Chapter 50

Kid slowly opened the door to his bedroom, and the first thing he perceived were the sounds of somebody quietly crying. The Southerner then saw Rachel wiping the remains of blood off Lou's face while weeping softly. On hearing the door open, the woman turned her head and made an indefinite gesture as a greeting to the young man. Kid advanced towards the bed without saying a single word and when he reached it, he ruefully looked down at Louise's still figure. Her head was wrapped in bandages as well as her left shoulder. Kid guessed that under the quilt her middle would also be bundled up in a dressing. Her face was as white as the material around her head except for the bruises smudging her beautiful skin.

The young man took her hand and planted a soft kiss on it. "Oh Lou," he cracked.

Rachel squeezed his shoulder comfortingly and said in a pitiful voice, "We need to believe she's gonna be fine."

The Southerner nodded and without averting his yes from Louise he muttered, "She's lost the baby."

"I know."

"It's as if we've been snatched of everything that makes us happy in a second," Kid let out shakily.

"Honey, you need to think positive," Rachel offered. "Louise will get well and then you'll have the rest of your lives to have as many children as you want."

Kid didn't even dare to dream of what the future held for them now. In the last few days his mind hadn't stopped imagining their life together and making plans for the two of them. All that had been severed dramatically, and Kid feared that none of those dreams would take place. "She looks so pale," he whispered, his hand stroking hers softly.

"Kid, she's very sick. It's just natural."

The Southerner simply nodded while keeping his eyes focused on Louise intently. He and Rachel lapsed into silence and for a few minutes neither said a word.

"Rachel," Kid started wearily, "would you mind staying with her a bit longer? I would like to go and see the children. You know, they were quite shaken and scared when they saw their sister."

"The poor dears!" the woman replied sadly. "Of course I don't mind."

"Thank you, Rachel." He turned his eyes to Louise and leaning in, he kissed her cold, unresponding lips briefly. "Honey, I'm gonna see the children now, but I'll be back to you very soon." He paused briefly, his heart hoping that she opened her eyes and laughed at him, but nothing happened. With a sigh Kid turned round and left the room.

As soon as Theresa saw the young man appear, she ran to hug him while Jeremiah remained on his seat with his eyes downcast. The Southerner made the girl sit as he also sank down on a chair at the kitchen table and rested his elbows on its surface.

"How's Louise?" Theresa asked in a thin voice.

"I'm afraid she's a bit unwell," Kid replied, unsure of how to explain Lou's critical situation to the two siblings. "She's going to need some time to get better."

"Can we see her?" she asked again.

"Maybe tomorrow," answered Kid. He didn't want the children to see Lou like that, but he knew that he couldn't stall them forever. Hopefully, Lou would get some of her color back and look a bit better by the following day.

"I want to give her a kiss and show her the picture I've made for her," Theresa whined, showing him a paper in which she had drawn the ranch and four figures which roughly resembled Louise, Kid and the two children.

The Southerner sighed wearily as he looked at the picture. "This is very nice, Tessie, but I'm afraid your sister can't see it right now." He realized this was being way more difficult than he had first bargained for. "You see… uh … she's unconscious."

"Unco…?" Theresa tried in vain to repeat the word which she had never heard before.

"It means she's sleeping so deeply you can't wake her however hard you try … uh … like …"

"Like dead," stated Jeremiah, who had been quiet all this time and looked on the verge of tears.

"No! Jeremiah, no!" Kid almost shouted. "Lou ain't well, but I want to believe she'll wake up soon." The two children listen to him intently and the Southerner continued, "In the meantime we can pray for her." The siblings nodded, and Kid realized that the boy still looked troubled. "What is it, Jeremiah?" asked the young man.

The boy didn't reply straightaway and seemed to be fighting in his head to find the way to express his thoughts. "Louise … uh … is it because of me that Louise is like that?"

"What?" Kid exclaimed with a flabbergasted expression. "What prompted you to say that?"

"Sister Amelia says that bad things happen when we aren't good. And I haven't been a good brother to Louise… always difficult and complaining."

"Miah, it's true that bad actions may sometimes bounce back on ourselves," Kid started, trying to choose the words as best as he could. "But don't go thinking like that, buddy. You haven't done anything wrong… She's just suffered an accident. Don't blame yourself because it is nobody's fault."

Jeremiah didn't try to reply and kept staring at the young man with bright eyes. He felt like crying, but he fought them stubbornly. Everybody said that men didn't cry, but those words sounded so stupid right now when he was hurting so much inside. His lower lip began to quiver and without any warning he started sobbing loudly.

Kid quickly brought Jeremiah against his chest while saying soothing words. Theresa soon joined her brother and as she cried, she came closer to the pair and hugged them both tightly. The three remained joined in a tight embrace and the Southerner felt the tears he had been holding all afternoon run freely. He was so scared of his life and didn't want to imagine how he could go on if the worst came to worst. Lou was his future, his present and the woman of his life; this shouldn't be happening. Fate couldn't be so cruel as to snatch from him the only reason that made him smile every day. The ranch, his dreams, his whole life were meaningless without Lou. He had never loved somebody as much as he loved her. The doctor had to be wrong. She couldn't die on him. Lou would come back to him because otherwise, life was nothing but a damn dirty lie.

When the two siblings had calmed down, Kid saw to it that they ate some dinner and later they went to bed. The whole evening the Southerner alternated between staying with the children and going to the bedroom to check on Lou. She hadn't stirred at all and Kid wanted to cry bitterly every time he saw her so still and lifeless. Teaspoon and the boys had gone an hour ago, and Kid had also managed to persuade Rachel to go home too. The woman hadn't left Lou's side for one single minute in all this time and it was noticeable that she needed her rest. The day had been too trying for all of them, and Kid knew that in Rachel's case it had been even harder. The woman had grown very fond of Louise, as if she were a younger sister or even a daughter, and it was just natural that she felt so strong after what had happened.

After saying good-bye to Rachel from the porch, Kid headed for the kitchen. His throat was on fire and his head was throbbing painfully, so he intended to have a cup of tea before going back to Lou. On entering the kitchen, he saw Doritha sitting at the table, holding a steaming cup between her hands. His mind had been so jumbled that he hadn't given a single thought to the woman. In fact, after her hysterical outburst earlier, Kid didn't even recall seeing her in the house at all.

Doritha threw a sympathetic smile at Kid when she saw him enter. Without a word the Southerner sat opposite her while the woman took hold of the teapot and poured a cup for him. Kid took it from her hand in silence and kept staring down at the cup as if in a trance.

"How are you, Kid?" Doritha's voice snapped him out of his abstraction.

"How do you think?" he replied with a rueful expression, and feeling he had been too abrupt to Doritha, he hurried to apologize. "Forgive my rudeness. I have so much on my mind…"

"It's understandable," the woman said with a candid smile. "Life can often hit us very hard. So sad for somebody as young as Louise."

Kid didn't want to go round the same conversation over and over again. He knew that Lou was in a serious condition, and he had had more than enough consoling words that evening. Nobody could tell what was going to happen and he didn't want to talk about it anymore, and be left with his own thoughts. Therefore, he decided to change the direction of the conversation. "So are you leaving Rock Creek tomorrow?"

"Of course not!" Doritha exclaimed. "I'm not leaving you alone in this situation. You're going to need your friends and I'll be here for you."

"I appreciate the gesture, Doritha," Kid replied in a low voice. "But you shouldn't change your plans for me."

"Nonsense!" the woman insisted. "I'm not going anywhere and that's final." Kid didn't try to retort back and looked at her with a neutral countenance. Doritha cleared her throat while wringing her hands nervously and after a beat she added, "Kid, I want you to know that I'm very sorry about what I said about Louise last night. I didn't mean any of that. It's just… well … it's kind of hard to come to terms with the fact that you've lost the man you always dreamt to share your life with."

Her words made him feel very uncomfortable and fixing his eyes on her he said, "I'm sorry, Doritha. I never meant to harm you but Lou's the woman I love."

"I understand," she muttered half-heartedly. She would never fully understand how Kid could've chosen to be with somebody like Louise over her. Now that she was about to step out of the picture forever, with time Kid would realize that the weird infatuation he had had for her was nothing but a whim. This accident was going to bring so much good to everybody that Doritha was starting to believe that it was part of God's plan to do justice for her.

"If you'll excuse me," Kid said after finishing his cup of tea, "I'm going to sit with Lou. Good night."

Without waiting for her answer, the Southerner dashed out of the kitchen and climbed the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. When he approached the bedroom, he stopped momentarily in front of the door to breathe in deeply and then slid inside. His eyes immediately fell on Lou, who was in the same position as last time. She was so still and an eerie feeling coursed all over him as he watched her. With slow steps Kid came closer to the bed and approaching his face to hers, he breathed out relieved when he felt her weak intakes of air on his skin. For a few minutes he stared at her face, wishing with all his heart that she would open her eyes to him, but Louise remained as quiet as she could possibly be.

Taking her hand in his, Kid sank down on the bed next to her as carefully as possible and kept looking at her with great intensity. "I love you so much, Lou," he started with a very soft voice. He paused briefly and kissing her hand he added, "You've gotten into my soul so strongly that I can't imagine my life without you. You're like no woman I've ever met. So much has happened between us, hasn't it?" He stopped to cast a glimpse at her, absurdly hoping she could answer him, but Louise remained undisturbed. "I still remember when we first met," he continued with a sad smile. "I thought you were gonna hit me with that scrubbing brush, remember? You appeared before me like a strange vision, your braids dangling at your sides, your face lit up and as mad as I'd ever seen a woman before. Yet, something attracted me to you from the very first moment, rude and all. I used to call you the rudest girl in the world, remember? Most wonderfully rude." Kid let out a sigh as the memories overcame. "Lou, you have to come back to me, honey," he cracked. "I need you. Please come back to me."

Days went by, turning into weeks and Lou continued in the same condition without apparent change. Life on the ranch had fallen into a different routine than the one they had had so far. Teaspoon and the boys took turns to help Kid with the chores around the ranch and thus give him time to take care of the children and Lou. Rachel was also proving to be an invaluable help. In the morning she came to pick up the two siblings and take them to school. Later she brought them back and helped Kid with the housework and with Louise. With each passing day Kid felt his hopes thinning and his soul seemed to carry an unbearable weight. However, he tried to keep a serene countenance for the children's sake, but it was getting increasingly difficult. He felt so powerless when he watched her in the same condition every single day and he couldn't do anything to help her.

Three whole weeks had already passed. The rest of her wounds and fractures had almost healed, but Louise remained in the same situation. The doctor now came to check on her every three or four days, and he still said the same. Nobody could tell when Lou would wake up if she ever did, and besides, her condition was still very delicate. Kid fought to keep up his hopes, wanting to believe that even though things appeared very black and grim right now, they could still enjoy the bright future they had already planned.

Every day Kid found it more and more difficult to carry on without crumbling down. Lou's situation wasn't only affecting him and he knew that the children were also suffering a great deal with all this. They were clearly having a hard time coping with the situation in which their sister was. Rachel had told him that Theresa was always apathetic, not interested in anything going on at school or making any friends. And Jeremiah was even worse, getting into fights with other boys. Kid had tried to talk to them but there was nothing much he could say. It was understandable that they had these problems. They had just started living in a new environment and before they had been able to adjust to the change, their big sister had fallen victim of a terrible accident. Kid couldn't blame them for feeling disoriented and confused. It was a lot to take on, especially for two children.

At home they also had different attitudes. While Theresa spent as much time as she could sitting with Lou, talking to her continuously as if she could actually hear her, Jeremiah avoided coming near the bedroom at all costs. The first day Kid had let the two siblings visit with their sister, the boy had fled from the room as soon as he had seen Lou. When Kid had gone after him, he had found him in the hayloft, crying his eyes out and shouting that he didn't want to see Lou like that. Of course Kid hadn't forced him to visit his sister again, but he was worried about the boy and how all this was affecting him. He never even mentioned Lou's name and always left the room when somebody started talking about her or made a reference to her.

A week ago Cody had gone back to his unit since the injury with his knee had finally healed. Life continued its course for everybody even though Kid felt that his had stopped the day Lou had suffered the accident. He had no energy or enthusiasm for anything. His friends tried to cheer him up despite the circumstances, but he just couldn't. Doritha was the one who continually tried to liven him up. As she had promised, she hadn't left Rock Creek and although she didn't do much to help with Lou as Rachel did, Kid didn't feel bothered by her presence. Actually, it was indifferent to him whether she stayed or left. At least, it seemed that she had finally learned that things were different between them and how the past should be left behind.

Today his spirits were at their lowest ebb. Kid had gone through his daily routine as if he were a spiritless shadow and all day long he had avoided talking to Buck and the others as much as possible. He wasn't in the mood for company and had stayed out of their way. That afternoon Rachel and the two children came back from school and after hugging Kid like usual, Jeremiah ran to find Buck who had promised to show him the new colt and Theresa scurried up to her room to play with her dolls. Like every day Rachel went to wash and feed Louise while Kid remained in the lounge. His eyes kept focused on the fire burning in the hearth.

This autumn was proving to be very cold and it wouldn't be strange to get the first snowfall before the winter arrived. It was the middle of November. Only one month away from Christmas and Kid wondered if things would look so black in the season. He remembered that as soon as Lou had accepted to become his wife, he had begun imagining how special this coming Christmas would be. They'd enjoy a big celebration, with lots of presents, the house beautifully decorated and Lou blissfully glowing as their baby grew inside her. Those dreams had crashed down for one thing: there was no baby anymore and nobody could tell how Lou would be in a month's time. Kid only asked for her to be fine; he didn't want anything else and would be more than happy to lose everything he had just for her welfare.

Some steps resounding in the lounge brought him back from his own thoughts and as he looked up, he saw Rachel stepping into the room. Without a word she sat down on the armchair across from Kid and after a beat she said, "Something wrong, Kid? Today you look more subdued than usual."

Kid knew that Rachel wouldn't miss anything and after staring at her for a few moments, he said, "You know what day it is today?" The woman frowned and before she could reply, he elaborated an explanation, "We were supposed to get married today. It was going to be the happiest day of my life but instead …" He couldn't finish the thought and shaking his head ruefully he relapsed into silence again.

"Kid, I know how you feel. But that doesn't men it's not gonna happen," the blonde lady replied.

"It's been three weeks, Rachel, three whole weeks, and nothing's changed. I'm losing all hope. And … the doctor said that even if she wakes up, she might not be the same person. She might not remember anything or have problems to move or even talk. I know that would devastate her. I'm so scared."

"Or she might be perfectly fine, Kid. She's alive, honey, and you know how strong our Lou is. Please don't let the negative thoughts dominate you."

"I miss her terribly. Without her I feel as if … I'm going adrift," Kid let out in a bitter voice.

"I know the feeling. When my husband died, I was left shattered and completely lost. But, Kid, your case is different. Lou's not dead and I'm not ready to believe that we're gonna lose her."

"It's difficult to keep the faith," he had to admit.

"I know," Rachel simply said and after some brief moments of silence, she asked, "Tell me, have you eaten today?"

"Yeah… well… I had a bite for lunch," Kid replied evasively.

"Kid, you need to eat properly. What will Lou say when she finds out that her fiancé has turned into a mass of skin and bones? Do you want to scare her away?" Kid gave her a half smile and the woman added, "What if I make dinner for you and the children, and you sit down to eat a proper meal for once?"

Kid nodded. "Thanks, Rachel. I don't know how I'd have coped with everything without your help."

"That's what family is for. And you know, Louise would have our hides if we didn't look after you," Rachel said as she rose to her feet, ready to head for the kitchen.

Kid stood up after her and smiled weakly at her words. "I'll be upstairs in the meanwhile exercising Lou." The doctor had told him that he needed to massage and move Louise's limbs every day to prevent any possible risks of blood clotting and thromboses. Every time the physician talked to him about Lou, a new worry set in his heart with all that gibberish he didn't understand most of the time but sounded too frightening anyway.

"Hello, honey!" he exclaimed a greeting on entering the room, which was received with the usual silence. "I'm back. Did you miss me? 'Cause I've missed you something terrible." He walked towards the bed and while rolling up his sleeves he said, "Here comes your favorite time of day; having your man pampering you." He continued talking as he started working on her legs. "Well, at least it's my favorite time of the day. I get the chance to touch your beautiful and smooth skin."

Kid continued massaging and exercising her legs and worked his way up to her arms while blabbering on, telling her about work at the ranch, her siblings and especially he kept repeating how much he missed her. "We've finished for today, honey," he said as he arranged the blankets and quilt over her body to keep her warm. "I'll go now but I'll be back just after dinner." He turned his head towards her to give her a little kiss and he almost jumped back as he found her eyes open as wide as saucers. "Oh Lou! Oh Lou! You're awake! Oh thank God!" Kid exclaimed, fidgeting nervously as he watched her open eyes focused on some unspecific point in the ceiling. "Oh Lou. I'm so glad, honey. Let me send for the doctor and tell the others you're awake and I'll be back straightaway."

Kid shot out of the bedroom and down the stairs towards the kitchen. He found Rachel and Buck talking together and when they saw him breathlessly bursting in, they got alarmed. "Kid, what's wrong?" asked Rachel with a scared expression.

"It's Lou … she … she's awake," he explained in clipped tones, smiling from ear to ear.

"Oh my God!" the woman exclaimed, bringing her hand to cover her mouth.

"I'll bring the doctor," Buck offered and ran out of the kitchen without waiting for any other indication while Rachel and Kid hurriedly headed for the bedroom.

"I swear her eyes were open," Kid said. When he and Rachel had gone back to the bedroom, they had found Louise in the same state she had been for the past three weeks. The disappointment in Kid was more than evident and he had been calling her name with sheer agony till the doctor came. When the physician arrived and examined Lou, he simply repeated what he had been saying in the last weeks.

"I don't doubt it, son," Doctor Sanders replied. "It was probably a physical reflex, nothing much to it. As I already told you, head injuries are complicated and there's a great deal of mystery about them. Maybe Miss McCloud is getting better or … not. I can't assure anything either way."

Kid didn't say anything as the doctor bid them good-bye and left the room. He kept staring at Lou's still figure and after a few minutes he turned towards Buck, Rachel and Doritha and said, "She really woke up and no matter what he says, now I know she's gonna be fine."

Rachel exchanged a wary glance with Buck and then addressed the Southerner. "Of course, honey. But … don't you think you might've made a mistake? You were a bit distraught before … and … well … sometimes we believe we see something that is actually not there." When she had stepped into the bedroom with Kid, she hadn't seen anything different, and Louise looked exactly the same as she had been minutes before. She knew that the day's special meaning to Kid had upset him greatly and maybe he had seen what he had just wanted to see.

Kid felt as if he had been slapped on the face and looked at the three other people in the room in disbelief. "I know what I saw, Rachel," the Southerner stated coldly. "She opened her eyes. I didn't make that up."

"Kid, don't take Rachel's words so hard," Doritha replied. "We aren't doubting you, but it's a bit strange. That's all. You heard Doctor Sanders." When she heard Kid announcing that Louise had woken up, a cold shiver had spread all over her body. She didn't know what the petite girl might remember from their incident on the stairs or what she'd say. Doritha had been so sure that she would never come round that the change Kid had openly shouted had caught her by surprise. All of a sudden, she had felt very scared but thankfully, all that about Louise's sudden recovery had just been a hoax and Doritha had never felt so relieved before.

"Leave me alone," Kid growled irritated and turning his back to the three people, he came closer to Lou. Without a single word the two women slid out of the room and Buck followed suit after patting his friend on the back encouragingly. When Kid heard the door click closed, he dropped on the chair next to the bed and taking her hand between his, he said in a begging tone. "Please, Lou, open those beautiful brown eyes of yours for me again. You know you can do it. Please, honey." Only silence answered his pleas which seemed to drown and suffocate him. A sob escaped his lips as the tears bathed her hand pressed against his mouth.