Settling the Score

Filch Hath No Fury Like an Andy Scorned

Time stopped.

Completely and totally stopped.

I'd always read about that happening in books, or seen it done with special effects in some B-rated epic romance film, but I'd never believed it could actually happen. At least, not without a time-turner or a really advanced Chronomentia spell.

However, with the back of my body flattened against Wood, his rough hand pressing against my hip-bone as the other slipped down the curve of my neck, lips moving deftly over mine, time had come to a complete and impenetrable halt.

It's odd, you usually think that your head would explode with a series of volcanic reactions and thoughts if something like this happened to you—that you'd be consumed by shock, anger, outrage, anything. But right now, the only thing I could feel was heat.

Dazed, hazy, burning heat.

Distantly, I felt myself kissing him back, my lips parting completely on their own accord as his mouth pressed on roughly, deepening the kiss. That was the extent of my brain's involvement, however—observation. My brain cells seemed to have conveniently shut off for the moment.

"…over here, my sweet? I ain't hearing nothin'…"

Neither of us acknowledged the sound of Filch's voice—on the contrary, my hand managed to find its way to Wood's face, slipping up the sharp line of his jaw before venturing into his thick, dark hair. This action seemed to encourage an instant reaction, for he swiveled me about with a gruff pull, his lips immediately recapturing mine as my chest collided with his.

"…bloody vermin run around the castle like it's a playground…"

His voice was getting louder, the raspy wheeze more distinguishable, though the heat of Wood's mouth on mine was making me dizzy, sending my thoughts into a chaotic spin where nothing made sense anymore. Amidst the hazy confusion, his arm had found its way around my waist, pressing me tightly against him as his other hand slipped into my wild tangle of curls.

"…let's see, shall we? There be no use in gettin' the keys if nobody be in there…"

I felt my arms instinctively wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer, giving in, wanting more—this was ludicrous! All sense of rationality within me was screaming for me to break away now, that I was going to severely regret every moment of this godforsaken kiss, but I repeat:

Rationality has never been a strong point of mine.

"Hello?" Filch's cold, raspy voice rattled, his shuddering breaths audible through the mottled wood of the door. A shadow had come over the crack under the door, blocking the faint light of the hallway and obscuring the stolen kiss in darkness. "Any of you vermin in there?"

A strange sense of urgency was starting to build between us now, for Wood's grip had tightened on my waist, his movements growing far rougher, hungrier. I could feel the air tighten around me as the threat of reality drew closer, for I knew that the instant we broke apart, realization would hit.

And it would hit hard.

"Speak now, you bloody rogues, or you'll be locked in there till t'morrah," he rasped, making a distant flag of caution shoot up inside me. My window of opportunity was slowly starting to shrink.

"An' tomorrow just so 'appens to be Hogsmeade, so I'm off me duty till night patrol," he wheezed, his voice taking on a strangely eerie quality. "No food, no water…"

My thoughts were swimming, the burning feeling of Wood's touch, taste, scent, everything making me unable to think properly. He was an intoxicating kisser, effortlessly reeling my thoughts back over to him whenever they began to teeter toward common sense.

In fact, every time Filch spoke, he'd do something—trail his fingertips along my neck, brush his thumb over my cheek, anything—to keep me distracted. In fact, it was almost like—like he was just…

And that's when reality hit, cold and hard, just as promised.

This sense of urgency, this uncanny ability to throw me off, this enthralling hunger in his kiss—it had nothing to do with the fact that he was snogging me. He was just trying to make me shut the fuck up.

Hell, he'd even told me that beforehand, and yet here I was, snogging him back like a pathetic, easily-wooed idiot. Pulling him closer, unable to resist, briefly deluded into thinking he was actually meaning it—oh, God, kill me!

Almost instantaneously, I broke away from him, shoving him backwards with as much strength as I could muster. An entirely different kind of heat than from earlier was flooding my cheeks, fueled by rage and embarrassment, stemming from my utter frustration with myself. How the hell could I have given in so bloody easily!?

This was all a strategic little ploy, and here I was, going along with it like it was sodding real!

"…you sure it was this one, Mrs. Norris? I still ain't hearin' nothing…"

Wood only seemed to have stumbled backwards a few inches, for I could still feel the warmth of his body. It simultaneously made me lightheaded and nauseous—I'd just snogged Wood. Willingly. I'd gone along with every touch, responded to every bloody move, let myself succumb to every sodding second of it—!

My eyes were incensed, electric with the rage that comes from embarrassment. During the entire blasted thing, he had probably been having a fucking field day in his sadistic little head—and there I was, snogging him.

Inhaling sharply, I raised my livid gaze up to his, preparing myself for the smug satisfaction that would undoubtedly be sparkling in his gaze. The derision, the mockery—it was all inevitable, and I wasn't sure I could handle it without throttling him to the ground.

However, to my slight surprise, all my gaze met was an entirely inscrutable face.

His amber eyes were unusually dark, betraying nothing but guarded observation. His eyebrows were drawn together over his gaze, and his lips were curved into the slightest of frowns. He almost looked… puzzled.

"…if you're in there, it's your last chance to speak up…"

Not knowing how to interpret such a vague look, I merely brushed it off, letting my anger swallow me as I tilted my chin up defiantly. If he thought he'd won, he was vastly mistaken. "There are two of us in here, Mr. Filch," I pronounced loud and clearly, eyes narrowing with satisfaction as Wood's intent expression broke.

"Oliver Wood and Andora Wiles," I clarified, more to be a bitch than anything. Wood closed his eyes, growling a curse under his breath—he knew he was officially fucked now, courtesy of a woman scorned.

"…seems you were mistaken, my sweet…"

My smug stare crumpled slightly—what?

"…ain't nobody here but you and me…"

I could feel Wood's eyes snap open, a faint sense of hope filling the air around him. "No, Filch—we're in here!" I announced, far louder than before. "Two students, locked in!"

"…should be going now, m'lady…"

"Filch!" I yelled, stalking over to the door and rapping on it fiercely. "Filch, we're in stuck in here! Students! Vermin! Rogues!"

However, all I received in response was a rather disgruntled meow and the sound of receding footsteps. Shocked, I watched as the old man's shadow flickered away from the doorway, making me feel horribly helpless. "FILCH!"

When nothing came from my final, desperate screech, I rounded on Wood, glare accusing. "What the hell did you do?"

Still somewhat out of it, Wood met my gaze. "I didn't—"

"I don't want to hear it!" I snapped irrationally, fully aware that I had just asked him a question but somehow unable to care. The last thing I needed to hear right now was some lewd, mocking comment.

His gaze crumpled with confusion, though I sent him a warning look as he made to speak. "Not a word," I growled, not knowing what he would say, but preferring silence over utter mortification.

Surprisingly obedient, he fell quiet.

For a few long moments, we both stood in a tense silence, unspoken thoughts racing through the dark air. After a while, he dropped his gaze downward, frown riddling his face as he immersed himself in thought. I simply began pacing—there were so many sordid emotions to sort out in my head, I didn't even know where to begin.

"I just want you to know that meant nothing to me," I suddenly heard myself snapping, tone petulant.

He glanced up from his thoughts, expression distant. "What?"

"That… kiss," I gritted out. "I know you probably think you swept me off my sodding feet, being the chauvinist git that you are, but I want you to know that you didn't—I was actually repulsed."

He merely held my stare for a moment, unfazed amber on defensive green, before dropping it back to the floor, totally dismissive. For some reason, this made me angrier.

"And you know what else?" I pressed on, feeling the need to keep talking, "you're lucky Filch has gone temporarily deaf, because that little episode qualifies as 'sexual harassment'—you may've heard of it, it's against the law."

Again, he merely ignored my huffy ranting, easing back against the wall as he let his eyes run over the shelves. My temper sparked—why the hell was he so bloody unfazed by everything all of a sudden?

"And don't think that I won't report this to Dumbledore the second I get out of here—if you think you're off the hook, you're sorely mistaken." I awaited his reaction, itching to elicit something, though to my immense annoyance, he remained careless and indifferent.

My glare sharpened, "And what's more—"

"Wiles, let's make a little agreement," he suddenly spoke, taking me a bit by surprise, "I shut up, you shut up—agreed?"

Caught slightly off-guard by his brusque tone, it took me a moment to answer. "I—no."

"No?"

"No," I repeated, expression stubborn.

"You might want to rethink that answer," he warned, eliciting a scoff from me.

"And why's that?"

Something shifted in his gaze, which narrowed as he eased himself off of the stone wall. "Because I've recently discovered a pretty damn effective way of making you shut up, but I get the subtle impression that you wouldn't like it very much."

My skin heated instantly at the comment, flustering me slightly as he moved closer. "Oh, please, Wood—the only way that would shut me up is if I died of horro—"

"You're still talking, Wiles."

"I'm well-aware of that, thanks," I snapped as he continued forward, taking an instinctive step back, "but I'm not just going to shut up whenever you want me to, so you might as well get used to the idea now."

His eyes rolled briefly as he continued closing in on me, "Still talking."

"Yeah, I am!" I retorted, feeling increasingly flustered as I took yet another step back, caught between wanting him to stop it already and proving that I'd shut up when I wanted to. "And for your information, I'll talk whenever I bloody well want to—"

"Still talking."

"I know, damn it, I'm proving a sodding point—"

My words halted as my back collided with the wall, suddenly incredibly aware of how small this damn room was. Glancing around a bit anxiously, I searched for the easiest route of escape, wondering if Wood would keep up this little tango all night.

"Are you done?" he asked, making my somewhat skittish gaze zero back onto him. He was a little less than an arm's length away, though he'd thankfully halted at my silence.

"You know what—no," I announced stubbornly, refusing to let him win this little game, stupid though it may be. "As a matter of fact, I'm—"

My words were cut off, however, as his hands firmly planted themselves on either side me. "I'll ask you again: are you done?"

My eyes widened—was he seriously cornering me? "What the hell do you think you're—"

Again, I was cut off as his whole body pressed forward, all but flattening me against the wall. I nearly choked in a mixture of shock and outrage, meeting his eyes with a scandalized glare as my heart began pounding in my chest.

"Let's try this one more time," he drawled, eyes tinged with a hint of wryness as he lowered his face to mine, infuriatingly calm. Pausing just before his lips reached mine, he let himself linger, mouth curved ever so slightly. "Are. You. Done."

My heart fluttered despite itself, its beat jagged and irregular. Internally, I cursed myself, refusing to believe that any part of me was tempted to say 'no' for reasons other than proving my point. Wood's stare remained fixed on mine as I debated my answer, dark and roguish, daring me to refuse.

I must've contemplated too long, however, because after a few moments of silence, a slow smile pulled at his mouth. "That's what I thought," he murmured.

For a moment, he merely lingered there, lips hovering right above mine. However, the moment passed, and slowly, almost reluctantly, he pulled away.

My eyes flew shut as he pushed himself off the wall, drawing back as I exhaled in what I wouldn't acknowledge as anything other than relief. My whole body felt strangely skittish and cold without the heat of his, though I dutifully ignored this, leaning back against the cold wall instead.

A few feet away, I heard a bit of rustling, and I surmised that Wood had probably settled himself on the floor again. He sighed—a low, exhausted kind of sigh that briefly filled the room—though I could hear the hint of satisfaction in the sound. "Night, love."

My eyes fluttered open. "You're going to slee—"

"Ah, ah, ah," he tutted, sprawled out on the floor, eyes closed. "No talking."

"But—"

"Ah."

"Wood—"

"Ah."

"Damn it—"

"Don't make me go over there and snog you, Wiles."

Grudgingly, I fell silent, prompting a small smirk to curl itself onto his lips. Sighing irritably, I too slid down to the floor, landing in a rather uncomfortable heap on the hard stone. I tried in vain to get comfortable, though after a few futile attempts, I simply gave up.

Propping my head back against the wall, I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the chill of the night air. "Oh, and Wood?"

He grunted, clearly annoyed.

"I'm not your 'love'."

I didn't bother with checking his reaction, sensing the amusement almost instantly as he sighed. "Whatever you say."

I waited for it.

"Love."

I smirked, despite myself.

Prick.

"…how do you work this thing!?"

"Shhhh!"

"I'll bloody shhhh when you tell me how this works!"

"You press the button, moron!"

"Which button?"

"The only damn button on there!"

"Wh—"

Suddenly, a loud, blinding flash filled the room, filtering through my closed eyelids and making me stir slightly. Above me, the previous whispers subsided, though my brain wasn't really registering them anyway—all it registered was exhaustion.

Warmth, comfort, and exhaustion.

"D'ya reckon we woke her?"

"Not we—you."

"Oi, I'm not the one who—"

"All in favor of Alicia stuffing it say 'Aye'—aye."

"Aye."

"Bints."

Groaning, I tried to block out the pesky whispers, snuggling closer into my warm pillow. My body was heavy with sleep, and it responded accordingly as my pillow's arm pulled me closer, draped protectively over my waist.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

Sleep and sleep and—

Suddenly, two very disturbing things hit me. One: pillows don't have arms. Two: even if they did have arms, it wouldn't matter, because I didn't have a bloody pillow!

Suddenly very much awake, my eyes flew open, immediately wincing at the bright morning light. However, even in the sun's glare, I could make out Wood's bare chest beneath my arm, as well as the fact that my head was nestled onto his shoulder.

Far too hastily, I shot up, knocking my head into his chin in the process. I winced in pain as he groaned, clearly displeased with the rude awakening. Bringing my hand to my head, I rubbed the sore spot, cursing quite loudly under my breath.

And then a tiny little giggle made me freeze.

A tiny little strangely Alicia-like giggle.

"Merlin, she's so dim, it's almost cute."

A giggle who's owner was about to die.

Beside me, I felt Wood stirring into consciousness, blinking in confusion for a few moments before slowly sitting up. "What…?"

Tearing my gaze away from him, I brought it to the doorway instead, my eyes slitting dangerously at the sight before me. Angelina stood with a somewhat wary look, Katie's eyes were positively glowing, and Alicia merely smirked obnoxiously, camera in hand.

"Revenge," I croaked out in response to Wood, the raspy quality giving the word a slightly terrifying effect. "Revenge is what."

And before anyone could respond, I'd scrambled to my feet, letting out a war-like growl as I charged.