and best moments of her life, and sometimes she felt that something might occur, which would result in her losing everything. It was difficult for her to believe that something this good could happen to someone like her and was actually happening.
Even though she had never accepted Kid's proposition officially, Louise had practically made the ranch her home. Almost all her clothes and other personal objects were now there, but she still kept her rooms in town. She wanted to believe that this was the way her life was going to be like from now on, but the fear that this wouldn't last nagged in her head and she didn't risk daring luck to prove her right.
A smile came to her lips instantly as she heard steps resounding outside the bedroom, which meant that Kid had finished with the horses and was on his way to her. The door slowly opened, and when Kid slid inside the room, he threw her one of those smiles that left her all shivery. Foolishly she found herself blushing and looked away. In her mind she knew it was ridiculous to feel as if it was new between them when they were practically acting like a married couple, but she couldn't help herself. Kid remained in the middle of the bedroom, watching her neat movements with the brush and when she stopped and put the brush down, he came closer and stood behind her.
"It's grown quite a lot," Kid said, their eyes meeting in the reflection of the mirror and, touching a few wisps with two fingers, he asked, "Are you gonna start wearing braids again?"
"No, of course not!" she exclaimed among giggles, snatching her hair out of his grasp. "You were right. I'm too old for them."
Kid rested his chin on her shoulder and still looking at her through the mirror, he whispered in her ear, "Well, you had a special charm with them. Maybe you can wear them for me sometime in private."
Louise laughed at his comment while he turned his face to kiss her neck. "Silly boy," she said playfully as she pushed his head away. Kid joined her mirth while he started to undress for the night. He shucked off his shirt and then sat on the bed to remove his boots. As soon as he felt the soft mattress under him, he let out a sigh and muttered, "God, I'm tired."
Louise swiveled on the chair to look at him and said, "Well, that's because maybe someone danced more than he should."
"Why, Miss McCloud, do I hear a tinge of jealousy in your voice?" the Southerner asked, playfully wiggling his eyebrows to her.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Lou replied, adopting a mocking dignified stance as she stood up from the chair and removed her dressing gown. "Besides, she might get to dance with my man," she started again as she slowly moved toward him and when she reached him, she straddled him, "but only me gets to do the kissing."
Hardly had she uttered those words before her lips covered his in a long, intense kiss. Kid's hand came round her waist while the other ran along Louise's left leg, which had gotten uncovered as the material of the nightgown had pulled back when she had sat on top of him. They continued kissing and Kid moved round and laid her on the bed. They pulled away slightly, but kept staring into each other's eyes. Kid rested his forehead against hers while his elbows propped on both sides of Lou's body. The girl brought her hand to caress his cheek and said, "I had a lovely night, Kid. Thank you."
"Really?" Louise simply nodded and Kid smiled happily. He was really glad that they had finally had the chance to go to a social and be a couple in public. They hadn't had many opportunities so far. Since his schedule with the Express had been pretty tight, especially in the last weeks when there had only been three riders at the station, he hadn't had much free time to go to one of these social events with Louise. Now that he was starting his own ranch and didn't have to leave town so often, he and Lou could enjoy some of that. Moreover, Kid was pleased that somehow tonight had made up for those memories that other pathetic social had left in Lou.
Kid kept looking into her eyes, feeling like the luckiest man in the world for having such a special woman in his life. She was the one he wanted to marry, have a family with and fight for. He knew that he had never loved anyone as much as he loved Louise McCloud. He might have thought that he had been in love before but after knowing Lou, he realized that this was the real thing, and couldn't thank heaven enough for giving him the opportunity to get to know her.
The Southerner saw her move her lips and realized that he had been so absorbed watching her that he hadn't caught the words that she had said, "What were you saying, honey?" he asked, reddening at his own absentmindedness.
Louise grinned amused and repeated, "I said I like Esperanza." Things between the young girl and Buck seemed to be progressing smoothly, and Lou had been able to talk to the woman their friend was apparently in love with. Esperanza still had difficulties with speaking and understanding the language properly but Lou could tell she was quite amiable and kind-hearted.
"Yeah, she's a good girl and Buck's clearly crazy about her," the Southerner replied as he sat up and finished getting undressed.
"I'm happy for them," Lou conceded, crawling to her usual place in bed and covering herself with the quilt.
"He's even thinking of proposing to her," the Southerner added hesitantly as he flopped down on the bed next to Lou while eyeing her carefully. What he'd just said was a bit of an exaggeration. Buck had told him that since he had met Esperanza, he was having all kinds of ideas about marriage and raising a family of his own. Of course Buck had never mentioned that he was actually thinking of proposing to Esperanza, but Kid wanted to see Lou's reaction. They had never talked about marriage openly, and he wanted to know what she thought about it without sounding too pushy.
"Really? Louise simply let out as she lay on one side and looked at him.
"You think it's too soon, don't you?" Kid asked warily, watching her reaction carefully. She looked very serious but he couldn't tell what was on her mind at the moment.
Louise shrugged her shoulders in indifference. "It's up to them, don't you think? If they feel ready to commit, who is to say otherwise?"
"Well, they had only known each other for a few weeks," Kid continued, unhappy with her unclear answers. All he wanted to know was whether Lou would gladly expect him to propose or not. They had been together like a couple for over four months, but Kid suspected that she'd feel it was too soon for them to tie the knot. That was all he wanted to know but he wasn't sure how to direct the conversation on that track and get a straight answer from her. "What would you do in that case?" he finally asked, holding his breath as he waited for her reply.
"I don't know, Kid!" Louise replied, feeling irritated by his questions. Even though she always told herself that she didn't care, deep inside she was a bit sore that Kid had never mentioned marriage to her. Yeah, they still had a long way to walk and really get to know each other, but Lou thought disheartened that he might have at least mentioned it if the idea was in his head. "Nobody has ever proposed to me," she said without thinking. "It's you who was engaged before and can talk about it from experience."
Kid remained quiet, frustrated for not getting a straightforward answer. Lou took his silence as a cue to continue. Now that she had brought up his previous engagement, she felt curious and wanted to know more. Even though she had known Doritha and Kid as a couple, the Southerner never talked about his first times with his former fiancée, and Lou hadn't had the nerve to ask him about something that also made her uncomfortable. Yet, him talking about wedding proposals had awakened her curiosity.
"When did you propose to Doritha, Kid?" she asked.
"What?" the Southerner exclaimed dumbfounded.
"How long had you known each other when you proposed to her?" the girl repeated.
"Lou…" he let out in a low warning voice.
"Come on. Why don't you tell me?" she insisted stubbornly.
"Because I don't want to talk about Doritha!" he snapped irritated in a loud voice. "That ended months ago and you know it." With a huff he turned over so that his back was to Lou. He knew he was overreacting, but not getting the answers he wanted was proving too much for him. Lou's nagging questions about Doritha had sent him into a foul mood. He didn't want to talk about his former girlfriend to the woman he loved, the woman he wanted to marry. That story was over and there was no need for them to have a conversation in which Doritha was the main topic when all he wanted to do was to talk about them, their future and over all, her dreams.
Lou was taken aback by his reaction to her question. Never had she thought that he was still hurting that much by what had happened with Doritha. Of course, Kid and his former fiancée had been together for almost a lifetime. They had grown up together in Virginia, and Lou reasoned that it was understandable that he found it hard to get over that disappointment. His destiny had been neatly drawn for him and all of a sudden everything had been smudged.
Lou remembered how Kid had asked her how to trust another woman again after Doritha's betrayal. Then they had started courting, and Louise had never given a thought to what kind of wounds Doritha's episode have left on Kid. She was now starting to understand something she hadn't seen before. Kid had built a wall to protect himself from anything that had to do with Doritha and their failed relationship. It wasn't the first time he got all defensive when Lou brought up the subject and somehow she could understand his reserves. It wasn't a piece of cake to get over life's heartaches, and after all it hadn't been that long since he and Doritha had broken up. Louise felt jealousy squeeze her chest, and even though she knew he loved her, she couldn't help it. She thought that she had behaved foolishly asking all those questions and therefore she tried to mend her blunder.
Sliding across the bed, Louise came closer to him from behind and brought her arm around his bare torso while planting a soft kiss on his shoulder blade. "I'm sorry, Kid. I didn't mean to make you angry."
The Southerner turned over so that he could look her in the eyes, and he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. "No, Lou. It's me who should be apologizing. I had no reason to snap at you like that." He sighed, feeling horrible for the way he had talked to her. She had only asked him an innocent question and didn't deserve his abrupt and unkind reply. "You know Doritha and I knew each other from our schooldays. When I left Virginia, I told her that I would send for her and we'd get married, but I never proposed to her in … well … a proper sense," he explained. "Anything else you want to know?"
Having known Doritha and how proper and prim she was, Lou was surprised to know that she hadn't demanded a right proposition from Kid. Lou had imagined that he would have gone out of his way to do it properly, on bended knee in a romantic setting, and now that she knew it had been done in a rush, Lou couldn't help but feel pleased. She wanted to know more for her curiosity had been aroused, but she said, "No, it's fine."
Kid didn't know whether her questioning came because Lou might still feel unsure about his feelings for her. Sometimes it was so difficult to make her see that she was the only one in his life. "You know I love you," he said in a husky voice, trying to soothe any fears or doubts she might have.
Louise smiled as she snuggled closer to his body and instantly she felt his hand roam along her leg under the nightgown. As if in perfect harmony their mouths joined at the same time, passionately kissing each other as their hands struggled to touch every single inch of skin in the other. Like a usual routine they joined in that rhythm, giving way to the powerful feelings that rose from the deepest corners of their hearts. Outside everything was calm; a starry night that walked step by step to finally die once again as soon as the first sunrays welcomed a brand new day.
Louise lay asleep with her head buried in the pillow. Everything was silent but for the occasional neighing of horses and the barking of a dog in the distance. The sound of the door creaking open made her grumble as she struggled to keep her eyes close and continue sleeping. "Come on, sleepy head. Wake up," Kid said as he pulled the curtains open, allowing the bright sunrays to light the whole bedroom. Louise's voice came muffled against the pillow, her words unintelligible to Kid. The Southerner approached the bed, sitting down on the edge next to her and leaning in, he planted a soft kiss on her bare back. "Come on, baby. Time to wake up."
Lou abruptly tossed on the bed, turning onto her back with an annoyed expression. "For goodness' sake, Kid, it's Sunday! Can't you let a girl have some rest?"
"Don't be so grumpy, honey," Kid replied with a smile. "It's almost noon, and I'd love to spend this lovely Sunday with my beautiful girlfriend." He stood up and walked towards the dresser where he had previously left a tray. "And I've brought you some breakfast," he said as he carried the tray to her.
Louise made a gesture of annoyance, and with a sigh she sat up and started looking for her nightgown, which she finally found crumpled on the floor next to the bed. After the intense night she and Kid had had, she would have wanted to sleep till late, but Kid was always such an early riser regardless what time he had gone to bed the night before. And what was worse was that he wasn't content with getting up early but had to force her to wake up as well. Lou put on the nightgown quickly and rested her back on the headboard while Kid sat down on the bed again, placing the tray on her lap. He had made scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes and sausages apart from brewing coffee and bringing some cookies that Lou had baked a couple of days ago.
"Are you planning to stuff me or what?" she exclaimed among giggles as she looked at all the food on the tray.
"Stop moaning. Be a good girl and eat," Kid retorted teasingly.
Lou smiled as she grabbed the fork and started eating while also forcing some of the food into Kid's mouth playfully. He tried to protest, but had to chuckle at her antics. After a beat she said, "I forgot to tell you something Tompkins told me last night."
"What is it?" he asked, furrowing his brow in concern. In the last weeks more than once Louise had had to work longer than usual for some reason or other, and he feared that the store owner had come up with something similar. Obviously, he was compelling her to make up for the week she had missed work for having to look after him, and Kid could tell that Louise looked more tired than usual.
"Well," she replied with an ample smile, "he said that I can still have a few days off to visit my brother and sister."
"Really?" Kid exclaimed surprised. Tompkins wasn't known for being one of the most generous men in Rock Creek, but rather the opposite, and it was quite odd that the man had suggested the idea himself without any coaxing from Louise. "He's awfully nice with you. Something I should be worried about?" he asked teasingly.
"Don't be silly!" she exclaimed, letting out a peal of laughter. "He's just grown quite fond of me."
"I know," Kid admitted in a soft voice. He could guess that Lou might remind the old store keeper of his own daughter, Jennifer. Even though the two girls were quite different physically, Louise was the same age and had the same spunk that Jennifer had. Tompkins's daughter had decided to move out to the east and live with some relatives of her mother's. She and the store owner didn't get along as they both had strong personalities and saw things in a totally different light. Kid could tell that Tompkins missed having her with him despite the fact that she had spent most of her childhood and youth among Indians, and the man might now regret his behavior and actions, which had made Jennifer, flee from his side. In a way, Lou had become some kind of surrogate daughter for the old man. She really knew how to deal with the often grumpy man without running out of patience or losing her composure.
Movement in the bed snapped him out of his thoughtfulness and saw Louise leave the tray on the bedside table and slid out of the bed. She opened the wardrobe to select something to wear today. As it was Sunday and a beautiful one too, she guessed that she and Kid could go for a ride on the buckboard later, so she'd choose something simple, but pretty enough at the same time. Kid came behind her and with a concerned frown he said, "Lou, can I ask you something?"
Louise swirled around to look at him and seeing his grave expression, she replied with a concerned frown, "Yeah, sure. What is it?"
"Can I tag along when you go see Jeremiah and Theresa? I'd love to."
"Of course you can!" she exclaimed with a big smile. By his expression seconds ago she'd have thought that he was about to drop the most terrible news on her.
Kid grinned happily as she turned to the wardrobe again and picked out a blouse and skirt for her to wear today. "Lou," he continued, following her around the bedroom like a lapdog, "do they know about us… you know … about us as a couple?"
"No," Louise simply said.
"Why not?" he asked again with a hurt expression.
Lou came to stand before his figure with the garments wrapped around her right arm. "I haven't seen them in ages, and this ain't something I can explain to two children in a letter." Kid nodded in understanding and Louise added, "Theresa's gonna be thrilled when we tell them, but I can't say the same about Miah. He might not understand that you have chosen me as your girlfriend."
"Don't say that. You know he loves you," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and placing a soft kiss on her cheek. Louise smiled while looking into his blue eyes.
"I'm really looking forward to seeing them. It's been so long," she said in a dreamy voice. It was months since she had last seen her siblings. In the letters she punctually received from them they kept asking her when she would come to Saint Jo and see them. It broke her heart to have to reply that she couldn't leave Rock Creek, but fortunately the wait was over and she'd be able to visit them soon.
"I know," Kid replied and suddenly a thought struck him. "You shouldn't have to endure to be apart from them. Those children need you and you need them."
"Well, it can't be helped," Lou replied with a grave expression.
"That's where you're wrong," Kid said and as Lou cast him a quizzical look, he added, "They can live here with us. We can furnish the other bedrooms and … I'll be happy to have them here, you know that."
"No, Kid," she said, lowering her head while disengaging herself from his hold.
"Why not, Lou?" he asked, placing a finger under her chin and lifting her gaze towards him.
"Kid, we ain't in no situation to do that," Louise replied. "I ain't dragging my siblings into the middle of something that we ain't sure about."
"I'm very sure of what I feel, Lou," the Southerner replied seriously. "I like to think of us like a family, including your two siblings, and I hope you feel the same way."
Lou sighed wearily, cursing herself for her clumsy tongue. "Kid, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying that it's too soon. What if things don't work out for us?"
"You know that I'd do anything for you. I don't intend to lose you," Kid continued stubbornly.
Louise sighed again. "Kid, I am just saying we take things slowly. I'm glad that you feel that way about my siblings, but let's just wait a bit." She had to admit that his gesture had moved her greatly, but she needed to keep a cool head. As much as she would love to have Jeremiah and Theresa in Rock Creek, she knew that she couldn't let herself get carried away. Things between her and Kid were more than fine now, but what if the situation changed for the worse? She couldn't let her siblings suffer for something which only involved her directly. Besides, how could she offer a home to them living with a man that wasn't her husband? Kid talked about love and family, but could they pretend it was fine to be living as husband and wife without actually being married? Apparently, he had no problem with it and well… she didn't care about that much either, but if they included her young siblings in the picture, it would be different.
Kid nodded, feeling his heart shrink with disappointment. 'It's too soon,' she had said and with those brief words she has answered the question that had been in his mind all those days, It was clear that she believed that it was early for them to take another step in their relationship. Yeah, Lou was right, but lately Kid had started to grow concerned about their situation. It had been his idea that she should move to the ranch, but he was starting to be worried that people might look down on her because of living with a man out of wedlock. Kid knew how cruel people could be and even though Lou wasn't someone to care much about others' opinions, those comments could always be extremely hurtful. A man wasn't subjected to that kind of appraisal, but women were an easy target, and Kid didn't want anybody to judge or harm the woman he loved. Of course he wanted to marry her, he had wanted to marry her for a long time now. He had never been as sure of something as he was of his love for her. Yet, Lou still thought that they should wait, and Kid couldn't do anything else but respect her wishes.
"We'll do what you want," he said, voicing the conclusion his internal ramblings had reached.
Louise smiled and planted a smacking kiss on his cheek. "Thank you! We'll plan the journey to go to Saint Jo in a few weeks. And now let me get dressed for once and for all!"
"Yes, milady," Kid replied, bowing to her teasingly, which caused her to laugh out loud and picking up the tray with the remains of her breakfast, he left the room. Louise stood still for a few minutes, a big smile playing on her lips. She couldn't complain of anything right now; she had the most loving man in her life and if things continued this good between them, she would be able to send for her brother and sister, the dream she'd thought she'd never be able to make a reality. Knowing that Kid wanted them in his house meant the world to Lou. However, it still worried her because she didn't want to be a burden for him.
Her pay in the general store wasn't great and if they decided to take in her siblings it would mean two more mouths to feed. Kid was just starting his business and had too many debts already. Yet, Lou was hopeful and wished one day they could be the family he had been talking about in the near future. Marriage or no marriage, she was happy with her life with Kid and would do her best to try to make things work for them. They had both had hard lives and it was high time they enjoyed peace and happiness. Fate had joined them together for some reason and no problems would make her break from him. In her heart she knew that they belonged together and nothing would ruin it.