Der du von dem Himmel bist,
Alles Leid und Schmerzen stillest,
Den, der doppelt elend ist,
Doppelt mit Erquickung füllest;
Ach, ich bin des Treibens müde!
Was soll all der Schmerz und Lust?
Süßer Friede,
Komm, ach komm in meine Brust!
(Thou that from the heavens art,
Every pain and sorrow stillest,
And the doubly wretched heart
Doubly with refreshment fillest,
I am weary with contending!
Why this rapture and unrest?
Peace descending
Come ah, come into my breast!)
Goethe, Wanderers Nachtlied I, 1776
V
So dazzlingly close by and yet still so far away from touch, he should have known since their last assignment how cruel reality could play its games. He was living the life he wanted so dearly, having the woman that featured in his dreams and thoughts around in a setting that even the liveliest of imagination couldn't picture better. Except for that one three-syllable word that spoiled the sweetness with its ubiquitous bitter tone: assignment.
Like in the Dessa-case, the idyll lasted up until nightfall as they separated, each in their own bedroom. Lights on in one, off in the other to avoid suspicion. It fell hard on his already aching heart to enter the darkness of his realm that somehow symbolised the state of things between them to him. In the well-lit corridor they said goodnight, both feeling awkward and he felt the sharp pain of hurt sear through him as the light touched her blonde hair, dying it deep golden, sharply drawing the contours of her body and letting her beautiful hazel eyes shimmer like diamonds. The light of my life, he mused as he watched her enter her room and with a last smile closing the door.
That last smile couldn't leave his mind for the hours to come as he lay awake in the darkness of him room. A kind, gentle and even loving smile that mixed with touches of sorrow and longing in an addicting cocktail that left his mind in turmoil like an autumn tempest. The soft sheets of his bed seemed to have lost its smoothness and bore resemblance to sanding-paper and he felt ill at ease. Halfway through the night he couldn't contain himself anymore as he saw her door ajar when he came back from the bathroom, a very soft light peeked through the opening beckoning him to come closer. Cautiously he opened the door a little further to see if she was okay, but from the moment his eyes fell on the peaceful figure that lay just a few feet away from him he was lost forever.
She was more beautiful than he had dared to imagine, her hair framed around her face over the pillows like a blonde waterfall cascading over the rocks. The peaceful expression on her sleeping features almost angelic. His heart leapt from sheer admiration and longing as he progressed further into her room. Levi, lying on the carpet before the bed, heaved his head and began waggling his tail in anticipation of his caress. He gently stroked the dog's fur as he bid him to stay put and not disturb the idyll. The golden retriever lay down his head again and his dark eyes followed his moves. Part of the sheets she lay under had slid off and very cautious he draped them back over her sleeping figure, careful not to stir her.
The steady rhythm of her breathing, her rising and falling chest where the gold crucifix she wore around her neck was partly visible, he let his sight linger on the precious long eyelashes that met the same dazzling colour as her hair and encircled a set of the most precious and beautiful eyes he had ever seen. Eyes that through their joy wonderfully improved his mood, that could enchant him when she was day-dreaming and that with the sparkling fire in them could warm him to the depths of his soul. Eyes that crowned the most beautiful face of the most breathtaking woman he had ever come across and who had stolen his heart unconditionally.
His very heart was beating faster as he, overcome by a willpower stronger than his reason could prevent, reached out and stroked back a strand of her hair and let his thumb tenderly caress her cheek. "You have no idea what you're doing to me, Susan Thomas," he said, even though he knew she could never hear it. "I never believed in finding 'The One'." He had squatted next to her bedside and prayed there was any way that despite her deafness she'd hear him subconsciously as he declared his love for her. "Until I met you…"
She stirred a little and the soft moan he heard her utter only contributed to the magic he felt happening as he kept watching her, occasionally unable to hold back and touch her hair. "I love you, Susan, if only I was capable of telling you when you're awake…"
For a second he was certain that he might actually have to do it as she turned her head a little and twisted under her sheets, but she didn't open her eyes. He smiled tenderly as he got up and leaned over. He closed his eyes as he placed a soft tender kiss on her temple. This time I won't let you drive away like before without you knowing my heart is yours. He turned one more time when he was about to close the door. Back in the same room that at first breathed disconsolateness he had no trouble falling asleep this time.
She had woken up with ease in the new surroundings and felt elated, whether it had been the pleasant dreams she had dreamed she wasn't sure but the happy feeling was unmistakable. Immensely looking forward to be able to greet the man of her dreams in the morning she descended the stairs to the corridor that led to the kitchen. And was not disappointed when she entered the kitchen to find him standing with his back to her. She smiled. "Good morning."
He turned round and a smile appeared on his wildly attractive face. "Good morning." He hadn't shaved yet and that raw appearance made him irresistible and she was pretty sure he had done that on purpose. She didn't mind. As she gratefully accepted the cup of tea he handed her she sat down at the kitchen table and watched him. Something had changed overnight, she felt different and could sense there had been a change in his demeanour as well. He sat down opposite her. "Sleep well?"
She nodded holding the warm cup with both hands as she softly blew the steaming liquid to cool down enough to drink. "The bed is heavenly. If there's anything that I need to do it's to get this one back home. Mine resembles a wooden plate compared to this one." She took a sip of her tea. "And you?"
"Yeah," he said. At least part of the night I slept good. "And I've been thinking."
"Have you now?" she teased. He smiled, "I have, the moments are scarce but occasionally I do. Last night it struck me that my bedroom offers a good view of the Beckett's place, we could monitor his activities from there."
"Your bedroom, huh?" she said, "isn't that convenient…"
"Very convenient."
"Why not mine?"
"The same trees that captured your imagination also inconveniently block the view to their house. You could study birdlife but not Oscar's business."
"And how would you know my bedroom's unsuitable? You haven't sneaked in have you?" she laughed. He casually shrugged, his eyes expressing joy and something more. "I might have." It could have been just another quip, but that light that flickered in his dark eyes told her perhaps he was telling the truth. She suddenly began to wonder if that might have something to do with the pleasant night she had had that seamlessly flowed into the present morning. "You wouldn't…."
He just took a sip of his coffee and said nothing, but the smile on his lips was tantalising.
Okay, playful mood here… "And did you enjoy it?" she bit her lower lip in that mesmerising way, playfully. "The scenery, I mean?"
"Which one?" She felt how her cheeks began to glow in what would undoubtedly be a nice crimson colouring. His breath halted, she looked so dazzlingly beautiful whenever she was flushed. "Red suits you," he said enjoying to see her like this, it added adorable to the long-list of compliments he kept of her.
"Jack…" her face flushed, she smiled, "…keep going and my face will burn."
"Exactly my plan."
"Oh really? I had no idea." She took a bite of her toast. "You still haven't answered my original question." She let her gaze linger on him, as she folded both hands under her chin and rested on them. Reap what you sow, Hudson. "Well?"
She had him cornered, and he knew it. He rubbed his brow, smiling. "I eh…" He looked into that pair of hazel eyes, smouldering with joy, and he felt his mind already starting to lose coherence under her gaze. "I did enjoy the scenery. Although I favoured one."
"Care to share?"
"I'll leave that up to your imagination."
She bit her lower lip still resting her chin on her hands, and squinted a little. "I have a very lively imagination," she said, "but I have to hear you say it first." I dare you, come forward this time…
"Say of sign?" He smiled his trademark smile.
"Jack…"
He couldn't possibly stall an answer, he knew. "At a certain point my eyes caught a most breathtaking view, which was definitely feminine in nature."
She began to smile, tilting her head somewhat, encouraging him to go on. "It took me a few seconds to realise that the beauty in that bed was none other than my wife." He opened his mouth to speak again but frowned and with an apologetic smile he retrieved his cell phone. Damned. He stared at the digits, Bobby. Great timing, mate. "Can I call you back?" He listened for the response, smiling at Sue. "Okay, will do, I'll call."
"SORRY," he said, "ns. BOBBY CALL"
"IMPORTANT?"
Nowhere near as important as you. He shook his head, "minor technicality. He'll live."
She nodded. "And just when did all that happen? That I distracted you?"
He smiled. "Not just then, you do it all the time. I'm easily distracted I guess." He leaned back in his chair. "Last night, when I couldn't sleep."
Feeling her cheeks warming just a little, as soon as she realised he wasn't joking. You have been there, not just in my dreams… "Thank you," she said.
"For what?"
"For whatever you did or said that made me feel so wonderful this morning."
All through the day, she kept that wonderful feeling wheels had been set in motion that hadn't begun turning yesterday. His confession during their breakfast had touched her, and gave an explanation of why she had such a pleasant night. As evening dawned, the dinner appointment with the Becketts had to be dealt with and she hailed her decision to bring her extensive wardrobe with her. Standing in front of the closet she let her eyes wander over the clothes, sorting out, combining, dismissing. Meeting Oscar, she was aware their dinner would be informal, but that didn't mean she didn't have to dress to impress. Not them anyway, she thought and smiled.
After many tries she had found what she was after, informal but classy, guaranteed to 'breathe' Kalorama as well as ensure he would only have eyes for her. A slim-tailored, three-quarter sleeve, buff-coloured jacket with standing collar contrasted the dark-blue tight fitting jeans she wore with brown leather Stuart Weitzman knee boots over it. A fine gold-buckled matching leather belt casually accentuated her hips, with the upper buttons left open, her fine necklace was crowing her bare neck. She draped a champagne rugged knitted shawl over her shoulders, letting the edges fall over, her golden hair curling over it in long waves she had accomplished after tedious care. Pleased with herself as she checked her appearance in the mirror once again, she picked her purse from the dressoir and headed downstairs.
"Hey," she smiled as soon as she saw him.
"Hey," he barely managed to utter. His stomach did flip-flops when she walked in, his heart sped up and he couldn't help but stare. She looked devastatingly beautiful. "What do you think?" She spun round before him, her hair dancing with the motion, like fluid gold flowing over her shoulders, curling up. His breath caught, the moment he could tear himself away from that scene and met her eyes that shone like diamonds. The subtle eyeliner and mascara she applied drew all attention to them and he found himself lost in the depths once again. "You're beautiful."
She smiled with his remark, a light crimson on her cheeks as she shied her eyes down for a second. "Thank you." She felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach as she mustered his dark denims, powder-blue woollen Ralph Lauren Polo cardigan over a white blouse. The dark shadow of his evening-bearded jaw matched the dark pools of his eyes and made him simply irresistible. Wow…
"I tried my best in the looks department," he said and began to smile, "but I should've known I could never beat you."
"You look perfect, beautiful." She smiled tenderly. "Shall we go?"
She waited as he closed the door behind them, and smiled as she saw him assuring Levi they'd be back later; whose pleading eyes demanded explanation why he was left behind. Her breath caught as his hand touched the small of her back as he escorted her down the steps. She looked down when she felt his hand touching hers and their fingers intertwined, his touch electrical. She looked up in his eyes, and found no trace of awkwardness just that fiery glimmer that left her mesmerised earlier. Oh god, yes…
He tugged her a little closer as they walked to the Beckett residence. "What's that perfume you're wearing?" he asked. She bit her lip, smiling a tad bit unsure. "I eh, am not wearing one…" She could've named any brand, he would've believed it, he thought, but he never expected that she was naturally like this, her scent enchanting, her touch reviving, her soft voice all poising his soul. He desperately wanted to press his nose in that lusciously cascading hair, inhaling her scent, feeling the softness caress his skin. And most of all he longed to kiss those slightly moist lips of her that nearly drove him crazy.
Unfortunately, they had already arrived at Oscar's doorstep and shortly after, he opened the door and welcomed them in. "Do come in, and may I compliment your outfit Sue?"
She stroked back a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling. "That's very kind, Oscar, thank you." He escorted them to the living room. "Anything to drink while we wait, an appetiser so to speak?"
"Dry white wine, if you have," Sue said. Oscar smiled, "certainly, Jack?"
"She's the wine expert, I'll have what she has."
"Excellent." He walked over to a most beautiful chestnut Louis XIV cabinet and retrieved the glasses. "Please, take a look round the place while I go and collect the wine. Make yourselves at home." He left them alone.
"cl. R-R (room) LOOK AROUND, FURNITURE EXPENSIVE." Jack knew speaking would instantly give them away, they couldn't risk being overheard. Sue nodded. "ANTIQUE ALL. YOU THINK STEAL FINISH?"
He shook his head. "fs. OSCAR, SMART HIM. PUT HERE POLICE US KNOW SOON." Sue held her right hand in a 'Y', palm facing left as she motioned her hand back and forth to him twice. "ME AGREE."
"I managed to retrieve a most subtle 2002 Château Valmy, a French winter wine, Muscat, deliciously fragile. I think you'll enjoy." Oscar placed the bottle on the table and peeled off the grey lead cap to uncork it. "I begged Tamsin to leave the kitchen be and join us, she should be here any second." The glass he handed her nearly seemed to float in the air, weighing just about nothing except for the lemon-chiffon wine it held. The Austrian manufacturers of the Riedel glass she held had delivered impeccable craftsmanship, it let the bouquet of the wine fully blossom and gave the fluid a crystal shine at the same time. Soft sweet melon-tones mixed with a remarkably subtle hearty afterglow as she let the wine dazzle her senses. "A truly wonderful entrée isn't it?"
She was about to respond when a gracious brunette entered the living room. Her hair in a fashionable knot with a few curls framing her friendly face, a black two-piece Chiffon dress, Sue judged her to be mid-forty. "I am truly sorry I'm this late, things in the kitchen best not unattended I'm afraid," she said as she held out her hand and shook theirs. "Tamsin. Welcome, I can see Oscar has already lulled you into trying his extensive wine collection."
Lively grey-green eyes mustered her and Jack approvingly. "I hope the lighting is sufficient?"
Sue smiled. Oscar already mentioned she had a Deaf aunt in the UK, her remark confirmed that. "Thank you for asking, Tamsin. It is," she turned a little to face her better. "I heard you had an aunt who was Deaf?" Oscar invited them to take a seat as he provided his wife with a glass as well.
"Yes, aunt Martha, she was from Strathclyde, she passed away ten years ago. Measles in her toddler's years left her deaf. I loved to be with her, she was funny and witty." Tamsin watched Sue with interest. "You must be reading lips…"
Sue nodded. "Jack and I sign a lot, it's less straining."
"I can imagine, dear. Martha would have a splitting headache often, she read lips as well."
"Same here." She smiled a tender smile the moment she saw Jack's eyes that were focused on her grew soft with compassion.
"I'm afraid my signing has become less fluent through the years, and it's not ASL as well." The brunette smiled an apologetic smile. "Your pronunciation is immaculate," Sue said, "which makes it easier for me to translate."
"Thank you, who'd known I would be complimented for my English by an American?" They laughed. "So," she said, "how did you meet? I take it you're not Deaf?"
Jack shook his head. "That's quite a story."
"Pray, do tell."
"We're both in the real estate business, different firms, duelling constantly as you can imagine. Anyway, at a blessed day Sue stormed into my office, fuming."
"Fuming?"
"Yes, one of my colleagues had pulled her a trick. She needed to vent and I was happening to be there," he smiled warmly at her. "I mistook him for that colleague of him," she added.
"How come?" Tamsin took a sip of her drink, an amused smile on her lips.
"Jonathan, the culprit, lend me his office for that day because my computer was being upgraded by company ICT. She never met me, nor Jonathan in person. So, rightfully, she thought I was Jonathan and began fuming how I pulled a very low trick only because she was a woman."
Sue smiled. "Halfway through I noticed he was enjoying the scene rather than feeling concerned, and that made me even more angry."
"I couldn't help noticing how pretty she was, especially when she was tempered," Jack laughed and saw how a crimson shade coloured her features.
"I can imagine," Oscar said.
"Understandably," Jack reciprocated and smiled a warm smile at Sue. Tamsin watched their interaction with interest. "I can see he probably used that same smile to put you off course…"
She nodded, still a slight warm feeling on her cheeks. "He did, and it worked."
"I said she probably was looking for Jonathan, whose office I occupied and introduced myself. It was only then I noticed she had a dog with her and I grew curious. I caught up with her and we had lunch together where I found out she was Deaf."
"The rest, they say, is history," Sue said as she automatically felt for the ring on her finger. The warm metal reminded her of what it could be like. Could have been, she corrected herself. She smiled.
"Amazing," Oscar exclaimed, "truly extraordinary."
"You make a lovely match," Tamsin said, "it was bound to happen from what I can tell." She smiled at Sue. "It's your eyes, they show just how much in love you are. Yours as well, Jack. Truly wonderful to see. I wish my Oscar would, he only has eyes for antiques."
If it's so obvious to her just why can't he see it? Her words touched her heart, and summed up precisely what she felt inside for the man sitting just three feet away. But then she remembered the electrifying touch of their entangled hands as he suddenly and boldly took the assignment a step further. She had felt how joy and longing shot through her, in a maddeningly enthralling high, each and every step she took suddenly feeling like she was walking on air, floating over ground as the warmth from his touch and body heated up her own like a stirred campfire. Fuelling her longing for eternity.
Oscar rolled his eyes. "Never mind her, she knows I love her more than life." He gestured around. "Though I do love antiques, I even do a little business in them as well. Time-consuming at times, I'm afraid." He put his glass down. "But I told Tamsin what an absolute exquisite taste Sue has in furnishing. It seems I have met my match."
"You're welcome to come over and see," Sue said.
"That would be lovely, sweetheart." She got up and invited to follow her to the preciously laid table. "Why won't you sit down, through all this chatting one would forget we had a supper ready to be served."
"I wouldn't," Oscar said. Tamsin looked at him sternly just before she would leave the room. "Oscar Beckett, behave yourself. Be a good host and escort them to the dining table, would you?"
They had a wonderfully informal dinner and time had passed unnoticed as the evening progressed and time had come to go home again for Levi's sake. The dog happily leapt from the hall outside as soon as she had opened the door. Temperatures had dropped and the shawl, although it was warm, couldn't replace a coat and Sue took a burgundy woollen Pea Coat and draped her shawl over the jacket. She turned round to find Jack standing close behind her. "You didn't think I would let my wife stroll in an unknown neighbourhood all alone at night, would you?" Her breath caught by his proximity and expression.
"I was hoping you'd say that," she smiled back, "I might grow afraid of passing squirrels." She inched a bit closer, her stomach doing the familiar flips as she neared him.
"Who knows, squirrels can be dangerous…" His eyes shone dark with something enthralling she almost dared to call desire. "So I heard…"
She blamed the wine for her sudden boldness when she tugged him a closer, her hand intertwining with his and she lured him outside. "Come."
The streetlights just managed to peek out under the crowns of the trees that formed an additional dark sky as the sheltering branches and foliage spanned the pavement on which they walked. The light touched Levi's golden fur as the dog trotted over the moist grass that glistened under the white beams of the illuminating lanterns. The lighting was insufficient for her to read lips as they walked down the street, but right at this moment, she didn't need to see him. She felt him. The crisp air revving her senses as the cold on her cheeks wonderfully collided with the warmth of his touching hand that with each step taken seemed to grow in intensity.
A gentle brush of wind toyed leafs around, the reddish and brown mixing with gold as new leafs meandered to the soil, falling out of nowhere it seemed until the first light of the lanterns caught them, providing them with the spotlight on Nature's stage as they fell and twirled. There was only one thing left that would this near perfect evening complete, she thought and looking to her left, letting the image of him sink in, for the first time in what seemed ages she had a feeling that it might not be that farfetched after all.
Not wanting to end the magic of their nightly wandering she stalled the moment they would reach the front door again. She fumbled with the keys, her heart pounding, not daring to look up to meet his eyes. But then she did, a soft smile on her lips and she reached out for him. "Can I ask you a favour?" She bit her lower lip and the light of the Chandelier that shone down upon her granted her eyes a diamond shine and highlighted every curve and line of the woman that had captured his heart and was now in mind-bogging near proximity.
"Anything…"
"Could you…" she began. Be still my speeding heart… "…you were with me last night, weren't you?"
He dipped his head for a second, looking up again, smiling softly. He nodded.
"I, eh…" You can do this… "…Could you do the same thing you did last night again?" She cautiously met his eyes, feeling vulnerable for asking, but if she judged tonight rightly this could be the moment they had been waiting for all this time.
For a few nerve-wrecking seconds he neither said nor did anything and for a sickening moment she thought she had made a horrible mistake until he slowly tilted his head and his lips in slow-motion inched closer to hers. The warm feeling she had flared up into a raging inferno as his lips tenderly touched hers, the touch enough to send all her senses in overdrive as waves of joy rippled down her spine and her heart nearly exploded with all the pent-up emotions that now reeled freely through her system and she parted her lips. His lips now fully covered her lips and through the mist in her rapidly clouding brain she registered how his hand cupped her chin, drawing her even closer to him.
Sweeter than the sweetest of honey, richer in flavour than the best rosewater, she was tasting heaven when their lips fully met; she let him begin an enthralling journey of feeling, longing and desire culminating in that tender touch that radiated heat throughout her body. Time was rendered unimportant and the outside world ceased to exist as everything fell away around her and she was just there with him, giving in to a need they had tortured themselves for so long with in their abstinence. It felt as if her hurting heart freed itself from the self-imposed cage and was finally free to feel and tune in to a song only they could hear as they became one through their kiss, swaying to a rhythm as old as the earth as the weight of the time gone by fell from her shoulders and she was able to float.
She closed her eyes and surrendered to her feelings as she was falling into the abyss.